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(NBC Montana)   Three days into the virus-shortened Yellowstone Dumbass League 2020 season, and it's already Bison 1 - Idiot Tourists 0   (nbcmontana.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Woman, American Bison, bison, Yellowstone  
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3064 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 May 2020 at 2:29 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-05-20 8:48:36 PM  
See, this would never happen to me. I have a special connection with nature.  The animals can sense my essence and we would become fast friends.
 
2020-05-20 8:51:55 PM  
The "ain't messing witchoo" reporter chimes in:

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2020-05-20 8:52:03 PM  

born_yesterday: See, this would never happen to me. I have a special connection with nature.  The animals can sense my essence and we would become fast friends.


--Timothy Treadwell, posthumously
 
2020-05-20 9:00:56 PM  
I worked Cattle on ranches for 25 years and I know to be on guard 100% of the time, sometimes they aren't 'coming to get you' they may be 'getting away from an arse whipping' from another Bull but you are trampled no less. Wild animals are farking wild animals and wanting to touch something wild just because it's there is pretty dammed stupid. I bet she'd be a hoot at a Rattlesnake Roundup. . .o.O
 
2020-05-20 9:05:44 PM  
The last place we lived on, an old guy was killed by a Bull he'd raised as a Milk Pen Calf, meaning the mother Cow was this guys Milk Cow and he messed with the Calf from the day he was born until the day it 'playfully' pinned him against the side of the barn and crushed him to death.
 
2020-05-20 9:09:59 PM  
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2020-05-20 9:12:20 PM  
It's scary enough to be close to those guys when you're in a car. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them if I was on foot.
 
2020-05-20 9:21:17 PM  
I was hiking in Yellowstone, and accidentally found myself about 10 feet from a lone bison that was relaxing in the blind spot of a small hill.  Nothing about them says, "Let's be friends!"
 
2020-05-20 9:22:19 PM  
GO BISON!
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Although pain in the asp beat me to it. First thing that came to mind.
 
2020-05-20 9:35:58 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: GO BISON!
[Fark user image 276x183]

Although pain in the asp beat me to it. First thing that came to mind.


You shouldn't think of it as a race. Think of it as two great minds coming together during a moment of clarity in a universe filled with uncertainty.

/Although I totes had you by at least eleven minutes.
//But it's not a race.
///Nyah.
 
2020-05-20 9:48:44 PM  
My money's on buffalo
 
2020-05-20 9:53:53 PM  
In Colorado I was once about 30 yards away from a small herd of buffalo which is about as close as you want to get.  The key is to stay a still as possible and hope the bull hasn't seen you and perceived you as a threat.  Or it's in a bad mood that day.
 
2020-05-20 9:55:59 PM  
The President does this "pardoning of the Thankgiving turkey" every year, I wonder if the Prez could pardon a wild animal for real? I get tired of reading how the cougar-bear-moose was euthanized after Darwinning some dumbass.
 
2020-05-20 10:01:48 PM  
Honestly, it doesn't hurt the animals that much, so...meh. If you haven't been there, there's signs all around reminding you not to get pictures with bison, or even get out of the car.
 
2020-05-20 10:41:34 PM  
...a female visitor was knocked to the ground and injured by a bison after approaching the animal too closely.
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2020-05-20 11:01:58 PM  

OK So Amuse Me: The last place we lived on, an old guy was killed by a Bull he'd raised as a Milk Pen Calf, meaning the mother Cow was this guys Milk Cow and he messed with the Calf from the day he was born until the day it 'playfully' pinned him against the side of the barn and crushed him to death.


Okay Mr. Random Capitalization
 
2020-05-20 11:36:56 PM  

toddalmighty: OK So Amuse Me: The last place we lived on, an old guy was killed by a Bull he'd raised as a Milk Pen Calf, meaning the mother Cow was this guys Milk Cow and he messed with the Calf from the day he was born until the day it 'playfully' pinned him against the side of the barn and crushed him to death.

Okay Mr. Random Capitalization


Amuse Me might be dictating to Siri. Every time you stop and start again it gives you a capital letter, and occasionally you get an all caps word for no apparent reason. Some days - not every day - it starts every sentence with a lower case letter. Bison are smarter than Siri.
 
2020-05-21 12:03:10 AM  
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2020-05-21 12:25:26 AM  

toddalmighty: OK So Amuse Me: The last place we lived on, an old guy was killed by a Bull he'd raised as a Milk Pen Calf, meaning the mother Cow was this guys Milk Cow and he messed with the Calf from the day he was born until the day it 'playfully' pinned him against the side of the barn and crushed him to death.

Okay Mr. Random Capitalization


What? Oh. I thought I heard somebody call my name.
 
2020-05-21 12:26:53 AM  

PainInTheASP: ecmoRandomNumbers: GO BISON!
[Fark user image 276x183]

Although pain in the asp beat me to it. First thing that came to mind.

You shouldn't think of it as a race. Think of it as two great minds coming together during a moment of clarity in a universe filled with uncertainty.

/Although I totes had you by at least eleven minutes.
//But it's not a race.
///Nyah.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-05-21 1:03:15 AM  
Damn, did someone happen to catch video?  I like cheering the animals on when folks do stupid things.  They're called WILD animals for a reason.
 
2020-05-21 1:06:34 AM  

toddalmighty: OK So Amuse Me: The last place we lived on, an old guy was killed by a Bull he'd raised as a Milk Pen Calf, meaning the mother Cow was this guys Milk Cow and he messed with the Calf from the day he was born until the day it 'playfully' pinned him against the side of the barn and crushed him to death.

Okay Mr. Random Capitalization


Who pissed in your Cheerios, Mr. Pickyass?
 
2020-05-21 1:18:44 AM  
You just gotta throw a proper Hadouken when he tries that flaming spin attack.
 
2020-05-21 2:08:09 AM  
For the bison, it was Wednesday
 
2020-05-21 2:34:27 AM  
OK. I remember alligator grabbed a person and killed. Not before person said ' I won't do this again'.  Pet a wolf. Wow
 
2020-05-21 2:35:12 AM  
Maybe she was being extra cautious about Covid, and mistook it for a wash hand bison?

\kicks his own ass out
 
2020-05-21 2:39:00 AM  

OK So Amuse Me: I worked Cattle on ranches for 25 years and I know to be on guard 100% of the time, sometimes they aren't 'coming to get you' they may be 'getting away from an arse whipping' from another Bull but you are trampled no less. Wild animals are farking wild animals and wanting to touch something wild just because it's there is pretty dammed stupid. I bet she'd be a hoot at a Rattlesnake Roundup. . .o.O


Worked on a farm for a number of years as well.  If I knew there was a bull in the field, regardless of where the herd was, I wouldn't voluntarily enter it without a spotter (preferably armed).

It's amazing how every time you look up, that damned bull is another 10-15 yards closer, but completely ignoring you...
 
2020-05-21 2:50:23 AM  
What's with all the bison and buffalo injuries lately? We're supposed to get locusts next.
 
2020-05-21 2:53:37 AM  

Bob Down: What's with all the bison and buffalo injuries lately? We're supposed to get locusts next.


They're busy on the other side of the planet. You'll have to wait your turn.

https://www.vox.com/2020/5/20/2115828​3​/locust-plague-swarm-outbreak-africa-a​sia-2020
 
2020-05-21 3:04:10 AM  

Bob Down: What's with all the bison and buffalo injuries lately? We're supposed to get locusts next.


No, we've been upgraded to "plague of bison" this year. It comes with bonus cow patties all over the landscape after they eat and trample everything else.

Also, it's far more photogenic and even invisible sky wizards have to compete for attention on Instagram and TikTok.
 
2020-05-21 3:09:30 AM  
Hey guys, hold my beer and watch this!

Man gets out of car to taunt bison at Yellowstone
Youtube zjROVrTeAtU
 
2020-05-21 3:22:39 AM  
To be fair, bison are assholes.
Douchebag Bison!!
Youtube bBmLHqyXfS0
 
2020-05-21 3:28:39 AM  
Ah gees, guys.  I do not know.  Are bison really worth the money?  They seem like more of a trendy thing than anything else.  My experience with bison is that they are leaner than cows, but taste about the same.  Presumably they are not pumped full of hormones and crap from day one, so the bison lead in those two areas.  My bottom line is that bison meat is a lot more expensive than beef is while tasting about the same so to hell with the bison.
 
2020-05-21 3:43:37 AM  
If something is huge, powerfully built, and armed, that doesn't typically mean it wants to be friends.
 
2020-05-21 3:53:24 AM  

Sandelaphon: To be fair, bison are assholes.
[YouTube video: Douchebag Bison!!]


Bye, son.
 
2020-05-21 3:55:12 AM  

Moniker o' Shame: Ah gees, guys.  I do not know.  Are bison really worth the money?  They seem like more of a trendy thing than anything else.  My experience with bison is that they are leaner than cows, but taste about the same.  Presumably they are not pumped full of hormones and crap from day one, so the bison lead in those two areas.  My bottom line is that bison meat is a lot more expensive than beef is while tasting about the same so to hell with the bison.


Bison is tasty but Beefalo is better, still more lean than Beef but with enough fat to make it juicer.
 
2020-05-21 4:09:41 AM  

Moniker o' Shame: Ah gees, guys.  I do not know.  Are bison really worth the money?  They seem like more of a trendy thing than anything else.  My experience with bison is that they are leaner than cows, but taste about the same.  Presumably they are not pumped full of hormones and crap from day one, so the bison lead in those two areas.  My bottom line is that bison meat is a lot more expensive than beef is while tasting about the same so to hell with the bison.


I love bison. Bison burgers were a thing at the SD state fair when I was growing up, well before it was commercially available in many stores. It was leaner and when grilled tasted better to me than beef. If you want another good beef-like meat camel is pretty good, too.
 
2020-05-21 4:20:55 AM  

Moniker o' Shame: Ah gees, guys.  I do not know.  Are bison really worth the money?  They seem like more of a trendy thing than anything else.  My experience with bison is that they are leaner than cows, but taste about the same.  Presumably they are not pumped full of hormones and crap from day one, so the bison lead in those two areas.  My bottom line is that bison meat is a lot more expensive than beef is while tasting about the same so to hell with the bison.


Beef would cost around the same price if it were not so heavily subsidized by the US government.
 
2020-05-21 4:28:03 AM  

EmmaLou: Moniker o' Shame: Ah gees, guys.  I do not know.  Are bison really worth the money?  They seem like more of a trendy thing than anything else.  My experience with bison is that they are leaner than cows, but taste about the same.  Presumably they are not pumped full of hormones and crap from day one, so the bison lead in those two areas.  My bottom line is that bison meat is a lot more expensive than beef is while tasting about the same so to hell with the bison.

I love bison. Bison burgers were a thing at the SD state fair when I was growing up, well before it was commercially available in many stores. It was leaner and when grilled tasted better to me than beef. If you want another good beef-like meat camel is pretty good, too.


I find bison meat too sweet.
 
2020-05-21 5:10:14 AM  
For the tourist, it was the best day of their lives.  For M. Bison, it was a Tuesday.
 
2020-05-21 6:11:14 AM  

GrogSmash: OK So Amuse Me: I worked Cattle on ranches for 25 years and I know to be on guard 100% of the time, sometimes they aren't 'coming to get you' they may be 'getting away from an arse whipping' from another Bull but you are trampled no less. Wild animals are farking wild animals and wanting to touch something wild just because it's there is pretty dammed stupid. I bet she'd be a hoot at a Rattlesnake Roundup. . .o.O

Worked on a farm for a number of years as well.  If I knew there was a bull in the field, regardless of where the herd was, I wouldn't voluntarily enter it without a spotter (preferably armed).

It's amazing how every time you look up, that damned bull is another 10-15 yards closer, but completely ignoring you...


And damn, those things are big.

A fully-testicled bull is to a steer as a container ship is to a paddleboard.
 
2020-05-21 6:27:16 AM  

Sandelaphon: To be fair, bison are assholes.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/bBmLHqyX​fS0?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=3]


Ray was surrounded by wolves, there was no denying it. He was going to be wolf shiat. Two of his herd past by in a blind panic, though he barely noticed them.

Behind him, as he stumbled, he heard his best friend Bob bellow, "HOLD ON RAY! I'M COMING TO SAVE YA!"

Hope reawoke within Ray as he kept staggering on, buoyed by his friend. Certainly Bob would come save him. He heard Bob charging--the gutteral bellow of a charging, angry bison into a pack of hunting wolves coming closer and closer.

Then the spark of hope flickered, for Ray remembered something critically important deep within his bison brain--something that would never be transmitted to any offspring, for Ray was doomed that day for one simple reason. Bison are very, very stupid.
 
2020-05-21 7:10:08 AM  

Brosephus: Damn, did someone happen to catch video?  I like cheering the animals on when folks do stupid things.  They're called WILD animals for a reason.


As a consolidation prize, here's Binky the Polar Bear, from all those years ago.

Binky The Polar Bear
Youtube BvEbbsCR3R8


Let me acknowledge the idiot in question was a fellow Australian.  Probably a Queenslander though.
 
2020-05-21 7:17:09 AM  
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2020-05-21 7:31:42 AM  

zbtop: If something is huge, powerfully built, and armed, that doesn't typically mean it wants to be friends.


Which is probably for the best.

/RIP Mr. Hands...
 
2020-05-21 7:36:07 AM  

North_Central_Positronics: born_yesterday: See, this would never happen to me. I have a special connection with nature.  The animals can sense my essence and we would become fast friends.

--Timothy Treadwell, posthumously



Fark user imageView Full Size


I do not avoid animals, Treadwell, but I do deny them my essence.
 
2020-05-21 7:39:36 AM  

BolloxReader: bonus cow patties


Jim Stafford Sings Cow Patti Branson, MO
Youtube OpapdB-bCFI


What bonus Cow Patty might sound like.
 
2020-05-21 7:41:25 AM  

i ignore u: Hey guys, hold my beer and watch this!

[YouTube video: Man gets out of car to taunt bison at Yellowstone]


I liked that passionate ranger.
 
2020-05-21 7:59:16 AM  
My brother is a park ranger at Yellowstone.  Well, a supervisor of park rangers, which he generally doesn't care for, but because of the situation, he has to be out and about in the park interacting with guests, which he prefers to sitting behind a desk shuffling papers.

He's got stories about people.

Apparently the people from urban areas are the worst, and the people from urban areas in countries that don't have significant dangerous wildlife are the worst of the worst.

They've only ever seen wildlife on TV and in the movies, and they simply have zero conception of how dangerous wild animals can be.  Or how fast if they're really pissed off.
 
2020-05-21 8:09:00 AM  
I've been to Yellowstone. There were signs and warnings everywhere about not approaching the bison, but once I saw them, I didn't need the signs. They are so massive, so obviously dangerous, anyone with sense backs the fark away.

Imagine being so precious you'll approach a huge dangerous animal and think it'll just bond with you like a unicorn and a virgin.
 
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