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(CBS News)   Texas movie theaters reopen with "airport style security screening". In other words, the movie theater equivalent of the TSA is going to let a bunch of infected patrons get past security anyway   (cbsnews.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Movie theater, Film, movie theaters, Texas businesses, Texas, open EVO theaters, minimum standard health protocols, Major theater chains  
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1917 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 03 May 2020 at 9:35 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



120 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2020-05-03 7:38:50 AM  
Anyone who goes to the theater right know is a farking idiot.
 
2020-05-03 8:17:45 AM  
Doesn't matter, had balls fondled.
 
2020-05-03 8:19:46 AM  
Are concessions open? Get some coronavirus on your popcorn instead of butter; enough for the whole family!
 
2020-05-03 8:27:21 AM  
So the movie theater experience will be just like the airport departure experience. Sounds lovely!
 
2020-05-03 8:58:55 AM  
Oh, well since they'll ask and take their temp I'm sure that will somehow filter out the 50+% of infected who show no meaningful symptoms but who can still infect dozens of people for the matinee showing of Paul Blart 3

Fark all these people are dumb and greedy.
 
2020-05-03 9:01:38 AM  

weddingsinger: Oh, well since they'll ask and take their temp I'm sure that will somehow filter out the 50+% of infected who show no meaningful symptoms but who can still infect dozens of people for the matinee showing of Paul Blart 3

Fark all these people are dumb and greedy.


New re open law:  any manager or executive who wants to reopen must sit among their customers for the next month.

So want to open your theater?  You get center seat AND you only get a mask if you require customers to wear one.
 
2020-05-03 9:05:03 AM  
The theaters need to keep the contact info for every one of these covidiots.  So when, not if but when, the hot spot flares up these covidiots can be called back to the same theater and quarantined together for 14 days.
 
2020-05-03 9:28:57 AM  

BumpInTheNight: The theaters need to keep the contact info for every one of these covidiots.  So when, not if but when, the hot spot flares up these covidiots can be called back to the same theater and quarantined together for 14 days.


Name: Dick Jackman
Address: 123 Getfarked Ln
Phone: 212-555-121
Got 'rona?: Nah

"Seems legit, head on in."
 
2020-05-03 9:32:06 AM  
Lol. It's not like movies are being released.
 
2020-05-03 9:36:42 AM  
Don't start the movie until the theater is full.
 
2020-05-03 9:37:16 AM  
"Sir, you forgot your gun. Do you need to borrow one?"
 
2020-05-03 9:38:16 AM  
"Your attention please. Movie 3273 "The Phantom Menace Does Dallas" is now showing in Theatre 17."
 
2020-05-03 9:38:53 AM  

Bowen: BumpInTheNight: The theaters need to keep the contact info for every one of these covidiots.  So when, not if but when, the hot spot flares up these covidiots can be called back to the same theater and quarantined together for 14 days.

Name: Dick Jackman
Address: 123 Getfarked Ln
Phone: 212-555-121
Got 'rona?: Nah

"Seems legit, head on in."


That shadowy face recognition company all the police departments are in cohoots with could come in handy here eh?  Just aim its sensor at the line up heading in.  Back that up with their other relationship with the cloud-enabled home security companies like nest and you've got the other half of the equation to know where they truly stay rather then where they're listed as staying.

Technology is wonderful for these sorts of needs and we the public have swallowed so many tiny little bits of lures to put us into a great position for it to happen with or without our consent.  Why not make the most of it.
 
2020-05-03 9:39:28 AM  
anyone with a temperature over 100.4 degrees will be turned away

Having lived in Texas I'd say it's normal for folks coming in from outside in the summer to be over 100.4 degrees.
 
2020-05-03 9:40:12 AM  

I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: "Your attention please. Movie 3273 "The Phantom Menace Does Dallas" is now showing in Theatre 17."


I saw The Phantom Menace in Texas, so I'm getting a kick, etc.
 
2020-05-03 9:40:32 AM  
"The white zone is for loading and unloading. Please, no loose ammunition in the red zone."
 
2020-05-03 9:41:25 AM  

Abox: anyone with a temperature over 100.4 degrees will be turned away

Having lived in Texas I'd say it's normal for folks coming in from outside in the summer to be over 100.4 degrees.


"Sorry, 100.5"

Okay. Cough cough. I guess I'll head over to Applebee's. Cough. Excuse me folks. Cough. Just. Excuse me. Cough cough. Just need to get through. Cough.
 
2020-05-03 9:42:18 AM  

BumpInTheNight: The theaters need to keep the contact info for every one of these covidiots.  So when, not if but when, the hot spot flares up these covidiots can be called back to the same theater and quarantined together for 14 days.


That's like 10 Peter Jackson films.
 
2020-05-03 9:44:41 AM  
"You attention please. Film 2737, "Three men and a Republican", is delayed due to lack of crew."
 
2020-05-03 9:49:53 AM  

Circusdog320: So the movie theater experience will be just like the airport departure experience. Sounds lovely!


You get scanned and searched to cram yourself into a theater with a bunch of potentially infectious people and then after all of that you get to watch some old movie since new ones aren't being released right now. Where do I sign up!
 
2020-05-03 9:50:56 AM  
And the stores are still out of testicle sanitizer.
 
2020-05-03 9:57:29 AM  
as someone who worked in several theaters when i was younger and enjoyed it immensely, those employees have no business making these kind of determinations. also, have fun turning away all the people with cedar fever
 
2020-05-03 9:58:07 AM  
Do they use the grabber stick things for the Freedom Gropes?
 
2020-05-03 9:59:27 AM  
media.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-03 9:59:39 AM  

psykick dancehall: as someone who worked in several theaters when i was younger and enjoyed it immensely, those employees have no business making these kind of determinations. also, have fun turning away all the people with cedar fever


Cedar fever?
 
2020-05-03 10:05:51 AM  
"Let them eat popcorn."

/stolen from another thread
 
2020-05-03 10:08:18 AM  
What movies are they going to show? All the release dates are delayed.
 
2020-05-03 10:10:22 AM  

Mugato: What movies are they going to show? All the release dates are delayed.


That's step 2 of the plan.

1. Reopen movie theatres
2. ???
3. Profit
 
2020-05-03 10:11:42 AM  
I see the pants wetters are here to continue with the wetting of the pants.
 
2020-05-03 10:13:10 AM  

weddingsinger: psykick dancehall: as someone who worked in several theaters when i was younger and enjoyed it immensely, those employees have no business making these kind of determinations. also, have fun turning away all the people with cedar fever

Cedar fever?


juniper pollen allergies
 
2020-05-03 10:13:42 AM  

weddingsinger: psykick dancehall: as someone who worked in several theaters when i was younger and enjoyed it immensely, those employees have no business making these kind of determinations. also, have fun turning away all the people with cedar fever

Cedar fever?


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-03 10:17:51 AM  
Theater security theater.

Yo dawg, I heard you like theater...
 
2020-05-03 10:19:10 AM  
Is there anything at the theaters even worth seeing? I mean worth the high ticket price, the crappy seats, the people talking, not being able to have a glass of wine (or whatever), stale popcorn, etc.

Really?
 
2020-05-03 10:20:10 AM  

Mugato: What movies are they going to show? All the release dates are delayed.


While the heathen filth mongers in Hollywood are shut down, the Christian movie industry have been stepping up. I look forward to Texas theaters hosting the premiere of Kirk Cameron's Saving Applebee's, followed by Roots: Karen's Quest to Find a Hair Dresserand Left Behind, What Happened When I Homeschooled My Kids.
 
2020-05-03 10:20:31 AM  
And the theater that already had the individual booths and had to disinfect daily switches over to G to R rated HDTV based fare and a whole-family audience, renames self The Bijou Googleplex
 
2020-05-03 10:21:23 AM  
Almost no good reasons to go to a theater before. I don't know why you'd put up with this shiat now
 
2020-05-03 10:24:01 AM  

SwiftFox: And the theater that already had the individual booths and had to disinfect daily switches over to G to R rated HDTV based fare and a whole-family audience, renames self The Bijou Googleplex


Or if they have a better lawyer, "Gugulplex"
 
2020-05-03 10:24:29 AM  
I'm sure the Alamo Drafthouse will have their TSA guys dress up as the gun cultists from Zaragoza.

"The mask is good, the COVID is bad."
 
2020-05-03 10:26:07 AM  
Take this theater to Cuba!
 
2020-05-03 10:29:34 AM  
The headline forgot, "Infected employees allowing and fected patrons to skip right past security"

And anyway what movies is are being released right now
 
2020-05-03 10:29:40 AM  
Theater security's security theater:

Do you have COVID?
No.
Enjoy your movie.

Do you have COVID?
No.
Enjoy your movie.

Do you have COVID?
No.
Enjoy your movie.

...
 
2020-05-03 10:32:58 AM  

Farking Clown Shoes: Doesn't matter, had balls fondled.


So is having a 16 year old do that to a theater customer considered promoting the delinquency of a minor?
 
2020-05-03 10:38:21 AM  
What they need to do is fill an atomizer with a subtle mixture of sanitizer and fragrance and spritz the face masks of the move goers. A little opera card could be passed out with the name of the fragrance and a description of its grace notes. "A light woodland fragrance with subtle notes of SARS and MERS, with a gentle hint of NORWALK, bergamot, civet, and hay."

We could call it Corvid. A dry, hacking chough.
 
2020-05-03 10:39:41 AM  
So theaters can open if, and only if, they're doing TSA-style checks?
That they'd even consider that is outrageous.
Karen thinks that there ought to be a one-hundred percent lockdown, and you should die if you disagree.

Meanwhile, the guy who owns the movie theater says, "fark it, I'm stayin' closed."  But god forbid he have the ability to make that choice.
 
2020-05-03 10:40:25 AM  

Benjimin_Dover: I see the pants wetters are here to continue with the wetting of the pants.


Go see a movie. We are fascinated with dumb people doing dumb things.

Go ahead, we're waiting.
 
2020-05-03 10:46:14 AM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2020-05-03 10:48:57 AM  
Such an incredible spirit of sacrifice for the greater good is taking over the land.
Really, most people are doing the sane and reasonable thing, but the other ones are making all the efforts of the majority less effective.  The leadership vacuum at the top is making this way more costly in lives and treasure than it has any reason to be.
It's like if America's involvement in WWII had started with the inspiring words, "December 7th, a day which will live in sorta not too happy about all the bombing over in Pearl Harbor, but some people think we had it coming because we pay poor people to plant trees."
"We shall fight on the beaches- if it's nice out, we shall fight on the landing grounds- unless we need a haircut, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets- unless we would rather be on our party boat, we shall fight in the hills- unless they are pretty steep; we shall never surrender-unless it takes more than like six weeks."
 
2020-05-03 11:01:29 AM  
Just learned that two members of my wife's family who are recovering from Covid but are still symptomatic decided they were tired of staying home and went to the store yesterday. F'ing morons. My wife is PISSED.
 
2020-05-03 11:04:01 AM  
Welcome to AMC.
I love you.
 
2020-05-03 11:05:39 AM  

EvilElecBlanket: Anyone who goes to the theater right know is a farking idiot.


I'll wait for drive-ins to make a comeback.
 
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