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(TC Palm)   Ancient proverb: Suspicion falls on man who wipes butt yet toilet paper remains clean   (tcpalm.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Feces, Toilet, INDIAN RIVER COUNTY, Indian River County sheriff's deputy, clean piece of toilet paper, Toilet paper, Defecation, men's room  
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3785 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Apr 2020 at 11:05 AM (21 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



60 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2020-04-30 10:27:47 AM  
Fecal matter, also known as excrement, poop, stool and ordure, is waste that is moved or ejected from the bowels after the digestion of food. It has a reputation for being unpleasant to the olfactory organs and for being brown in color.

That's for coloring that in for us, reporter guy.
 
2020-04-30 10:28:32 AM  
Thanks not That's.

Goddamnit, autocorrect.
 
2020-04-30 10:35:33 AM  
Oh, come on...who hasn't experienced a phantom turd every now and then? Seems like there was a comedy routine about this several years ago.
 
2020-04-30 11:07:58 AM  

JerkStore: Fecal matter, also known as excrement, poop, stool and ordure, is waste that is moved or ejected from the bowels after the digestion of food. It has a reputation for being unpleasant to the olfactory organs and for being brown in color.

That's for coloring that in for us, reporter guy.


that was exactly my thought, did a 5 year old write this?
 
2020-04-30 11:09:57 AM  

JerkStore: Fecal matter, also known as excrement, poop, stool and ordure, is waste that is moved or ejected from the bowels after the digestion of food. It has a reputation for being unpleasant to the olfactory organs and for being brown in color.

That's for coloring that in for us, reporter guy.


That's his shtick. I find it amusing. Some don't. De gustibus non est disputandum, as they say in Greece.
 
2020-04-30 11:10:43 AM  
I always take that as a sign from God that I am the chosen one.  Or that I have enough roughage in my diet.
 
2020-04-30 11:10:51 AM  
Is this satire?
 
2020-04-30 11:14:42 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-30 11:17:24 AM  
I love the descriptions in the article. Thanks subby. :)
 
2020-04-30 11:19:03 AM  
man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day
 
2020-04-30 11:20:22 AM  
Was the evidence preserved?
If it has shiat, you must acquit...
 
2020-04-30 11:23:36 AM  
💩
 
2020-04-30 11:25:25 AM  
Confucius say, "Man who stand on toilet, high on pot!"
 
2020-04-30 11:25:29 AM  
When you wipe and its clean you have to stand up, turn around and scream at the toilet in your best Shang Tsung voice "Flawless victory!"

Or is that just me?
 
2020-04-30 11:26:57 AM  
Ancient Chinese Secret my ass!

The reusable toilet paper comes out of the same factory where political prisoners make The Donald Brand ties, the only ties so long you can use them as turbans or Mummy rags.
 
2020-04-30 11:27:03 AM  
"Will Greenlee is a breaking news reporter for TCPalm. He also covers strange, wild and weird Treasure Coast crimes in "Off The Beat." Follow Will on Twitter @OffTheBeatTweet or reach him by phone at 772-692-8936. E-mail him at wi­ll*greenl­ee[nospam-﹫-backwards]ml­apct­*c­om"

OMG.... I am so tempted to call the reporter guy and tell him he owes me a new keyboard.
 
2020-04-30 11:27:22 AM  
Trump ties. Class over-compensation.
 
2020-04-30 11:28:10 AM  
Later in court...
Prosecutor: "And what did you witness, officer?"
Cop: "I couldn't see shiat."
Prosecutor: "The state rests."
 
2020-04-30 11:30:12 AM  
How many Farkers have gotten into the European custom of carrying their own toilet paper?

Trick Question. What are you doing in public washrooms?
 
2020-04-30 11:30:17 AM  
Fecal matter, also known as excrement, poop, stool and ordure, is waste that is moved or ejected from the bowels after the digestion of food. It has a reputation for being unpleasant to the olfactory organs and for being brown in color.


Well.......no shiat.
 
2020-04-30 11:30:45 AM  
Reporter just doing his duty

/heh...duty
 
2020-04-30 11:30:46 AM  

RyansPrivates: I always take that as a sign from God that I am the chosen one.  Or that I have enough roughage in my diet.


I had a cousin like that. He just stood up pulled up his pants and walked away. I assume he was "clean" but who knows. Ugh. The things I can remember but don't really want to.
 
2020-04-30 11:31:11 AM  
Carrying around a bidet is hard on my back. Thank God for the new "portables" they make for cats and very naughty dogs.
 
2020-04-30 11:34:24 AM  
Belgians are amazed at the purity of the bleached blond and hot air blown-dry anuses of American tourists.

What are the kinky buggers doing looking?

Yet another misuse of drones.
 
2020-04-30 11:34:45 AM  

JerkStore: Fecal matter, also known as excrement, poop, stool and ordure, is waste that is moved or ejected from the bowels after the digestion of food. It has a reputation for being unpleasant to the olfactory organs and for being brown in color.

That's for coloring that in for us, reporter guy.


I think he was just documenting this little bit of information for when the aliens come to Earth after we're all dead and they are looking for details on how we used to live and function.
 
2020-04-30 11:39:09 AM  
*bad chinese accent*
it is goo to meet girl in park.  bwa better, to pahk meat in girl.
 
2020-04-30 11:39:26 AM  
This is the new meme:  anus jokes so clean and classy that you can't even tell they are anus jokes without explicit mention of Donald Trump.

Speaking of bleach.

Bing bing bong bong badaboom badabing beep beep boop peep
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep. Move in! Move in!

The anus:  now just another hole to stick bleach tablets in. Trumpy Fartenblast.

Norwegian Wood.

How do you like your Macedoine de Eastern European click bait?

Don't think of it as Brantgoose word salad. Think of it as a randomizer for the ads that will  follow you around social media all day today.

No soup for you!
 
2020-04-30 11:40:16 AM  

arcgear: *bad chinese accent*
it is goo to meet girl in park.  bwa better, to pahk meat in girl.


Confucious hands his sword to a near-by Japanese soldier.
 
2020-04-30 11:41:35 AM  

beezeltown: Oh, come on...who hasn't experienced a phantom turd every now and then? Seems like there was a comedy routine about this several years ago.


The Profanisaurus defines this as having a "glory wipe".
 
2020-04-30 11:44:12 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-30 11:46:22 AM  
Oooo! Oooo! I was close to a Pingu-whatchamacallit movie reference.

Missed it by that much!
 
2020-04-30 11:50:18 AM  

Pert: beezeltown: Oh, come on...who hasn't experienced a phantom turd every now and then? Seems like there was a comedy routine about this several years ago.

The Profanisaurus defines this as having a "glory wipe".


I thought a glory wipe was when you wash a penis sticking out a glory hole instead of having sex with it.

Maybe that is a drive-in penis wash.
 
2020-04-30 11:50:50 AM  
Reduce
Reuse
Recycle
 
2020-04-30 11:51:05 AM  
Tiny orange mushrooms.

The curse of the pandemic unemployed classes.
 
2020-04-30 11:51:36 AM  
On a serious note I hope they have more evidence than this linking him to the stolen vehicle.

What was your probable cause "he was in the area".
 
2020-04-30 11:51:41 AM  

Billy Liar: Reduce
Reuse
Recycle


And if it's orange, reject.
 
2020-04-30 11:54:28 AM  
The case of the Pristine Poop Paper Caper?
 
2020-04-30 11:55:49 AM  
Green and brown glass go into the first glass bin.

Clear glass goes into the second glass bin.

Orange Fanta bottles go up Trump's Nazi-loving ass so I can make a completely gratuitious Fanta Menace pun.

Attack of the Comb-Overs. Star Trek: The Invisible Enemy. Babylon 666. Ba bo be boo bae. I am prosing at a Jordan level.
 
2020-04-30 11:58:02 AM  

Moosedick Gladys Greengroin: The case of the Pristine Poop Paper Caper?


I am sure everybody has seen the recipe for the Trumptini by now. They are even on my Facebook wall.

But I think I can work in a Paper Chase joke somehow as a "chaser".

That's two tiny spring onions after you toss back a lemon-scented Trumptini.
 
2020-04-30 12:03:37 PM  
"WE'VE GOT A GREELEE!" -- Dumb People Town
 
2020-04-30 12:09:57 PM  

brantgoose: Green and brown glass go into the first glass bin.

Clear glass goes into the second glass bin.

Orange Fanta bottles go up Trump's Nazi-loving ass so I can make a completely gratuitious Fanta Menace pun.

Attack of the Comb-Overs. Star Trek: The Invisible Enemy. Babylon 666. Ba bo be boo bae. I am prosing at a Jordan level.


shiat, someone hit the emergency coolant switch!
 
2020-04-30 12:11:49 PM  
I went through a year long period of prescription opiate abuse and aside from the warm, trancelike waves of unconditional love and acceptance by the eternal spirit of the undying universe my dumps were rock hard and of predictably uniform size. It was like a dream.
 
2020-04-30 12:13:06 PM  
First it was waste stream monitoring and now we have officers watching you wipe.  Might as well use the constitution next time.
 
2020-04-30 12:17:59 PM  

beezeltown: Oh, come on...who hasn't experienced a phantom turd every now and then? Seems like there was a comedy routine about this several years ago.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-30 12:23:27 PM  
I'd be scared sh*tless if I was the one sitting there, too.
 
2020-04-30 12:28:22 PM  
> pristine potty paper free of fetid feces

Would've been funnier if he had spelled it "foetid faeces", just sayin'
 
db2
2020-04-30 12:32:10 PM  
andy's wiping problem
Youtube vGCIGEUB32M
 
2020-04-30 12:32:41 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


"Fecal matter, also known as excrement, poop, stool and ordure, is waste that is moved or ejected from the bowels after the digestion of food. It has a reputation for being unpleasant to the olfactory organs and for being brown in color."

/that's better
 
2020-04-30 12:38:27 PM  

FarkingChas: RyansPrivates: I always take that as a sign from God that I am the chosen one.  Or that I have enough roughage in my diet.

I had a cousin like that. He just stood up pulled up his pants and walked away. I assume he was "clean" but who knows. Ugh. The things I can remember but don't really want to.


He was another one of the Lord's chosen!
 
2020-04-30 12:46:08 PM  

Salmon: JerkStore: Fecal matter, also known as excrement, poop, stool and ordure, is waste that is moved or ejected from the bowels after the digestion of food. It has a reputation for being unpleasant to the olfactory organs and for being brown in color.

That's for coloring that in for us, reporter guy.

that was exactly my thought, did a 5 year old write this?


Definitely shouldn't quit his bidet job.
 
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