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(NYPost)   CDC says you may be ill, if you've got headache, fever, and a chill. if you are you're out of luck, 'cause nobody gives a   (nypost.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Pneumonia, Common cold, Influenza, list of symptoms, Symptoms, severe illness, possible symptoms of COVID-19, Bronchitis  
•       •       •

2757 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Apr 2020 at 11:43 AM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-04-27 11:23:30 AM  
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2020-04-27 11:27:48 AM  
What movie was that reference from? I just found myself wondering that this morning.
 
2020-04-27 11:29:08 AM  

Ambivalence: What movie was that reference from? I just found myself wondering that this morning.


Ferris Bueller's Day Off:

Ferris Bueller's singing Nurse
Youtube FoQSfdl_nHg
 
2020-04-27 11:29:40 AM  
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2020-04-27 11:34:34 AM  
That's good.  Half of those are allergy symptoms.

I'm dying...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-27 11:36:03 AM  
Daffodill?
 
2020-04-27 11:46:59 AM  
I heard hydrochloroquine or ingesting Clorox would return my pluck.
 
2020-04-27 11:47:59 AM  
...shaving cream
 
2020-04-27 11:48:26 AM  
 
2020-04-27 11:49:05 AM  
"...inability to arouse..."

I've had it for years apparently.
 
2020-04-27 11:49:05 AM  

UberDave: That's good.  Half of those are allergy symptoms.

I'm dying...

[Fark user image 250x334]


You're not dying; you just can't think of anything good to do.
 
2020-04-27 11:49:47 AM  
Man, whoever engineered this thing really covered all the bases.
 
2020-04-27 11:50:43 AM  

Porkbelly: Speaking of who died:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/investi​gations/2020/04/27/covid-19-death-toll​-undercounted/?arc404=true


But but but conservative media told me we were overcounting so hospitals would make more money.
 
2020-04-27 11:54:17 AM  
Flying dump truck?
 
2020-04-27 11:57:08 AM  
I don't care that she wore too much eye makeup and had a raging case of herpes, I would absolutely wreck Shauna...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-27 11:57:39 AM  

Kubo: I heard hydrochloroquine or ingesting Clorox would return my pluck.


Try sticking a coal up in your ass for better luck
 
2020-04-27 11:57:55 AM  
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2020-04-27 12:02:48 PM  

tonguedepressor: ...shaving cream


No that's if you or it is full of
 
2020-04-27 12:03:02 PM  

Dick Gozinya: UberDave: That's good.  Half of those are allergy symptoms.

I'm dying...

[Fark user image 250x334]

You're not dying; you just can't think of anything good to do.


When Cameron was in Egypt's land...
...let my Cameron go.
 
2020-04-27 12:07:23 PM  

Dick Gozinya: I don't care that she wore too much eye makeup and had a raging case of herpes, I would absolutely wreck Shauna...

[Fark user image image 236x353]


I'll fire up the time machine for you.
 
2020-04-27 12:08:17 PM  
I went through eight days of what I can only describe as proto-bronchitis. I had trouble breathing and tightness in my chest like asthma. I had a headache at first ( pretty much wrote that off as a hangover but stopped drinking as this lingered and lingered ). I was really tired and spaced out as well. The worst was the damned dry hacking cough and the fact if i even tried to take a bonghit I'd choke to nearly passing out. * days of that crap and then it just went away. Within 24 hours i could breathe fine and had no fatigue or other weirdness. I tried getting tested when I was sick. There are 200 tests a day in my county, one must make an appointment and have a car -- no poor people like myself can walk up to the facility. When I was better I was told by the CDC to get tested for antibodies. There are no tests at all available for antibodies in my county. Zero. Not one test.

/ Yes, they don't care and want you dead -- remember that about the GOP. Never forget. They are your mortal enemy and have made this clear.
 
2020-04-27 12:10:54 PM  
Kind of useless. Chills are a sign of fever. A headache might mean a hangover. etc......
 
2020-04-27 12:16:02 PM  

CrazyCurt: I went through eight days of what I can only describe as proto-bronchitis. I had trouble breathing and tightness in my chest like asthma. I had a headache at first ( pretty much wrote that off as a hangover but stopped drinking as this lingered and lingered ). I was really tired and spaced out as well. The worst was the damned dry hacking cough and the fact if i even tried to take a bonghit I'd choke to nearly passing out. * days of that crap and then it just went away. Within 24 hours i could breathe fine and had no fatigue or other weirdness. I tried getting tested when I was sick. There are 200 tests a day in my county, one must make an appointment and have a car -- no poor people like myself can walk up to the facility. When I was better I was told by the CDC to get tested for antibodies. There are no tests at all available for antibodies in my county. Zero. Not one test.

/ Yes, they don't care and want you dead -- remember that about the GOP. Never forget. They are your mortal enemy and have made this clear.


What the hell are you doing taking bong hits when you can barely breathe in the first place?
 
2020-04-27 12:16:24 PM  
Been there, had that.
 
2020-04-27 12:27:24 PM  
Neat. It's the time of year where my clustered headaches show up to make one or two days a week he'll for the next month. Hopefully I'll be able to know which headache is which.
 
2020-04-27 12:29:12 PM  

Nick Nostril: Man, whoever engineered this thing really covered all the bases.


It's been spreading effectively enough that a lot of DNA bubbles have sprung up to be popped. Somebody's been plowing all those points into minor symptoms.
 
2020-04-27 12:34:41 PM  
What about erections lasting longer than 4 hours?
 
2020-04-27 12:37:04 PM  

Nuclear Monk: What about erections lasting longer than 4 hours?


Only 4? Amatuer
 
2020-04-27 12:37:09 PM  
I had something that felt like walking pneumonia and it felt like the bottoms of my lungs were stuck together and felt like I'd been punched in the chest a few days prior.  I'd inhale deeply and feel my lungs peel apart and I'd be fine for a while.  Never had a fever or much of a cough.  Never bothered trying to get a test because it wasn't bad enough and I know'd the answer was no.
 
2020-04-27 12:49:06 PM  
So that's how it is in their family... The GOP
 
2020-04-27 1:02:59 PM  

UberDave: That's good.  Half of those are allergy symptoms.

I'm dying...

[Fark user image image 250x334]


Agree! Worst pollen year ever. Try Flonase, seriously good stuff. I had to pressure wash the pollen off the driveway.
 
2020-04-27 1:16:10 PM  

Dick Gozinya: I don't care that she wore too much eye makeup and had a raging case of herpes, I would absolutely wreck Shauna...

[Fark user image 236x353]


Fark user imageView Full Size


Damn right.

Too bad about her nose.  She shoulda kept it.
 
2020-04-27 1:18:40 PM  

I'm no expert but...: Nuclear Monk: What about erections lasting longer than 4 hours?

Only 4? Amatuer


I discovered that chafed glans is a symptom of shelter at home.
 
2020-04-27 1:28:03 PM  
"We all gathered around the aqueduct, laughing and drinking and lighting up, reminiscing about how bad he sucked..."
 
2020-04-27 1:40:50 PM  
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2020-04-27 1:46:34 PM  

gunther_bumpass: CrazyCurt: I went through eight days of what I can only describe as proto-bronchitis. I had trouble breathing and tightness in my chest like asthma. I had a headache at first ( pretty much wrote that off as a hangover but stopped drinking as this lingered and lingered ). I was really tired and spaced out as well. The worst was the damned dry hacking cough and the fact if i even tried to take a bonghit I'd choke to nearly passing out. * days of that crap and then it just went away. Within 24 hours i could breathe fine and had no fatigue or other weirdness. I tried getting tested when I was sick. There are 200 tests a day in my county, one must make an appointment and have a car -- no poor people like myself can walk up to the facility. When I was better I was told by the CDC to get tested for antibodies. There are no tests at all available for antibodies in my county. Zero. Not one test.

/ Yes, they don't care and want you dead -- remember that about the GOP. Never forget. They are your mortal enemy and have made this clear.

What the hell are you doing taking bong hits when you can barely breathe in the first place?


Is that a trick question?
 
2020-04-27 1:49:28 PM  

Nuclear Monk: What about erections lasting longer than 4 hours?


See the Head Nurse.
 
2020-04-27 2:06:26 PM  
How about severe abdominal pain and cramping, combined with vomiting for three days straight, about once every 20 minutes?  Food and or water causing immediate vomiting.

In addition to the other symptoms...

/This years Flu is *fun*
 
2020-04-27 2:11:25 PM  
Done in one.

/Mrs. feather suggested "roast duck". Honorable mention?
 
2020-04-27 2:17:27 PM  

GrogSmash: How about severe abdominal pain and cramping, combined with vomiting for three days straight, about once every 20 minutes?  Food and or water causing immediate vomiting.

In addition to the other symptoms...

/This years Flu is *fun*


That sounds like a norovirus, my friend.

Call your doctor TODAY and get an antiemetic so you can hydrate and replenish electrolytes.  You will feel a lot better.

He or she will probably also recommend the BRAT diet for a few days.
 
2020-04-27 2:19:23 PM  

bughunter: GrogSmash: How about severe abdominal pain and cramping, combined with vomiting for three days straight, about once every 20 minutes?  Food and or water causing immediate vomiting.

In addition to the other symptoms...

/This years Flu is *fun*

That sounds like a norovirus, my friend.

Call your doctor TODAY and get an antiemetic so you can hydrate and replenish electrolytes.  You will feel a lot better.

He or she will probably also recommend the BRAT diet for a few days.


Survived it.  Still rehydrating a few days later.  Throat is still buggered from acid burns though.
 
2020-04-27 2:27:18 PM  
 Headline would be more awesome with the word "flying" attached.  Parse better.
 
2020-04-27 2:31:50 PM  

GrogSmash: bughunter: GrogSmash: How about severe abdominal pain and cramping, combined with vomiting for three days straight, about once every 20 minutes?  Food and or water causing immediate vomiting.

In addition to the other symptoms...

/This years Flu is *fun*

That sounds like a norovirus, my friend.

Call your doctor TODAY and get an antiemetic so you can hydrate and replenish electrolytes.  You will feel a lot better.

He or she will probably also recommend the BRAT diet for a few days.

Survived it.  Still rehydrating a few days later.  Throat is still buggered from acid burns though.


Glad.

Check your local hispanic markets for Savila, an aloe vera drink.  Usually has a selection of flavors but it doesn't need it.  The plain selection tastes good.

I've been using it for years for heartburn and other GI problems, but it's become trendy lately.  Hell, you might even be able to find it at Walmart now.

(I get mine from a taco truck, especially when I eat their salsa... it's a two-burner.)
 
2020-04-27 2:45:14 PM  
The good news is, headache, fewer, and chills do not necessarily mean you have SARS-CoV2. It could also be Ebola.
 
2020-04-27 3:10:08 PM  
You can get antiemetic solution otc, emetrol is the name, store brand stuff works fine. If you can get coca cola syrup that works well too...
 
2020-04-27 3:50:58 PM  

UberDave: That's good.  Half of those are allergy symptoms.

I'm dying...

[Fark user image 250x334]


...'cause nobody gives a Ruck?

It rhymes, but the headline would make no sense.
 
2020-04-27 8:26:40 PM  

Nuclear Monk: What about erections lasting longer than 4 hours?


They say that if you have an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours, you should call your doctor.
fark that.
I'm calling EVERYBODY.
 
2020-04-28 12:53:54 PM  
Singing Telegram Girl Gets Shot - Clue: The Movie
Youtube 4UMHduT30s0
 
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