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(Wired)   "'Simply put, your task is to be seen and not eaten,' an elder chrononaut, retired Army Maj. Ed Dames, is alleged to have told a young Obama." With current news so bleak, here is an oldie but goodie to warm the hearts of conspiracy theorists   (wired.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Mars, Marvin the Martian, Barack Obama, Barack Obama's past lies, George W. Bush, Space, future president, United States  
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2253 clicks; posted to Geek » on 19 Apr 2020 at 11:18 AM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



37 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-04-19 10:21:27 AM  
As believable as the daily rally.
 
2020-04-19 10:45:03 AM  
JADE HELM!
 
2020-04-19 10:49:32 AM  
That was a hell of a documentary, as I recall.  Of course that was back when you could still get real LSD.
 
2020-04-19 12:03:10 PM  
When did Wired turn into The Weekly World News?
 
2020-04-19 12:13:11 PM  
I never knew time travel was so easy.  All you got to do is read the right article and suddenly you're transported to 2012.
 
2020-04-19 12:20:16 PM  
So was he eaten? How did the Martian animal summit turn out? I have so many questions.
 
2020-04-19 12:21:54 PM  
Back Step never left earth.
There was only one chrononaut.
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He never met Obama.
 
2020-04-19 12:33:45 PM  
FTFA...

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Imagine an entire planet made up of only Floriduh. Holy. Shiat.
 
2020-04-19 12:38:16 PM  

Herr Flick's Revenge: Back Step never left earth.
There was only one chrononaut.
[Fark user image image 236x351]
He never met Obama.


Just seven days ago I was thinking I need to rewatch that.
 
2020-04-19 12:40:37 PM  
Oh sure, pick a dozen random teens and then send them to some alien world (exposing them to the highest classified program in the universe) so that the creatures there can get used to seeing Humans.

Let me be more specific.  Exposing them to the chance of DEATH so that the creatures in that highly localized area can get used to seeing Humans.

What an extremely farking stupid idea.  They couldn't invent a more reasonable reason why Teen Obama would be recruited by the US Government for their conspiracy theory?  You know, one that actually made sense?
 
2020-04-19 12:51:08 PM  
You know, it's farked up because Wired has a certain number of articles you can read in a certain amount of time before you have to toggle off the Javascript to make it so you can read more, so I try to limit myself to the good ones. But there are no good ones.
 
2020-04-19 1:15:39 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2020-04-19 1:21:10 PM  
Kind of ironic that they got a black man to Mars before the White House.
 
2020-04-19 1:22:08 PM  
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2020-04-19 1:44:31 PM  
Yeah, I miss hearing conspiracy theories that were just fruitbattery instead of deliberate attempts to f*ck shiat up fort someone's sick ideology or profit margins.
 
2020-04-19 2:09:58 PM  

Chromium_One: Yeah, I miss hearing conspiracy theories that were just fruitbattery instead of deliberate attempts to f*ck shiat up fort someone's sick ideology or profit margins.


This.  I long for the good old days of 2010-ish before every single form of crazy had been weaponized by people with a political agenda.
 
2020-04-19 2:15:32 PM  
What weapons did he bring?
 
2020-04-19 2:18:03 PM  

seelorq: What weapons did he bring?


Spicy mustard cannon
 
2020-04-19 2:41:44 PM  

Nick Nostril: FTFA...

[Fark user image 541x310]

Imagine an entire planet made up of only Floriduh. Holy. Shiat.


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2020-04-19 2:44:53 PM  
So, was it one of those teleporters that create a brand new copy at the remote location?  So many legal issues.

My favorite Obama conspiracy theory was that he was not in fact born in the USA, but found in a crashed space capsule by a kindly farmer and his wife who raised him to believe in Truth, Justice, and the American Way.
 
2020-04-19 2:55:52 PM  

Mindlock: I never knew time travel was so easy.  All you got to do is read the right article and suddenly you're transported to 2012.


Ahhh, 2012.  A simpler time.
 
2020-04-19 3:01:47 PM  
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2020-04-19 3:09:06 PM  

Nonrepeating Rotating Binary: Oh sure, pick a dozen random teens and then send them to some alien world (exposing them to the highest classified program in the universe) so that the creatures there can get used to seeing Humans.

Let me be more specific.  Exposing them to the chance of DEATH so that the creatures in that highly localized area can get used to seeing Humans.

What an extremely farking stupid idea.  They couldn't invent a more reasonable reason why Teen Obama would be recruited by the US Government for their conspiracy theory?  You know, one that actually made sense?


So your saying you don't believe it?
 
2020-04-19 3:11:03 PM  

seelorq: What weapons did he bring?


His safety was not guaranteed. He had only done this once before.
 
2020-04-19 3:42:15 PM  
With God as my witness, I have NO idea what to say next.
 
2020-04-19 3:56:18 PM  
Can we teleport Trump to Mars?
 
2020-04-19 4:39:28 PM  

MythDragon: Can we teleport Trump to Mars?


Like this?

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2020-04-19 5:33:18 PM  

SansNeural: MythDragon: Can we teleport Trump to Mars?

Like this?

[Fark user image 288x175]



His hand wasn't big enough to start the magic alien air machine
 
2020-04-19 6:07:11 PM  
So that's where the Obama's Time Machinr meme came from.
 
2020-04-19 6:08:44 PM  

Mega Steve: SansNeural: MythDragon: Can we teleport Trump to Mars?

Like this?

[Fark user image 288x175]


His hand wasn't big enough to start the magic alien air machine


I thought that involved thinking in a series combination of colors.
 
2020-04-19 8:45:32 PM  
Sooner or later, it will be a truth universally acknowledged, that nobody actually believes these contrived theories. They're a sport like composing crossword puzzles or picking your nose in public.
 
2020-04-19 9:48:43 PM  

Samfucious: Mega Steve: SansNeural: MythDragon: Can we teleport Trump to Mars?

Like this?

[Fark user image 288x175]


His hand wasn't big enough to start the magic alien air machine

I thought that involved thinking in a series combination of colors.


He's color reality blind too.
 
2020-04-20 1:52:49 AM  
he was concealing his participation in a hidden CIA intergalactic program

TIL Mars is in another galaxy.
 
2020-04-20 6:15:27 AM  
That explains a lot.
 
2020-04-20 9:59:59 AM  

Nick Nostril: FTFA...

[Fark user image 541x310]

Imagine an entire planet made up of only Floriduh. Holy. Shiat.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-20 11:26:54 AM  
Why bother to take the effort to deny that crap?
 
2020-04-20 9:44:42 PM  

TheMysteriousStranger: Why bother to take the effort to deny that crap?


I remember the Obama White House having fun with these things. They did officially response to the WhiteHouse.Gov petition to build the Death Star.
 
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