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(Boston Globe)   Why are American men so weird about getting gifts? Why is that question three words too long?   (bostonglobe.com) divider line
    More: Murica, Giving, Man, Gift, English-language films, Debut albums, United States, sad phenomenon, American men  
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324 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 17 Apr 2020 at 11:50 AM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



31 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-04-17 9:02:02 AM  
Gifts are reciprocal and, for me at least, I'm broke.
 
2020-04-17 10:15:54 AM  
I'm a loner.

The best gift to get me, is to leave me alone.

/And get off my lawn
 
2020-04-17 10:37:16 AM  
I've never had the opportunity to find out if I'd be weird about it. Unless you count my wife buying me socks.
 
2020-04-17 11:25:49 AM  
If I want something, I'll get it myself.
 
2020-04-17 11:42:54 AM  
Testosterone poisoning.
 
2020-04-17 11:53:25 AM  

edmo: I've never had the opportunity to find out if I'd be weird about it. Unless you count my wife buying me socks.


I wish Morgan Fairchild bought me socks
 
2020-04-17 11:56:17 AM  
I've never noticed any of that in any man I know.

/Do I smell the need for copy?
 
2020-04-17 11:58:52 AM  
Buy us drinks, don't give us stuff.
 
2020-04-17 12:16:32 PM  
The stuff I really want, you probably can't (or shouldn't) afford. So, just give me memorable experiences with you, and that's plenty fine.
 
2020-04-17 12:24:26 PM  
Hey, lady,

When in Rome, do as the Romans do (often shortened to when in Rome...) is a proverb attributed to Saint Augustine. The phrase means that it is advisable to follow the conventions of the area in which you are residing or visiting.

Saint Monica and her son, Saint Augustine, found out that Saturday was observed as a fast day in Rome, where they planned to visit. However, it was not a fast day where they lived in Milan. They consulted Saint Ambrose who said "When I am here (in Milan) I do not fast on Saturday, when in Rome I do fast on Saturday." That reply is said to have brought about the saying "When in Rome, do as the Romans do."

(stolen from Wikipedia)
 
2020-04-17 12:25:59 PM  
"Now, whenever I feel the urge to give a gift, I explain about my culture."

Perhaps you could realize you're in another country with different cultural traditions? I'm all for people celebrating their own culture and holding onto their roots, but you shouldn't expect everyone around you to be comfortable with them. It's really no different than Americans who visit other countries and act like idiots or complain when things aren't exactly the same as their used to back home. When you're in a foreign country, learn their ways and try your best to honor their customs. You can feel free to explain yours when asked, but don't force it on people.
 
2020-04-17 12:25:59 PM  
Yet it's wrong for me to go somewhere else and say, "You know, where I'm from, we do it..." and carp about the local culture.
 
2020-04-17 12:33:19 PM  
Here's a real simple reason: People that buy gifts are morons when they pick out the gift. They buy things that the person doesn't want (like a photo of their name- I have two- who the hell wants a photo of their own name?), or they get offended when the person exchanges it for something they did (often even when they included a gift receipt, work people are the most offended here, yes you Shannon). Then there's my favorite: years later when the gift has disappeared from their home/office/where ever, they have the nerve to ask what happened to it (don't care Millie, macramé is out of style and, even though you've been through a lot it's time for my house to look like mine for a little while). The answer is always honestly "I was over it and figured it was time to finally get rid of it."

Tip for gift givers: Give something that isn't expected to be retained, like a bottle of wine. If you absolutely feel the need to follow up a week later with "Did you enjoy my gift?" be satisfied with "yes, it was fine, thanks again" Leave it at that, don't pry, because you might just find out that they haven't opened it yet, or regifted it, or it was vile and poured it down the drain.
 
2020-04-17 12:49:04 PM  
I've never complained when I received a gift, I generally just set it aside* and go on with my day.

*You aren't a family member? I didn't expect a gift from you, don't really care about receiving a gift from you, will not have a gift for you, and will probably just ignore it. Nothing personal, but I think you'd be better off buying gift for people that are actually your family, or at least your friends.
 
2020-04-17 12:55:26 PM  

Opacity: Here's a real simple reason: People that buy gifts are morons when they pick out the gift. They buy things that the person doesn't want (like a photo of their name- I have two- who the hell wants a photo of their own name?), or they get offended when the person exchanges it for something they did (often even when they included a gift receipt, work people are the most offended here, yes you Shannon). Then there's my favorite: years later when the gift has disappeared from their home/office/where ever, they have the nerve to ask what happened to it (don't care Millie, macramé is out of style and, even though you've been through a lot it's time for my house to look like mine for a little while). The answer is always honestly "I was over it and figured it was time to finally get rid of it."

Tip for gift givers: Give something that isn't expected to be retained, like a bottle of wine. If you absolutely feel the need to follow up a week later with "Did you enjoy my gift?" be satisfied with "yes, it was fine, thanks again" Leave it at that, don't pry, because you might just find out that they haven't opened it yet, or regifted it, or it was vile and poured it down the drain.


I can see a photo of one's name being handy during lockdown where it's all kind of a dreamlike blur, for the same reason I'm glad my desk clock displays the day of the week.
 
2020-04-17 1:00:10 PM  

johnny_vegas: edmo: I've never had the opportunity to find out if I'd be weird about it. Unless you count my wife buying me socks.

I wish Morgan Fairchild bought me socks


Why would my wife, whom I've seen naked, buy you socks?
 
2020-04-17 1:14:38 PM  
GFY subby with your stupid man-shaming headline.  Do you prep the bull yourself?
 
2020-04-17 1:28:55 PM  
"I'm from somewhere else.Why aren't men from here like the men are from my particular somewhere else? I'm confused."

/did not continue reading
 
2020-04-17 2:15:44 PM  
I am perfectly fine with accepting gifts.

If it's a thoughtful gift, I know how to express gratitude.

If it's a crappy gift I know how to fake it and regift it.

/prefers practical girts
//eip
 
2020-04-17 2:22:24 PM  

bughunter: girts


oh ferchrissake

I guess I need a manicure.
 
2020-04-17 2:36:17 PM  

bughunter: I guess I need a manicure.


OK, here.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-17 2:41:25 PM  

bughunter: bughunter: girts

oh ferchrissake

I guess I need a manicure.


Reminded me of that movie: "The Gitl with all the Girts"
 
2020-04-17 2:47:35 PM  

Myk-House of El: bughunter: I guess I need a manicure.

OK, here.

[Fark user image 850x664]


Just what I always wanted.

I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him...
 
2020-04-17 2:57:29 PM  
It is interesting that American men are kind of unthinkingly pushed not to getting into close friendships with no sex in mind. Like, before they get close to other men, they have to do all the "no homo" things, as if sex is the default thing they're going for until they specifically opt-out. With women, well... the only time you can send a woman flowers and not seem like you're trying to schtup her is either A) she's family and it's Mother's Day, or B) She's your secretary and it's an employee-appreciation gesture.
 
2020-04-17 3:23:32 PM  

Billy Liar: Yet it's wrong for me to go somewhere else and say, "You know, where I'm from, we do it..." and carp about the local culture.


It's as though you've suffered, and learned, the experience of every native Floridian...
 
2020-04-17 3:35:34 PM  

bughunter: bughunter: girts

oh ferchrissake

I guess I need a manicure.


I laughed when I noticed the typo.

*note to self: send bughunter coupon  for Walmart manicure*

Consider it a gift...or a girt.

/I'm geberous leik that
 
2020-04-17 3:37:43 PM  

Private_Citizen: If I want something, I'll get it myself.
---


Sounds good.   *As long as you're not the type who bankrupts the household to buy a Maybach.
 
2020-04-17 3:42:05 PM  

nanim: Private_Citizen: If I want something, I'll get it myself.
---

Sounds good.   *As long as you're not the type who bankrupts the household to buy a Maybach.


Definitely not. My splurges usually involve GOG during a sale. On a crazy day, I can do dozens of dollars in damage 😁
 
2020-04-17 4:25:41 PM  

psychosis_inducing: It is interesting that American men are kind of unthinkingly pushed not to getting into close friendships with no sex in mind. Like, before they get close to other men, they have to do all the "no homo" things, as if sex is the default thing they're going for until they specifically opt-out. With women, well... the only time you can send a woman flowers and not seem like you're trying to schtup her is either A) she's family and it's Mother's Day, or B) She's your secretary and it's an employee-appreciation gesture.


Better clear B) with HR first.  Best to give her a gift cert for an FTD Pick Me Up Bouquet.
 
2020-04-17 5:09:52 PM  
I don't give or accept gifts anymore, and it's great.

I know what I want better than you can. You know what you want better than I can.

It's just a waste of time and money to do gift exchanges.
 
2020-04-17 7:28:43 PM  
I may be unique in my thought, but to me giving me something I don't have an immediate use for is stressful. Because now, I have to pretend to be thankful for something I didn't want or need, and then I have to figure out what to do with it when I already have difficulty keeping my things organized.

You may as well just give me an empty soda can, because if it's the thought that counts, and I know where to put it so it doesn't add to my clutter.
 
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