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(Slate) Weeners "Dear Stoya: I'm 67 and I've been with my wife for 43 years. Lately, I've become concerned that my 5.8 inch penis doesn't measure up to other men she's been with. We've never discussed it. But would a woman know the difference in like half an inch?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Weeners, Sexual intercourse, Human sexuality, Sexual arousal, Sex toy, Dildo, Inch, healthy masturbation routine, fun parts  
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410 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 15 Apr 2020 at 7:55 AM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



41 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-04-14 10:28:55 PM  
Damn, that's pretty wide, how long is it?
 
2020-04-14 10:31:51 PM  
Not only do you not have an actual problem, you have to stop making us think about old people having sex
 
2020-04-14 10:31:55 PM  
Yes, Mr. Weinstein?
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2020-04-14 10:35:14 PM  
She's concerned you measure your junk to the nearest tenth of an inch.

And then doubled it before writing to Stoya.
 
2020-04-14 10:36:39 PM  

jbc: She's concerned you measure your junk to the nearest tenth of an inch.

And then doubled it before writing to Stoya.


I'm concerned that he's mixing inches and decimal points. Pick a system!
 
2020-04-14 10:37:12 PM  
Look, man. When she says "Size doesn't matter," just believe her, okay?
 
2020-04-14 10:39:50 PM  
If she's been with you for 43 years you're doing something right my friend, no matter your size.

/girth>length
 
2020-04-14 10:53:28 PM  
Am I the only one that is going to tell him "yes" and that he should hang himself?  Only way to be well hung...
 
2020-04-14 10:58:49 PM  
Jesus, I forgot (what an oversight!):  butt stuff.  Her butt can detect even small differences in size.  At which point a report is generated
 
2020-04-14 11:08:00 PM  
Butt stuff.  The answer is always butt stuff.
 
2020-04-14 11:18:39 PM  

Naido: Not only do you not have an actual problem, you have to stop making us think about old people having sex


LaTour - People Are Still Having Sex
Youtube 0ImRyPymRAM
 
2020-04-14 11:37:47 PM  
He's soent 40+ years worried about that one guy she talked about doing that one time when she was a teenager.

He's never let it go. One if them will be on their death bed and he just won't be able to avoid asking.

He also watches too much porn.
 
2020-04-15 12:04:45 AM  
Oh, and the secret password is "Fidelio."
 
2020-04-15 12:13:58 AM  
40 years ago she most likely was banging an average of one new guy every week since she was 14, so, yeah, your little dick was a disappointment to her. Don't worry though, she found real men to stick it to her on the side, and you might want to do DNA tests with "your" children.
 
2020-04-15 12:16:48 AM  

wet drum sandwich: Look, man. When she says "Size doesn't matter," just believe her, okay?


Because she is most certainly lying, but it's for your benefit. If you had a big dick you'd know this because they never shut up about how much they like big dick but can hardly ever find any.
 
2020-04-15 12:28:00 AM  
If she still there after  43 years, it ain't the cock KEEPING her there. You insecure asshole.

/Sheeeesh.
 
2020-04-15 2:39:14 AM  
Wait, 5.8"?  That seems oddly precise.  An imperial ruler doesn't have a .8" measurement.
 
2020-04-15 4:17:43 AM  

LordZorch: wet drum sandwich: Look, man. When she says "Size doesn't matter," just believe her, okay?

Because she is most certainly lying, but it's for your benefit. If you had a big dick you'd know this because they never shut up about how much they like big dick but can hardly ever find any.


Same dynamic. Most men have so much ego bound up in their dicks that women constantly tell them that [their precise measurements] are exactly what they're looking for and way better than anyone else as long as the sex is tolerable.
 
2020-04-15 5:10:39 AM  
Two words:
1. penis
2. extender

Do your own search.
 
2020-04-15 6:27:03 AM  
It could be worse, you could have a huge dong but you have trouble approaching women so no one knows. I mean hypothetically it would be a problem you know, for some loser. •sob•

Anyway it would probably seem larger with butt stuff.
 
2020-04-15 7:25:35 AM  
I mean.....

1 - A woman reaches the decision to sleep with you before she sees it.
2 - 5.8" is pretty much average isn't it?
3 - You what is way more unsexy than a small dick? Insecurity.
 
2020-04-15 7:58:07 AM  
I swear it's always men who obsess about penis size while women don't really care.
 
2020-04-15 8:11:03 AM  

Exluddite: jbc: She's concerned you measure your junk to the nearest tenth of an inch.

And then doubled it before writing to Stoya.

I'm concerned that he's mixing inches and decimal points. Pick a system!


That's not mixing systems. It's very common in drafting and engineering to use tenths of an inch in measurements. Further, it's virtually uniform practice to use tenths of a mile in road distances.

Granted, the US system of measurement is outdated and should be abandoned (who wants to be 5.8 inches when they could be 14.8 cm?!?), but there's nothing inconsistent about using tenths of system units.
 
2020-04-15 8:23:44 AM  
Dickens Cider
Youtube Xfzxesxk_Yo
 
2020-04-15 8:44:41 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-15 8:48:48 AM  

Exluddite: jbc: She's concerned you measure your junk to the nearest tenth of an inch.

And then doubled it before writing to Stoya.

I'm concerned that he's mixing inches and decimal points. Pick a system!


There's nothing wrong with inches and decimal points.
 
2020-04-15 8:49:00 AM  
We don't know the full story. Maybe those "other guys she has been with" have all been in the last couple of months.

In which case, he's getting farked. Or, not getting farked, as it were.
 
2020-04-15 8:51:03 AM  
Consider this: women know when the sofa is 1/64" out of alignment after you've poorly vacuumed the house.
 
2020-04-15 9:47:09 AM  
The human body is not made out of measuring tape, and neither are any of its constituent parts.
 
2020-04-15 10:04:09 AM  

Millennium: The human body is not made out of measuring tape, and neither are any of its constituent parts.


that's why I have tapeworms.
 
2020-04-15 10:25:30 AM  
Darwin sez: +/- 2 Std Dev. Within that, you're fine. No matter the jokes or  the neuroses.

So, forget about it.

But speaking of neuroses, pal, at 67 you're hopeless.
 
2020-04-15 11:19:36 AM  
You worry after 43 years ,?
 
2020-04-15 11:46:09 AM  
Yes they can notice. No it probably doesn't matter, she's probably banging someone with a bigger c*ck than you already. Oh, and the kids aren't yours.
 
2020-04-15 11:47:22 AM  
I'm retired myself but not that bored yet.
 
2020-04-15 12:04:02 PM  

Thudfark: Consider this: women know when the sofa is 1/64" out of alignment after you've poorly vacuumed the house.


And yet they cannot judge distance while driving or size while filling a U-Haul...
 
Ant
2020-04-15 12:44:45 PM  

bekaye: Damn, that's pretty wide, how long is it?


Like a can of Starkist
 
2020-04-15 1:09:28 PM  
Maybe she's secretly worried that she has a humongous vagina?
 
2020-04-15 1:56:24 PM  
If you're 67 and still haven't figured out multiple other ways to pleasure your woman regardless of your size, well, I don't really know what to tell you, brah.
 
2020-04-15 7:38:50 PM  
Ha ha ha, I got some good news for you buddy. Your penis length decreases as you age. Your blood supply to your penis starts to slow down. Any day now your erection wont matter because you no longer will have one.

ha ha ha
 
2020-04-15 9:42:46 PM  
You want to spice up your sex life?
Try wrapping it in bacon...crispy bacon.
 
2020-04-16 3:05:22 PM  
Yes, she is still secretly pining for Chad, Tyrone, Kevin from Sales, and Dave the unemployed drummer in a garage band who may or may not be homeless and have multiple felony warrants in multiple states.  That's assuming she ever stopped having sex with these men to begin with.
 
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