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(Slate)   "I am a 42-year-old woman; I exercise and eat well, but since I hit 40 I've gained around 20 pounds; my doctor says slow metabolism is normal. My fiancé is upset; he keeps showing me pictures of me thin and wants me to lose weight. What should I do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Weight loss, Obesity, much money, 42-year-old woman, Dear Prudence podcast voicemail, new friends, new country, exact thing  
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673 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 11 Apr 2020 at 1:04 PM (24 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



69 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2020-04-11 8:58:40 AM  
His best friend?
 
2020-04-11 9:03:13 AM  
Girl got a healthy butt.
 
2020-04-11 9:06:30 AM  
You're probably eating more than you realize in an effort to console yourself over being engaged to an asshole.
 
2020-04-11 9:08:16 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-11 9:11:18 AM  
Rethink the 'fiance' status.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2020-04-11 9:19:23 AM  
Ice cream can make you feel better.
 
2020-04-11 9:24:52 AM  
Just cut out bad things in your life.

Like him.
 
2020-04-11 9:35:30 AM  
Aerobic butt stuff?

Swallow less (FOOD, ya pervs)?
 
2020-04-11 9:35:37 AM  
A woman marries a man thinking he will change.
A man marries a woman thinking that she wont change.
 
2020-04-11 9:38:47 AM  
"What should I do?"

Dumping the fiance would be good start
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2020-04-11 9:41:04 AM  
You can dump the guy, but a fat 40-something is going to have a harder time catching a new one than a thin 30-something.
 
2020-04-11 9:41:08 AM  
Dump him and trade up. I'm sure it'll all work out.
 
2020-04-11 9:47:22 AM  

aimtastic: You're probably eating more than you realize in an effort to console yourself over being engaged to an asshole.


Thread over.  Hit the lights and treat yourself to some cheesecake.
 
2020-04-11 9:58:00 AM  
Dump her. If you're 42 and haven't married her yet, you're never going to anyway.
 
2020-04-11 9:58:44 AM  
err...him
 
2020-04-11 10:15:33 AM  
She could lose over 100 lbs really easily, but it's been well covered above.

On a side note someone who criticizes your appearance will never be there for you when real life shiat goes down and you have no control over the way you look. You do not want to go through an ailment with someone who can't get past your outward appearance, it will only make you feel worse.
 
2020-04-11 10:21:48 AM  
Should I masturbate and lose the weight to make him happy?

That's how I read it. Answer is you masturbate and lose the weight to make you happy. There is no other answer.
 
2020-04-11 10:43:44 AM  
If he really cared, he'd buy you a Pelaton.
 
2020-04-11 11:01:53 AM  
"Shallow Hal"- Dump him. He's a selfish, image only kind of asshole who will constantly criticize every little thing you do. A good mate would kiss your muffin top and praise the universe for such a bounty.
 
2020-04-11 11:34:51 AM  
fark her fiance up the ass sideways with a pineapple covered with poison ivy.
 
2020-04-11 11:54:57 AM  
Testes.

Claw hammer.
 
2020-04-11 12:02:00 PM  
Lose weight. Lose him. Whichever one makes you happier.
 
2020-04-11 12:02:03 PM  
In my drug abusing days I was considerably thinner than I am now. Hubby didn't care, he was just worried about the abuse. Now I'm older and fatter and he still treats me the same as he did in 1983; love is like that.

Find yourself one of these.
 
2020-04-11 12:27:39 PM  
Buy the tarp, duct tape, and shovel at different stores on different days.  Pay cash.
 
2020-04-11 12:38:53 PM  
Did someone mention dump the asshole yet? That seems like a great start to a healthier you.
 
2020-04-11 1:14:11 PM  
I scanned the whole thread sorry ,
if he doesent appreciate you now he never will and why would you tolerate someone with no respect for you ??
 
2020-04-11 1:16:46 PM  
Everything else is covered, so I'll just add: imagine being in that guy's position and deciding that the best approach is to show her pictures of herself when she was skinny, over and over again. Does he think she forgot she gained weight? Or that she just doesn't know which level of skinny he's requesting? What on earth makes a grown-ass man show a functional adult woman pictures of herself from a few years ago when she's already tried that many things to lose weight?
 
2020-04-11 1:44:21 PM  
It's not love if your partner is concerned only with appearances. Nothing in that letter made it seem like her health was the reason for concern. I'm sure he's a complete gentleman and not a total jerk in every other respect. Yup.
 
2020-04-11 1:55:09 PM  
Tell him you're pregnant.
 
2020-04-11 2:15:21 PM  

The Googles Do Nothing: Girl got a healthy butt.


im7.ezgif.comView Full Size
 
2020-04-11 2:19:52 PM  
He's an asshole for wanting her to lose weight? I guess fat acceptance is fine as long as the genders are "correct"?

Perhaps she should put down the fork?
 
2020-04-11 2:50:25 PM  

Carousel Beast: He's an asshole for wanting her to lose weight? I guess fat acceptance is fine as long as the genders are "correct"?

Perhaps she should put down the fork?


She works out 5 days a week and keeps a food diary. Sometimes losing weight is impossible while eating enough to stay healthy.
 
2020-04-11 3:06:25 PM  
Well at least he showed his true self before they signed a marriage contract.
 
2020-04-11 3:13:06 PM  

BadReligion: Carousel Beast: He's an asshole for wanting her to lose weight? I guess fat acceptance is fine as long as the genders are "correct"?

Perhaps she should put down the fork?

She works out 5 days a week and keeps a food diary. Sometimes losing weight is impossible while eating enough to stay healthy.


Calories in/calories out. It isn't hard.

It is however difficult. You have to change your life. Same for anyone who is an alcoholic, smokes, blah blah. You have to fight your basic urges. And it sucks. An a lot of people can't maintain it. Especially for those who are unhappy, and food is the only time they get that dopamine.
 
2020-04-11 3:44:57 PM  
Ramp up your workouts. Add more strength training and cardio. Then kick his farking teeth in.
 
2020-04-11 3:45:08 PM  
Hmm...

"maintaining a stable weight has not been a problem" - what was her "stable" weight before?

"I exercise 5 days a week" - what type of exercise? A 10 minute walk around the perimeter of a building 5x a week is not the same as a 60 minute walk, let alone an actual 60 minute workout with cardio and weight training.

"I generally eat healthy" - "generally?"  and what is her definition of healthy?  How much "healthy" food is she consuming? 3000 calories of healthy food is still 3000 calories.

She doesn't say how long she has been with the SO, but she's gained 30 pounds since they started dating. How long did it take her to add the previous 10 pounds?  How tall is she? 30 pounds on a 5'2" frame looks a lot different than 30 pounds on a 5'10" frame.

10 pounds a year, 20 pounds in 2 years is not normal.  I'd be getting a second opinion.  It's very common for middle aged people to develop hypothyroidism or some other endocrine disorder that results in rapid weight gain.

Also, how often is she eating? Constant, albeit "healthy" food ingestion turns on insulin production with every instance of eating. Constant circulation of insulin in the blood stream can result in insulin resistance, which can lead to fatigue, weight gain and type II diabetes.  A person in insulin resistance needs to re-program their bodies by eating in specific, smaller time frames to stop insulin production, deplete the calories obtained from the food and force their systems to start burning stored reserves.  All the exercise in the world won't fix insulin resistance if one keeps eating and stressing out the pancreas.

"Should I be miserable and lose the weight to make him happy?" she's already picked food as being more important than companionship with this particular SO. Maybe the weight gain is a subconscious reaction to the whole relationship dynamic.  They should both move on and pick partners that fulfill their needs.
 
2020-04-11 3:46:47 PM  
You should lose weight
 
2020-04-11 4:10:10 PM  
Dump him. Keep on working out and eating healthy. Get a vibrator & a cat.
 
2020-04-11 4:29:39 PM  
To her: how much does he weigh?  You could lose that much weight effortlessly.
To him: Forget it, dude, entropy is a one-weigh street.
 
2020-04-11 4:32:34 PM  
Working out is not a guaranteed way to lose weight.
It boosts your metabolism, but that also makes you more hungry.
Everyone should exercise to be healthy, but diet is the easiest way to lose weight.
Eat less, weigh less.
 
2020-04-11 4:41:15 PM  
He should dump her if he's not happy with the situation. She's only going to get bigger, and he'll always be the bad guy no matter what.

He's just lucky that she blew up before they got married.
 
2020-04-11 4:43:42 PM  
Anal.
 
2020-04-11 4:50:19 PM  

Straight Outta Hate: Working out is not a guaranteed way to lose weight.
It boosts your metabolism, but that also makes you more hungry.
Everyone should exercise to be healthy, but diet is the easiest way to lose weight.
Eat less, weigh less.


I mean yeah, but for some people that basically means being in a perpetual war with their own body. It's really hard to ignore hunger for years and years, even if you know you hit your recommended calorie limit.
And it's easier than you think to hit that limit even after you purged the house of snacky-cakes and potato chips.
 
2020-04-11 4:57:42 PM  

Carousel Beast: He's an asshole for wanting her to lose weight? I guess fat acceptance is fine as long as the genders are "correct"?

Perhaps she should put down the fork?


Ure user name makes you seem fat.
 
2020-04-11 5:02:48 PM  

WTFDYW: Carousel Beast: He's an asshole for wanting her to lose weight? I guess fat acceptance is fine as long as the genders are "correct"?

Perhaps she should put down the fork?

Ure user name makes you seem fat.


Yes. My phones autocorrect spells words funny if I don't pay attention.
 
2020-04-11 5:06:01 PM  
The guy wants her to have a body she will never achieve. Even if she loses the weight she won't have that firm taught skin that she used to have, the young person healthy glow. She should kill herself now and put him out of his misery.
 
2020-04-11 5:08:06 PM  
Since he's the "skinny" one, you can make him the biatch of the relationship and start pegging him.
 
2020-04-11 5:11:39 PM  

psychosis_inducing: Straight Outta Hate: Working out is not a guaranteed way to lose weight.
It boosts your metabolism, but that also makes you more hungry.
Everyone should exercise to be healthy, but diet is the easiest way to lose weight.
Eat less, weigh less.

I mean yeah, but for some people that basically means being in a perpetual war with their own body. It's really hard to ignore hunger for years and years, even if you know you hit your recommended calorie limit.
And it's easier than you think to hit that limit even after you purged the house of snacky-cakes and potato chips.


Food addiction is one of the toughest addictions because there is always food around and you can always afford it.  I would argue that most people are overweight simply because they do not pay attention to what they eat.  Anyone can gain a pound in a week and not notice, That is over 50 pounds in 1 year.
 
2020-04-11 5:12:43 PM  
I think that there is a confused lesbian who might be interested.  Try her.

/Don't forget to film it.
//And post it.
 
2020-04-11 5:21:30 PM  
I'd need to see before and after pics before I can achieve maximum judgment
 
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