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(The New York Times)   Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fu*cking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shiat DON'T F*CKING USE MY LAPTOP. Uh, until now   (nytimes.com) divider line
    More: Misc, Jewish services, Torah, Judaism, Shabbat, Halakha, smell of Pop-Pop, Synagogue, Korban  
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3340 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Apr 2020 at 9:19 PM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-04-03 7:04:27 PM  
It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.
 
2020-04-03 9:22:59 PM  

Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.


But shouldn't all rules be flexible? Because it's my opinion that the inflexible GOP, might actually be good if they would lighten up.
Like the war on drugs and vaginas, if they just we more reasonable, the world would suck less
 
2020-04-03 9:23:15 PM  
So... you broke your unbreakable law because God's world became inconvenient for you in a trying moment?

It's almost like your god isn't real or something.
 
2020-04-03 9:24:16 PM  
Going to hell now for pushing buttons.

Bold srategy Cotton
 
2020-04-03 9:26:57 PM  
In college, while, uh, "enlightened," a Jewish friend and I were chatting. He claimed that the Torah, Talmud, etc were so contradictory that Jews spent so much time studying loopholes that of course they'd turn out to be great lawyers.
 
2020-04-03 9:28:05 PM  
It's OK as long as you don't use the mouse or press any keys.
 
2020-04-03 9:28:17 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-03 9:28:18 PM  

waxbeans: Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.

But shouldn't all rules be flexible? Because it's my opinion that the inflexible GOP, might actually be good if they would lighten up.
Like the war on drugs and vaginas, if they just we more reasonable, the world would suck less


Slight problem: the GOP is extremely flexible when it comes to rules and laws. Only problem is that it's basically illegal for everyone except them.
 
2020-04-03 9:29:50 PM  
To preserve life is the first priority.
If this is about Jared, then he should hold a good Sabbath through Passover until at least Purim.
 
2020-04-03 9:30:49 PM  
F!-ing Polish Catholic man...
 
2020-04-03 9:36:33 PM  
SHOMER SHABBOS!
 
2020-04-03 9:37:14 PM  
If your rules can't change to fit new situations, then they're not there for your protection or benefit. They're a magic spell.
 
2020-04-03 9:37:15 PM  

waxbeans: Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.

But shouldn't all rules be flexible?


Religious laws are either inflexible or they are admitting the truth that in fact they are just something they decide to do because they want to and will stop any time they want to also. Because it is all just made up shiat anyway.
 
2020-04-03 9:37:45 PM  

Trocadero: In college, while, uh, "enlightened," a Jewish friend and I were chatting. He claimed that the Torah, Talmud, etc were so contradictory that Jews spent so much time studying loopholes that of course they'd turn out to be great lawyers.


And they know how to bargain. Like the yarmulke, the absolute bare minimum of cloth that can legally be called a hat in the eyes of God.
 
2020-04-03 9:40:49 PM  
Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.
 
2020-04-03 9:45:17 PM  

waxbeans: Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.

But shouldn't all rules be flexible? Because it's my opinion that the inflexible GOP, might actually be good if they would lighten up.
Like the war on drugs and vaginas, if they just we more reasonable, the world would suck less


Shouldn't God be able to create rules that work all the time? And convey them in a way that is unambiguous?
 
2020-04-03 9:48:23 PM  

Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-03 9:48:25 PM  

CastIronStove: waxbeans: Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.

But shouldn't all rules be flexible? Because it's my opinion that the inflexible GOP, might actually be good if they would lighten up.
Like the war on drugs and vaginas, if they just we more reasonable, the world would suck less

Shouldn't God be able to create rules that work all the time? And convey them in a way that is unambiguous?


He'll get around to it after we figure out the link between quantum mechanics and relativity.
 
2020-04-03 9:49:17 PM  
As the Jewish philosopher Joshua ben Mariam once said "Sabbath is made for man, not man for the Sabbath"
 
2020-04-03 9:49:24 PM  

CastIronStove: Shouldn't God be able to create rules that work all the time? And convey them in a way that is unambiguous?


What fun would that be? We're talking about a God that creates us with foreskin and tells us to immediately slice it off at birth. He likes to fark with us.
 
2020-04-03 9:53:34 PM  

Mugato: CastIronStove: Shouldn't God be able to create rules that work all the time? And convey them in a way that is unambiguous?

What fun would that be? We're talking about a God that creates us with foreskin and tells us to immediately slice it off at birth. He likes to fark with us.


Prankster god: also responsible for fossils to test your faith.


/bill hicks joke, not mine
 
2020-04-03 9:54:08 PM  
Pretty Fly for a Rabbi (Parody of "Pretty Fly) (For a White Guy) (" by Offspring)
Youtube usPkL2EQPYo
 
2020-04-03 9:54:47 PM  

fuzzybacchus: Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.

[Fark user image 425x239]


Funnied, and favorited, but I was more thinkin:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-03 9:56:08 PM  
Don't forget that this is the same group who have strung fishing line around Manhattan, to define the areas where they can wander about on Sabbath.  (google "Eruv"). Nothing like having a God where you believe that you can argue your way out of anything with a good lawyer.
 
2020-04-03 9:58:28 PM  

Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.


You don't understand; if people spend a protracted amount of time NOT being shamed and tithing, they may "go clean" of it. Religion can't have people realizing that they don't need it. Religious rules exist to propagate religion, and are unassailable, until they hinder the process.
 
2020-04-03 10:00:13 PM  

fuzzybacchus: Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.

[Fark user image image 425x239]


I think everyone in this thread is stoned.

But they smoked 2 very different stains.
 
2020-04-03 10:05:27 PM  

skozlaw: So... you broke your unbreakable law because God's world became inconvenient for you in a trying moment?

It's almost like your god isn't real or something.


Amazing how so many devoutly religious people so willingly ignore those religious laws that they find inconvenient.
 
2020-04-03 10:06:26 PM  

skozlaw: So... you broke your unbreakable law because God's world became inconvenient for you in a trying moment?

It's almost like your god isn't real or something.


What a minute doesn't God give out get-out-of-jail-free cards like you can eat bacon if your life depends on it
 
2020-04-03 10:06:54 PM  

Trocadero: In college, while, uh, "enlightened," a Jewish friend and I were chatting. He claimed that the Torah, Talmud, etc were so contradictory that Jews spent so much time studying loopholes that of course they'd turn out to be great lawyers.


That's racist dude
 
2020-04-03 10:07:27 PM  

Iczer: waxbeans: Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.

But shouldn't all rules be flexible? Because it's my opinion that the inflexible GOP, might actually be good if they would lighten up.
Like the war on drugs and vaginas, if they just we more reasonable, the world would suck less

Slight problem: the GOP is extremely flexible when it comes to rules and laws. Only problem is that it's basically illegal for everyone except them.


🤯
 
2020-04-03 10:08:55 PM  

gaspode: waxbeans: Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.

But shouldn't all rules be flexible?

Religious laws are either inflexible or they are admitting the truth that in fact they are just something they decide to do because they want to and will stop any time they want to also. Because it is all just made up shiat anyway.


I don't necessarily disagree but when I read the Bible I understand that if you're lost in the desert maybe you shouldn't have anal sex but that is nothing to do with today but then again that's just me
 
2020-04-03 10:09:21 PM  

Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.


With marijuana or rocks
 
2020-04-03 10:09:52 PM  

CastIronStove: waxbeans: Mugato: It's amazing how negotiable religious laws are.

But shouldn't all rules be flexible? Because it's my opinion that the inflexible GOP, might actually be good if they would lighten up.
Like the war on drugs and vaginas, if they just we more reasonable, the world would suck less

Shouldn't God be able to create rules that work all the time? And convey them in a way that is unambiguous?


I would tend to agree with one slight problem people don't understand what stay-at-home means
 
2020-04-03 10:11:04 PM  

fuzzybacchus: Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.

[Fark user image image 425x239]


I love this movie so much hey why hasn't anyone posted up some Lebowski
 
2020-04-03 10:13:51 PM  

whither_apophis: As the Jewish philosopher Joshua ben Mariam once said "Sabbath is made for man, not man for the Sabbath"


Any chance you know the name of this book that has a black cover and pink letters and says something to the effect of try to be like God or be like God ??? It was written by a rabbi and I can't remember the title henceforth I can't find the book to repurchase
 
2020-04-03 10:14:15 PM  

Mugato: CastIronStove: Shouldn't God be able to create rules that work all the time? And convey them in a way that is unambiguous?

What fun would that be? We're talking about a God that creates us with foreskin and tells us to immediately slice it off at birth. He likes to fark with us.


My sentiments exactly
 
2020-04-03 10:15:17 PM  

waxbeans: if you're lost in the desert maybe you shouldn't have anal sex


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-03 10:15:35 PM  

mcmnky: fuzzybacchus: Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.

[Fark user image image 425x239]

I think everyone in this thread is stoned.

But they smoked 2 very different stains.


I wish.
I don't trust no drug dealer washes hands
 
2020-04-03 10:16:42 PM  

Mugato: waxbeans: if you're lost in the desert maybe you shouldn't have anal sex

[Fark user image image 302x167]


🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fark is exactly where I want to be when the apocalypse comes for me
 
2020-04-03 10:18:43 PM  

Mugato: Trocadero: In college, while, uh, "enlightened," a Jewish friend and I were chatting. He claimed that the Torah, Talmud, etc were so contradictory that Jews spent so much time studying loopholes that of course they'd turn out to be great lawyers.

And they know how to bargain. Like the yarmulke, the absolute bare minimum of cloth that can legally be called a hat in the eyes of God.


"Half a hat, saves money."
 
2020-04-03 10:20:03 PM  
It's just this chromium switch here...
 
2020-04-03 10:26:30 PM  

waxbeans: Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.

With marijuana or rocks


Tell me what your saving throw is and I will roll a die.
 
M-G [TotalFark]
2020-04-03 10:41:01 PM  
If you have a modern programmable oven, whip out the instructions and read about Sabbath mode.
 
2020-04-03 10:42:52 PM  
Yeah, the Orthodox aren't going to use Zoom for Shabbos. Just Reform, Reconstructionist, and some Conservative
 
2020-04-03 10:52:52 PM  

Puffy McBooze: waxbeans: Puffy McBooze: Well I guess everyone in this thread is gonna get stoned.

With marijuana or rocks

Tell me what your saving throw is and I will roll a die.


15 luck.
 
2020-04-03 10:58:07 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


"I mean, I've heard of recess, but this is rah-dic--o-lus!"
 
2020-04-03 11:11:58 PM  

M-G: If you have a modern programmable oven, whip out the instructions and read about Sabbath mode.


Yeah, I just bought a house with all new appliances and discovered the oven and fridge have sabbath modes. I grew up in a Jewish neighborhood so I knew right away what they were for.
 
2020-04-03 11:16:21 PM  
He's doing his best to reconcile the needs of the community, with keeping the Sabbath holy.

In Christianity, the two rules are love the Lord, and love your neighbor. He's doing both, and as Jesus (a rabbi) pointed out, the commandments all stem from those two rules.

You assholes sound like you would point out that Holocaust survivors have tattoos, in violation of Jewish law, and you'd probably scoff at them doing what they needed to keep their faith alive during the Nazi reign of terror.

Judaism has survived the Romans, the Nazis, and Islam. It's survived all sorts of other tribes that have tried to kill it.

Good on this guy. He's demonstrating his faith in the best way he knows how.
 
2020-04-03 11:34:35 PM  

gar1013: He's doing his best to reconcile the needs of the community, with keeping the Sabbath holy.

In Christianity, the two rules are love the Lord, and love your neighbor. He's doing both, and as Jesus (a rabbi) pointed out, the commandments all stem from those two rules.

You assholes sound like you would point out that Holocaust survivors have tattoos, in violation of Jewish law, and you'd probably scoff at them doing what they needed to keep their faith alive during the Nazi reign of terror.

Judaism has survived the Romans, the Nazis, and Islam. It's survived all sorts of other tribes that have tried to kill it.

Good on this guy. He's demonstrating his faith in the best way he knows how.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-04-03 11:51:54 PM  
"the Coronavirus"

WHICH Coronavirus, dickcheese?
 
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