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(Chicago Trib)   Malort to start producing hand sanitizer for Chicago hospitals. No word on whether it's any different from the original recipe   (chicagotribune.com) divider line
    More: Spiffy, Hand sanitizer, Bottle, hand sanitizer, Malort brand hand sanitizer, future collector's item, local hospitals, one-liter glass bottles, CH Distillery  
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1316 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Mar 2020 at 8:49 PM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



40 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-03-24 5:37:59 PM  
NSFWish,
Jeppson's Malort Unaired Commercial
Youtube q7s16ewP1RU
/"it tastes like an abortion clinic in Iceland"
 
2020-03-24 8:13:56 PM  

GRCooper: NSFWish,
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/q7s16ewP​1RU?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1] /"it tastes like an abortion clinic in Iceland"


YEAH!!!! That suff's good!
 
2020-03-24 8:15:12 PM  
Malört gives drinkers the honor of sending their taste buds to Sweden, but with wormwood as carry on luggage
 
2020-03-24 8:54:31 PM  
Koval's doing this as well, but their regular offerings are excellent.
 
2020-03-24 9:03:02 PM  
I had my first and hopefully last taste of Malort last summer.
 
2020-03-24 9:04:14 PM  
It sanitizes like an abortion clinic in Iceland!
 
2020-03-24 9:13:45 PM  
I feel like I should be alarmed by how seamlessly distilleries can transition to the production of hand sanitizer.
 
2020-03-24 9:14:03 PM  
If anything can beat the virus, Malort is it.
 
2020-03-24 9:15:13 PM  

The Dog Ate My Homework: I feel like I should be alarmed by how seamlessly distilleries can transition to the production of hand sanitizer.


Not really. The aging step is one of the most important.

Also, Malort sounds like a deliriously drunk Frenchman shouting "death."
 
2020-03-24 9:15:48 PM  
Maybe this one will have more herbs and spices.
 
2020-03-24 9:18:45 PM  
Ordinary hand sanitizer only lasts about 10 seconds before it evaporates.  Malort hand sanitizer will linger for 20 minutes and you'll wish you'd never used it.
 
2020-03-24 9:36:12 PM  
Malort is like drinking whatever's left in the radiator of the burnt out wreck of a jeep in the middle of the desert because you're dying of thirst...except worse.
 
2020-03-24 9:37:59 PM  
I've never heard of this stuff, but now I kind of want to try it...once, anyway.

Good on them for helping out in a crisis.
 
2020-03-24 9:46:54 PM  
My neighbor brought back a bottle of Malort from Chi-Town. Headline is truth.
 
2020-03-24 9:49:29 PM  
Malort: like when your fingers overhang the toilet paper and you have a hangnail.

/kick your mouth in the balls
//tonight's the night you fight your dad
///it's not that bad you pussies
 
2020-03-24 10:04:26 PM  
I'm sorry. I read that as Manafort.
 
2020-03-24 10:12:01 PM  
My friends Tom and CJ started Malort Racing, with the company backing them (which just means they get a few cases of Malort and bring it to events to force on unsuspecting people. Their debut at the Mint 400 did not go well...

Malort Racing at The Mint
 
2020-03-24 10:13:29 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-24 10:22:08 PM  

GRCooper: NSFWish,
[YouTube video: Jeppson's Malort Unaired Commercial]/"it tastes like an abortion clinic in Iceland"


If this is the last thing I see before I die it was worth it I went out on the laugh
 
2020-03-24 10:22:29 PM  

The Dog Ate My Homework: I feel like I should be alarmed by how seamlessly distilleries can transition to the production of hand sanitizer.


They're distilling ethanol, fairly high proof. Leave out the flavoring agents, aging, and the water to cut it to 40%, add a bit of hydrogen peroxide and glycerol, and you have hand sanitizer.
 
2020-03-24 10:23:32 PM  

The Dog Ate My Homework: I feel like I should be alarmed by how seamlessly distilleries can transition to the production of hand sanitizer.


They just add like one ingredient and remove all the flavor ingredients right?
 
2020-03-24 10:25:02 PM  

PunGent: I've never heard of this stuff, but now I kind of want to try it...once, anyway.

Good on them for helping out in a crisis.


Come on internet, send this guy and me each a bottle. I'll definitely live stream me drinking the whole bottle and or dying apparently
 
2020-03-24 10:33:37 PM  
I think they should leave the "Do Not Drink" on the label when they go back making the spirit.

Malort: When you want to unfriend someone in person.
 
2020-03-24 10:37:38 PM  

Boooozy: I think they should leave the "Do Not Drink" on the label when they go back making the spirit.

Malort: When you want to unfriend someone in person.


I used to drink everclear with a splash of orange juice just to make it cloudy so I'm intrigued to try this stuff
 
2020-03-24 10:43:49 PM  
It's not real hand sanitizer, though. It's deep dish casserole hand sanitizer.
 
2020-03-24 10:48:25 PM  

Madman drummers bummers: It's not real hand sanitizer, though. It's deep dish casserole hand sanitizer.


At least they don't let you put ketchup on top of it.
 
2020-03-24 11:05:07 PM  
The wife wants to try tomorrow. I'll visit afterwards.
chucklesdiabolically.gif

/Malort: cuz f*ck you, that's why.
 
2020-03-25 12:21:24 AM  
Malort: Kick your mouth in the balls.
 
2020-03-25 12:32:48 AM  
I've never had Malort but this thread made me smile. You farkers are hilarious.
 
2020-03-25 5:46:15 AM  

TommyDeuce: Malört gives drinkers the honor of sending their taste buds to Sweden, but with wormwood as carry on luggage


It turns your tastebuds into taste-foes!

/Malort and tonic is actually really, really good
 
2020-03-25 5:52:42 AM  

Trocadero: The Dog Ate My Homework: I feel like I should be alarmed by how seamlessly distilleries can transition to the production of hand sanitizer.

Not really. The aging step is one of the most important.

Also, Malort sounds like a deliriously drunk Frenchman shouting "death."



That's appropriate, because it tastes like a long-dead Frenchman.

The most apt description of its flavor was something along the lines of "pencil shavings and despair".  It's a very dense woody flavor, overpoweringly so.
 
2020-03-25 6:02:04 AM  

waxbeans: Boooozy: I think they should leave the "Do Not Drink" on the label when they go back making the spirit.

Malort: When you want to unfriend someone in person.

I used to drink everclear with a splash of orange juice just to make it cloudy so I'm intrigued to try this stuff


Malort is actually not very high in alcohol content.  Like 30-35%.  The flavor however, is quite stiff.

I don't think one could get drunk on the stuff, because it's not really possible very much of it in one sitting.  Not that you'd want to.  Like a really hot bath, at first it's really unpleasant, but as you get used to it, you start to really appreciate the different notes in the flavor.

I usually mix it 50/50 with water or tonic, which really opens up the flavors.  When I tried that, all those old farts who talk about this or that Scotch suddenly made sense.
 
2020-03-25 7:15:40 AM  

Slypork: [Fark user image image 425x530]


The Champagne of Pain is my favorite
 
2020-03-25 8:52:09 AM  
It's like a tyre tire in your mouth. A lingering acrid taste
 
2020-03-25 8:55:12 AM  

waxbeans: Boooozy: I think they should leave the "Do Not Drink" on the label when they go back making the spirit.

Malort: When you want to unfriend someone in person.

I used to drink everclear with a splash of orange juice just to make it cloudy so I'm intrigued to try this stuff


i think it tastes similar to cynar or fernet branca. john hodgman says it tastes like "pencil shavings and heartbreak."

i like it mixed with grapefruit radler and grapefruit juice. i think it's called a "bitter end."
 
2020-03-25 2:18:50 PM  

Mister Peejay: Trocadero: The Dog Ate My Homework: I feel like I should be alarmed by how seamlessly distilleries can transition to the production of hand sanitizer.

Not really. The aging step is one of the most important.

Also, Malort sounds like a deliriously drunk Frenchman shouting "death."


That's appropriate, because it tastes like a long-dead Frenchman.

The most apt description of its flavor was something along the lines of "pencil shavings and despair".  It's a very dense woody flavor, overpoweringly so.


That's pretty close. I get pencil shavings with grapefruit rind.
 
2020-03-25 2:20:27 PM  
Really? Novody?
Malört: because those pants aren't going to shiat themselves
 
2020-03-25 2:40:20 PM  

NINEv2: Really? Novody?
Malört: because those pants aren't going to shiat themselves


That's my inspirational "time to get to work" line, like Deadpool's "Maxmum effort".
 
2020-03-25 6:59:13 PM  

GaperKiller: My friends Tom and CJ started Malort Racing, with the company backing them (which just means they get a few cases of Malort and bring it to events to force on unsuspecting people. Their debut at the Mint 400 did not go well...

Malort Racing at The Mint


Idiots, save the Malort for after the race.
 
2020-03-25 7:43:00 PM  

NINEv2: The wife wants to try tomorrow. I'll visit afterwards.
chucklesdiabolically.gif

/Malort: cuz f*ck you, that's why.


Among the many reasons I married her:

"Would I order it? No. Would I turn it down? No."
*watches reaction videos*
"Pussies".

/so very, very proud.
 
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