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(Slate)   I'm a Beautiful, Accomplished 28-Year-Old Female Virgin. And no, you don't have a chance   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Sex industry, Sex worker, Prostitution, Phone sex, Human sexual behavior, Sexual intercourse, Call girl, Slate's sex advice column  
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1192 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 24 Mar 2020 at 2:50 PM (15 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



31 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-03-24 1:28:08 PM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-24 1:32:06 PM  
there are plenty of instructional videos on porn hub
 
2020-03-24 1:35:21 PM  
The wise virgins are always prepared. The foolish virgins go out without a wick.
 
2020-03-24 1:40:31 PM  
Sounds like a job for a counselor, not an advice column.
 
2020-03-24 2:21:17 PM  
But when he tries to insert it, I lose my shiat and feel like I'm about to pass out

My apologies, everyone.  I shouldn't have shown it to her; she probably thinks they're all bigger than a breadbox
 
2020-03-24 2:27:35 PM  
How "accomplished" can a virgin really be?
 
2020-03-24 2:27:41 PM  
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2020-03-24 2:34:50 PM  
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2020-03-24 2:53:16 PM  
Just lie back and think of England.
 
2020-03-24 2:54:44 PM  
But when he tries to insert it, I lose my shiat and feel like I'm about to pass out

Where is he doing this again?
 
2020-03-24 2:59:01 PM  
Can there be feminism under capitalism?
 
2020-03-24 2:59:21 PM  
This is a doctor-level problem.

If that doctor is a psychiatrist, sure.
 
2020-03-24 3:01:08 PM  
Wrong, subby. With my tiny rod, she won't even know it's in there. Ha!
 
2020-03-24 3:12:48 PM  
"I don't wear tampons"


FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA​AAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

Nope, That's a dude.  Don't feed da trolls.
 
2020-03-24 3:17:53 PM  
I don't wear tampons either.

tee hee!
 
2020-03-24 3:25:10 PM  
If this was real I'd say hard pass. I don't care how beautiful. I would rather have somebody that enjoys sex and knows how to do it properly and has had different partners so she knows just how good I am.
 
2020-03-24 3:28:26 PM  
This far and no "butt stuff"?

COME ON, YOU FARKERS!
 
2020-03-24 3:40:20 PM  

Billy Liar: This far and no "butt stuff"?

COME ON, YOU FARKERS!


Gotta admit, it creeps me out a bit when you repeat verbatim something that your mom has said to us
 
2020-03-24 3:47:27 PM  
Take notes-for your doctor


Take some for me too, be as detailed as possible pics or video will also help. Trust me Im a limo driver.
 
2020-03-24 3:59:16 PM  
Well...she's never dated a "Bad Boy".

Here's a hint, if none of your ex-boyfriends have been in jail or prison and you're a 28 year old virgin and you think you're hot, you have NEVER DATED A BAD BOY.
 
2020-03-24 4:02:19 PM  

bigfire: "I don't wear tampons"


FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA​AAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

Nope, That's a dude.  Don't feed da trolls.


A lot of women don't use tampons.
 
2020-03-24 4:40:06 PM  

Schmerd1948: Wrong, subby. With my tiny rod, she won't even know it's in there. Ha!


First thing I thought of.  Find a Schmerd.
Also, girl on top.
 
2020-03-24 4:40:33 PM  

bigfire: "I don't wear tampons"


FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA​AAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

Nope, That's a dude.  Don't feed da trolls.


Yeah, is "wear" the proper nomenclature?
 
2020-03-24 4:48:28 PM  

Gramma: bigfire: "I don't wear tampons"


FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA​AAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

Nope, That's a dude.  Don't feed da trolls.

A lot of women don't use tampons.


The writer didn't say "use" tampons. No woman says "wear" tampons.
 
2020-03-24 4:59:10 PM  
Assuming this is legit (not a safe assumption) I still don't see a probl--

I want to settle down. I want to have kids. I just can't wrap my head around how I'm going to take a dick.

(taking a moment to consider phrasing options)

Ok, while I only have second-hand experience with childbirth, I feel pretty confident predicting that once you experience childbirth, the idea of "taking a dick" won't be intimidating anymore.
 
2020-03-24 5:50:19 PM  

tdyak: Well...she's never dated a "Bad Boy".
Here's a hint, if none of your ex-boyfriends have been in jail or prison and you're a 28 year old virgin and you think you're hot, you have NEVER DATED A BAD BOY.
---


Why would she want to ?   Despite what Hollywood movies imply, in reality 'bad boys' are oblivious turds.
 
2020-03-24 5:58:26 PM  
What are the odds she was raised in an extremely religious household and anytime she's about to get penetrated, she sees mom standing over the bed scowling viciously? The clam then snaps shut like a Craftsman table vice.

/ don't ask how I know
 
2020-03-24 5:59:31 PM  

jaylectricity: Gramma: bigfire: "I don't wear tampons"


FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA​AAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

Nope, That's a dude.  Don't feed da trolls.

A lot of women don't use tampons.

The writer didn't say "use" tampons. No woman says "wear" tampons.


"jam"? "cram"?
 
2020-03-24 11:38:48 PM  
Connie Swale?
 
2020-03-25 8:46:30 AM  
Likes oral but can't do penetration? Interesting.

Either a cute fat girl or a really good trans person.
 
2020-03-25 6:59:46 PM  

Gramma: bigfire: "I don't wear tampons"


FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA​AAAAAAAAAAAAAKE.

Nope, That's a dude.  Don't feed da trolls.

A lot of women don't use tampons.


Wear vs. Use
 
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