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(The Blaze)   'That's like leaving 2 bricks of gold in your car'   (theblaze.com) divider line
    More: Murica, Crime, Toilet paper, Toilet, Theft, 30-roll cases of toilet paper, Eugene Police Department, Eugene, Oregon, Paper  
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4338 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Mar 2020 at 9:51 AM (15 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



28 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-03-20 9:27:20 AM  
Coronapocalypse diary, day 7

The old fires are smouldering now, but new ones continue to ignite.  I've walked for dozens of miles in any direction, and what stores remain standing still have no toilet paper.  Even the newspaper machines and free trade mag dispensers are empty.  I've had to resort to wiping my ass with a discarded corn cob I found in the trash. Very little food, too.  All I can seem to find are breeze blocks of gluten-free bread and cans of Manhattan-style clam chowder, and I'm weeks away from being hungry enough for those. Earlier today I saw a man, breathlessly gibbering in panic, tear across the street barefoot with a single roll of toilet paper, the loose end a quilted white streamer flapping away behind him.  Not two seconds later, in relentless pursuit, were a pack of feral soccer moms, seeming to be as intent on catching the man as they were tripping each other up to be the last one to steal the roll from him.  Moments later, the sound of metal garbage cans being plowed into, a scream, and then silence.  I decided it was time to move on.  Somewhere, in this city or the next, had to be a few missed squares of two-ply relief for my ass.
 
2020-03-20 9:47:09 AM  
Shiat, then my place must be Fort Knox.

/deletes city in profile
 
2020-03-20 9:47:22 AM  
"Don't have any TP? Well, people have been wiping their ass with this rag for years!"

This website is not fit for consumption.
 
2020-03-20 9:55:01 AM  
Silly stubby, you can't wipe your ass with a gold brick
 
2020-03-20 9:59:13 AM  

Hagbardr: Silly stubby, you can't wipe your ass with a gold brick


Well you *can* but just not well. Shiat doesn't stick very well to gold. That's why rich people get away with so much.
 
2020-03-20 10:05:06 AM  

MythDragon: Hagbardr: Silly stubby, you can't wipe your ass with a gold brick

Well you *can* but just not well. Shiat doesn't stick very well to gold. That's why rich people get away with so much.


And they all said I was crazy for hoarding rabbits. Well who's laughing now?
 
2020-03-20 10:06:10 AM  
Hey, you folks remember The Blaze, right? The right-wing asshole outlet that was happy to downplay COVID-19, and push the "Democrat hoax" narrative, and claim all sorts of other shiat? The folks that now want you to take them seriously, now that all of that shiat has been proven otherwise?

Yeah.

The Blaze is part of the problem - they pushed misinformation, usually in defense of Trump or the GOP, throughout the crisis. They can bloody fark off as far as I'm concerned.
 
2020-03-20 10:09:44 AM  

big pig peaches: MythDragon: Hagbardr: Silly stubby, you can't wipe your ass with a gold brick

Well you *can* but just not well. Shiat doesn't stick very well to gold. That's why rich people get away with so much.

And they all said I was crazy for hoarding rabbits. Well who's laughing now?


NSFW obviously...

Eddie Murphy - Bear and Rabbit Joke
Youtube 1mFf5B5qEX4
 
2020-03-20 10:09:57 AM  
Finally ventured out to a Meijer last night, after avoiding any shopping for 2 weeks (ran out of tortillas... who knew that would be the weak point). Store had that 'picked over' look but most everything was at least partly in stock, except TP. That section was still completely empty.

People are morons. I knew that already, of course, but its a little sad to have it so in-your-face.
 
2020-03-20 10:12:01 AM  
It's not like they stopped making toilet paper, or stopped shipping things around.

WTF people.

Stopped at Walmart yesterday and picked up bread and milk. Perishables are more important in the short term, and also not worth stockpiling. Again, the cows aren't going to stop giving milk.

I restocked my TP before the panic, because reasonable people keep more than a weeks' supply on hand normally. My 18 Roll Ultra Charmin will last me 6 weeks or more.

Patronize restaurants still open by delivery or contactless carry out. They need the business, and they have the supplies.
 
2020-03-20 10:15:40 AM  

Sentient: Finally ventured out to a Meijers


LesserEvil: Stopped at Walmarts


Sorry, pet peeve, and Michigander here (I at least had to fix my own lapse). I need to stop at Krogers later to stock up on some 2L pops.

Odd, we don't say "Targets" and we'd be flummoxed if we had Publix stores here.
 
2020-03-20 10:19:56 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-20 10:23:23 AM  
Stores up here are smart and putting limits per customer. Hell, 12-packs of double roll are on special at the grocery.
 
2020-03-20 10:29:18 AM  

FormlessOne: Hey, you folks remember The Blaze, right? The right-wing asshole outlet that was happy to downplay COVID-19, and push the "Democrat hoax" narrative, and claim all sorts of other shiat? The folks that now want you to take them seriously, now that all of that shiat has been proven otherwise?

Yeah.

The Blaze is part of the problem - they pushed misinformation, usually in defense of Trump or the GOP, throughout the crisis. They can bloody fark off as far as I'm concerned.


The contractor working in my apartment has been listening to this crap for the past two days. During that time I've learned:

tRump is doing a great job
You cannot trust the federal government
We should not be telling people to not open their business. They could go out of business and it is something China would do.

My skin is burning from all the stupid
 
2020-03-20 10:37:54 AM  
God, people are farking stupid.
 
2020-03-20 10:43:01 AM  
The blaze no getta de clickies
 
2020-03-20 10:44:04 AM  
The only thing we've had any issues with at our local Kroger is toilet paper. They stock it full when the open at 7 am and it's gone by 11 am. They come back the next day and do it again. There absolutely isn't a shortage, just people irrationally hoarding it.

They were overflowing with milk and bread. It's almost as though those are made locally or something.
 
2020-03-20 10:46:33 AM  

meanmutton: The only thing we've had any issues with at our local Kroger is toilet paper. They stock it full when the open at 7 am and it's gone by 11 am. They come back the next day and do it again. There absolutely isn't a shortage, just people irrationally hoarding it.

They were overflowing with milk and bread. It's almost as though those are made locally or something.


Per my brother: "Welp, at least when they starve to death their asses will still be Charmin clean."
My reply: "They keep forgoing the purchase of food and they're not going to need any of that toilet paper they've been hoarding."
 
2020-03-20 10:48:27 AM  
Hey remember when TIDE Detergent was being used as drug currency?

I would not be surprised to hear of people using TP rolls for the same thing.
Especially as more people are losing their jobs and don't have cash.
 
2020-03-20 11:05:59 AM  
I had a box of dust masks in my car and thought to remove them in case some idiot thought they would protect against COVID-19.
 
2020-03-20 11:17:25 AM  
Really? In the first?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-20 11:18:17 AM  

LesserEvil: Sentient: Finally ventured out to a Meijers

LesserEvil: Stopped at Walmarts

Sorry, pet peeve, and Michigander here (I at least had to fix my own lapse). I need to stop at Krogers later to stock up on some 2L pops.

Odd, we don't say "Targets" and we'd be flummoxed if we had Publix stores here.


We know a Michigander and I noticed she always said Happy New Years.  She was just south of the Macinac bridge and told us about fudgies.
 
2020-03-20 11:18:37 AM  

TuckFrump: Really? In the first?

[Fark user image 425x422]


Well, the first today.
 
2020-03-20 11:19:57 AM  

LesserEvil: It's not like they stopped making toilet paper, or stopped shipping things around.

WTF people.

Stopped at Walmart yesterday and picked up bread and milk. Perishables are more important in the short term, and also not worth stockpiling. Again, the cows aren't going to stop giving milk.

I restocked my TP before the panic, because reasonable people keep more than a weeks' supply on hand normally. My 18 Roll Ultra Charmin will last me 6 weeks or more.

Patronize restaurants still open by delivery or contactless carry out. They need the business, and they have the supplies.


A whole helluva lot of THIS! Help keep those folks afloat. We are going to eat take-out 2-3 a week from the restaurants that offer it. Yesterday was pizza, tonight is Vietnamese. And I guess I am a risk-taker, since I walked into the pizza place to pick up the pie. After all, I go grocery shopping and encounter dozens of people. The only three people in the pizza place were the two cooks and the delivery guy.
 
2020-03-20 11:41:54 AM  
Cleaning my closet this past weekend, I found half a case (12 rolls) of Charmin Ultra Soft Family Mega Rolls hidden behind hanging shirts. That's ~60 regular rolls. I never thought I would be so happy about finding some farking toilet paper.

Before you ask: I use Amazon's subscribe and save feature. When I set it up I accidentally had TP and paper towels coming in twice as frequently as intended. So I probably went to restock the TP from a recently arrived box, later forgetting about the half empty one.
 
2020-03-20 11:57:22 AM  
The TP market is as flat as a board, the manufacturing and distribution is not variable.  No matter how much TP you buy, they don't have to make more, only replace that that has been used.
 
2020-03-20 11:58:26 AM  

LesserEvil: Sentient: Finally ventured out to a Meijers

LesserEvil: Stopped at Walmarts

Sorry, pet peeve, and Michigander here (I at least had to fix my own lapse). I need to stop at Krogers later to stock up on some 2L pops.

Odd, we don't say "Targets" and we'd be flummoxed if we had Publix stores here.


Pops?!?

Good grief, there's so much to parse here, I can't even... I need a layer of translation just to understand that you're fixin' to head up to The Pig for some Cokes and you've got a thing against folks who put extra letters in their words. But, honestly, I'm concerned. Please warsh your hands when you get back :)

/Appalachia
 
2020-03-20 12:30:52 PM  

LesserEvil: It's not like they stopped making toilet paper, or stopped shipping things around.

WTF people.

Stopped at Walmart yesterday and picked up bread and milk. Perishables are more important in the short term, and also not worth stockpiling. Again, the cows aren't going to stop giving milk.

I restocked my TP before the panic, because reasonable people keep more than a weeks' supply on hand normally. My 18 Roll Ultra Charmin will last me 6 weeks or more.

Patronize restaurants still open by delivery or contactless carry out. They need the business, and they have the supplies.


Are you patronizing me? Don't you patronize me!
 
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