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(University of Virginia)   Historian suggests writing down your life story during pandemic. At least that will help the police identify you when they find your body months after you die alone and half-eaten by your cats in your tiny apartment   (news.virginia.edu) divider line
    More: Interesting, Writing, Individualism, Individual, A. Think of your children, Personal life, University of Virginia students, record of their daily lives, stock market  
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682 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Mar 2020 at 1:01 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-03-19 10:13:05 AM  
Itchy.

Tasty.
 
2020-03-19 1:00:14 PM  
fake news.

I own a house.
 
2020-03-19 1:04:20 PM  
I came into being and the entire universe has seemed to resent that ever since. Still, for the most part I have managed to leverage white privilege to my advantage to keep regaining the upper hand, and then one day a stray animal virus made everyone lose their shiat, then we died.

The end.
 
2020-03-19 1:04:23 PM  
"Beat dick, got drunk"
 
2020-03-19 1:07:26 PM  
I've been keeping a list of stores that i've gone too, dates and times
 
2020-03-19 1:10:30 PM  
I'm writing mine down on all this extra toilet paper I have laying around. No need to just let it go to waste.
 
2020-03-19 1:13:45 PM  
Half-eaten? Way to screw that up too. Stupid cats.
 
2020-03-19 1:17:06 PM  
Day 4:  We dumped the contents of the kids' fish tank through a kitchen strainer, and pan-fried all the fish that were still flopping.  Did you know that gold fish taste better than angel fish?  I, for one, did not.
 
2020-03-19 1:18:05 PM  
H se burng. Fire. Cnt se e t type. ON E Aarm left
H lp me
Gdobye
 
2020-03-19 1:19:26 PM  
Woke up late. Went to the bathroom.
Fapped.
Ordinarily I'd have to be at the gym in 26 minutes but they closed because of the coronavirus hoax.
Sat around the house all morning reading Fark.
Took a shower.
Fapped.
Ate something.
Worked on the gay agenda.
More Fark.
Did the dishes. Made dinner.
Watched some TV.
Fapped.
Went to bed with my wife, Morgan Fairchild.

The End. And they lived happily ever after.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-19 1:25:14 PM  

MechaPyx: Woke up late. Went to the bathroom.
Fapped.
Ordinarily I'd have to be at the gym in 26 minutes but they closed because of the coronavirus hoax.
Sat around the house all morning reading Fark.
Took a shower.
Fapped.
Ate something.
Worked on the gay agenda.
More Fark.
Did the dishes. Made dinner.
Watched some TV.
Fapped.
Went to bed with my wife, Morgan Fairchild.

The End. And they lived happily ever after.
[Fark user image 275x252]


You are a lying McLiarson.

No way did you do the dishes.
 
2020-03-19 1:26:36 PM  
Once I told a friend this memory I had of when I was in preschool and we played farmer in the Dell.  Fate made me the cheese that day and I stood in the middle of a ring of smiling and mocking spinning faces that repeated "the cheese stands alone"  I broke down into a crying fit. It seemed to set the tone for my sensitive and isolative demeanor for life.  My friend found this hilarious and said the cheese stands alone should be the name of my autobiography.
 
2020-03-19 1:28:19 PM  

Warthog: MechaPyx: Woke up late. Went to the bathroom.
Fapped.
Ordinarily I'd have to be at the gym in 26 minutes but they closed because of the coronavirus hoax.
Sat around the house all morning reading Fark.
Took a shower.
Fapped.
Ate something.
Worked on the gay agenda.
More Fark.
Did the dishes. Made dinner.
Watched some TV.
Fapped.
Went to bed with my wife, Morgan Fairchild.

The End. And they lived happily ever after.
[Fark user image 275x252]

You are a lying McLiarson.

No way did you do the dishes.


Throwing away the takeout container is doing the dishes. It totally is.
 
2020-03-19 1:28:50 PM  
Nothing exciting.  Pretty pedestrian for an Eddie Murphy movie and, outside of his TV show, I was never a huge fan of Martin.

Went with my best friend Dave.  It wasn't awful enough to make us want to request a refund, it was just kind of there.  Only 2 other people, not together, in the entire theater.

There's my Life story.  Told you it was nothing exciting
 
2020-03-19 1:32:20 PM  
Fake news.  They'll just check the ID in my wallet on the nightstand.  The cats won't eat that.
 
2020-03-19 1:35:53 PM  
This isn't to make myself out to be some kind of oracle, but I am on Fark, so I obviously follow the news.

I saw what was happening in China back in January, with a handful of cases elsewhere. I went to a winter beer festival with some friends and commented that that would probably be the last large-scale event I would be attending for the foreseeable future.

I keep a decently-stocked pantry at all times, but around mid-February, I started doubling my weekly haul to include more shelf-stable stuff. End of February I was casually asking friends and family if they had enough food in the house to last them a few weeks.

The onset of panic buying didn't surprise me, but the clearing out of toilet paper had me a little puzzled. Other than that, the only thing that really surprised me was when my governor became the national leader on this.
 
2020-03-19 1:41:48 PM  
Oh great, let's add to the Covid-19 death count. My story would inspire mass suicide, here are a few highlights:

Given up for adoption when I was born
Average at least one funeral per year of close family member or friend
Hit by a car at 15, resulting in brain surgery
Had a kid, the mother turned out to be a bi-polar delusional schizophrenic.
Laid off in every recession
Married a major biatch of a gold-digger (but got divorced, so that worked out)
My father, my son, and I had to bury my brother when he died. Literally, with shovels. (There's actually a hilarious story with that one).
 
2020-03-19 1:44:10 PM  

Warthog: Did you know that gold fish taste better than angel fish?


Stands to reason; they are just decorative carp.
 
2020-03-19 1:49:18 PM  
The problems of the living are of no concern
 
2020-03-19 1:51:49 PM  

This text is now purple: Warthog: Did you know that gold fish taste better than angel fish?

Stands to reason; they are just decorative carp.


A redneck Honda tech that I know says if you put a carp in the smoker it ends up tasting like ham.

/ I haven't tried.
 
2020-03-19 1:54:02 PM  
Funny you should mention it. I've been cleaning my dead mom's stuff out of her "office" for numerous weekends over the past few months (she died last March).

So I've found some old family stuff (father's discharge papers from the Marines, I didn't even know she still had that), OLD pictures of people who are now dead, many with no names or dates, and I threw away a shiatload of her useless religious books (not bibles, just end times/dominionist bullshiat she wasted money on) and a bunch of shiat she downloaded from the intertubes about various Democrat plots against decent folk, as well as some shiat from Limbaugh that I think she actually paid for. All in the dumpster. That was pretty gratifying. It made me kind of mad that my skinflint mother wasted money on that shiat, but eh, it's her money. She still had some left over when she died (I didn't get any of it, and I'm fine with that).

But I hope when I kick it (hopefully not soon), I have more left over than just crap like that. I do have actual books you'd want to read, so I got that going on. I have been thinking of typing down some stuff about what's going on now. Just for posterity. I started a "journal" of sorts after President Sniveling Asshole took office and I guess I need to update that, just so when Republicans try to revise history by pretending all the stupid shiat he did and said didn't really happen, at least one person will be documenting it so it can't go down the memory hole so easily. I do need to print it. Who knows what kind of tech junk will be useful in the future? Words on actual paper don't become obsolete. We hope. I kinda like the idea of someone reading it years from now and thinking, "Wow, this Trump dude sounds like a farking asshole." LOL

(shrug)
 
2020-03-19 1:57:58 PM  
I'm stuck in my house. I'm so very scared. Can't move, need advice, soonish.
 
2020-03-19 1:58:33 PM  
"'We cannot get out. We cannot get out.

They have taken the bridge... and the second hall.

Frár, and Lóni and Náli fell there...went 5 days ago.

The pool is up to the wall at Westgate. The Watcher took Óin.

We cannot get out. The end comes...drums, drums in the deep.

They are coming..."
 
2020-03-19 2:03:25 PM  
No thanks.  It's important to me to die misunderstood.
 
2020-03-19 2:05:34 PM  
If they ate me, the cats would be wrecked.
My blood is 90 proof.
 
2020-03-19 2:06:01 PM  
/Aaarrrgh!
 
2020-03-19 2:10:03 PM  
Shiat, that's been one of my minor concerns for years.  My utilities are on auto-pay.  I've long assumed my corpse be found during a welfare check after my dad got worried that I hadn't texted in over a week.
 
2020-03-19 2:10:41 PM  

mdarius: /Aaarrrgh!


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-19 2:14:10 PM  

whither_apophis: I've been keeping a list of stores that i've gone too, dates and times


I had a therapist suggest I write my memories from when I was 22 -> 40.  Things like major life events, new jobs, new relationships (and how they ended), births/deaths of family and friends, etc....   Also, simply note what was happening in my life at the time of writing.

Once it's done, put it away for 6 months, then start the project over again.

I've done this exercise 5 times now.  It's interesting to go back and read them.  Our perspectives on the past change depending on what's going on in our lives today.
 
2020-03-19 2:17:17 PM  

Slypork: I'm stuck in my house. I'm so very scared. Can't move, need advice, soonish.


Are you sitting on a slatted chair?
 
2020-03-19 2:57:59 PM  

Ixnay on the ottenray: Slypork: I'm stuck in my house. I'm so very scared. Can't move, need advice, soonish.

Are you sitting on a slatted chair?


No, I'm on the toilet and ran out of toilet paper! I was feeling daring and ate White Castles and now I can't move! Well, there is a lot of "movement" going on if you know what I mean. I forgot to put towels back in my bathroom after doing laundry and I have shower doors, not a shower curtain so I can't use that either. I went into the bathroom in the middle of the night nude (that's how I usually sleep) when when my gut started rumbling. I'm cold, scared and my butt sounds like Old Faithful.
 
2020-03-19 3:16:30 PM  

Slypork: Ixnay on the ottenray: Slypork: I'm stuck in my house. I'm so very scared. Can't move, need advice, soonish.

Are you sitting on a slatted chair?

No, I'm on the toilet and ran out of toilet paper! I was feeling daring and ate White Castles and now I can't move! Well, there is a lot of "movement" going on if you know what I mean. I forgot to put towels back in my bathroom after doing laundry and I have shower doors, not a shower curtain so I can't use that either. I went into the bathroom in the middle of the night nude (that's how I usually sleep) when when my gut started rumbling. I'm cold, scared and my butt sounds like Old Faithful.


Then your life shall be summarized by the parody of the TV theme song, Branded.  Wittily entitled "Stranded", it goes a little something like this (hi it!)

Stranded
Stuck on the toilet bowl
What can you do when you're stranded
And you don't have a roll?

To prove you're a man
You must wipe with your hand
Stranded
Stuck on the toilet bowl
What can you do when you're stranded
And you don't have a roll..............
 
2020-03-19 4:19:57 PM  

BigChad: "'We cannot get out. We cannot get out.

They have taken the bridge... and the second hall.

Frár, and Lóni and Náli fell there...went 5 days ago.

The pool is up to the wall at Westgate. The Watcher took Óin.

We cannot get out. The end comes...drums, drums in the deep.

They are coming..."


It figures that Lovecraft would hate the Irish, the crusty bigot.
 
2020-03-19 4:23:20 PM  
You just know that some of those close combats between bed-ridden, semi-conscious solitary cat ladies and their starving felines in the 1918-19 pandemic must have been epic.
 
2020-03-19 4:58:43 PM  
Ladyfingers.
They taste just like ladyfingers.
 
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