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(Metro)   Please don't masturbate with hand sanitizer. The stupid. It burns   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: PSA, Penis, hand sanitiser bottles, Masturbation, Sexual intercourse, Vagina, internal use, hand sanitiser, main ingredients  
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404 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 13 Mar 2020 at 3:35 PM (17 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



28 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-03-13 2:32:10 PM  
Please subby, come clean with us on this topic..
 
2020-03-13 2:49:04 PM  
Either the people in the story are insane, or I am woefully misinformed as to what a "golden shower" is.
 
2020-03-13 2:52:17 PM  
My barrel of Dong Sanitizer is on back-order.
 
2020-03-13 3:23:22 PM  
How about iodine?
 
2020-03-13 3:47:41 PM  
The sanitizer isn't the problem.  The steel wool is.
 
2020-03-13 3:57:32 PM  
You're not my supervisor.
 
2020-03-13 4:16:58 PM  
Looks like we are getting a new warning label.
 
2020-03-13 4:19:20 PM  
Don't use antibiotic ointment as wanklube either.

Learned this on a business trip when I forgot my usual stuff at home.

Can you say "crippling jock itch?"

/I knew you could
 
2020-03-13 4:23:38 PM  
Ow, My Dick
 
2020-03-13 4:26:44 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Go ahead... I dare ya.
 
2020-03-13 4:26:44 PM  
The Lysol commercial told me to disinfect the things I touch most.

I have a feeling this is going to burn a little.
 
2020-03-13 4:35:17 PM  
IcyHot once, ONCE.  Thank god a shower was nearby.  That learned me pretty good to be cautious about life.  Anything is Not lube even if you're brave enough.
 
2020-03-13 4:36:19 PM  

Yoda's Pen Is: [Fark user image 439x572]

Go ahead... I dare ya.


It's got moisturizers!
 
2020-03-13 4:41:21 PM  
Jeez.  WtF is wrong with people?

Bad:
- Soap
- Bleach (it feels slippery, but that ain't the bleach, it's saponified SKIN)
- Hand sanitizer
- Motor Oil (don't ask)
- Dippity-do
- Sulfuric Acid

Good:
- Methylcellulose Gel
- Olive Oil*
- Aloe Vera
- Vitamin E capsules*
- Petroleum Jelly*

*not for use with latex prophylactics
 
2020-03-13 4:41:45 PM  

FarkingSmurf: Yoda's Pen Is: [Fark user image 439x572]

Go ahead... I dare ya.

It's got moisturizers!


It also appears to have WD-40
 
2020-03-13 4:46:51 PM  
I made some fresh habanero salsa without gloves on once, that was a fun night.
 
2020-03-13 4:55:00 PM  
Any chance any of these geniuses permanently sterilized themselves? Because I can't imagine anyone more deserving of a Darwin Award.
 
2020-03-13 5:28:34 PM  
i like to slice jalapenos before i rub one out
 
2020-03-13 5:29:23 PM  
Umm, ouch.
 
2020-03-13 5:36:10 PM  
That actually happened to me once. We went a cruise sponsored by a travel agency, a gay travel agency in Fort Lauderdale. Not the entire ship but our group was about 200 gay guys. It was a really fun group and cruise. They had a sail away party in one of the ball rooms and handed out gift bags....stuff like coupons, sunscreen, water wallets, condoms and a little bottle of clear gel. Not labeled for being sanitizer...just the name of the travel agency and "big gay cruise 2010" printed on it.
I assumed it was lube, as they also included condoms in the bag. Well, It wasn't lube.
 
2020-03-13 6:32:54 PM  

maxx2112: The Lysol commercial told me to disinfect the things I touch most.

I have a feeling this is going to burn a little.


Duh, Lysol's for feminine hygiene

Fark user imageView Full Size


/ There are no evens
 
2020-03-13 8:17:36 PM  
Well done, Subby.
 
2020-03-13 9:13:01 PM  
Should have gotten a barrel of lube before the panic.
 
2020-03-14 7:21:40 AM  

12349876: Should have gotten a barrel of lube before the panic.


And sell it in small bottles as sanitizer?
 
2020-03-14 7:24:22 AM  

bughunter: Don't use antibiotic ointment as wanklube either.

Learned this on a business trip when I forgot my usual stuff at home.

Can you say "crippling jock itch?"

/I knew you could


See, ladies?
This is an example of a very smart, scientific-minded gentleman, choosing to do something like this in a moment of arousal.
This should tell you all you need to know about how the male brain functions.

/"functions"
 
2020-03-14 11:02:22 AM  
Reminds me of a joke by a comic I cant remember now about a guy allowing a child to stick a penny in an electrical socket,

went something like this Hurt kike a biatch didn't it now you know not to do that again!
 
2020-03-14 4:10:17 PM  
TL;DR - they're quoting people from Reddit.

'Nuff said.
 
2020-03-15 1:37:22 AM  

The Department of Inadvisably Applied Magic: Any chance any of these geniuses permanently sterilized themselves? Because I can't imagine anyone more deserving of a Darwin Award.


If you can't think of anyone more deserving of a Darwin award than some poor sod who through ignorance or mistake makes an error like this, you clearly haven't been paying attention to the world around you lately.
 
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