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(CNBC)   Uhh... it's cuz people gotta wipe their ass? Did we really need a whole article explaining this?   (cnbc.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Psychology, Panic buying, people worry, Emotion, emotional state, fear contagion, Peter Noel Murray, Sander van der Linden  
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3265 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2020 at 4:33 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2020-03-11 4:06:00 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:11:56 PM  
You know, you can use a fresh cut from a pine tree to wipe your ass.  Just watch for the sap or your ass cheeks will be stuck together all day.
 
2020-03-11 4:19:26 PM  
Subby, it is a respiratory disease.  Unless you are a turtle, you don't breathe through that end.
 
2020-03-11 4:29:11 PM  
scontent.flhr4-2.fna.fbcdn.netView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:36:30 PM  
If only the Fark Politics tab was available in print...
 
2020-03-11 4:36:33 PM  
bidetking.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:37:05 PM  
Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!
 
2020-03-11 4:37:19 PM  

phalamir: Subby, it is a respiratory disease.  Unless you are a turtle, you don't breathe through that end.


Well that explains EVERYTHING about moscow mitch
 
2020-03-11 4:37:21 PM  
steemitimages.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:38:18 PM  

Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]


The very best part of getting told to work from home.
 
2020-03-11 4:38:18 PM  
 
2020-03-11 4:38:49 PM  

Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]


NSFW

/reported
 
2020-03-11 4:39:08 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:40:19 PM  
thing is, I'm actually running out and I can't find any!
 
2020-03-11 4:40:50 PM  
i.redd.itView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:42:22 PM  
 
2020-03-11 4:42:41 PM  

phalamir: Subby, it is a respiratory disease.  Unless you are a turtle, you don't breathe through that end.


Ya, that. And people needed to wipe their asses before this started so why the sudden run on it?

The wife was wondering this very thing earlier today.
 
2020-03-11 4:43:01 PM  

Snaptastic: Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!


Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]


No. Kidding.

Seriously. Dude, I would gladly have paid $70 for the bidet I have, which is double what it actually costs. It's that life-changing.

Fellas, if you find wiping to be like trying to get peanut butter out of a shag rug, buy one. Your nose and the misses will thank you.
 
2020-03-11 4:43:36 PM  
I stopped by Kroger today for a few things, just a normal run. The toilet paper aisle was empty. I chuckled to myself because the bidet I haD delivered on Monday gets installed this weekend.

This is only the first round of craziness, which is why I made an extra stop at the liquor store and am going to see my "guy" this weekend to stock up. After that, I'm good to hunker down for quite a while if neccesary.
 
2020-03-11 4:43:50 PM  
Apparently YOU do subby, because people don't need to buy bum wipe by the farking truckload.

The Hershey Squirts is NOT a symptom of the Coronavirus.
 
2020-03-11 4:43:54 PM  

Snaptastic: Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!


Wait... don't you still use paper after you wash?
 
2020-03-11 4:44:01 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:44:07 PM  

Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]


As I said in a similar thread, have fun using those things in the dead of Winter. It's gonna feel like getting creampied by the Snow Miser.
 
2020-03-11 4:44:18 PM  

Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]


Are you suggesting toilets are going to start peeing on us?  That's vaguely horrifying.
 
2020-03-11 4:44:32 PM  

Snaptastic: Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!


My master bathroom has an old-school, deep bowl toilet.  Which bidet would you recommend?
 
2020-03-11 4:44:57 PM  
Way too many people on fark are super excited about spraying water up their ass
 
2020-03-11 4:45:12 PM  

Snaptastic: Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!


Installed a bidet seat a few months ago. While it's awesome, it wasn't $30. More like $300. It's a very quick install, as long as you have a GFCI outlet right by the toilet, but I had to run a new line to get an outlet to the commode room. That was the time sink for me, and I expect for many others. You can pay an electrician to run the line, but of course you've then just added another few hundred to the cost.
 
2020-03-11 4:45:52 PM  

brainlordmesomorph: thing is, I'm actually running out and I can't find any!


We got lucky. We were low and grabbed some at Costco right before subby and the rest of the idiots lost their shiat and bought it all up. Now we have enough to last until this toilet paper shiat stabilizes. I think we last at least 2 months on a Costco run of TP.
 
2020-03-11 4:46:19 PM  

phalamir: Subby, it is a respiratory disease.  Unless you are a turtle, you don't breathe through that end.


It's a virus that primarily impacts the lungs, but also impacts the liver, kidneys, and the rest of your GI tract all the way out the back door. That's why some of the people in China who have been "cleared" and sent home because the didn't need constant medical support to breathe still wound-up dying from other complications. Not "shiat yourself to death" like dysentery, but "glad I stocked up on tp" levels of...gastrointestinal distress.

For fark's sake, people-how much information from how many sources from how many countries is it going to take to make the point that this. Is. Not. The. Farking. Flu.?
 
2020-03-11 4:46:46 PM  

AAAAGGGGHHHH: Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]

As I said in a similar thread, have fun using those things in the dead of Winter. It's gonna feel like getting creampied by the Snow Miser.


Mine is heated, stream and seat :)
 
2020-03-11 4:47:42 PM  

AAAAGGGGHHHH: Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]

As I said in a similar thread, have fun using those things in the dead of Winter. It's gonna feel like getting creampied by the Snow Miser.


The washlet in the picture, like literally millions of them out there, has a built-in instant heater to bring the water to about 105 and heating grid in the seat itself.  Freaking awesome in winter.
 
2020-03-11 4:50:00 PM  

capn' fun: It's a virus that primarily impacts the lungs, but also impacts the liver, kidneys, and the rest of your GI tract all the way out the back door. That's why some of the people in China who have been "cleared" and sent home because the didn't need constant medical support to breathe still wound-up dying from other complications. Not "shiat yourself to death" like dysentery, but "glad I stocked up on tp" levels of...gastrointestinal distress.


Also the heart. "Fulminate myocarditis" shows ups on occasion, and you really do not want it.
 
2020-03-11 4:51:53 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


The poor man or SE Asian equivalent to the bidet.

Don't laugh - it works.
 
2020-03-11 4:52:28 PM  
My toilet, German made, sprays a nice warm high pressure stream of water up my butthole, alternating back and forth and left and right slightly, then switches to a nice warm air stream to dry it.
 
2020-03-11 4:52:35 PM  

brainlordmesomorph: thing is, I'm actually running out and I can't find any!


Just keep licking until the taste goes away.
 
2020-03-11 4:52:52 PM  
I was at Target yesterday and noticed zero toilet paper, but the diaper shelves were totally full.

So that got me thinking.

I should start an idiot run on diapers. Think about it. If you're locked up in your house for 2 weeks or MORE!!! you're going to run out of diapers. You should go buy enough diapers to last you 6 months. Sell those bastards for a profit!

Who's with me????
 
2020-03-11 4:53:17 PM  
I live in silicon valley and I haven't been to the store in a while. It will be interesting to see how the TP aisle looks. Folks around here are supposed to be smart. We'll see.

I'm currently low on potato chips and candy, so I hope at least those aisles are in good shape.
 
2020-03-11 4:54:32 PM  

will.i.ain't: I stopped by Kroger today for a few things, just a normal run. The toilet paper aisle was empty. I chuckled to myself because the bidet I haD delivered on Monday gets installed this weekend.

This is only the first round of craziness, which is why I made an extra stop at the liquor store and am going to see my "guy" this weekend to stock up. After that, I'm good to hunker down for quite a while if neccesary.


So...do you not need tp if you have a bidet?  I'm damned sure not going to google "how to" on my work computer.
 
2020-03-11 4:56:29 PM  
Stores need to stock this
lh3.googleusercontent.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-11 4:57:21 PM  

syrynxx: AAAAGGGGHHHH: Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]

As I said in a similar thread, have fun using those things in the dead of Winter. It's gonna feel like getting creampied by the Snow Miser.

Mine is heated, stream and seat :)


Mine too plus a fan with a ceramic odor filter.  Love it.
 
2020-03-11 4:58:44 PM  

Mikey1969: Apparently YOU do subby, because people don't need to buy bum wipe by the farking truckload.

The Hershey Squirts is NOT a symptom of the Coronavirus.


Actually, it is. It's not one of the primary symptoms, and not everyone gets it, but it does happen.
https://www.healio.com/gastroenterolo​g​y/inflammatory-bowel-disease/news/onli​ne/%7B991f3ae0-6f4d-4211-93c6-b53bba5d​af75%7D/patients-with-covid-19-may-exp​erience-gi-symptoms-possible-fecal-ora​l-transmission

That said, there's no reason to have more than 2-3 months worth of toilet paper.
 
2020-03-11 4:59:32 PM  
in a pinch, coffee filters work just as well as TP.

so all you farkers with your kCups and your "french press" can SUCK IT!
 
2020-03-11 4:59:35 PM  
It's rational to stock up when you realize everyone else is going to go crazy and create a shortage. That said, personally I have a ton of TP and other supplies on hand. Not because of this, but because I hate to shop and I buy as much as I can when I do in order to shove the next trip as far into the future as possible.
 
2020-03-11 4:59:51 PM  

SMB2811: phalamir: Subby, it is a respiratory disease.  Unless you are a turtle, you don't breathe through that end.

Ya, that. And people needed to wipe their asses before this started so why the sudden run on it?

The wife was wondering this very thing earlier today.


I don't know why every person on the planet is hoarding, but take me, the humble idiot.

Now, if I use my thinker, I can go on this here very internet and find out what happens if you get quarantined. Maybe, as of this post, I don'tknow if the CDC, Fed or State government has anything. In 100% honesty, I know 2, maybe 3 things about quarantine. 1) you can't leave your house or appartment. 2) if you break quarantine some very unhappy people will kick your ass or put you on jail.

So, with that basis in my life. What happens if the police say "you can't leave for 2 weeks. Leave, and off to jail. If you don't have food, how do you get food. Do I just live in my filth? Laundry? Garbage? What if all those were full? Will I get help? I have no family/friends, etc.

If you own a house, or a washer and dryer, you don't need toilet paper in a quarantine emergency. Sacrifice some shirts, pants, underwear, or what have you to the porcelain throne. Put them in bags. And wash the nasty.

If you live in an appartment, no washer, you gotta scrub in the tub or sink. That is nasty work. Paper goes away. Therefore, if I have to, paper is my choice. But people hate poop. It is not fun. The price for convenience is unwillingness to do work we don't like. That is human nature.

And honestly, if I was given the choice of starving for 2 weeks, or washing poop rags every day, I would choose not eating. Doesn't make it smart, but humans are not robots.
 
2020-03-11 5:00:24 PM  
Pretty sure I'm gonna be able to find something to wipe my ass with in the event of an emergency. Even if I need to hunt down an kill my neighbor for their last roll.
 
2020-03-11 5:00:42 PM  

SMB2811: phalamir: Subby, it is a respiratory disease.  Unless you are a turtle, you don't breathe through that end.

Ya, that. And people needed to wipe their asses before this started so why the sudden run on it?

The wife was wondering this very thing earlier today.


I blame the bears.
 
2020-03-11 5:02:53 PM  

UNC_Samurai: Snaptastic: Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!

My master bathroom has an old-school, deep bowl toilet.  Which bidet would you recommend?


It is largely based on the bowl/seat and the water supply. You can hit up Amazon and check specs.

If it is a simple water-only bidet, it should be cheap and easy (I am unfamiliar with older toilets).  It gets more expensive and more difficult if you want heat and need electricity.
 
2020-03-11 5:03:30 PM  

Marine1: Snaptastic: Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!

Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]

No. Kidding.

Seriously. Dude, I would gladly have paid $70 for the bidet I have, which is double what it actually costs. It's that life-changing.

Fellas, if you find wiping to be like trying to get peanut butter out of a shag rug, buy one. Your nose and the misses will thank you.


And no racing streaks means you can recycle your undies for days.  With laundry savings factored in, the bidet practically pays for itself!
 
2020-03-11 5:04:56 PM  
In unrelated news, home delivery subscriptions to the Sunday New York Times have shot up.
 
2020-03-11 5:06:42 PM  

FaygoMaster: Marine1: Snaptastic: Buy. A. Bidet.

/I haven been telling people that a $30 bidet will greatly benefit them in this situation, but several of the fools have spent several times  more to hoard toilet paper.
//my parents still have not installed the bidet I sent them last year, but they are hoarding paper.
///it takes 5 farking minutes to install!!!

Dr.Fey: [bidetking.com image 850x502]

No. Kidding.

Seriously. Dude, I would gladly have paid $70 for the bidet I have, which is double what it actually costs. It's that life-changing.

Fellas, if you find wiping to be like trying to get peanut butter out of a shag rug, buy one. Your nose and the misses will thank you.

And no racing streaks means you can recycle your undies for days.  With laundry savings factored in, the bidet practically pays for itself!


Think I might pass on that argument. Water only for Western grease-based diets?
 
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