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(Fark and Schnitt)   It wasn't easy, but we managed to round up some funny coronavirus stories - including "Can you catch Covid-19 from farts?" and Washington Post links that text your mom "I have the corona virus and it's not so bad"   (podcasts.apple.com) divider line
    More: Cool, unfortunate Chinese restaurant name, Apple Inc., Apple Store, ways, lot, story, APPLE, reseller  
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3095 clicks; posted to Main » and Podcast » on 04 Mar 2020 at 9:50 AM (13 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



39 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2020-03-03 10:10:41 AM  
Oh, good - I was worried that Fark was part of the problem, with so many folks here downplaying the seriousness of the issue, but I'm glad to see that's just not the case.
 
2020-03-03 10:15:47 AM  

FormlessOne: Oh, good - I was worried that Fark was part of the problem, with so many folks here downplaying the seriousness of the issue, but I'm glad to see that's just not the case.


Oh it's serious - these are actually funny articles
 
2020-03-03 10:19:58 AM  
 "Can you catch Covid-19 from farts?"

B-B-But I've been lighting my flatulence in an attempt to cleanse the atmosphere around me!
 
2020-03-03 10:22:11 AM  
Yes.  You can catch Covid-19 from flatus.  Or at least you could catch SARS from flatus.  In most respects, SARS was Covid-19 lite.
 
2020-03-03 10:27:48 AM  
Let's get one thing straight: the media is not "accidentally" scaring people. They are doing it very deliberately on purpose. They have to keep your limbic system in a constant state of anxiety, fear, and mild panic so that you keep coming back for more "news."
 
2020-03-03 10:31:09 AM  
Silent but deadly
 
2020-03-03 10:39:30 AM  

gretzkyscores: Let's get one thing straight: the media is not "accidentally" scaring people. They are doing it very deliberately on purpose. They have to keep your limbic system in a constant state of anxiety, fear, and mild panic so that you keep coming back for more "news."


If this goes how the number say it is going to go, you're going to wish they were scaring people unnecessarily.  I think we should lock everything down for a few weeks like China did.  But instead we're going to let it run through us like a cleansing flame.  Alleviating social security and medicare costs.

I hope I'm wrong, but everything seems to be happening as predicted by the numbers, so far.
 
2020-03-03 10:46:32 AM  
Catching Covid-19 from farts sounds like a fetish I'd rather not know any more about, thankyouverymuch.
 
2020-03-03 10:54:14 AM  
Here's another funny one. The President of the United States asked if the flu vaccine would work against the coronavirus. It's hilarious when the POTUS is utterly clueless about pretty much everything. So funny. Everybody laugh.
 
2020-03-03 10:54:31 AM  
The people who say don't panic are really saying "Nothing to see here, keep spending your money, because you may inconvenience us if you stop." They've never once given two sh*ts if any of us die, especially old people. They see the middle and lower-class olds as nothing but underproducers who no longer buy or consume enough stuff. Let them die - who cares. Anyone who cannot see through the authorities' barely-concealed sociopathic disdain for others is either wilfully ignorant or just a plain f*cking idiot.
 
2020-03-03 10:55:37 AM  
Neat, since it's only a matter of time before catching it due to a crowded workplace, I know exactly what to serve at the exposure party!
i.imgur.comView Full Size


Just have to find an infected host to kick it off
 
2020-03-03 11:03:45 AM  

Stephen_Falken: The people who say don't panic are really saying "Nothing to see here, keep spending your money, because you may inconvenience us if you stop." They've never once given two sh*ts if any of us die, especially old people. They see the middle and lower-class olds as nothing but underproducers who no longer buy or consume enough stuff. Let them die - who cares. Anyone who cannot see through the authorities' barely-concealed sociopathic disdain for others is either wilfully ignorant or just a plain f*cking idiot.


We are all going to die as this disease doesn't discriminate.

WE ARE ALL going to die.
 
2020-03-03 11:08:59 AM  

gonzoduke: WE ARE ALL going to die.


Except me.  I am Eva unit 01, and I will remember.
 
2020-03-03 11:13:23 AM  
This fart maybe ... not safe for work, volume warning

This Fart might
 
2020-03-03 11:28:01 AM  

mudpants: This fart maybe ... not safe for work, volume warning

This Fart might


Name checks out ✔

I had heard that farts are not an issue unless you are bare-butting them (so theres an abundance of sharticles released unopposed into the air
 
2020-03-03 11:49:05 AM  

aungen: If this goes how the number say it is going to go, you're going to wish they were scaring people unnecessarily. I think we should lock everything down for a few weeks like China did. But instead we're going to let it run through us like a cleansing flame. Alleviating social security and medicare costs.


Do that, and the economy completely collapses. It won't matter if you survive the virus.
 
2020-03-03 11:52:44 AM  

trialpha: aungen: If this goes how the number say it is going to go, you're going to wish they were scaring people unnecessarily. I think we should lock everything down for a few weeks like China did. But instead we're going to let it run through us like a cleansing flame. Alleviating social security and medicare costs.

Do that, and the economy completely collapses. It won't matter if you survive the virus.


Stop encouraging me.
 
2020-03-03 12:29:25 PM  
The long term consequences of this virus are unknown.  Even if you survive, it's pretty good at cloaking itself in the skin of slain cells so there may be no chance of ever getting rid of it.  Even if it never gave you so much as a sniffle, you could find yourself in a special camp for shedders for the rest of your life.
 
2020-03-03 12:35:57 PM  

backhand.slap.of.reason: The long term consequences of this virus are unknown.  Even if you survive, it's pretty good at cloaking itself in the skin of slain cells so there may be no chance of ever getting rid of it.  Even if it never gave you so much as a sniffle, you could find yourself in a special camp for shedders for the rest of your life.


I proposed this for Herpes and nobody takes me seriously.
 
2020-03-03 12:46:08 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-03 12:58:40 PM  

169th Cousin: [Fark user image 620x526]


I would definitely record that and pay $1.
 
2020-03-03 1:16:26 PM  
I like this name, "Fart".
"Shut The Fuck Up About Moonmen!"
Youtube rMknIXAd-UM
 
2020-03-03 1:37:13 PM  
The funny story I want to see lots more of is about police departments announcing the "need" for drug users and dealers to come into local police stations and drop off their illegal drugs to get tested for coronavirus.

There will always be some stupid criminals who will get caught by this obvious ruse, and when I hear this has happened I just sit back and LAUGH!
 
2020-03-03 7:00:03 PM  
Not too long ago, some enterprising nurse questioned whether farting in the OR room could present an infection concern.  It was something most folks had never considered before.  So, they did an actual study as to how much gut bacteria is actually carried on the average fart cloud.  The answer?  Quite a bit, actually. But it doesn't generally get past the simple barrier of clothes.  So, if you've got some undies on, the patient should be safe.  From your bacteria....not your stench.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti​c​les/PMC1121900/
 
2020-03-04 9:58:31 AM  
What, like the virus attaches to the farticles?
 
2020-03-04 10:11:39 AM  

patrick767: Here's another funny one. The President of the United States asked if the flu vaccine would work against the coronavirus. It's hilarious when the POTUS is utterly clueless about pretty much everything. So funny. Everybody laugh.


I think it's okay to ask stupid questions.  The problem is that the POTUS will probably insist that he's right and then everybody will die.
 
2020-03-04 10:15:22 AM  
Corona-V Transportation
If you are sick or just want to self-isolate and need to go somewhere and don't want to use public transportation then call me! I have a 12' single axle flatbed trailer and will pick you up anytime, 24/7. My trailer has 2 Lazy Boys, 1 Barcalounger. 1 Chaise pool recliner nailed to the deck for your transportation comfort. Paper grocery bags with eye holes provided for your confidentiality. Children need a note from Mom. Approved by CDC, NBA, NRA, FTC, DNC and MAD. Please note that my license is suspended so I don't stop for cops, but rest assured that all chairs come equipped with Hold'em Down ratchet straps so no worries, and I have a couple of buckets of nice sized throwing rocks if you are willing and able. I also offer food delivery since I'm always driving through town so send me your order! I hope you are all well but if not call me and I will get you where you need to be. Thanks and have a nice day. 


UPDATE! I didn't think I needed to mention this but I guess I do, DO NOT MONKEY WITH THE RATCHET STRAPS AFTER YOU ARE SECURED!!!!!! NO REFUNDS!!!! So don't even ask.

Silver Alert!!! BOLO for Emma 67 female last seen wearing Blue Slacks ,Pink Top and a Fry's grocery bag missing from somewhere on Bethany Home Rd between 51st Ave to 7th St or maybe 7th St and Bethany home to 7th and Dunlap. If seen call Corona-V Transportation lost and found Dept. If no answer leave a message as Gina is a smoker and spends a lot of time out back, Thanks
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Kids kittens puppies stereo kitchen bongs beer pole bedroom carpool carport yard tools router impact TV led pool beer sockets more bongs and beer clothes soccer baseball softball telephone telescope microwave Microsoft free repair more bongs and 🍺 I might have a problem lizard gecko hamster parakeet weights records turntable cassette papers because glass bong broke
 
2020-03-04 10:24:27 AM  

Albert911emt: Catching Covid-19 from farts sounds like a fetish I'd rather not know any more about, thankyouverymuch.


It must be spreading like wildfire in Brazil then... with their fart fetish and all
 
2020-03-04 11:01:18 AM  
Funny.

The "coincidence," that the Corona virus gained entry into the U.S. and took foothold in a self-proclaimed "Sanctuary City" in an ultra-liberal state, the representatives of which passed ordinances and enacted policies out of pure political spite. The conditions they've created have served to provide a wonderful sanctuary for the "Undocumented Genomes" to thrive within their midst, (and also created a vector for infection of the rest of the country.) Meanwhile, they somehow have the temerity to blame the President for somehow being "unprepared" for these circumstances, despite those circumstances directly arising out of their own spitefulness.

Very funny indeed.
 
2020-03-04 11:17:15 AM  
The virus is now confirmed on a school campus in NYC. Yup its spreading everywhere and were only aware of a like a dozen cases. What a joke the CDC is
 
2020-03-04 11:25:28 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-04 12:51:22 PM  

FormlessOne: Oh, good - I was worried that Fark was part of the problem, with so many folks here downplaying the seriousness of the issue, but I'm glad to see that's just not the case.


Lighten up Francis. A little levity isn't going to kill anyone.
 
2020-03-04 12:52:27 PM  

Albert911emt: Catching Covid-19 from farts sounds like a fetish I'd rather not know any more about, thankyouverymuch.


Rule 34?
 
2020-03-04 1:05:57 PM  
LA County health official advice: keep 6 feet away from people you don't know at large events.
 
2020-03-04 1:23:03 PM  

CarnySaur: patrick767: Here's another funny one. The President of the United States asked if the flu vaccine would work against the coronavirus. It's hilarious when the POTUS is utterly clueless about pretty much everything. So funny. Everybody laugh.

I think it's okay to ask stupid questions.  The problem is that the POTUS will probably insist that he's right and then everybody will die.


Fingers crossed!
 
2020-03-04 1:28:14 PM  

trialpha: Do that, and the economy completely collapses. It won't matter if you survive the virus.


I managed to read this as a reply to SpaceMonkey's previous post, and it was vastly more entertaining.
 
2020-03-04 5:24:48 PM  

Hendawg: [Fark user image 425x530]


Was that thong? Should I have not done that?
 
2020-03-04 5:47:29 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Still no cure
 
2020-03-05 11:08:17 AM  
Does Todd Schnitt even believe in the coronavirus, or does he also think it's just a big ol' liberal hoax?
I mean, the man is a complete farking moron.
 
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