Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CTV News)   Still, everyone should acquaint themselves with the three early warning signs of Covid-19: one, rigor mortis; two, a rotting smell; three, occasional drowsiness. Possibly also erections lasting longer than four hours   (ctvnews.ca) divider line
    More: Followup, Common cold, Respiratory disease, Public Health Agency of Canada, Influenza, patients self-quarantine, face masks, sick person, country's COVID-19 situation  
•       •       •

4256 clicks; posted to Main » and Geek » on 02 Mar 2020 at 5:35 PM (23 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



59 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2020-03-02 4:53:48 PM  
top10films.co.ukView Full Size
 
2020-03-02 5:07:14 PM  
Last Monday, the head of Iran's counter-coronavirus task force told reporters that the country's COVID-19 situation was "almost stable."
One day later, he tested positive for the virus himself.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-02 5:18:23 PM  
i have it, i will go to all of trumps rallies
 
2020-03-02 5:36:08 PM  
Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.
 
2020-03-02 5:37:31 PM  

elvisaintdead: [top10films.co.uk image 500x272]


I see this has been covered.
 
2020-03-02 5:37:32 PM  

raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.


And....SCENE!
 
2020-03-02 5:39:21 PM  
Don't worry, Trump's on it.
https://tinyurl.com/u3alxka

He now knows what a vaccine is. We're all set.
 
2020-03-02 5:41:27 PM  
Why did I have to scroll down 9 miles on that page to read anything?
 
2020-03-02 5:42:17 PM  

raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.


guycodeacademy.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-02 5:42:27 PM  
What about pants shiatting? Where is that in the warning signs because I trusted a fart and my butt more than coughed.
 
2020-03-02 5:42:55 PM  
Tell me more about this erections thing...
 
2020-03-02 5:42:59 PM  
Don't forget the anal leakage.
 
2020-03-02 5:43:44 PM  
At the first suspicious sign, make sure you go to an ER and sit in the waiting room for a few hours to give everybody a chance to get it or get it yourself if you don't already have it.
 
2020-03-02 5:44:50 PM  

raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.


Or you haven't had exposure to enough of them to see a Corpse Boner.
;p
 
2020-03-02 5:54:36 PM  

some_beer_drinker: i have it, i will go to all of trumps rallies


Fark user imageView Full Size
Yeah, it's been done before but not as many times as the "Go to a Trump Rally" Joke
 
2020-03-02 5:55:08 PM  
forget my doctor, I'm telling everyone!
 
2020-03-02 5:56:53 PM  
tiredness ... aches and pains, I'm 50. Welcome to my life. nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat Most of the winter. It's so freakin' dry inside pretty much everywhere. or diarrhea.Not worth mentioning unless it's extreme.

Yeah, this is not stuff the average American would miss work for, never mind go to the doctor.
 
2020-03-02 6:02:19 PM  
Scrubs E. Coli
Youtube ZYK0iLpTuZE
 
2020-03-02 6:08:06 PM  

raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.


So you see a lot of dead guy schlong is what you are telling us.

Evidently guys who die by hanging get a death boner.

Evidently there is a museum display of this.

https://www.iflscience.com/editors-bl​o​g/boner-of-an-executed-18thcentury-man​-goes-on-display/
 
2020-03-02 6:08:28 PM  
Most Amuricans will double down on the "I ain't afraid of no virus!" and go about their day, using the restroom then licking their unwashed fingers while finishing a dozen wings, wiping their hands on their pants and high fiving people on their way out of the bar.
 
2020-03-02 6:08:46 PM  
I am going to die, aint I?
 
2020-03-02 6:10:04 PM  
The same symptoms as the symptoms for chronic alcoholism... except insouciance and we can assume that.
 
2020-03-02 6:10:05 PM  

DaWormyPimpsta: Don't forget the anal leakage.


And the inevitable drooling.
 
2020-03-02 6:11:04 PM  

Saiga410: I am going to die, aint I?


Based on case history from all of humanity... Yes 100% guaranteed you are going to die.

Can we please move on now? Or at least have a Coronavirus tab?
 
2020-03-02 6:11:52 PM  
Well that Pence presser was a real clusterfark
 
2020-03-02 6:17:51 PM  
If my erection only lasts a few minutes does that mean I have a mild case of Covid-19; or erectile disfunction?

Asking for myself. I have no friends.
 
2020-03-02 6:23:05 PM  

Priapetic: DaWormyPimpsta: Don't forget the anal leakage.

And the inevitable drooling.


And the appearance of pennies on your eyes.
 
2020-03-02 6:24:49 PM  
The price gouging on eBay is hilarious

$34.99 for a single N95..  Humans are assholes

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-02 6:29:02 PM  

theflatline: raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.

So you see a lot of dead guy schlong is what you are telling us.

Evidently guys who die by hanging get a death boner.

Evidently there is a museum display of this.

https://www.iflscience.com/editors-blo​g/boner-of-an-executed-18thcentury-man​-goes-on-display/


I guess that explains it....I didn't go to any hangings.  See...I missed out.
 
2020-03-02 6:29:31 PM  

Badafuco: raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.

Or you haven't had exposure to enough of them to see a Corpse Boner.
;p


Wait....I may have seen those guys in concert.....
 
2020-03-02 6:35:42 PM  
My asthma has been a bit*h of late and I've got all but a couple of what they say is the virus...........I haven't been outta the house in weeks because of my asthma soooooo I don't know if I just have bad asthma from the cold, mold or tree pollens.

I'm not gonna panic, I'm not gonna panic............
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2020-03-02 6:42:03 PM  

Pinner: Most Amuricans will double down on the "I ain't afraid of no virus!" and go about their day, using the restroom then licking their unwashed fingers while finishing a dozen wings, wiping their hands on their pants and high fiving people on their way out of the bar.


That's my plan. I'm gonna spread faster than subby's mom.
 
2020-03-02 7:00:03 PM  
This gives me an idea for a movie

The Incel Virus: If you can't fark, you can't live.

4 virus infected alt-right trolls have to find some girls that want to fark them in the next 14 days or they'll die.
 
2020-03-02 7:02:37 PM  
That's my secret, Cap.
I'm always congested.
 
2020-03-02 7:05:02 PM  
media3.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2020-03-02 7:14:14 PM  

raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.


You haven't seen my corpse yet though...
 
2020-03-02 7:17:29 PM  

Mr.Hawk: raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.

You haven't seen my corpse yet though...


Fark is not your erotica site.
 
2020-03-02 7:37:28 PM  
As long as the Coronavirus wipes out the people submitting and approving Coronavirus links, I'm OK with it.
 
2020-03-02 7:48:39 PM  

raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.


The first corpse I ever saw had half an erection. It was my senior anatomy class and we visited the local community college's anatomy lab. Afterwards our teacher mentioned the partial erection because no one asked about it. (We all just kinda assumed that's what happened when you died- yeah teenage logic!) Apparently the donor has diabetes and so had an implant to keep him at more or less permanent partial erection to compensate for the diabetes. I don't know if they're still really a thing or if Viagra, et al has taken over.
 
2020-03-02 8:02:53 PM  

styckx: The price gouging on eBay is hilarious

$34.99 for a single N95..  Humans are assholes

[Fark user image image 850x569]


It's called economics. Libs have a real hard time with it.
 
2020-03-02 8:18:41 PM  
 
2020-03-02 8:30:13 PM  
sounds like there's a chance i've had it since the first episode of charlie's angels.

/farrah, jaclyn, kate
//not whoever is in the other versions
 
2020-03-02 8:31:45 PM  
WASH YER HANDS YA IDJITS...!!!!
 
2020-03-02 8:35:33 PM  

D_PaulAngel: raerae1980: Not one corpse that I had to process had a boner, subby.   Not one.    Methinks you've not had much exposure to corpses.

The first corpse I ever saw had half an erection. It was my senior anatomy class and we visited the local community college's anatomy lab. Afterwards our teacher mentioned the partial erection because no one asked about it. (We all just kinda assumed that's what happened when you died- yeah teenage logic!) Apparently the donor has diabetes and so had an implant to keep him at more or less permanent partial erection to compensate for the diabetes. I don't know if they're still really a thing or if Viagra, et al has taken over.


Fark user imageView Full Size

.                                                          off
 
2020-03-02 9:07:33 PM  
From WhatsApp messages:
Symptoms of Coronavirus:
- sudden rise in body temperature
- elevated heart rate
- sweating
- tightness in chest

Unfortunately these can be confusing and misleading as they are also the symptoms of when your wife goes through your phone.
 
2020-03-02 9:13:11 PM  
...nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat or diarrhea."

Great, so basically my seasonal allergies and one of the RXs I take...
 
2020-03-02 9:26:25 PM  

namegoeshere: tiredness ... aches and pains, I'm 50. Welcome to my life. nasal congestion, runny nose, sore throat Most of the winter. It's so freakin' dry inside pretty much everywhere. or diarrhea.Not worth mentioning unless it's extreme.

Yeah, this is not stuff the average American would miss work for, never mind go to the doctor.


74.   Runny nose without the other stuff, and aches and pains related to weather conditions.... still go on lots of service calls ( something doesn't work) and the biggest downside is sick people in the house... bunch of kids crawling over and around me while I am replacing the blower motor in the HP air handler.. hey, mom, why aren't the kids in school ?   Oh, they have the flu....  regular occurrence, and the solution is to take a double shot of Nyquil when I get home , wrap up in an electric blanket set to roast, and try to sleep.. has kept the flu and other bugs at bay for over 30 years..
House too dry?  Buy a stand-alone humidifier..    Hope you feel better....
 
2020-03-02 9:41:29 PM  

Resident Muslim: From WhatsApp messages:
Symptoms of Coronavirus:
- sudden rise in body temperature
- elevated heart rate
- sweating
- tightness in chest

Unfortunately these can be confusing and misleading as they are also the symptoms of when your wife goes through your phone.


No wife.. got a flip-phone, and the cats can't open it.     Most of us  are familiar with our bodies, and KNOW when we are coming down with something..  the above listed symptoms, which could be a number of things, are an immediate sign to pack up and go home and take preventative steps..  nip it in the bud, so to speak...  my issue with the coronavirus is that if I have it, I have been contagious possibly for close to three weeks... now that is scarey....
 
2020-03-02 10:06:10 PM  
I have a feeling we are going to have an active election season, replacing to 70 year olds who catch this and kick the bucket.
 
2020-03-02 10:12:22 PM  
Why do they keep repeating the tip to "stay away/avoid contact with others who may be sick? Then the articles go on to include the fact that one can be exposed before those infected show symptoms.
How you gonna know if a person you're near is infected? Esp? I trashed my psychic abilities when I got tired of knowing everything all the time.
Sheesh, the stupid gets more stupid with every "new" item of info.
Whatever, I'm still not scared.
My only access to this thing is right here on Fark. I only read Fark news. Mostly to read the comments since the commenters are smarter (and funnier) than anyone else, in any other venue.
 
Displayed 50 of 59 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.