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(Fark)   Headline of the Year 2019 Voting Opens for TotalFarkers - Discussion   ( divider line
    More: HOTY, Voting, preliminary round, Headline of the Year Voting, Jingle Bells, final round, Podcast, MSNBC Discussion Thread, red Japanese cat, Contests  
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1781 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 23 Dec 2019 at 11:57 AM (28 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2019-12-16 11:07:57 PM  
Welcome to Headline of the Year Voting!

TotalFarkers, this is your time to shine!  Vote, vote, vote, and let's see what you love!  Consider each headline as carefully as you wish! Some are puns, some are wordplay, some you need to click through a few times to read the story or the Fark comments to figure out the joke (and these are often some of the best), sometimes the joke is in the symbols, sometimes it's a sideways look at the story or the world.  Vote for any or all!  We don't limit your voting, we really want to see what you laughed at and enjoyed!  There are a *lot* of headlines, so pace yourself, and enjoy the ride.

This is the preliminary round - the final round will be next week and open to everyone for voting, but this preliminary round is for TotalFark only!

Voting starts Tuesday, December 17 and ends Monday, December 23 at noon Eastern.

For non-TotalFarkers, you are in a read-only thread: if you sign up for TotalFark it will change to enable voting.
Voting is a perk of TotalFark membership, and we'd love to have you join us and add your votes too!

Even if you can't spare the funds to join, we wanted everyone to have the chance to read all the headline candidates.  Enjoy!
2019-12-17 12:44:01 AM  
FTC says you shouldn't lend your cell phone to a stranger. Also recommends don't give them your wallet and car keys

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:04 AM  
████████████ MSNBC █████████ 8ET ████████████ █████ Discussion ██████████ ████████████ ███████ █████████ █████ ███████ ██████████ Thread ██████ ██████████ ████ ████ █████████ ████████ ██████ █████████ ██████████████ Drink ██████████ ██████████ █████

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:08 AM  
Dear Polly, I keep stealing my friends' boyfriends, how do I stop? Also, could you help me change this lightbulb?

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:11 AM  
Yawl shud be asahmed four shamming that farker hoo mispeled himp erliar

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2019-12-17 12:44:14 AM  
As Infrastructure Week comes to a close, join us for the MSNBC FRESH HELL FRIDAY thread. Fun starts at 8pm EST, BYOB, IYKWISAITYDNTTAWWT

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2019-12-17 12:44:17 AM  
"Your stripper name is your favorite salad dressing and the thing about you that most disappoints your parents". Subby is 'Greek Liberal'

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2019-12-17 12:44:20 AM  
♫ Jingle Bells, Two Scoops smells, Sarah laid an egg, the White House squeals, lost its wheels in time for Fresh Hell Friday ♫ Grab your egg nog and snuggle up for the MSNBC Discussion Thread at 8PM EST

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2019-12-17 12:44:23 AM  
There I was, thinking about cooking dinner. My cats were eager for their food out of a can, and it struck me: I never cook for my cats. Am I strange? Should I whip them up a nice tuna salad, or just go with Fancy Feast because they won't complain?

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2019-12-17 12:44:26 AM  
Mueller has a nude selfie, POTUS and FLOTUS on 2018 most admired list, Cohen went to Prague, C level honeypot's tricks revealed, and Jesus Farking Christ this year has been a hell of a Century. 8PM ET MSNBC Thread, Post-Coital Edition

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2019-12-17 12:44:30 AM  
20 years later: Yes, you can finally have no bananas

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:33 AM  
Instead of setting New Year's resolutions you won't follow, how about setting some "un-resolutions" you also won't follow? Author name almost checks out

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:36 AM  
What I learned by not drinking for two years. #10 - People are a lot less interesting than I used to think

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:39 AM  
Your deeply held beliefs are probably wrong

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:42 AM  
All is quiet on New Year's Day, except for the guy on Twitter. All is quiet on New Year's Day. All is quiet on the start of Infrastructure Year. I wanna be with you again. I wanna be with you again in your 8 p.m. ET MSNBC thread

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:45 AM  
Jim Morrison once said, "A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself". Being friendless gives you that exact same freedom and you don't have to remember birthdays

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:48 AM  
In popular fiction, Cthulhu most resembles Gozer from Ghostbusters. The biggest difference is that Cthulhu is made of pure evil; whereas, Gozer is made of marshmallows

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:52 AM  
♪ "Writer man, writer man. Does all the things a writer can. When he gets in a story, does he get lost, or does the story lose him instead? Nobody knows, writer man." ♪ This is your Fark Writer's Thread, That Sounded Better in My Head edition

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:55 AM  
New Japanese craze: Fukubukuro. Link actually safe for work

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:44:58 AM  
Just when you think a song is going to slink off into the background. A video emerges to remind you of just how awesomely great it is and thrusts it back into limelight. This is not that video. But it is fun

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:01 AM  
This...actually could be useful

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:04 AM  
Subby just threw out a container of Doña María brand mole sauce que expiró en febrero de 2010. What's the oldest thing you've currently got evolving sentience in your cupboard or refrigerator?

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2019-12-17 12:45:08 AM  
The government is planning to store nuclear waste in salt mines. They need a warning that will last at least 40,000 years- the half-life of the material. Difficulty- the oldest human writings are only 6000 or so years old. Ideas welcome

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:11 AM  
2019-12-17 12:45:14 AM  
If a rolling stone gathers no moss, is moss suppose to be 'good' or 'bad'?

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:17 AM  
TL;DR, if Lady Luck didn't smile on you the first two decades of your life, you're screwed. If Lady Luck did smile on you, you get all puffed up and swear there's no such thing as Lady Luck and go on and on about bootstraps

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:20 AM  
I thought I was having a waking vision of my own horrible bloody death; but, to my relief, it was just my twin brother being stabbed to death in my living room

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:23 AM  
Finally ... A definitive list of what those F1 - F12 keys do *on a pc

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:27 AM  
Farking, v. /'fark-ing/ The act of wasting time on the clock by reading random threads about cats or beer

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:30 AM  
It's halftime at Superb Owl LIII and the score is ... soccer. Can Brady keep up the 3-point game, or will LA sub in LeBron and Lonzo for dunks and free throws? And will we see the Spongebob tribute? It's Thread 2

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:33 AM  
2019-12-17 12:45:36 AM  
I just showed this to my 2-year-old and was thrilled to see that it both terrified and fascinated her the same way it did to me 35 years ago. Drug-fueled Sesame Street was best Sesame Street

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:40 AM  
Feeling bad, depressed that you will never live to the standard of living that you deserve? Then watch the Donner party documentary on the Weather Channel and you will never feel bad about your lot in life again. These people had no internet

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2019-12-17 12:45:43 AM  
Dolly Parton's Jolene at 33RPM. Good strange, bad strange, your choice

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:46 AM  
Two codes your children must know to be a success. No, not your ATM and WIFI passwords

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:49 AM  
What if you always knew the right thing to say, but it never made any difference?

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:52 AM  
It's dangerous to go alone. Take a flask

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:55 AM  
MMM MMMFH MMM BMM SMMM Discussion Thread brought to you by Roger Stone. 8PM ET. Bound and gagged edition

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:45:59 AM  
It appears our red Japanese cat with the drumsticks has found himself a turtle on bass and a bear on lead guitar (and another pink bear to rock out)...what do you call this? Awesome

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:02 AM  
Both Kierkegaard and Kafka took a break from their pre-existentialist, mind-squishingly bleak works to write parables. Despite their efforts, modern-day scholars still cannot find anyone who wants to read them

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:05 AM  
I'm pretty close to what medical science considers my ideal weight. I'd just need to be two inches taller and two people

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:08 AM  
What to do if your friend is passed out drunk and you can't find a Sharpie, a shaving razor, or a bowl of warm water

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:11 AM  
If it were possible to swap out your body parts for inexpensive artificial replacement components, would you? Subby would settle for being able to rotate his butt cheeks to make sure they wear evenly, but you do you

2019-12-17 12:46:14 AM  
Tomorrow is another day. On the other hand, yesterday was also another day and look how badly you screwed that up

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2019-12-17 12:46:18 AM  
Back in my day we used to say "Got two $10 for a Rambo?"

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:21 AM  
I'm grateful for tetanus because, otherwise, we'd all just be stepping on nails like there's no tomorrow

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:24 AM  
The snowy owl is the only owl out of over two-hundred and twenty-five species that turns around when you shout, "Hey, snowy owl"

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:27 AM  
"I'm moving cross-country with my cat. Should we fly or drive together? Mind you, I could just get a new cat, but why bother?"

Linked article:
2019-12-17 12:46:30 AM  
"Bribing, cheating, and other parental tips" - Why didn't my parents love me as much as Lori Loughlin loves her daughter? Cheapskates

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2019-12-17 12:46:33 AM  
What's the stupidest thing you did as a teenager? Subby painted his wang with Liquid Paper. To this day he has no idea why

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