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(The Scottish Sun)   If only there were some kind of skirt the Scots could wear to ward off the coming cold to their nads   (thescottishsun.co.uk) divider line
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4541 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Dec 2019 at 6:05 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2019-12-01 03:41:54 PM  
A kilt won't help, you're not supposed to wear anything underneath it.
 
2019-12-01 04:00:56 PM  
The Sun doesn't shine there.
 
2019-12-01 04:42:15 PM  
Tourist in Scotland: I've always been curious - what, exactly, is worn under the kilt?
Scotsman: Nothing's worn. Everything's in first-class condition.
 
2019-12-01 06:06:21 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: The Sun doesn't shine there.


Oh, the Scottish Sun is everywhere - especially places no one wants it to be.  No one at all.
 
2019-12-01 06:08:21 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: The Sun doesn't shine there.


I was wondering the other day what Scottish nuts might taste like.
 
2019-12-01 06:08:44 PM  
St. Mungos?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 06:11:13 PM  
You sir, clearly know nothing about skirts. Or kilts.
 
2019-12-01 06:14:18 PM  
Some wear an Englishman there.
 
2019-12-01 06:16:52 PM  

Znuh: St. Mungos?

[Fark user image 850x478]


Fark user imageView Full Size
.
 
2019-12-01 06:17:49 PM  

RaceDTruck: A kilt won't help, you're not supposed to wear anything underneath it.


My standard answer:  The only thing I wear under my kilt is your mom's lipstick.
 
2019-12-01 06:23:52 PM  
You know, they call them kilts because it was the very last thing you saw before they kilt you for callin' it a skirt.
 
2019-12-01 06:24:17 PM  
I have been to the Highland Games.  I can attest to what they wear under kilts, and it is nothing to be proud of....
 
2019-12-01 06:25:32 PM  
So -10 C

What's that in real American degrees?

Around 50 or so?
 
2019-12-01 06:28:52 PM  
If you won first prize the ribbon can keep you warm a bit


The Scotsman
Youtube RtE7ut5GTzE
 
2019-12-01 06:30:31 PM  
As Ambrose Bierce described in his Devil's Dictionary:"Kilt n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen(sic) in America and Americans in Scotland."
As a Scotsman in America, I have a kilt. However, since it was measured for me when I was in the Scouts, I very much doubt if it would fit, so it lives in the cupboard with my sporran and some moth balls.
/I bet it's the first time you've heard it called that.
 
2019-12-01 06:31:53 PM  

RaceDTruck: A kilt won't help, you're not supposed to wear anything underneath it.


According to those who should know, they're very cosy despite that restriction. In fact, the Great Kilt (or féileadh-mór) can be used bedding in the snow. The word plaide in Gaelic roughly means blanket .
Even the minor, daily kilt is bigger than you might think. The fabric is heavy, and the pleats mean that it's effectively triple thickness.
 
2019-12-01 06:33:00 PM  
ARTIST: Mike Cross
TITLE: The Scotsman Lyrics and Chords

Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-I-de-o, ring-di-diddley-I-o Oh, he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

/ E A B7 E / - A E B7 / A E - B7 / EB7 EA B7 E / / A - E B7 / EB7 EA B7 E /

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt...
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth...
They marveled for a moment then one said we must be gone
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scots kilt did lift and show...

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes
Och, lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize...
 
2019-12-01 06:34:47 PM  

casual disregard: ecmoRandomNumbers: The Sun doesn't shine there.

I was wondering the other day what Scottish nuts might taste like.


... here's an expert's opinion:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 06:36:00 PM  

I Ate Shergar: Tourist in Scotland: I've always been curious - what, exactly, is worn under the kilt?
Scotsman: Nothing's worn. Everything's in first-class condition.


A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

"I don't wanna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"
 
2019-12-01 06:36:23 PM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 06:36:58 PM  
From "Scotland the Brave" as sung by the Corries:

Land o' the Kilt and Sporran -
Underneath, there's nothin' worn!
How I wish the wind was warm!
Scotland the Brave.
I must admit it's pretty gruesome,
Walking about wi' your frozen twosome!
It's all we've got - we musn't lose 'em -
Scotland the Brave.
 
2019-12-01 06:38:13 PM  

Tillmaster: As Ambrose Bierce described in his Devil's Dictionary:"Kilt n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen(sic) in America and Americans in Scotland."
As a Scotsman in America, I have a kilt. However, since it was measured for me when I was in the Scouts, I very much doubt if it would fit, so it lives in the cupboard with my sporran and some moth balls.
/I bet it's the first time you've heard it called that.


Uh, no. Having been raised during the 1950's I can attest that moth balls was a common term.
 
2019-12-01 06:38:46 PM  

Znuh: St. Mungos?

[Fark user image 850x478]


Mungo is a nickname of Kentigern. Big guy back in the day round about Glasgow.

Lots of places in the area take his name.

/Also one of my brother's cats a while back, too.
 
2019-12-01 06:40:34 PM  
invictus2:

sdd2000:


Well, that'll teach me to spend a minute or two looking for a joke... Doh!
 
2019-12-01 06:43:56 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: The Sun doesn't shine there.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 06:44:36 PM  

iron de havilland: Znuh: St. Mungos?

[Fark user image 850x478]

Mungo is a nickname of Kentigern. Big guy back in the day round about Glasgow.

Lots of places in the area take his name.

/Also one of my brother's cats a while back, too.


i.scdn.coView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 06:45:38 PM  

Driver: Tillmaster: As Ambrose Bierce described in his Devil's Dictionary:"Kilt n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen(sic) in America and Americans in Scotland."
As a Scotsman in America, I have a kilt. However, since it was measured for me when I was in the Scouts, I very much doubt if it would fit, so it lives in the cupboard with my sporran and some moth balls.
/I bet it's the first time you've heard it called that.

Uh, no. Having been raised during the 1950's I can attest that moth balls was a common term.


They obviously meant cupboard, Driver.  Jeez.
 
2019-12-01 06:48:11 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


At my 35th class reunion, we paid tribute to a fallen classmate, who liked to wear kilts. He'd gone to Mexico for his birthday. Went to sleep, and never woke up.

/yrs trooly, far right
//and yes, I had all the accoutrements, including the dirk
///the slashies say "fark you, subby with no fashion sense whatsoever"
 
2019-12-01 06:49:10 PM  

SansNeural: iron de havilland: Znuh: St. Mungos?

[Fark user image 850x478]

Mungo is a nickname of Kentigern. Big guy back in the day round about Glasgow.

Lots of places in the area take his name.

/Also one of my brother's cats a while back, too.

[i.scdn.co image 417x585]


Beat me by 2 minutes you bastard.  Sigh.  (Only reason I have the foggiest is from a wee hours of the morning U.S. time Warcraft guild, we had a Glaswegian that explained some of the odder to foreign ears stuff)
 
2019-12-01 06:56:37 PM  
The Kilt was an ingenious way to deal with fording streams many times a day.

Socks and shoes off, through the stream, sock and shoes on.  Imagine an army stopping to either remove their pants, shoes, sock and then redress later, either that or walking for miles with wet pants in the cold.
 
2019-12-01 06:57:07 PM  
I am from Nova Scotia. Which means new Scotland.

My dad served in the Highlanders reserves regiment. Kilts were part of the uniform.

They would.axtually ask "are you regimental" which meant if you had skivies under the kilt.

It was optional.

He described on instructor who liked to lean forward with one foot up on a box.

Appearantly the instructor was always regimental.

Always.
 
2019-12-01 07:10:44 PM  

I Ate Shergar: Tourist in Scotland: I've always been curious - what, exactly, is worn under the kilt?


Scotsman, who may or may not put sugar in his porridge: Shoes, socks, and two different shades of lipstick.
 
2019-12-01 07:18:19 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 07:23:19 PM  
I can attest to the efficacy of the kilt in cold weather. They're plenty warm

(me, on the right, eons ago)

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 07:31:55 PM  
Let the wind blow high let the wind blow low
Through the streets in the kilt I go
All the lassies say "Hello
Donald where's yer troosers"

Andy Stewart - Donald Wheres Your Troosers
Youtube 4yw0bLHTOb0


Including bonus Elvis impersonation.
 
2019-12-01 07:33:11 PM  

King Something: I Ate Shergar: Tourist in Scotland: I've always been curious - what, exactly, is worn under the kilt?

Scotsman, who may or may not put sugar in his porridge: Shoes, socks, and two different shades of lipstick.


Sugar on porridge?

i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 07:37:17 PM  
because sheep can hear zippers.
 
2019-12-01 07:37:32 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

The creator is cold.
 
2019-12-01 08:00:30 PM  

rev.love_revolver: invictus2:

sdd2000:

Well, that'll teach me to spend a minute or two looking for a joke... Doh!


These are some additional verses, I think the first set of the "gruesome" pun, are Seamus Kennedy's. The provenance of the others is unknown.
"Our Scottish friend, still clad in kilt, continued up the street
He'd not gone ten yards or more, when who should he cbance to meet?
She said: "I've heard what's under there, tell me, is it so?"
He said: "Just slip your hand up, miss, if you'd really like to know!"

So she slid her hand right up his kilt, and much to her surprise,
The Scotsman grinned, and a very strange look came into his eyes,
She said: "Why, sir, that's gruesome!" And then she heard him roar:
"If you slip your hand up once again, you'll find it's grew some more!"

The lady paused a moment while her face was turning red
She asked the Scott to spend the night with her, and warm her bed
Said he: "my dear, I've got a wife, straight home to her I'll go,
Thought I amy be a bit more comfortable if I loosen up this bow."

His fingers steeled with drink were not, his head still spinnin'round
He could not loose the knot, and so he left it as 'twas found
And when his wife did spy on that fair stem what flower grows
It peaked her curiosity, as well you might suppose.

And When she asked the Scottsman where he'd been and what he'd done
He said there'd been a contest at the pub, and he had won
Said she "how could you show that thing, in front of all those men?"
He said "I did ne' show it all my lassie, just enough to win"

 
2019-12-01 08:19:23 PM  

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: So -10 C

What's that in real American degrees?

Around 50 or so?


I lived in Chile for a long time and I never got used to centigrade.

"It's so hot! It's almost 35 degrees!"

"That literally means nothing to me. I thought the fridge was about that temperature."
 
2019-12-01 08:19:30 PM  
Ach?
 
2019-12-01 08:27:53 PM  

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: So -10 C

What's that in real American degrees?

Around 50 or so?


14F, so cold enough to really matter that your house is lacking heat.
 
2019-12-01 08:32:17 PM  

GRCooper: I can attest to the efficacy of the kilt in cold weather. They're plenty warm

(me, on the right, eons ago)

[Fark user image image 425x300]


Nice! You've aged well!
 
2019-12-01 08:38:43 PM  
Nae, subby. Ye wear underwear under a skirt. A true Scotsman wear nuth8n' under his kilt, like yer ma. Now remind me. Can she stitch? Hae her sew this up fer ye, ye great scunner!

/applies glaswegian handshake
 
2019-12-01 08:45:07 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-12-01 08:51:23 PM  

genner: [Fark user image 780x1067]


If I could fight like Weiss and Ruby, then it wouldn't matter what I wore to fight in.
 
2019-12-01 09:25:56 PM  

Reverborama: RaceDTruck: A kilt won't help, you're not supposed to wear anything underneath it.

My standard answer:  The only thing I wear under my kilt is your mom's lipstick.


No, no, the correct answer is just a touch of lipstick...on a 'really' good day, two different shades...
 
2019-12-01 10:06:10 PM  

Recoil Therapy: Reverborama: RaceDTruck: A kilt won't help, you're not supposed to wear anything underneath it.

My standard answer:  The only thing I wear under my kilt is your mom's lipstick.

No, no, the correct answer is just a touch of lipstick...on a 'really' good day, two different shades...


Does your family just want to see if you've been sitting on the counter?
 
2019-12-01 10:22:15 PM  

rev.love_revolver: I Ate Shergar: Tourist in Scotland: I've always been curious - what, exactly, is worn under the kilt?
Scotsman: Nothing's worn. Everything's in first-class condition.

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

"I don't wanna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnlqT​O​sR0RA
 
2019-12-01 10:23:25 PM  
A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share
He stumbled on until he could no longer keep his feet
Then staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
chorus:
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o de
He staggered off into the grass to sleep beside the street.
Later on two young and lovely girls just happened by,
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
You see yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt.
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o dill
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt.
They crept up to the sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt above the waist so they could see
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing but what God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o dirth
There was nothing there but what God gave upon his birth
They marveled for a moment then one said we'd best be gone
But let's leave a present for our friend before we move along
They took a blue silk ribbon and they tied it in a bow
Around the bonnie star of the Scot's lifted kilt did show
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o doh
Around the bonnie star of the Scot's lifted kilt did show
The Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled toward a trees
Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees
Then in a drunken voice he says to what's before his eyes
"Lad, I don't where you've been but I see you won first prize"
Ring ding diddle diddle i de o
Ring di diddle i o die
He said, "Lad, I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize"
 
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