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(I Heart Radio)   Colorado couple fought off a bear in their home with their fists. Bear hands, if you will   (wsrz.iheart.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Baseball, Wildlife, Baseball bat, Debut albums, Jon Johnson, Mother, mother bear, Face  
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1714 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Aug 2019 at 1:35 PM (39 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



40 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2019-08-29 12:20:17 PM  
Tread well with that headline, submitter.
 
2019-08-29 12:25:26 PM  
SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!
 
2019-08-29 12:45:13 PM  
Dear Couple,
Please put in some koalaty time working on bearicades!  The ones in place are too soft and gummy. With the right investment you will avoid all the grizzly pandamonium and embearassment of an invasion. Nothing else combears.

Your Mountain Friend,
Smokey
 
2019-08-29 1:37:40 PM  
Thats a pretty shiatty ending though...
 
2019-08-29 1:38:55 PM  
Ween - My Own Bare Hands
Youtube fIXcZTxscoA
 
2019-08-29 1:40:32 PM  
What could possibly be confusing about this story?!
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2019-08-29 1:42:33 PM  
Man I wish my wife's arms transformed into a metal bat
 
2019-08-29 1:44:05 PM  
The wife was the smart one. Getting an aluminum baseball bat.

The husband seemed on his way to being bear food.

/I recommend bringing this up often, especially when he has friends over.
 
2019-08-29 1:45:18 PM  
Guy Fights Bear For Fish
Youtube EZA9R53-Dcs
 
2019-08-29 1:48:19 PM  
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2019-08-29 1:49:52 PM  
Poor bear was just looking for the necessities.

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2019-08-29 1:51:03 PM  
The way I heard it, they were playing dog and bear, you know, and the couple were chasing the bear and it ran panicked over logs and through streams, you know, maddened with primal terror, you know, and it turned and raked its deadly claws against their howling snouts, you know, and it rose to its hind feet, towering, and still bellowing they came, and it mewled and spewed gore from its wounds and snot from its flaring wild maw and...and...and they were locked like lovers and, and, and, and it was engulfed by moiled, spotted hound bodies and its  entrails were hanging out and it tried a savage feral roar but, alas, its  force was spent and it died. Then the couple took it too far...
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2019-08-29 1:51:07 PM  
"Wildlife officials tracked the bear and found it about 900 yards from their home. The bear was euthanized, which is the standard policy when a bear attacks a human. They are searching for its cubs so they can take them to a shelter"

That's right kids, mom is never coming home again.

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2019-08-29 1:53:32 PM  
Pfft. Probably a black bear. Shiat, I once chased one off our campsite by singing Mr. Jones by Counting Crows.
 
2019-08-29 1:55:31 PM  
I read this and the linked article and still have no idea what city this happened in. Am I missing something?
 
2019-08-29 1:57:20 PM  
They beat off a bear?
 
2019-08-29 1:58:30 PM  
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2019-08-29 1:59:08 PM  
Perhaps it would have been more prudent to to retreat and let the bear leave of its own accord. And the bear would be alive. They should bear proof their house.
 
2019-08-29 2:01:09 PM  
Always carry a salami. That way if a bear attacks, you can throw the salami one way and run the other. Now, I know.  You get home and you put the salami in the salami cooler by the front door.  Big mistake as you can see here.
 
2019-08-29 2:03:07 PM  
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2019-08-29 2:08:04 PM  

Iowan73: They beat off a bear?


Captive breeding programs aren't pretty.

Unless you're into that kind of thing. Sicko.
 
2019-08-29 2:12:57 PM  

The Pope of Manwich Village: Pfft. Probably a black bear. Shiat, I once chased one off our campsite by singing Mr. Jones by Counting Crows.


Not a fan of Counting Crows? Shocking.
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2019-08-29 2:14:47 PM  
I'd run

michianaglbtcenter.orgView Full Size
 
2019-08-29 2:23:45 PM  

Mr.Hawk: Thats a pretty shiatty ending though...


Yabbutt that could have been much, much worse.
 
2019-08-29 2:24:01 PM  
Yeesh, that's grizzly.
 
2019-08-29 3:03:57 PM  
Translation: Oldsters don't bearproof their home in bear country. Bear with cubs 'breaks in' follows food smells through open door. Oldsters freak out and attack bears to drive them out, rather than standing back and hollering. Sow defends her cubs against oldster macho man, eventually swatting old man once, while grandma pounds at it with bat. Bear breaks off once cubs head for door. Oldsters call Game & Fish to hysterically report vicious bear attack. Mother is killed by Game & Fish because that's the only thing state wildlife departments EVER do. Cubs starve to death, slowly.

/Some people are too stupid to live near wild spaces.
 
2019-08-29 3:13:49 PM  

bigdog1960: Perhaps it would have been more prudent to to retreat and let the bear leave of its own accord. And the bear would be alive. They should bear proof their house.


Good advice, but you rarely bearproof your house unless you've had a bear come in. Most people in bear country will not put out dog food or bird feeders in the fall, and bearproof their garbage, but I wouldn't expect a bear to climb through the window or anything, unless I'd seen them around. Even though I know a couple of people who've had grizzly bears in their garages after the dog food.

I would be very surprised, is all.

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I think these people have no glass in their windows, so there's their problem.
 
2019-08-29 3:34:59 PM  
Most bears I know are fairly mellow dudes who wouldn't  hurt a fly, but if they do get out of hand just grab a nipple ring and twist. They're usually not wearing shirts.
 
2019-08-29 3:45:20 PM  
It seems to me that if they really had bear hands, it would have been a much shorter fight.
 
2019-08-29 4:26:59 PM  

cryinoutloud: bigdog1960: Perhaps it would have been more prudent to to retreat and let the bear leave of its own accord. And the bear would be alive. They should bear proof their house.

Good advice, but you rarely bearproof your house unless you've had a bear come in. Most people in bear country will not put out dog food or bird feeders in the fall, and bearproof their garbage, but I wouldn't expect a bear to climb through the window or anything, unless I'd seen them around. Even though I know a couple of people who've had grizzly bears in their garages after the dog food.

I would be very surprised, is all.

[Fark user image image 590x350]

I think these people have no glass in their windows, so there's their problem.


Going after the dog food in the garage? How hard is it to just feed the dogs in the house. Put the bowls in the kitchen. My kitchen is the size of a postage stamp and we manage to do that, and I'm in suburban Maryland. The closest bears anywhere near my home are at the local gay bar.
 
2019-08-29 4:55:34 PM  
I guess you don't need the teachers in school be be armed after all. They can wrassle the bears and beat them with bare hands. That Hercules type up there looks like he could beat a bear to death with its own teeth and claws.

You still have the right to bare arms. A bad pun beats bad logic, false assumptions and faulty interpretation of the the legislator's intent any day.
 
2019-08-29 4:56:29 PM  
If you don't like the law, go join a well-regulated militia of the rich and notable citizens of the town.

If they will have you.
 
2019-08-29 4:57:36 PM  
Did the old guy then proceed to Fark the bear? That point of view photo looks a bit - scandalous.
 
2019-08-29 5:01:19 PM  
Your bare hands against his bear hands?
 
2019-08-29 5:13:50 PM  

mongbiohazard: Going after the dog food in the garage? How hard is it to just feed the dogs in the house. Put the bowls in the kitchen. My kitchen is the size of a postage stamp and we manage to do that, and I'm in suburban Maryland. The closest bears anywhere near my home are at the local gay bar.


Dog food. 50-pound bags of dog food. Commonly kept in garages or barns.
Or your old fish-stinky waders. Or bags of bird seed. Or that cooler from two years ago that never got rinsed out. Bears don't care. If they can smell it, they check it out.
 
2019-08-29 5:18:53 PM  

edmo: Mr.Hawk: Thats a pretty shiatty ending though...

Yabbutt that could have been much, much worse.


Not for the bear and the cubs it was trying to feed...
 
2019-08-29 6:03:20 PM  

cryinoutloud: Or your old fish-stinky waders.


Oh yeah? Well, I never catch anything, so try again, bears.
 
2019-08-29 6:36:06 PM  

holdmybones: I read this and the linked article and still have no idea what city this happened in. Am I missing something?


Highlands Park, CO.
Story came from GMA who interviewed the couple.
 
2019-08-29 10:03:10 PM  

bigdog1960: Perhaps it would have been more prudent to to retreat and let the bear leave of its own accord. And the bear would be alive. They should bear proof their house.


No, once a bear starts raiding people's houses, wildlife officials have to euthanize it.
 
2019-08-29 10:09:04 PM  
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