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(AP News)   Having solved all other problems the Mormon church reminds members that coffee by any other name is still coffee   (apnews.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Coffee, Joseph Smith, Jr., Brigham Young University, August issue of a church youth magazine, Brigham Young, Doctrine and Covenants, coffee shop  
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2752 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Aug 2019 at 4:00 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2019-08-16 01:52:08 PM  
In b4 WTF is the "Word of Wisdom?"

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Probably more sugar consumed in Mormondom than the rest of the world combined.
 
2019-08-16 03:46:01 PM  
But what about raktajino?  Is that covered?
 
2019-08-16 04:02:56 PM  
Yeah. You can pry my coffee from my cold, dead, and still shaking hands.
I don't trust a religion that's anti-coffee.
 
2019-08-16 04:04:39 PM  
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2019-08-16 04:05:22 PM  

NkThrasher: But what about raktajino?  Is that covered?


If they figure out how to grow it in Utah so money spent on it stays in the Mormon community economy.
 
2019-08-16 04:05:42 PM  
But "natural supplements" are natural.
 
2019-08-16 04:08:18 PM  
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2019-08-16 04:08:31 PM  
...and don't get us STARTED on pomegranates.
 
2019-08-16 04:08:59 PM  
Chocolate.  Scrutinized the article for chocolate.  Nothing.  Excellent article.
 
2019-08-16 04:09:00 PM  
Does Mormonism prohibit all caffeinated drinks, or just tea and coffee specifically?
 
2019-08-16 04:10:41 PM  
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2019-08-16 04:10:42 PM  
Which is why I always wake up do a nice cup of
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And at the end of the day, I like to relax with
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2019-08-16 04:11:06 PM  
Having visited Utah, I can tell you from experience that butt stuff seems to be okay.
 
2019-08-16 04:11:23 PM  
Apparently the prohibition is on "hot drinks" (see verse 9 in Somacandra's helpful post upthread). So soda is still good, and presumably even No-Doz. Is iced coffee still bad because it was brewed hot? And then, what about cold brew? So many questions.

/once believed the urban legend that they were OK with soda because they owned a big stake in Coca Cola
 
2019-08-16 04:11:50 PM  
The best part of waking up ....
is Folgers making you poo
 
2019-08-16 04:13:45 PM  
I drank a cup of coffee this morning.


Hail Satan!
 
2019-08-16 04:13:52 PM  
Of all the things to be weird about, I've always been kinda mystified by their anti-coffee stance (and magic underwear, but that's just what happens when you don't drink coffee). As far as actual harm goes, it's probably one of the safest addictive substances we have, and it makes the odd "Can you stay over for an extra twelve hours? It doesn't matter how you answer, btw." situations a lot more pleasant.
 
2019-08-16 04:13:52 PM  

Somacandra: In b4 WTF is the "Word of Wisdom?"

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Probably more sugar consumed in Mormondom than the rest of the world combined.


So weird, considering the church owned a gigantic sugar company:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utah-Id​a​ho_Sugar_Company
 
2019-08-16 04:15:27 PM  
Under
The
Almighty
Hand
 
2019-08-16 04:15:28 PM  

Wonktnod: Does Mormonism prohibit all caffeinated drinks, or just tea and coffee specifically?



Back in college, I visited the Polynesian Cultural Center on Oahu.  It's owned by the LDS Church and the majority of employees are students at BYU Hawaii.  During the luau, we had access to the soda fountains....and the Coke and Diet Coke were of the caffeine free variety.

Now....speaking as someone who enjoys caffeine, alcohol, and tobacco......

I highly recommend going there.
 
2019-08-16 04:16:46 PM  

Amish Tech Support: I drank a cup of coffee this morning.


Hail Satan!



I drank a cup of egg nog this morning.

Hail Santa!
 
2019-08-16 04:18:21 PM  
"This is the church clearly responding to higher levels of non-compliance to the Word of Wisdom than we've seen in previous generations," Mason said.

What's their stance on blending fabrics?
 
2019-08-16 04:19:28 PM  

Somacandra: In b4 WTF is the "Word of Wisdom?"

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Probably more sugar consumed in Mormondom than the rest of the world combined.


Wow. I have questions. Verse 7 seems to be saying making your own wine is okay but you just can't drink it. Pouring it on your body is totally okay though?

Also, does the church have a stance on boofing since it's technically an act of anal cleansing?
 
2019-08-16 04:19:45 PM  

Wonktnod: Does Mormonism prohibit all caffeinated drinks, or just tea and coffee specifically?


A good friend who is Mormon told me that the actual prohibition is against hot beverages, and by that he said beverages that make you hot, or translated, stimulated.  Did not research his statement.  I worked for a Mormon for 30 years who smoked tobacco and pot, drank booze, coffee, went to temple regularly, had numerous girlfriends along with two wives (was divorced), was totally a liberal democrat (Mo Udall's campaign lawyer) hated Bill Clinton and was happy when he was about to die because he was finally going to be reunited with his dead son.  He was one of the most interesting people I've ever known and a truly great person.
 
2019-08-16 04:19:48 PM  
I never understand how people buy into this nonsense. How does this pass the giggle test? "Hi, I'm god and I created the universe and everything in it, and the laws of physics, and oh by the way don't drink this one particular thing or I won't love you."
 
2019-08-16 04:21:22 PM  

The Irresponsible Captain: Yeah. You can pry my coffee from my cold, dead, and still shaking hands.
I don't trust a religion that's anti-coffee.


FTFM
 
2019-08-16 04:21:34 PM  

The_Sponge: Amish Tech Support: I drank a cup of coffee this morning.


Hail Satan!


I drank a cup of egg nog this morning.

Hail Santa!


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2019-08-16 04:24:16 PM  

Super Chronic: Apparently the prohibition is on "hot drinks" (see verse 9 in Somacandra's helpful post upthread). So soda is still good, and presumably even No-Doz. Is iced coffee still bad because it was brewed hot? And then, what about cold brew? So many questions.


BRB, going to drink a hot can of coke in utah to own the Mormons. Haw haw all these triggered snowflakes giving me disgusted looks!
 
2019-08-16 04:25:11 PM  
My (non-Mormon) boss once told me in earnest "I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't drink coffee. My body is my temple."
I replied: "Wow! Me too! My body is my temple. Though more like a Roman temple."

/let's just say he wasn't amused
 
2019-08-16 04:25:39 PM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: I never understand how people buy into this nonsense. How does this pass the giggle test? "Hi, I'm god and I created the universe and everything in it, and the laws of physics, and oh by the way don't drink this one particular thing or I won't love you."


I mean, I guess I can see a religion being anti-caffeine specifically and anti-drug generally -- "I'm god and I gave you this brain as it is, please don't mess with it" -- but the list of "eat this, don't eat that" doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. As I noted, the LDS prohibition seems to be more about beverage temperature than mind-altering qualities.

Same goes for Kashrut.
 
2019-08-16 04:29:22 PM  
Good! More coffee for me
 
2019-08-16 04:30:22 PM  
Why? Because you can't do those secret  handshakes with your hand twitching from caffeine!
 
2019-08-16 04:37:06 PM  
The religion was founded by a child raping bank fraudster.
 
2019-08-16 04:39:20 PM  

Super Chronic: Prank Call of Cthulhu: I never understand how people buy into this nonsense. How does this pass the giggle test? "Hi, I'm god and I created the universe and everything in it, and the laws of physics, and oh by the way don't drink this one particular thing or I won't love you."

I mean, I guess I can see a religion being anti-caffeine specifically and anti-drug generally -- "I'm god and I gave you this brain as it is, please don't mess with it" -- but the list of "eat this, don't eat that" doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. As I noted, the LDS prohibition seems to be more about beverage temperature than mind-altering qualities.

Same goes for Kashrut.


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2019-08-16 04:44:48 PM  
And a cult by any other name is still a cult, no matter how garish their temples are.
 
2019-08-16 04:46:00 PM  
What about covfefe?
 
2019-08-16 04:48:21 PM  

The Irresponsible Captain: Yeah. You can pry my coffee from my cold, dead, and still shaking hands.
I don't trust a religion that's anti-coffee.


This is why we all owe a debt to the Sufis. The Shaykh Ghothul Akbar Nooruddin Abu al-Hasan al-Shadhili  brought coffee from Ethiopia to Yemen.
 
2019-08-16 04:51:25 PM  
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Making Southern Baptists look like heathens since 1830.
 
2019-08-16 04:55:12 PM  
How do the men have the energy to deal with six wives without coffee or alcohol?
 
2019-08-16 04:59:36 PM  

Resident Muslim: My (non-Mormon) boss once told me in earnest "I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't drink coffee. My body is my temple."
I replied: "Wow! Me too! My body is my temple. Though more like a Roman temple."

/let's just say he wasn't amused


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2019-08-16 05:23:36 PM  

SMB2811: Resident Muslim: My (non-Mormon) boss once told me in earnest "I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't drink coffee. My body is my temple."
I replied: "Wow! Me too! My body is my temple. Though more like a Roman temple."

/let's just say he wasn't amused

[pics.me.me image 325x325]


Hah!
 
2019-08-16 05:25:06 PM  

Super Chronic: Prank Call of Cthulhu: I never understand how people buy into this nonsense. How does this pass the giggle test? "Hi, I'm god and I created the universe and everything in it, and the laws of physics, and oh by the way don't drink this one particular thing or I won't love you."

I mean, I guess I can see a religion being anti-caffeine specifically and anti-drug generally -- "I'm god and I gave you this brain as it is, please don't mess with it" -- but the list of "eat this, don't eat that" doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. As I noted, the LDS prohibition seems to be more about beverage temperature than mind-altering qualities.

Same goes for Kashrut.


The basis for Kashrut was safety (for the most part).  The foods that were prohibited, like pork, could be dangerous.  Somebody figured out about cross contamination and so you don't mix milk with meat.  Hell, even when I was a kid there were non-religious issues with pork - not so much nowadays.

My mother kept kosher because of her family.  Outside the house we didn't eat pork or seafood, but ate at non-kosher restaurants.  A little later in life my mom discovered lobster.  She still kept kosher so her sister could visit, but that was her gateway drug.
 
2019-08-16 05:26:50 PM  
Sounds like flakka is still in play though.
 
2019-08-16 05:30:19 PM  

Porkbelly: Wonktnod: Does Mormonism prohibit all caffeinated drinks, or just tea and coffee specifically?

A good friend who is Mormon told me that the actual prohibition is against hot beverages, and by that he said beverages that make you hot, or translated, stimulated.  Did not research his statement.  I worked for a Mormon for 30 years who smoked tobacco and pot, drank booze, coffee, went to temple regularly, had numerous girlfriends along with two wives (was divorced), was totally a liberal democrat (Mo Udall's campaign lawyer) hated Bill Clinton and was happy when he was about to die because he was finally going to be reunited with his dead son.  He was one of the most interesting people I've ever known and a truly great person.


Translated? Wasn't Joseph Smith pretty versed In English?

It's a bullshiat chunk of bullshiat. It was made up because coffee and tea in the early 1800s was generally served in salon like places where hipsters hung out and challenged dogma.

Same goes for seventh day Adventists. They have a prescription against reading fiction. Mostly because when their loony founder came up with the rules serialized stories in newspapers were the tawdry soap operas of the day.

Someone asked Jesus about the Jewish food laws and his response amounted to 'lol god cares about what comes out of your mouth. It what goes in it' .

Most religious rules boil down to some old and crotchety bastard not liking that the kids are so you try nowadays.
 
2019-08-16 05:49:52 PM  
Csb: I had a pastor once tell me that when Jesus turned water into wine it mean grape juice because back then wine referred to any fruit juice.

So 2000 years ago. In a mediteranian climate. They were storing grape juice that was minimally filtered or processed. In clay jars. And it wasn't fermenting. That for me is a more incredible miracle than water into wine. How did Jesus keep yeast at bay untill humans could discover refrigeration And pasteurization? It's pretty. Incredible.
 
2019-08-16 06:08:04 PM  
             People and their sky wizards
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2019-08-16 07:00:28 PM  
Yep. It's coffee.

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2019-08-16 07:33:57 PM  

The_Sponge: Amish Tech Support: I drank a cup of coffee this morning.


Hail Satan!


I drank a cup of egg nog this morning.

Hail Santa!


I drank a cup of coffee, used eggnog as creamer, AND I did it while wearing regular boxer shorts and a Jockey tee shirt!  A red one!

Satan and me are tight!
 
2019-08-16 07:39:54 PM  

allthesametome: Super Chronic: Prank Call of Cthulhu: I never understand how people buy into this nonsense. How does this pass the giggle test? "Hi, I'm god and I created the universe and everything in it, and the laws of physics, and oh by the way don't drink this one particular thing or I won't love you."

I mean, I guess I can see a religion being anti-caffeine specifically and anti-drug generally -- "I'm god and I gave you this brain as it is, please don't mess with it" -- but the list of "eat this, don't eat that" doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me either. As I noted, the LDS prohibition seems to be more about beverage temperature than mind-altering qualities.

Same goes for Kashrut.

The basis for Kashrut was safety (for the most part).  The foods that were prohibited, like pork, could be dangerous.  Somebody figured out about cross contamination and so you don't mix milk with meat.  Hell, even when I was a kid there were non-religious issues with pork - not so much nowadays.

My mother kept kosher because of her family.  Outside the house we didn't eat pork or seafood, but ate at non-kosher restaurants.  A little later in life my mom discovered lobster.  She still kept kosher so her sister could visit, but that was her gateway drug.


Having worked in a Vet school, I learned that pigs are probably one of the smartest of all barnyard animals, largest brain to body ratio.  They're like land dolphins, with other features.   I'm convinced that Kashrut for pigs was a subtle way of keeping these very smart animals from being abused by keeping them out of the food supply.  I think about that every time I eat a pepperoni pizza.

Never get surrounded by 30-50 feral pigs.  They have planned it all out.
 
2019-08-16 08:19:09 PM  
They got it backwards: it's Satan who doesn't want you drinking coffee as every cup brings you closer to God.*


*Even decaf, but you have to drink a whole lot more.
 
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