Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Atlantic)   More proof that you should do the most important jobs yourself   (theatlantic.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Murder, Contract killing, Assassination, Hitman, Contract killers, Organized crime, contract killings, Murder, Inc.  
•       •       •

5971 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jun 2019 at 1:07 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



47 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2019-06-12 1:14:16 AM  
Nassim Taleb advises to hire your enemies personal doctors. Over intervention by medical professionals gives you a halo of trying to help.
 
2019-06-12 1:27:27 AM  
hitmen are always cops. i thought we knew that already. there aere some jobs you just have to do yourself. trust me, i know
 
2019-06-12 1:28:24 AM  
all i'm saying, is some people are not talking and i am not in jail.
 
2019-06-12 1:33:52 AM  
Does anyone ever successfully hire a professional hit man or proposition a minor? Every time I try it, it's always an undercover cop. Am I just using the wrong websites? The last one even said in their profile that they definitely were not a cop!
 
2019-06-12 1:36:36 AM  
If you want something done right...
 
2019-06-12 1:39:32 AM  
i know a guy who will shoot someone on 5th ave in new york for you
 
2019-06-12 1:40:46 AM  

crinz83: i know a guy who will shoot someone on 5th ave in new york for you


And I know the guy who supplied the polonium bullet.
 
2019-06-12 1:42:02 AM  
Of course you should, has it ever been different?
 
2019-06-12 1:44:34 AM  
Dafuq?

Solicitation for murder gets you less than pot possession?
 
2019-06-12 1:44:35 AM  
Polonium is too heavy, and toxic. Lead  works just fine.
 
2019-06-12 1:45:24 AM  
HomeAdvisor under pest extermination.

YMMV.
 
2019-06-12 1:46:51 AM  

Katerchen: Dafuq?

Solicitation for murder gets you less than pot possession?


Yup.
 
2019-06-12 1:49:12 AM  
I recommend craigslist. Don't believe what you've heard, barely any cops out there.
 
2019-06-12 1:50:42 AM  
"Reid Meloy, a forensic psychologist who has consulted on a dozen murder-for-hire cases, told me that virtually all of the contract killers he's examined display moderate to severe psychopathy."

The best ones are the incompetent ones who quickly trust the person paying them to kill, even though they are the type of person who pays someone they barely know to kill someone else. That guy you met in a dingy bar offering you $2500 to murder his wife... the woman he married cannot even trust him to not try to have her killed. Let that sink in.
 
2019-06-12 1:53:18 AM  

some_beer_drinker: hitmen are always cops. i thought we knew that already. there aere some jobs you just have to do yourself. trust me, i know


Just like all 15 year old girls who want to meet some middle aged creeper they meet online are FBI agents.
 
2019-06-12 1:55:33 AM  
Huh, I thought that was an OpEd by Drew. My mistake
 
2019-06-12 2:00:16 AM  
The more interesting Atlantic Article was:

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/arc​h​ive/2019/05/self-censorship-campus-bad​-science/589969/

Self-censorship on Campus Is Bad for Science

Basically, there is an anti-science fringe on the Left. 

Enjoy the Young/Flat Earth Creationism.
 
2019-06-12 2:04:14 AM  
Some people don't want to see how the sausage is made.

Some may consider it kinder if someone other than a "loved one" does it.
 
2019-06-12 2:13:22 AM  

wildcardjack: Nassim Taleb advises to hire your enemies personal doctors. Over intervention by medical professionals gives you a halo of trying to help.


What's even better is if the person you want to kill has a medical issue already, so the doctor can murder the patient by neglect.
 
2019-06-12 2:14:30 AM  
Park Dietz, a forensic psychiatrist [...] has another theory as to why homicidal people hire help. "My prime suspect is the depiction of hit men in popular culture, such as films, TV, video games, and novels,"

Those damn video games strike again!
 
2019-06-12 2:16:24 AM  
Masturbation trifecta in play.
 
2019-06-12 2:18:05 AM  

some_beer_drinker: hitmen are always cops. i thought we knew that already. there aere some jobs you just have to do yourself. trust me, i know


Read the article--they had some cases where people were successful.

Phony_Soldier: Some people don't want to see how the sausage is made.

Some may consider it kinder if someone other than a "loved one" does it.


It also allows them to have an airtight alibi for the crime.
 
2019-06-12 2:31:03 AM  
I have a hard time believing 91% of all men have thought about murdering someone.
My boss was kidnapped and executed but it was all about the ransom. The only customer that I know who was involved with hiring a Arsonist  was this dope who was losing money and had these assholes burn it down for 500$. They poured gas all over the floor and forgot about the pilot lights. One never got out of the building the other put himself out across the street in some public park. Before he went to the hospital he ratted out the dopey bastard. Strangely enough the building owner got off.
 
2019-06-12 2:32:23 AM  

centaur5ball: Does anyone ever successfully hire a professional hit man


As the old adage goes

I could tell you, but then ...

// Knew this guy named Léon, he was a real professional.
 
2019-06-12 2:41:50 AM  

cakeman: I have a hard time believing 91% of all men have thought about murdering someone.
My boss was kidnapped and executed but it was all about the ransom. The only customer that I know who was involved with hiring a Arsonist  was this dope who was losing money and had these assholes burn it down for 500$. They poured gas all over the floor and forgot about the pilot lights. One never got out of the building the other put himself out across the street in some public park. Before he went to the hospital he ratted out the dopey bastard. Strangely enough the building owner got off.


Any link to a story about your boss?
 
2019-06-12 2:49:42 AM  

BadReligion: cakeman: I have a hard time believing 91% of all men have thought about murdering someone.
My boss was kidnapped and executed but it was all about the ransom. The only customer that I know who was involved with hiring a Arsonist  was this dope who was losing money and had these assholes burn it down for 500$. They poured gas all over the floor and forgot about the pilot lights. One never got out of the building the other put himself out across the street in some public park. Before he went to the hospital he ratted out the dopey bastard. Strangely enough the building owner got off.

Any link to a story about your boss?


His name was Irving bitz he supposedly killed Legs Diamond. I am no good at links . Just google Irving Bitz. I worked with home for 10 years then he got executed.
 
2019-06-12 2:56:42 AM  

centaur5ball: Does anyone ever successfully hire a professional hit man...


A Hit doth never prosper. Why? If it prosper none know it to be a Hit!
 
2019-06-12 3:24:27 AM  

cakeman: BadReligion: cakeman: I have a hard time believing 91% of all men have thought about murdering someone.
My boss was kidnapped and executed but it was all about the ransom. The only customer that I know who was involved with hiring a Arsonist  was this dope who was losing money and had these assholes burn it down for 500$. They poured gas all over the floor and forgot about the pilot lights. One never got out of the building the other put himself out across the street in some public park. Before he went to the hospital he ratted out the dopey bastard. Strangely enough the building owner got off.

Any link to a story about your boss?

His name was Irving bitz he supposedly killed Legs Diamond. I am no good at links . Just google Irving Bitz. I worked with home for 10 years then he got executed.


http://www.lindberghkidnappinghoax.com​/bitz.html
 
2019-06-12 3:24:30 AM  
I've tried subby, Im just not flexible enough
 
2019-06-12 3:29:59 AM  
So the take-home message I got from this article is that there's a largely untapped market out there for this service.   Maybe even a franchise opportunity?  Of course, success often hinges on the company name, so I would need something catchy.  Hmmmmmm.....
 
2019-06-12 3:44:35 AM  
I've never quite understood paying a stranger to kill someone.  It seems it would really raise the chances of getting killed for some money.  I mean, you got some money, and you want me to kill someone, how about I just kill the guy trying to get people killed and take the money.  At least that's what I would do if I were answering ads or placing ads for services rendered.  And I'd leave a string of identical headlines across the country in my wake.  "Man found dead after contacting killer to hire for a job"

/you had one jorb
//jorb done
///well what did you think would happen
 
2019-06-12 4:12:13 AM  

gorplop: Park Dietz, a forensic psychiatrist [...] has another theory as to why homicidal people hire help. "My prime suspect is the depiction of hit men in popular culture, such as films, TV, video games, and novels,"

Those damn video games strike again!


Park Dietz is, apparently, extremely poorly educated.

People have been hiring killers for various reasons since the invention of currency...and that just made it less cumbersome.
 
2019-06-12 5:48:35 AM  

some_beer_drinker: hitmen are always cops.


If you think about it: The reverse could also be true and it would be an airtight alibi.

A cop who is also a hitman on the side. Need someone whacked? Hire the cop, he pulls the target over, gets into a "struggle", kills him. He is cleared of all wrongdoing (did it out of self-defense), you move on. No one attaches you to the crime.

Cops are never held accountable for their use of deadly force so a hitman cop is easily the best hire. He also knows how surveillance, evidence gathering and detective investigations work so he can explain what you need to do and what you should not do so that you are never connected to the deed.

It's the perfect crime.
 
2019-06-12 5:53:29 AM  

ElFugawz: "Reid Meloy, a forensic psychologist who has consulted on a dozen murder-for-hire cases, told me that virtually all of the contract killers he's examined display moderate to severe psychopathy."

The best ones are the incompetent ones who quickly trust the person paying them to kill, even though they are the type of person who pays someone they barely know to kill someone else. That guy you met in a dingy bar offering you $2500 to murder his wife... the woman he married cannot even trust him to not try to have her killed. Let that sink in.


Reid Malloy?
media-cache-ak0.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2019-06-12 5:57:26 AM  
Meh. If you want somebody executed, all you gotta do is SWAT them.
 
2019-06-12 6:27:00 AM  
Woody harrelsons father?
 
2019-06-12 6:48:12 AM  

lordargent: centaur5ball: Does anyone ever successfully hire a professional hit man?

As the old adage goes

I could tell you, but then ...

// Knew this guy named Léon, he was a real professional.


Or, you post an article on contract killing in a news aggregator site from your work computer and wait for the comments.  Most of the comments are "jokes" and to be ignored.  There are a couple, though, that seem genuine and have EIP.  From their previous comments on the aggregator site, you know they are very likely psychopaths.  You arrange for a Strangers on a Train/Throw Momma From the Train type of criss-cross murder and, because it's virtually untraceable, you get away with it.  You diabolic cur!  Mods, do your duty and call SWAT on subby!
 
2019-06-12 7:08:13 AM  
This is a clearly a case of "You get what you pay for".  $402 and some gold rings does NOT buy a quality hit.  If you want it done right, pony up the cash. A good hit costs a minimum of $10K.  If you want it look like an accident, expect to pay at least $20K.
 
2019-06-12 7:18:49 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Just ask a pro
 
2019-06-12 8:02:02 AM  
Warren Zevon - Werewolves Of London (1978)
Youtube fIPvljWfH00
 
2019-06-12 8:55:51 AM  
Cover the paper trail properly and you're fine.

Kids In The Hall - The Hit
Youtube 8SXHp42HGUA
 
2019-06-12 9:42:55 AM  

cakeman: BadReligion: cakeman: I have a hard time believing 91% of all men have thought about murdering someone.
My boss was kidnapped and executed but it was all about the ransom. The only customer that I know who was involved with hiring a Arsonist  was this dope who was losing money and had these assholes burn it down for 500$. They poured gas all over the floor and forgot about the pilot lights. One never got out of the building the other put himself out across the street in some public park. Before he went to the hospital he ratted out the dopey bastard. Strangely enough the building owner got off.

Any link to a story about your boss?

His name was Irving bitz he supposedly killed Legs Diamond. I am no good at links . Just google Irving Bitz. I worked with home for 10 years then he got executed.


So "cakeman" isn't just your Fark login is it?
 
2019-06-12 9:47:58 AM  

Prince George: cakeman: BadReligion: cakeman: I have a hard time believing 91% of all men have thought about murdering someone.
My boss was kidnapped and executed but it was all about the ransom. The only customer that I know who was involved with hiring a Arsonist  was this dope who was losing money and had these assholes burn it down for 500$. They poured gas all over the floor and forgot about the pilot lights. One never got out of the building the other put himself out across the street in some public park. Before he went to the hospital he ratted out the dopey bastard. Strangely enough the building owner got off.

Any link to a story about your boss?

His name was Irving bitz he supposedly killed Legs Diamond. I am no good at links . Just google Irving Bitz. I worked with home for 10 years then he got executed.

So "cakeman" isn't just your Fark login is it?


I worked for some sketchy folks before in private sanitation and in the newspaper and magazine rackets but I was never connected with them. I maybe could say I was amica nostra, but never promised a seat at the table so to speak.
 
2019-06-12 10:28:17 AM  

lordargent: centaur5ball: Does anyone ever successfully hire a professional hit man

As the old adage goes

I could tell you, but then ...

// Knew this guy named Léon, he was a real professional.


you free tuesday?
 
2019-06-12 10:38:23 AM  

ThatsUnfortunate: So the take-home message I got from this article is that there's a largely untapped market out there for this service.   Maybe even a franchise opportunity?  Of course, success often hinges on the company name, so I would need something catchy.  Hmmmmmm.....


Permanent Solutions
People Cleaners
The problem solvers
Conreete feet emporium
Wackjobs
The butler did it cleaning services
Dissappearers
Human waste management Inc
People as problems as solutions coporate services
 
2019-06-12 10:41:23 AM  
Sometimes the math adds up. $10,000 and no ex wife, well within a year I'm in profit territory.

As long as nobody gets caught. But you gotta take risks to get ahead.
 
2019-06-12 5:50:24 PM  
Why have a hitman?
Concrete Alibi.
Not knowing the specific time table so you can act "genuinely" surprised
No forensic data directly linking you to the crime.

and finally, a one time $200,000 payment is better than a divorce settlement where you lose half of your assets and potentially have to pay alimony/child support.

/allegedly
//I was at the party all night
///slashies in the dark
 
Displayed 47 of 47 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter



  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.