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(MEL Magazine)   The pie is a lie   (melmagazine.com) divider line
    More: Sad, Pizza delivery, Pizza, Domino's Pizza Tracker, English-language films, Pizza saver, Delivery, bogus progress bars, step of your pizza  
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6531 clicks; posted to Main » and Business » on 23 May 2019 at 12:53 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



65 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2019-05-23 12:58:23 AM  
'Murica.
 
2019-05-23 12:58:25 AM  
Just ask the guy.
 
2019-05-23 12:59:18 AM  
Then I'm going to follow the delivery guy in my car until he arrives at my house, where my wife will be ready to receive him.

Serious journalism, or cuckold porn. You decide.
 
2019-05-23 1:01:13 AM  
System Of A Down - Pizza Pie
Youtube xYvtRBqNhXs



/one of my favorite bands
 
2019-05-23 1:01:59 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Then I'm going to follow the delivery guy in my car until he arrives at my house, where my wife will be ready to receive him.

Serious journalism, or cuckold porn. You decide.


The first and only time he'll come in 30 minutes or less.
 
2019-05-23 1:02:49 AM  
Portal - 'Still Alive'
Youtube Y6ljFaKRTrI
 
2019-05-23 1:06:19 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Then I'm going to follow the delivery guy in my car until he arrives at my house, where my wife will be ready to receive him.

Serious journalism, or cuckold porn. You decide.


I think my life would be complete if I heard these words, in complete seriousness, by a news anchor.  Bonus points if involving a teleprompter, for the realization of what they just said hitting them the instant before cutting to commercial.
 
2019-05-23 1:06:34 AM  
This didn't happen
 
2019-05-23 1:06:49 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

worst yelp review of all time
 
2019-05-23 1:08:11 AM  
That was an  amusing read and an answer to a question I had vaguely pondered a time or two.

/team Hawaiian pizza is delicious heresy
 
2019-05-23 1:10:12 AM  
That actually was way more investigative journalism than the usual cut-and-paste re-arrangements of official press releases we usually get from the local paper. With unsurprising results but good to confirm.
 
2019-05-23 1:10:22 AM  
And they told me journalism is dead.
 
2019-05-23 1:13:18 AM  
If we can't trust corporations, who can we trust?
 
2019-05-23 1:20:19 AM  
Then I'm going to follow the delivery guy in my car until he arrives at my house, where my wife will be ready to receive him.

Once he realized that the delivery guy wasn't going straight to his house, why not just go home and wait for him to show up?
 
2019-05-23 1:23:08 AM  

bingethinker: Then I'm going to follow the delivery guy in my car until he arrives at my house, where my wife will be ready to receive him.

Once he realized that the delivery guy wasn't going straight to his house, why not just go home and wait for him to show up?


How often do you get to tail a guy for work? Take opportunities where they come.
 
2019-05-23 1:27:03 AM  
Padding the system like the airlines and still be on time.  Nothing new here.
 
2019-05-23 1:33:40 AM  
"...I'm forced to run a red light and cut off oncoming traffic."

Really? Over the accuracy of a goddam pizza tracking app?

The guy is a straight-up asshole.
 
2019-05-23 1:34:37 AM  
Are all of you white? Because that explains a lot.
 
2019-05-23 1:40:36 AM  
Brian VanHooker is a writer at MEL. He is the co-creator of the John O'Hurley pilot 'The Tramp' and co-created 'Barnum & Elwood.' He also hosts a TMNT interview podcast.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles interview podcast? I guess that explains why he was writing about pizza.
 
2019-05-23 1:42:57 AM  
Step one: Move where's legal weed.

Step two: Order better pizza.

Step three: Put on music and wait for pizza
 
2019-05-23 1:51:11 AM  

karl2025: bingethinker: Then I'm going to follow the delivery guy in my car until he arrives at my house, where my wife will be ready to receive him.

Once he realized that the delivery guy wasn't going straight to his house, why not just go home and wait for him to show up?

How often do you get to tail a guy for work? Take opportunities where they come.


Take the opportunity to be involved in a fatal crash by running a red light?
 
2019-05-23 1:55:22 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-05-23 1:55:35 AM  

ThunderPelvis: [YouTube video: Portal - 'Still Alive']


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-05-23 1:58:22 AM  
"At this point, the tracker still says my pizza is on the way, so I assume while the other stages are bullshiat, this one requires some sort of confirmation button by the delivery guy to be pushed."

I have to figure even this part is bullshiat because about a month back my delivery was late and the tracker switched over to showing it had been delivered.

Although it's possible the driver had fraudulently signaled the delivery as complete so he wouldn't get in shiat for being slow but since the rest of the thing is just a glorified timer I doubt it.

/another on team pineapple checking in
 
2019-05-23 2:10:29 AM  
Why did it feel like I was reading a high school newspaper article?

I've read more cromulent journalism on Buzzfeed regarding what my choices in pizza toppings reveal about the man I'm going to marry.

/already married
//to a woman
///but apparently I will marry a portugese fisherman
 
2019-05-23 2:12:42 AM  
"plus, pineapple on pizza is delicious"

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2019-05-23 2:20:35 AM  
People who spend all day on the road tend to be aware drivers, at least compared to the general population.

If someone seems to be following you around, do you go straight to your destination or take a few funky turns?
 
2019-05-23 2:24:37 AM  
And I thought my day-to-day was empty, boring, and pointless

Also, you can't just trust a single observation. I expect an good experimental design, adequate replication, and a good statistical model that adjusts for such confounding factors like traffic, delivery driver, etc., anything that could feasibly influence the deviation of the tracker to the actual timeline of events.
 
2019-05-23 2:48:24 AM  
I was going to say something, then realized I'd be admitting to ordering from Domino's.
 
2019-05-23 3:06:06 AM  

Boo_Guy: "At this point, the tracker still says my pizza is on the way, so I assume while the other stages are bullshiat, this one requires some sort of confirmation button by the delivery guy to be pushed."

I have to figure even this part is bullshiat because about a month back my delivery was late and the tracker switched over to showing it had been delivered.

Although it's possible the driver had fraudulently signaled the delivery as complete so he wouldn't get in shiat for being slow but since the rest of the thing is just a glorified timer I doubt it.

/another on team pineapple checking in


I've had some side jobs with various pizza chains over the years. Delivery status stuff isn't BS from how I've seen it work. There's actual data going into these systems when a driver is assigned a delivery, and when they return to get back in the queue for more deliveries. In a case like you describe, the driver probably couldn't find you and couldn't get in contact with you. When they checked back in to the system, it automatically marks their delivery/deliveries as complete. Depending on the quality of the store/franchise/chain the hope is you'd notice and get in contact with them to ask what's going on, so then they can do the customer service thing. If not, the order gets revised as canceled as soon as someone has time to manually do that, most often at the end of the evening or the driver's shift.
 
2019-05-23 3:17:26 AM  

zerkalo: This didn't happen


Yes, it did
 
2019-05-23 3:29:41 AM  

cgraves67: That was an  amusing read and an answer to a question I had vaguely pondered a time or two.

/team Hawaiian pizza is delicious heresy


My problem with Hawaiian pizza is not the pineapple, that's awesome. It's the low quality ham that is often paired with. Nothing ruins a pizza more than when they use that slimy, watery, bargain bin, pre-sliced sandwich ham on it.

/my opinion.
 
2019-05-23 3:53:13 AM  
I am sure some people believe that Dominos place a tracking beacon on their pizza which lets the system report a live status of what their pizza is doing at any given moment.

More likely the entire system works off timestamps and estimation - when the order was placed, how many orders are ahead of it, how long it should take to prepare, cook, inspect and assemble, how long it should take to deliver. After prep it might get an accurate timestamp to get it back on track again and drivers might be tracked but there is no magic to it, it's a best guess.
 
2019-05-23 4:16:12 AM  
"after all, they had Deep Throat to spoon feed them"

/Barf
 
2019-05-23 4:23:39 AM  
Ranch dressing?
 
2019-05-23 4:26:31 AM  

harpagon: cgraves67: That was an  amusing read and an answer to a question I had vaguely pondered a time or two.

/team Hawaiian pizza is delicious heresy

My problem with Hawaiian pizza is not the pineapple, that's awesome. It's the low quality ham that is often paired with. Nothing ruins a pizza more than when they use that slimy, watery, bargain bin, pre-sliced sandwich ham on it.

/my opinion.


Workaround:  ham + bacon + pineapple

/and jalapeños
 
2019-05-23 4:31:41 AM  

johnny_vegas: Ranch dressing?


Because they eat baby carrots with their pizza.
 
2019-05-23 5:26:53 AM  
Yeah the pizza tracker in the US for Dominos is pretty terrible in my experience. The one for Australian Dominos though at least has the ability to track your delivery driver's progress on a map if they have GPS enabled, which still is only about 1/3 of the time. I've been able to meet a few deliveries at the downstairs of my building before they have a chance to ring me.
 
2019-05-23 5:33:30 AM  

johnny_vegas: Ranch dressing?


Apparently so.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-05-23 5:54:37 AM  

karl2025: If we can't trust corporations, who can we trust?


The people who tell us government is the problem, obviously.
 
2019-05-23 6:05:57 AM  

Twintop: Yeah the pizza tracker in the US for Dominos is pretty terrible in my experience. The one for Australian Dominos though at least has the ability to track your delivery driver's progress on a map if they have GPS enabled, which still is only about 1/3 of the time. I've been able to meet a few deliveries at the downstairs of my building before they have a chance to ring me.


I can also confirm that Canadian Dominos works pretty well.

Though I don't know how or why. It's not like the employees log everything about one pizza in a system constantly. I just assumed it went of average delivery times or something.
 
2019-05-23 6:09:32 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Brian VanHooker

Brian VanHooker is a writer at MEL. He is the co-creator of the John O'Hurley pilot 'The Tramp' and co-created 'Barnum & Elwood.' He also hosts a TMNT interview podcast.
His wife recently filed for divorce. According to her lawyer she's 'tired of this type of shiat"
 
2019-05-23 6:13:07 AM  
Silly but fun blawg...I enjoyed it.
 
2019-05-23 7:02:27 AM  
Could've been worse. They could've used the old Windows download timer as their template. "Your pizza will be ready in 10 minutes... in 30 hours... in 2 minutes... in 1 week... in 7 minutes and 45 seconds and 23 milliseconds..."
 
2019-05-23 7:25:23 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Then I'm going to follow the delivery guy in my car until he arrives at my house, where my wife will be ready to receive him.

Serious journalism, or cuckold porn. You decide.


You keep stealing my thoughts and there will be consequences sir - far worse than Fiona banging Matt Damon behind your back.
 
2019-05-23 7:28:44 AM  
I for one think it's great investigative journalism.  Better than making crap up like Fox and CNN.
 
2019-05-23 7:34:00 AM  
He's got...too much time on his hands....
 
2019-05-23 7:43:40 AM  

drxym: I am sure some people believe that Dominos place a tracking beacon on their pizza which lets the system report a live status of what their pizza is doing at any given moment.

More likely the entire system works off timestamps and estimation - when the order was placed, how many orders are ahead of it, how long it should take to prepare, cook, inspect and assemble, how long it should take to deliver. After prep it might get an accurate timestamp to get it back on track again and drivers might be tracked but there is no magic to it, it's a best guess.


Wouldn't be hard really to run an equivalent.  Drop a bar code on each pizza prep tray, oven scans bar code, delivery dude scans bar code, track pizza dude's car with any one of 245892 readily available applets custom wedged into your tracking site, etc.  Kinda gimmicky but quite feasible technically to get awfully close to real time.
 
2019-05-23 8:43:32 AM  
There is a lot of this type of foofery out there. It would take a lot of software and extra people to do all this tracking for reals.
 
2019-05-23 9:48:53 AM  

edmo: There is a lot of this type of foofery out there. It would take a lot of software and extra people to do all this tracking for reals.


I delivered for a mom and pop that tried the GPS thing for online orders a few years ago but we gave up after a week because it didn't ping often enough to be accurate and wasted the fark out of everyone's phone batteries anyway.

It also looks bad at 11 PM when the last driver left gets three deliveries at the same time going in all different directions from the store.
 
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