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(Wikipedia)   My cat's been missing three weeks and I'm still crying my eyes out. I barely cried when my dad died two years ago and I loved him. ... Do any Farkers cry over less important things (being late; getting a low grade) and not others (your father dying)?   (en.m.wikipedia.org) divider line
    More: Survey, Tears, people cry, Crying, Lacrimal gland, separation cry, shedding of tears, person cries, individual cries  
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123 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 15 Apr 2019 at 1:00 PM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2019-04-15 12:15:45 PM  
I think we know that people know they were loved and they also know that they are dying. We're not sure about our pets. We know we love them and we know when they're dying, but I don't think they know they're dying.

I hope your cat finds his or her way home. I've said a prayer to St. Francis.
 
2019-04-15 12:29:31 PM  
I didn't cry when my grandmother died.

I bawled like a child when I had to put my cat Boomer to sleep.
 
2019-04-15 12:31:02 PM  
Losing pets is how life warms you up for the real losses.  It is all supposed to hurt.
 
2019-04-15 12:34:02 PM  
I've always been like this. ... A grade under 90? I missed the beginning of a movie? I'm five minutes late?

I have a major disconnect from appropriate and inappropriate times to cry.

And, I hate Hallmark movies. I'm not like that. ... It's just very specific what I cry about. I won't cry when a cop pulls me over (rarely happens). I'm cool as a cucumber. ... But, I find out that I may have screwed something up at work (usually minor things), I could be inconsolable.

So, it's way beyond my cat. ... I feel my brain is defective for not even feeling the need to cry when my dad died. His death was unexpected, but he went out quickly. I do find 100% comfort in that, yet I should still feel the need to cry, but I don't.

I just don't think my mother or stepmother understand why I'm still so upset over my missing kitty, Criss Cross. ... I feel like a moron and now I have to do my best to hide my feelings when talking with them.
 
2019-04-15 12:39:41 PM  
This is the same with all of my grandparents. I don't think I shed a tear for any of them. ... And, they were loving. ... I know I'm not alone in this. ... Heck, there's a Seinfeld episode about Jerry dating a girl that cried over everything, except when her grandparent died. ... That's me!?! ... That's the first time I had hope that I wasn't the only one like that.
 
2019-04-15 12:40:35 PM  
I appreciate any thoughts you have. ... You're a bright bunch.
 
2019-04-15 12:43:28 PM  
It's harder because you don't know where your kitty is, and that uncertainty is s harder to bear. We understand ❤❤❤❤❤
 
2019-04-15 12:44:22 PM  
There is a big difference on the scale of tragedy from a grandparent who lived a long and full life compared to a teenager tragically killed in a car wreck or school shooting well before they even had a chance to experience life.  When my grandparents died I was more happy that they weren't in physical pain any more.
I think we ascribe the innocence of a child to our pets so the loss has a heavy tragedy to it.
 
2019-04-15 12:44:42 PM  
I had a coworker say that losing a pet is extra-hard, because they're kinda child-like.

As to the question, maybe it depends on context for me. I was too shellshocked to cry when I got fired for bullshiat reasons last year (told that it was because I had "oversold" myself by giving them the impression that I had news production skills/background I never claimed to have, then when I called them out on it was told that it was their mistake, then got an official letter two months later going back to the "oversold" line. It was totallynot because of temporary disabilities I had at the time), but I cried six months later out of built-up frustration when a really promising lead suddenly died with an email from the hiring manager that handwaved me as being not a good candidate because I had a news background and not a commercial one like I actually had.

/After consulting with an expert, I wrote the perfect email response to that of "golly gee-whiz, I must have made it unclear on my resume, because I actually have a commercial production background!:
//They just didn't respond to that one
 
2019-04-15 12:49:09 PM  
I cried like a baby when my dog died when I was 13.  She was the best friend I had in the world.  When my grandpa died when I was 19, I didn't cry until I saw my uncle break down blubbering, saying "I really did love the old guy" because it reminded me of the rocky relationship I had with my own dad at the time.  When grandma died several years later I didn't cry at all.

So yeah, I think that's normal.  But I think pets are on a different level from being late or getting a bad grade.
 
2019-04-15 12:51:04 PM  
Hitler liked cats, too.
 
2019-04-15 12:51:14 PM  

Markoff_Cheney: There is a big difference on the scale of tragedy from a grandparent who lived a long and full life compared to a teenager tragically killed in a car wreck or school shooting well before they even had a chance to experience life.  When my grandparents died I was more happy that they weren't in physical pain any more.
I think we ascribe the innocence of a child to our pets so the loss has a heavy tragedy to it.


I whole-heartedly agree. I cried at friends' funerals. ... As for my kitty, if he's out there somewhere and not dead, he can't contact me and tell me where he is. It's killing me. ... I have to now put it aside for certain people that don't want to know my excruciating pain.
 
2019-04-15 12:53:50 PM  
I'm still grieving my cat who died 2-1/2 years ago. My dad is still alive but I assure you I won't feel at all sad when he dies.

My cat stuck to me like glue for sixteen years and was a constant source of comfort and companionship. When she finally got too sick she came to me with a look in her eyes that said, you have to let me go now, I can't do this any more. She died in my arms.

You can probably intuit where my dad fell on the "comfort and companionship" scale.

I grieved when my mom died, and I will always miss her. But that cat was my daughter. She bonded to me from the very first day we adopted her. Outliving your children is hard. I still see her sometimes, when I turn a corner and it's kind of dark and there's one of those spots where she used to sit. I'll see her plain as day for a split second.
 
2019-04-15 12:54:57 PM  

hobnail: I cried like a baby when my dog died when I was 13.  She was the best friend I had in the world.  When my grandpa died when I was 19, I didn't cry until I saw my uncle break down blubbering, saying "I really did love the old guy" because it reminded me of the rocky relationship I had with my own dad at the time.  When grandma died several years later I didn't cry at all.

So yeah, I think that's normal.  But I think pets are on a different level from being late or getting a bad grade.


They are on another level. But, those are the times when I've gone ballistic. (I'm 47 this Saturday. It's been awhile since I had a bad grade.) ... I'm just amazed at where my brain/emotions begin and end. ... It makes no sense.
 
2019-04-15 12:55:42 PM  
Humans have a certain amount of agency. Our pets, being domesticated, are to varying degrees....somewhat helpless in comparison. Like young children.

I had some maintenance people in my place a few months back, noticed that the front door was open, and I could not see where my cat was. She is a new cat, and does not know the grounds of the apartment complex I live in yet.

I panicked. Pretty badly.

I found her safe in the house a short while later and I cussed myself out for freaking. But I should not have. It's....a human thing to do that.

I was her provider, I was her guardian, I had a responsibility to this little creature I had accepted into my care.

I thought I had failed her and put her at hazard in a moment of carelessness.
 
2019-04-15 12:57:33 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Hitler liked cats, too.


And, my hubby and I have the same birthday as Hitler. ... Coincidence?!?
 
2019-04-15 12:58:00 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Hitler liked cats, too.


Jesus, dude, REALLY? You had to say this thing??
 
2019-04-15 01:00:06 PM  

Kittypie070: Humans have a certain amount of agency. Our pets, being domesticated, are to varying degrees....somewhat helpless in comparison. Like young children.

I had some maintenance people in my place a few months back, noticed that the front door was open, and I could not see where my cat was. She is a new cat, and does not know the grounds of the apartment complex I live in yet.

I panicked. Pretty badly.

I found her safe in the house a short while later and I cussed myself out for freaking. But I should not have. It's....a human thing to do that.

I was her provider, I was her guardian, I had a responsibility to this little creature I had accepted into my care.

I thought I had failed her and put her at hazard in a moment of carelessness.


That's pretty much my thought process the last three weeks. ... We had the TILE on him the day before and we took it off. ... I can't stop thinking about that. And, then I start bawling.
 
2019-04-15 01:01:55 PM  

Grumpy Cat: Markoff_Cheney: There is a big difference on the scale of tragedy from a grandparent who lived a long and full life compared to a teenager tragically killed in a car wreck or school shooting well before they even had a chance to experience life.  When my grandparents died I was more happy that they weren't in physical pain any more.
I think we ascribe the innocence of a child to our pets so the loss has a heavy tragedy to it.

I whole-heartedly agree. I cried at friends' funerals. ... As for my kitty, if he's out there somewhere and not dead, he can't contact me and tell me where he is. It's killing me. ... I have to now put it aside for certain people that don't want to know my excruciating pain.


I had to move back up to my parent's place in the mountains 4 years ago or so and one of my two cats just never came home one night.  I still like to pretend he found a wild pack of cool cats and they took him in, instead of he got swooped up by an owl or whatever.
 
2019-04-15 01:04:01 PM  

Grumpy Cat: That's pretty much my thought process the last three weeks. ... We had the TILE on him the day before and we took it off. ... I can't stop thinking about that. And, then I start bawling.


I'm so sorry :(
 
2019-04-15 01:05:35 PM  

Kittypie070: ecmoRandomNumbers: Hitler liked cats, too.

Jesus, dude, REALLY? You had to say this thing??



/It's ok, and I'm Jewish
//We share a birthday
///And pot day
 
2019-04-15 01:07:20 PM  

Grumpy Cat: Kittypie070: ecmoRandomNumbers: Hitler liked cats, too.

Jesus, dude, REALLY? You had to say this thing??



/It's ok, and I'm Jewish
//We share a birthday
///And pot day


Well, whoops, my bad :p
 
2019-04-15 01:09:37 PM  
I think sometimes we are caught up in the tensions and activities associated with a loved-one's funeral - and while we are mourning, it is not shown the same way for everyone.  Also, sometimes that emotion gets built up and released at unrelated times - like the kitty incident.  Your tears are for your cat, but they are also for your dad - especially if you had to be "the strong one" during the funeral.
 
2019-04-15 01:10:51 PM  
I'm sorry about your cat, I have a friend who is going through the same thing and just decided this weekend to accept that the cat will not be coming home.  Pets hit me the hardest, so I feel your pain.

On a brighter note, Happy Almost Birthday!!!
 
2019-04-15 01:21:54 PM  

justadadX3: I think sometimes we are caught up in the tensions and activities associated with a loved-one's funeral - and while we are mourning, it is not shown the same way for everyone.  Also, sometimes that emotion gets built up and released at unrelated times - like the kitty incident.  Your tears are for your cat, but they are also for your dad - especially if you had to be "the strong one" during the funeral.


My dad, like myself, was not into the fussiness of funerals and didn't have one. (Ooh. Look at me. I'm dead.) I highly respect that. ... We scattered his ashes over the last two years over his favorite spots. ... He was a great father, husband, human being. (He was a very early supporter of Bernie.) He was a pain in the ass and everything else, but I've cried over almost anything, except for his death. ... It's a sickness in my head. My focus sometimes goes into the minutiae of every day life. Not always the really important things. ... But, I think I've complained enough to you guys. I appreciate you listening.
 
2019-04-15 01:27:25 PM  
Grampa died when I was like 8, he seemed like kind of an awesome grampa at the time.  I went out to play.

My mother died, she was 90% evil in life, didn't bother me all that much.  It destroyed my sister, who used to be the recipient of most of that evil.  My uncle died of the same thing, a few years later, that led to my grandmother just giving up on life and dying soon after.  Grandma was an evil racist, and not a particularly loving lady, so meh.

Two friends died of cirrhosis at young ages, those were pretty sad, but expected.

My long time dogs have died in their sleep, or put down at the vet.  Very sad, but part of the package.

My recent dog, had incurable pain, and I had to put him down after a year of failed treatments.  I cried like a baby, and it seriously caught me by surprise that I did so.

I'm now wishing my elderly mentally ill dad will find find the sweet release of death soon.

I don't think it's a matter of less important, it's more a matter of the unexpectedness, and how much you were responsible for their well being, and specific little unmeasurable things like how much life they had left in them.
 
2019-04-15 01:28:22 PM  
When my grandparents died, I felt bad for my parents, but I was kind've like "...bummer".

When my last dog died, after 15yrs.. I had to take a week off work I was so devastated. Going to bed, and waking up, realizing he wasn't there each time was soul crushing.
 
2019-04-15 01:30:38 PM  

Ker_Thwap: Grampa died when I was like 8, he seemed like kind of an awesome grampa at the time.  I went out to play.

My mother died, she was 90% evil in life, didn't bother me all that much.  It destroyed my sister, who used to be the recipient of most of that evil.  My uncle died of the same thing, a few years later, that led to my grandmother just giving up on life and dying soon after.  Grandma was an evil racist, and not a particularly loving lady, so meh.

Two friends died of cirrhosis at young ages, those were pretty sad, but expected.

My long time dogs have died in their sleep, or put down at the vet.  Very sad, but part of the package.

My recent dog, had incurable pain, and I had to put him down after a year of failed treatments.  I cried like a baby, and it seriously caught me by surprise that I did so.

I'm now wishing my elderly mentally ill dad will find find the sweet release of death soon.

I don't think it's a matter of less important, it's more a matter of the unexpectedness, and how much you were responsible for their well being, and specific little unmeasurable things like how much life they had left in them.


Thank you for this.
 
2019-04-15 01:31:19 PM  

Teambaylagoon: When my grandparents died, I felt bad for my parents, but I was kind've like "...bummer".

When my last dog died, after 15yrs.. I had to take a week off work I was so devastated. Going to bed, and waking up, realizing he wasn't there each time was soul crushing.


Yup. This.
 
2019-04-15 01:32:11 PM  

Kittypie070: Grumpy Cat: Kittypie070: ecmoRandomNumbers: Hitler liked cats, too.

Jesus, dude, REALLY? You had to say this thing??


/It's ok, and I'm Jewish
//We share a birthday
///And pot day

Well, whoops, my bad :p


Hah. Don't worry. Thanks for being there for me.
 
2019-04-15 01:36:51 PM  
I'm still curious who laughs at most of my comments about missing my cat. I've mentioned this more than once on Fark, recently. ... It's either someone who hates me or is keeping me grounded by telling me: Welcome to Fark. I'll never know.
 
2019-04-15 01:47:37 PM  

Grumpy Cat: justadadX3: 
My dad, like myself, was not into the fussiness of funerals and didn't have one. (Ooh. Look at me. I'm dead.) I highly respect that. ...


Funerals are not for the dead - they are for the living - but I get the thought behind that decision.  I volunteer as a facilitator in a Grief ministry - there are a whole range of feelings and emotions people bring to grieving - and often it is anger, resentment, fear, sadness --- all of it.  And it is all mixed up together and any of those can be triggered @ any time.  If someone that was supposed to love you - but was a SOB - dies - you grieve not having what you should have had.  I had one mom in a recent class whose son committed suicide (pills) - and she was / is really angry - really really angry.  Had him die in her arms.  So much hurt and loss in every death.  If someone reading this needs to talk - reach out - I will try to find someone close to you that can help.
 
2019-04-15 01:48:49 PM  

Grumpy Cat: I'm still curious who laughs at most of my comments about missing my cat. I've mentioned this more than once on Fark, recently. ... It's either someone who hates me or is keeping me grounded by telling me: Welcome to Fark. I'll never know.


Whoever it is, is an asshole, unworthy of notice. I'm sorry some asshole is doing this.
 
2019-04-15 01:49:16 PM  

Grumpy Cat: I'm still curious who laughs at most of my comments about missing my cat. I've mentioned this more than once on Fark, recently. ... It's either someone who hates me or is keeping me grounded by telling me: Welcome to Fark. I'll never know.


It's just a random coward on the internet thing.  Unable to express themselves using language to put forth a coherent statement about the confusion and hate in their own little brain.  If someone funnies something you hold dear, it's a reflection on them.  Ignore them.

/Cue the funny votes.
//Unless what you hold dear is really socially abysmal, but I doubt that's the case here.
 
2019-04-15 02:02:03 PM  
Damn, I feel your pain submitter.  I remember a friend visiting some years ago and of course my cat picked that ay to make a break for it, probably due to all of the commotion. So I was a complete sobbing mess.  Thankfully it was a friend who had already seen me at my worse so they didn't think I was a complete nutter.

Pets are pretty darned important.  They're family.

Good luck.

(The cat came back, they generally do. Keep your eyes open and your chin up.)
 
2019-04-15 02:06:15 PM  
The death of a cat can be just as "important" as a hunan death. There's  no griefometer gauge from hamster to human.

Hugs, subby.   I hope that your cat has just found an old lady who feeds him jars of caviar and dainty pieces of smoked salmon all day.
 
2019-04-15 02:26:26 PM  
Lost my mom to cancer two years ago.  Didn't do much grieving in public, but I absolutely howled with despair when I got the call from my old man.  Then, once or twice a month, early Saturday mornings after I had dropped one of my kids off for their 6am retail shift, I'd be sitting at my desk and suddenly find myself bawling.  This went on for maybe a year at most.

Grieving is weird, and we all have our own way to do it.  Nothing wrong with your feelings, subby, and I do hope you find your cat.
 
2019-04-15 02:36:35 PM  
I'm trying very hard not to cry right now over the burning of Notre Dame.
 
2019-04-15 02:51:47 PM  

Grumpy Cat: I appreciate any thoughts you have. ... You're a bright bunch.


Because "missing" is not knowing.  I put up flyers for over a year when Emmitt went missing.

Was this an indoor cat or an indoor/outdoor cat?  I suspect you have done a lot of research, and know that the way cats that are indoor only act when they get out is not at all like an indoor/outdoor cat, so you need to take a different approach to finding them

Also, if someone found your cat and he is not chipped or collared they may assume he is homeless and be keeping him, so you need to keep the word out.

I have heard that this book is invaluable (I have no first hand experience):
http://www.amazon.com/How-Find-Your-L​o​st-Cat/dp/1484924118/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UT​F8&qid=1369762878&sr=8-11&keywords=fin​d+lost+cat
 
2019-04-15 02:59:32 PM  

RedT: Grumpy Cat: I appreciate any thoughts you have. ... You're a bright bunch.

Because "missing" is not knowing.  I put up flyers for over a year when Emmitt went missing.

Was this an indoor cat or an indoor/outdoor cat?  I suspect you have done a lot of research, and know that the way cats that are indoor only act when they get out is not at all like an indoor/outdoor cat, so you need to take a different approach to finding them

Also, if someone found your cat and he is not chipped or collared they may assume he is homeless and be keeping him, so you need to keep the word out.

I have heard that this book is invaluable (I have no first hand experience):
http://www.amazon.com/How-Find-Your-Lo​st-Cat/dp/1484924118/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UT​F8&qid=1369762878&sr=8-11&keywords=fin​d+lost+cat


He has a collar with his name and my number on it. ... I have a $500 reward. ... I may up it to $2000. ... This is a race against my happiness and well-being. ... I've tried to enjoy some fun weekends we had planned for the last month. They all end in tears. ... Our birthday is this weekend and then we leave for vacation the following weekend. ... All of it suddenly doesn't matter anymore. ... In the end, I go home crying and miserable. I don't know what to do.
 
2019-04-15 03:05:51 PM  
People experience loss and deal with it in different ways and even at different times. I was shocked and sad when my father passed and a bit shaken up but no tears even though I loved that man dearly. I felt almost nothing when my grandparents passed. Mostly a little sadness but I wasn't terribly close to them. I almost broke down and cried at the vet's when I had to put my cat to asleep a few years ago but that's as close I got. I generally don't do tears. I tend towards stoicism. Some people are more expressive in their grief, some aren't. It doesn't mean you don't care. It's just a different way of processing loss.

And it would drive me nuts if my cat ran away and I didn't know how she was doing.
/hug
 
2019-04-15 03:29:58 PM  
One of my cats went missing on Christmas day about five years ago. I think he was scared of the roommate I had at the time. I kept putting food out for him, went looking for him, put up flyers etc, but nothing. After a few weeks I assumed the worst, and he was already an old cat who'd lead a full life, but I still called out for him whenever I went outside.

But about a month later, a few days after that roommate moved out (due to a separate incident involving a cat), I was coming home from the office and called out and heard a meow so faint I thought I'd imagined it. So I did it again and I heard a very faint meow, again. We played kitty marco-polo until I found him under a shed in an alley not 100' from my house, practically skin and bones. I brought him inside and he didn't leave my side for days. He lived another year before he came down with bladder cancer. I still miss him terribly, but I'm so grateful I had one more year with him.

So don't lose hope. Keep checking the shelters, etc.

As for my former roommate, he's a friend of a friend but it was a long time before I let him back into my house. To his credit he's changed a lot since then, is basically a different person with a special needs cat of his own that he adores.
 
2019-04-15 04:43:20 PM  
About 15 years ago, my dad--with whom I had a great relationship--died suddenly and unexpectedly (I was in my early teens at the time). It was sad, but such a shock that I didn't really cry much at all (also various socialization about guys are not supposed to cry and having to stay strong for the rest of my family--fark that). To some degree I bottled it all, but most of the not crying was just tears didn't come. There were some moments in the years that followed that caused a bit of welling (and still sometimes are), and maybe one full-on bawling.

About 5 months ago, I had to put my cat down. She was my first cat. She was a hospice foster fail (she failed at dying quickly and I failed at not adopting her) and I had her for about 3 years. I cried a lot on her last days and the day after.

What causes crying is strange, and it's ok to process different griefs in different ways. I'm sorry for your losses and I hope your cat finds its way home.

/ Will probably cry just as much when my new cat dies
// Will probably cry just as little when my mom (with whom I also have a great relationship) dies
/// Hopefully neither one for a long time
 
2019-04-15 06:02:21 PM  
A collared kitten showed up in my son's neighborhood and he tried everything he knew to find her owner. The neighbors helped too, but to no avail.
Not knowing is so harsh. I wish those people could see what a fine life that little cat is having now. She landed with a family that loves her.
 
2019-04-15 07:05:19 PM  
(((((hugs)))))
 
2019-04-15 08:15:48 PM  
I've had friends have really good luck with putting the kitty's used litter box outside. Good luck ((hugs))
 
2019-04-15 08:57:37 PM  

bratface: Where are the 'smart & funny' buttons?


I'd assume it's turned off because some low key internet stalker is funny'ing subbys missing cat posts.

Funnys and smarts should be hoverable with a list of the usernames who clicked.  The anonymous votes make it way too easy for those with dubious intentions to hide.
 
2019-04-15 09:47:23 PM  
My cat dude ran off for a few days. He's got more chronic medical conditions than we can keep track of. I felt sick thinking about him being without his meds, and his heated bed, and cutting edge litter box technologies. I even got mad at him a little. "Why would he run away from this, to be back on the streets where he can get parasites, or shot at by shiatty kids?". 

I was devastated. I've lost people, but the feeling of complete responsibility for what happened hurt so bad. I was beating myself up over and over for not being psychic that the door wasn't closed all the way that. one. time.

I eventually had to rectify in my head that, well, if he wanted to be out in his natural environment again, without my help, that's his choice. He started life as a street tom, he could probably do it again. I can take an OG out of the streets, but I can't take the streets out of an OG. After all, he's the product of generations upon generations to create a mouse and bird hunting machine, and that might be the life he chose to live again. It's in his nature. 

5 days later, at 4 AM, he summoned me from the roof of a neighbors shed because the street-smart apex predator couldn't figure out how to get down again. 

I've lost people. How I grieved was different than how I grieved when I thought I had lost my cat. I think a big part of that was the sense of sole responsibility I felt over something that, in many ways, has a mind of its own. Grief and emotion are weird, mercurial things. They aren't going to have proportional relationships. 

In my neighborhood, I've seen success on NextDoor of people networking to find and locate lost critters. We tried CL as well when Variks went AWOL. Leave the litter box outside if you can. Best wishes, hugs from strangers.
 
2019-04-15 11:05:31 PM  

bratface: Ker_Thwap: bratface: Where are the 'smart & funny' buttons?

I'd assume it's turned off because some low key internet stalker is funny'ing subbys missing cat posts.

Funnys and smarts should be hoverable with a list of the usernames who clicked.  The anonymous votes make it way too easy for those with dubious intentions to hide.

Not for me.


I think they mean that, ideally, they would be.

They aren't, as far as I can tell.
 
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