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(Slate)   "My cat whines and whines early every morning when it's hungry. How can I get it to stop?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Facepalm, Cat, Eating, Weekend, Workweek, 13-year-old cat, food-centric little beast, Dear Early Cat Gets, simple solution  
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577 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 15 Apr 2019 at 2:17 AM (7 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



31 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2019-04-15 12:02:13 AM  
Offer it some chinese food.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-04-15 12:17:51 AM  
You will need lipstick...
 
2019-04-15 12:58:22 AM  
Give it cat nip and hope it will gain sufficient nutrients from licking the carpet.
 
2019-04-15 01:58:49 AM  
Your cat has feline kind of dementia and is probably dying. This sucks but unless you want a sound night sleep ever you should probably just put it down. If you don't you have several years of this ahead in which your cat will sleep peacefully all day while you are at work and continually pester you at night...

Oh wait. That's all cats
 
2019-04-15 02:16:32 AM  
Feed it at night
 
2019-04-15 02:51:50 AM  
Well, first, you wet a qtip...
 
2019-04-15 02:55:23 AM  
How about feed it, dumbass.  That doesent mean pandering to its every demand but if it wants fed at 5 am then fine. Just expect temper tantrums when it doesent get "second breakfast" at 9am.

And there needs to be clear communication with housemates or significant others.
For a while my cats were scamming me into getting 2 breakfasts a day. They'd do the usual "let's use the humans face as kitty dance floor" thing at 4am so I would feed them, on thr understanding that was it til teatime..
When the nice human woke up at 7 they'd  be sitting by empty food bowls looking all big eyed and hungry...and they'd get fed again!
 
2019-04-15 03:32:15 AM  
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2019-04-15 03:36:36 AM  
Pillowcase, brick, lake.
 
2019-04-15 03:52:47 AM  

wax_on: Pillowcase, brick, lake.


That's a little extreme. With just a few weeks of training you can teach any cat owner on how to properly care for a cat.
 
2019-04-15 04:22:32 AM  
One of ours started this game, he knew he couldn't just walk up and start meowing so he stays down the hall or around the corner and does it.  When he hears the Mrs get up he knows he's won.

But, the last two times he heard me get up instead, then catch him, then walk him to the bathroom, into the shower stall, close the door with us in there and turn on the shower head and blast him for 10 seconds or so.  Notice I said the last two times.  They were the last two times he tried this stunt.
 
2019-04-15 04:33:50 AM  

AppleOptionEsc: With just a few weeks of training you can teach any cat owner on how to properly care for a cat.


See also:
Stockholm Syndrome
 
2019-04-15 06:24:51 AM  
Isolate the cat in another part of the house, away from your bedroom. get a white noise machine. Now the little farker can wait until you're ready.
 
2019-04-15 07:14:45 AM  
My kitty only meows if I make eye contact.

She's a dainty eater, so she gets free choice food, but boy does she get biatchy if the water has a single piece of kibble in it. Don't even get me started on the tap versus bottle. I refilled some bottles from the tap so she'd STFU.
 
2019-04-15 07:14:53 AM  
We have just such a cat. Good thing for her she's adorable.

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2019-04-15 07:51:20 AM  
Timed feeder.
 
2019-04-15 08:44:59 AM  
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2019-04-15 08:47:35 AM  
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2019-04-15 09:40:04 AM  
Just kick that damn thing and yell SHUT THE fark UP, YOU ARE NO LONGER A GOD, GET USED TO IT, YOU DAMNED RODENT!

That's what I imagine doing anyway, but then just timidly get up and feed the yowling whiner, slave that I am.
 
Ant
2019-04-15 10:10:42 AM  
Get an automatic feeder
 
2019-04-15 10:15:50 AM  
Do what this guy did:

Autotuned Cat [the original]
Youtube 9ao6stS2toU
 
Ant
2019-04-15 10:21:00 AM  
My cat doesn't do this. First of all, she's so ancient that her meow is almost inaudible, and secondly, I make sure she's fed at night. I think she's given up on being nocturnal.

My dog, on the other hand, needs to knock it off and STFU with the clicking her toenails on the hard wood floors all night. Yes, I know the floor of our bedroom is hard and uncomfortable. We got you a dog bed for a farking reason. Use it! I know it's in the living room, but I promise that you won't die if you are more than ten feet away from my wife.
 
2019-04-15 10:21:18 AM  

PlaidJaguar: [img.fark.net image 500x382]


This.

I like when I go to pet him, he attacks the hand for a second, I swat him, then he lets me pet him.

"Oh, that's what you were doing..."
 
Ant
2019-04-15 10:26:49 AM  

PlaidJaguar: [img.fark.net image 500x382]


"You win this time human, but you have to sleep eventually."
 
2019-04-15 10:40:14 AM  
Get a goddamn timed feeder moron.  Cats don't have weekends.
 
2019-04-15 12:04:56 PM  
Stop sticking firecrackers up its a$$
 
2019-04-15 01:17:26 PM  

PlaidJaguar: [img.fark.net image 500x382]


Kitties nip at you to show affection.

Doggies nip at you when they want to play.

Kitty love bites and them sticking their little butts in your face all the damn time are the most misunderstood displays of kitty affection towards their hoomans.
 
2019-04-15 01:48:43 PM  
You cannot get the cat to stop whining. Cats are notoriously unaffected by any form of training short of torture, which of course is inhumane. You can however avoid having to hear it whine by following the simple steps below.
1. Rent a car
2. Insert cat
3. Drive to an adjoining state
4. Release cat
5. Return home
 
2019-04-15 02:07:01 PM  

Stephen_Falken: You cannot get the cat to stop whining. Cats are notoriously unaffected by any form of training short of torture, which of course is inhumane. You can however avoid having to hear it whine by following the simple steps below.
1. Rent a car
2. Insert cat
3. Drive to an adjoining state
4. Release cat
5. Return home


You are a disgusting vile person.
 
2019-04-15 02:24:22 PM  

bekovich: Stephen_Falken: You cannot get the cat to stop whining. Cats are notoriously unaffected by any form of training short of torture, which of course is inhumane. You can however avoid having to hear it whine by following the simple steps below.
1. Rent a car
2. Insert cat
3. Drive to an adjoining state
4. Release cat
5. Return home

You are a disgusting vile person.


Agreed. Many people are allergic to cats and contaminating a rental car with cat dander is just cruel.
 
6 days ago  

Ant: Get an automatic feeder


Needs more smarts.
 
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