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(Salon)   How nature says, "Do not hug"   (salon.com) divider line
    More: PSA, Hug, IPod Touch, My Block, Cousin, The Fix, older cousin Don Don, male touch, Don Don  
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2226 clicks; posted to Geek » on 14 Apr 2019 at 2:51 PM (5 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
5 days ago  
I thought the answer would be something like
capepointroute.co.zaView Full Size
but apparently PTSD related intimacy issues are the real warning signs.
 
5 days ago  
Like this?

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
group cuddle in camp - Addams family values
Youtube qgGvCCbXNn4


Growing up my family was not demonstative with their affections.  Little to no hugging or saying "I love you", etc. We were expected to keep our feelings & emotions to ourselves, but overall I don't think that's a necessarily healthy thing.
 
5 days ago  
By the second or third paragraph of social media-style personal info dump with no indication of a larger point, I bailed. Then I noticed that I had clicked a Salon link and cursed myself for my idiocy.
 
5 days ago  
You know, some people don't need trauma to not like being hugged.

Seriously, don't touch me.
 
5 days ago  

Cagey B: By the second or third paragraph of social media-style personal info dump with no indication of a larger point, I bailed. Then I noticed that I had clicked a Salon link and cursed myself for my idiocy.


Me too, me too.

*hug*

I did get through the whole thing- "If I could diagnose myself".  You did, many times over you did, you have and will continue to do so.
 
5 days ago  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
I am touched. Mostly in the head.
Is that the same thing!
 
5 days ago  

SMB2811: You know, some people don't need trauma to not like being hugged.

Seriously, don't touch me.


Agreed.

/unless you're female, younger than me but of legal age, and cuddly
 
5 days ago  

TheSwizz: Cagey B: By the second or third paragraph of social media-style personal info dump with no indication of a larger point, I bailed. Then I noticed that I had clicked a Salon link and cursed myself for my idiocy.

Me too, me too.

*hug*

I did get through the whole thing- "If I could diagnose myself".  You did, many times over you did, you have and will continue to do so.


Do you think he's faking?
 
5 days ago  
Do I have to do everything around here?

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
That reads like an FB post from someone with a lot of drama in their life.
 
5 days ago  
Dafuq did i just read!?
 
5 days ago  
I shave my head. For some reason people think a freshly shaved head is an invitation to rub your head. I about lost my shiat when my supervisor did it. Un-farking-acceptable. We're not friends like that, don't farking touch me. I've never understood people who think touching other people willy-nilly is an ok thing to do.

/has nothing to do with my PTSD, I just don't want random people rubbing my head.
 
5 days ago  

SMB2811: You know, some people don't need trauma to not like being hugged.

Seriously, don't touch me.


I'm lucky on that one in a sense (not often I can say that considering what provides the 'luck' here) - I've never been all that big on people being touchy feely outside of a relationship, but since I got disabled and I am on a cane people tend to not go nuts with random hugs and pokes and whatever.  Yes, that would suck pain-wise, but it'd also be annoying as hell so yay there.

/children/people that have had horrible shiat happen in the near past excepted, I'm not that much of a jackass
//but seriously, generally if you want to keep your hands keep them to yourself
///If that status changes vis a vis whoever, I'll let them know
 
5 days ago  
I am a hugger, but as someone who is demonstrably affectionate, I also understand that not everyone is wired that way. And if there's power dynamics involved, it can lead to some weird places, not just a visit to HR. It depends is always the answer for "to hug" or "don't hug." It especially hinges on the sort of relationship that you have with that person. There are waitstaff I hug, there are managers that I hug, there are cooks who get a bro hug whenever we haven't seen each other in a while. But you don't go in for a hug until you suss out the situation, and more importantly, establish a relationship. Even if someone is upset, you can't just go for a comforting arm without some prior relationship.

Like most things in life, "It depends" is almost always the right answer. There are staff that I'd never think of hugging in a million years. We don't have that relationship. There are customers who get a hug every time they come in, because that's the relationship we've got. I have friends that I've NEVER hugged, because despite knowing each other for years, that's not OUR relationship and dynamic. It's not a ding on them, and some people don't like to be touched for a variety of reasons, and if they don't want to be touched, then you leave them the f*ck alone with that. You can still convey your support and friendship in other ways.

Some folks make the determination within a few minutes, some folks it may be years before they even accept a hand on the shoulder. Some folks, it's "never." That's just the way folks are wired sometimes, and you can't be butthurt if someone doesn't want to be touched. You haven't lived their life, but you can still be friends with them, and not share that bit of affection.
 
5 days ago  

Tchernobog: I shave my head. For some reason people think a freshly shaved head is an invitation to rub your head. I about lost my shiat when my supervisor did it. Un-farking-acceptable. We're not friends like that, don't farking touch me. I've never understood people who think touching other people willy-nilly is an ok thing to do.

/has nothing to do with my PTSD, I just don't want random people rubbing my head.


Doesn't help that culturally, rubbing someone's head is something you do to children and pets.  So not only do you have the "Why the fark are you grabbing my head, asshole?" thing going, but cultural connotations of "Who's a good boy then?" are liable to piss anyone off.  Like the difference between upward and downward beckoning gestures in some places.  The kids/pets/whatever version will get about the same reaction if you use it on an adult.
 
5 days ago  
Some people are naturally the hugging, even cuddly type, some aren't. As with all preferences, learn them, respect them, and take no offense when theirs doesn't match yours. No, it's not always obvious who falls where - someone who's shy, but is the hugging type for instance, likes and appreciates hugs, but has a higher threshold of how well they have to know a person before they'd want a hug from them, and probably higher still before they'd initiate vs someone who's more outgoing.

If you make a hugging gesture, and it's not returned, don't hug. If you ask for one and they say no, don't hug. If you're not getting a clear response one way or the other, don't guess, ask. It's not the sort of thing people tend to lie about (if there's trauma involved, they're obviously not going to tell you their life story, but they will simply say they don't like hugs and leave it at that). It's really that simple.
 
5 days ago  

Tchernobog: I shave my head. For some reason people think a freshly shaved head is an invitation to rub your head. I about lost my shiat when my supervisor did it. Un-farking-acceptable. We're not friends like that, don't farking touch me. I've never understood people who think touching other people willy-nilly is an ok thing to do.

/has nothing to do with my PTSD, I just don't want random people rubbing my head.


I have a thing about people touching my head and hair.  I don't even like turtleneck sweaters or tightly wrapped scarves.

I think it's because people liked to pat my head ALOT when I was little because of my hair.  It was super see-through blond, so people would touch it to see if it was real.  Bugged the hell out of me.
 
5 days ago  
Shrugs, Not Hugs
 
5 days ago  
Maybe you didn't get it from the way I tensed up my body, pulled my arms to my sides, closed my eyes, turned my head and grimaced.  I don't care to be hugged.
 
5 days ago  

SMB2811: You know, some people don't need trauma to not like being hugged.

Seriously, don't touch me.


Don't Touch Me
Youtube qyUnSuYYs18
 
5 days ago  

harlock: Do I have to do everything around here?

[img.fark.net image 500x628]


I was today years old when I first realized the dude is wearing a shoe on his head, and not a pirate hat.
 
5 days ago  

Kubo: Like this?

[img.fark.net image 850x568]


She has 3 kids. I'm guessing she's had a few special hugs.

harlock: Do I have to do everything around here?

[img.fark.net image 500x628]


i'm glad somebody did. have people forgotten about it already?

Bondith:
/unless you're female, younger than me but of legal age, and cuddly

I usually didn't even like that. If there's not a plan to finish, don't start.
And now, being married to a somewhat jealous woman, ...
 
5 days ago  
I'm a skeevy-looking beardo that apparently doesn't blink enough. Very few people volunteer to hug me, and I'm working on the remainder.
 
5 days ago  
I am a tree hugger. Because every time I put my arms on a woman, I get wood.
 
5 days ago  
Mike Jittlov: Shaking Hands
Youtube VUAJ6K-1T5g
 
5 days ago  
tfa: My lil cousin a solider

I still give awkward church hugs with cuffed soldiers to my mom and sister


my reaction to touch isn't normal, due the things it's represented in my life
 
5 days ago  

Locklear: tfa: My lil cousin a solider

I still give awkward church hugs with cuffed soldiers to my mom and sister

my reaction to touch isn't normal, due the things it's represented in my life


voice to text sucks, huh
 
5 days ago  
I don't like being touched. I just am not a fan of being hugged, nor am I one to give hugs to random people, let alone to people I know as well.
 
5 days ago  

trerro: Some people are naturally the hugging, even cuddly type, some aren't.


This is true, People are naturally different in so many areas.

I do wish people would stop suggesting the group that isn't like them must be broken and is in need of fixing. The non-huggers don't need to be trained to like hugging, it's the huggers who need to restrain themselves a little and only hug those who like it. The whole world isn't meant to be a squeeze toy.
 
5 days ago  
Quite possibly nsfw....
Benny Hill - Head slapping
Youtube IU28GHMcYxM
 
5 days ago  
It puts on a florescent pink tube top and screams "quit looking at my chest"?
 
5 days ago  

Tchernobog: I shave my head. For some reason people think a freshly shaved head is an invitation to rub your head. I about lost my shiat when my supervisor did it. Un-farking-acceptable. We're not friends like that, don't farking touch me. I've never understood people who think touching other people willy-nilly is an ok thing to do.

/has nothing to do with my PTSD, I just don't want random people rubbing my head.


Same thing happens to pregnant women when complete strangers walk up and start touching their belly. Had it happen to be back when I was pregnant with my son over 35 years ago and it's still happening nowadays.
 
XSV
5 days ago  

beezeltown: I thought the answer would be something like
[capepointroute.co.za image 850x646]but apparently PTSD related intimacy issues are the real warning signs.


See I was thinking of ones that scream hug me, like this one:
vignette.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
I've never been an especially touchy person, but I've learned to recognize that there are people who sometimes need it as validation so I've gotten okay with giving a pat on the shoulder;  high fives generally seem to be well received.  On a couple of deployments there were people who really looked like they needed a hug so I offered.  The ones who accepted said they felt better for having done it, and the ones who declined were pretty pleasant about it because they said they understood what I was doing.

None of that is stuff I would accept from the other direction though.  Words are fine if they are thoughtful.
 
5 days ago  
Hugging is great. I love a good hug. But unless I'm very close to you, do not attempt.
Jerry Seinfeld painfully rejects Kesha's hug
Youtube Q0_0aeIO2Sk
 
5 days ago  

BKITU: harlock: Do I have to do everything around here?

[img.fark.net image 500x628]

I was today years old when I first realized the dude is wearing a shoe on his head, and not a pirate hat.


Oh, goddamn.
 
4 days ago  
Some are easy to pick out
img.fark.netView Full Size


Some are hard
img.fark.netView Full Size


/Do not hug either of these
//The 2nd one is real
 
4 days ago  

OldJames: Some are easy to pick out
[img.fark.net image 332x152]

Some are hard
[img.fark.net image 310x163]

/Do not hug either of these
//The 2nd one is real


Wow, I searched google for that second image, and jeezus, I've never seen such a search result filled with clickbait and malware. Pretty damn amazing, really.

The animal doesn't appear to be "real," but the "do not hug" is strong with the sites that host that image.
 
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