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(Slate)   "Dear Stoya: I was always hesitant to try anal sex, but since I decided to approach in a sort of 'project manager' way, it's been decent, but there's still one part of it I don't think I'm getting right. What must I do to get 100% enjoyment from it?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Giggity, Thursday night, Vagina, Stoya, hard way, anal sex, Slate's sex advice column, letter writer, lot of ways  
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644 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 22 Mar 2019 at 10:20 AM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



46 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2019-03-22 09:02:07 AM  
I was always hesitant to try anal sex, but since I decided to approach in a sort of 'project manager' way

You're asking them to come in on the weekends and use TPS cover sheets?
 
2019-03-22 09:02:39 AM  
I don't think I want to see that spreadsheet
 
2019-03-22 09:02:51 AM  
Goatse.xlsx
 
2019-03-22 09:03:38 AM  
i.redd.itView Full Size
 
2019-03-22 09:06:43 AM  

swaniefrmreddeer: [i.redd.it image 850x1042]


What the hell?
 
2019-03-22 09:29:00 AM  
What what?
 
2019-03-22 09:41:27 AM  
Step 1: come up with a project schedule, identify milestones, come up with a plan to achieve the milestones and contingencies if they are missed.

Step 2: identify equipment and consumables for project, find a list of potential vendors, get ROM pricing and a copy of each vendor's quality policy including any ISO certifications.

Step 3: right a set of procedures for every activity including a safety analysis. circulate to stakeholders, incorporate changes and get final approval.

step 4: await reorganization that will render above moot, start over.

/
 
2019-03-22 09:49:50 AM  
This is why we have the internet.
 
2019-03-22 09:50:56 AM  
Well, that's certainly thinking outside the box.
 
2019-03-22 09:52:45 AM  
10w40.
 
2019-03-22 09:56:29 AM  
tpmcsteel.comView Full Size


45 minutes to an hour of that, your ass will sparkle like diamonds.
 
2019-03-22 10:04:34 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-03-22 10:06:30 AM  
What must I do to get 100% enjoyment from it?"

Meth
 
2019-03-22 10:22:27 AM  
Nobody wants an Anal C*nt tribute band.
 
2019-03-22 10:26:33 AM  

Cheron: Step 1: come up with a project schedule, identify milestones, come up with a plan to achieve the milestones and contingencies if they are missed.

Step 2: identify equipment and consumables for project, find a list of potential vendors, get ROM pricing and a copy of each vendor's quality policy including any ISO certifications.

Step 3: right a set of procedures for every activity including a safety analysis. circulate to stakeholders, incorporate changes and get final approval.

step 4: await reorganization that will render above moot, start over.

/


How can you come up with a schedule without first having come up with a requirements list and gotten signoff from all the stakeholders?!?
 
2019-03-22 10:26:40 AM  
"What must I do to get 100% enjoyment from it?"

Use a bigger cactus?
 
2019-03-22 10:31:24 AM  
Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.
 
2019-03-22 10:32:31 AM  

UncleDirtNap: "What must I do to get 100% enjoyment from it?"

Use a bigger cactus?


This is my second use of this pic today oddly enough
worldatlas.comView Full Size
 
2019-03-22 10:33:07 AM  

toraque: Well, that's certainly thinking outside the box.


Why did I laugh so hard at that
 
2019-03-22 10:34:33 AM  
"We don't care what you do at home, Janice, but please stop publishing your project milestones on the company SharePoint server."
 
2019-03-22 10:36:29 AM  
"What must I do to get 100% enjoyment from it?"

Now my young padawan you learn about Bad Dragon.
 
2019-03-22 10:39:45 AM  
Simple...
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-03-22 10:45:05 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

I think that article just gave me prostate cancer.
 
2019-03-22 10:50:36 AM  

Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.


Username checks out.
 
2019-03-22 10:52:30 AM  

Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.


Username checks out
 
2019-03-22 11:00:14 AM  

beerrun: Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.

Username checks out.


Yoda's Pen Is: Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.

Username checks out


Great minds think alike... and then there's us.
 
2019-03-22 11:03:58 AM  
ctrl+f "butt stuff": 0/0

Really Fark? 25 comments in even.  You're slipping!

/went there
//also there
 
2019-03-22 11:05:30 AM  
Hmm. I think by not crying she's really missing out.
 
2019-03-22 11:08:05 AM  
Why anyone would do anal is beyond me. There's pussy right there, right around the corner.
 
2019-03-22 11:33:34 AM  

Mugato: Why anyone would do anal is beyond me. There's pussy right there, right around the corner.


Why not both?.gif
 
2019-03-22 11:42:45 AM  

Yoda's Pen Is: beerrun: Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.

Username checks out.

Yoda's Pen Is: Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.

Username checks out

Great minds think alike... and then there's us.


Would that be an us?
 
2019-03-22 11:45:11 AM  
Stoya: And you need a ton of filtered water.
Rich: Ohhh, you use filtered. God, I'm such an amateur.
Stoya: [...] No way I'm sticking L.A. tap water in my our-job-is-to-absorb-things intestines.

So, a Brita for her shiatta?
 
2019-03-22 11:58:35 AM  
Stoya: My philosophy has always been "You're going to poop's house, and you can't really get mad if they're home."

Wisdom for the ages.
 
2019-03-22 12:14:30 PM  

basemetal: What must I do to get 100% enjoyment from it?"

Meth


cdn.trendhunterstatic.comView Full Size



Well she looks indifferent really.  On the plus side, she got 15 bucks.
 
2019-03-22 12:17:32 PM  

Erma Gerdd: [img.fark.net image 193x135]
I think that article just gave me prostate cancer.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-03-22 12:46:51 PM  

Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-03-22 12:48:24 PM  
The article has Stoya's best line ever: "You're going to poop's house, and you can't really get mad if they're home."
 
2019-03-22 01:11:19 PM  

Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.


Why should I trust a guy named Uranus Megahertz to be truthful with me on this subject?
 
2019-03-22 01:49:21 PM  

Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-03-22 03:58:14 PM  
What what?
 
2019-03-22 06:14:22 PM  
<<<
most guys are very understanding about it
>>>

Yeah. Not even with Subby's dick.
 
2019-03-22 06:57:21 PM  
Is it strange that I read that as "Dear Stoma?"
 
2019-03-22 06:59:19 PM  
I'm going to think about the "critical path" differently from now on
 
2019-03-22 10:22:07 PM  

ltnor: swaniefrmreddeer: [i.redd.it image 850x1042]

What the hell?
---


What the hell is right.. hope that's not a text chat from someone they know.   Or anyone.
 
2019-03-22 11:29:32 PM  

Uranus Megahertz: Don't drink coffee before anal. Don't eat Chipotle. Don't eat before anal. Prepping for bottoming can take a long time.
Anal is dirty obviously. Unless you spend hours and hours preparing there's going to be a little mess. You and your partner should accept that. A little brown is OK, but if he strikes oil you need to stop.


Handle checks out. More so than usual.
 
2019-03-23 11:02:41 AM  
That's a lot of prep. I really enjoy anal, but I've never douched or done a special meal plan or anything...just, you know, make sure you don't actively have to poop beforehand and any mess is negligible. Have some baby wipes nearby, sure, but...wtf are you using a whole towel for?? Does it trigger waterfall shiats for some people or something?

Christ, I'm glad Husband isn't so precious as to request this kind of pre-anal routine. We'd probably just end up not having it at all, or using a toy instead. If you're so anal about "clean" anal, stick with oral, PIV, and manual sex.
 
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