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(Jezebel)   "Ranch dressing is perfect, so don't even try to improve it" says author who obviously has never tried subby's 'sweet'n'sour' ranch dressing with Skittles and M&Ms   (jezebel.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, ranch dressing, black truffles, black truffle company, New York Times, America's favorite dip, business of importing, good time, base of classic romaine lettuce  
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351 clicks; posted to Food » on 19 Mar 2019 at 3:50 PM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



62 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2019-03-19 03:55:05 PM  
Ranch dressing: where Americans dump a tub of sour cream, a pint of buttermilk, and a cup of mayo on a single piece of lettuce and then look confused when their doctor says their cholesterol is higher than Willie Nelson playing the Oregon Country Fair
 
2019-03-19 04:00:12 PM  
In Hell they serve ranch dressing.
 
2019-03-19 04:03:43 PM  
Dear Subby, that's gross and perfect and I love you.
 
2019-03-19 04:04:20 PM  
You're kidding, subby. Right?
 
2019-03-19 04:05:55 PM  
Considering the source, I'm surprised it's not a tool of the patriarchy.
 
2019-03-19 04:09:36 PM  

whither_apophis: Ranch dressing: where Americans dump a tub of sour cream, a pint of buttermilk, and a cup of mayo on a single piece of lettuce and then look confused when their doctor says their cholesterol is higher than Willie Nelson playing the Oregon Country Fair


Salad dressings aren't really designed to be good for you.

Their role is to add desperately needed fat to your rabbit food.
 
2019-03-19 04:17:41 PM  
That reminds me, I need to clean out the Ranch dressing tap in the kitchen.
 
2019-03-19 04:17:52 PM  
*hork*

Best salad dressing I've had was just a splash of oil and vinegar with crumbled bleu cheese.
 
2019-03-19 04:18:18 PM  
I'm sure deep-frying would only enhance its magnificence.
 
2019-03-19 04:20:42 PM  
I like mine with Tabasco, please. More. MORE.

RolandTGunner: In Hell they serve ranch dressing.


Not if you like ranch, then they serve blue cheese.
 
2019-03-19 04:22:56 PM  

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: I like mine with Tabasco, please. More. MORE.

RolandTGunner: In Hell they serve ranch dressing.

Not if you like ranch, then they serve blue cheese.


What if you like both? Thousand Island?
 
2019-03-19 04:27:35 PM  
Protip: Make your grilled cheese sammiches with ranch dressing instead of butter or mayo ...
 
2019-03-19 04:27:56 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size

Aww, but ain't that America?  For you and me.  Ain't that America?  Something to see, baby.
 
2019-03-19 04:41:10 PM  

common sense is an oxymoron: *hork*

Best salad dressing I've had was just a splash of oil and vinegar with crumbled bleu cheese.


Yes.  The seasoned variety of rice wine vinegar works great, too.  It's a little sweet, but just really enough.
 
2019-03-19 04:45:40 PM  

oldfarthenry: I'm sure deep-frying would only enhance its magnificence.


img.fark.netView Full Size

You tell me.
 
2019-03-19 04:47:20 PM  
I consider myself a connoisseur of fine food. I eat it. I cook it. I have developed a refined palate over the years eating at fine restaurants in cities all over the US and Europe.

BUT, I have an abiding weakness  for good ranch dressing. Yes, gentle reader, I said "good" ranch dressing, for not all ranches are made the same. The Hidden Valley stuff in the bottle? Forget it. Horrible stuff. Sickly sweet and vinegary at the same time. BUT, the real deal - the ranch made with buttermilk - is otherworldly. Divine. Like the Lord's own heavenly spunk!
 
2019-03-19 04:48:09 PM  

This text is now purple: oldfarthenry: I'm sure deep-frying would only enhance its magnificence.

[img.fark.net image 850x634]
You tell me.


Crap, now I'm hungry.  Again.
 
2019-03-19 04:48:38 PM  
Joey Diaz Hates Ranch Dressing (taken from Joe Rogan Experience #219)
Youtube Ti6vrdNkw2Y

dont ask Joey Diaz about ranch (NSFW)
 
2019-03-19 04:51:19 PM  

Rapmaster2000: [i.imgur.com image 800x479]
Aww, but ain't that America?  For you and me.  Ain't that America?  Something to see, baby.


There's no little, pink anything for these ladies.
 
2019-03-19 05:05:20 PM  

Subtonic: Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: I like mine with Tabasco, please. More. MORE.

RolandTGunner: In Hell they serve ranch dressing.

Not if you like ranch, then they serve blue cheese.

What if you like both? Thousand Island?


Oil and vinegar may be more appropriate.
 
2019-03-19 05:08:23 PM  
If I wear a cowboy hat and boots am I ranch dressing?
 
2019-03-19 05:22:24 PM  
I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.
 
2019-03-19 06:05:39 PM  

FlashHarry: I consider myself a connoisseur of fine food. I eat it. I cook it. I have developed a refined palate over the years eating at fine restaurants in cities all over the US and Europe.

BUT, I have an abiding weakness  for good ranch dressing. Yes, gentle reader, I said "good" ranch dressing, for not all ranches are made the same. The Hidden Valley stuff in the bottle? Forget it. Horrible stuff. Sickly sweet and vinegary at the same time. BUT, the real deal - the ranch made with buttermilk - is otherworldly. Divine. Like the Lord's own heavenly spunk!


I'm with you. Snobbery toward ranch is mostly silly. If you rebranded it as buttermilk aioli aux herbes, it would be accepted in even high end situations -when use with restraint, of course.
 
2019-03-19 06:14:18 PM  

Grumpy Cat: Rapmaster2000: [i.imgur.com image 800x479]
Aww, but ain't that America?  For you and me.  Ain't that America?  Something to see, baby.

There's no little, pink anything for these ladies.


Little pink hypodermic scars from insulin injections?
 
2019-03-19 06:24:34 PM  

phlegmjay: FlashHarry: I consider myself a connoisseur of fine food. I eat it. I cook it. I have developed a refined palate over the years eating at fine restaurants in cities all over the US and Europe.

BUT, I have an abiding weakness  for good ranch dressing. Yes, gentle reader, I said "good" ranch dressing, for not all ranches are made the same. The Hidden Valley stuff in the bottle? Forget it. Horrible stuff. Sickly sweet and vinegary at the same time. BUT, the real deal - the ranch made with buttermilk - is otherworldly. Divine. Like the Lord's own heavenly spunk!

I'm with you. Snobbery toward ranch is mostly silly. If you rebranded it as buttermilk aioli aux herbes, it would be accepted in even high end situations -when use with restraint, of course.


Jacques Pepin's cream dressing

Ingredients
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 1/2 tsp red wine vinegar

Whisk together the cream, salt and pepper until a bit frothy, then stir in the vinegar.  Toss with 8 cups of Boston lettuce
 
2019-03-19 06:25:53 PM  

Metastatic Capricorn: I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.


I can't THIS this enough.
 
2019-03-19 06:26:50 PM  
Ranch dressing is OK if you can't get something better. I prefer blue cheese or balsamic vinegar dressing, but Ranch is OK as long as it's not watery. (shrug)
 
2019-03-19 06:39:44 PM  

farkyorefeelings: Metastatic Capricorn: I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.

I can't THIS this enough.


I'm no fan of blue cheese dressing. It has a horrid, bitter tang that make my taste buds regret their life choices. Ranch is OK, but there are some brands that have a very strong mayonnaise taste to them. Ick.
 
2019-03-19 06:41:06 PM  
Curse you subby, i just threw up a little.
 
2019-03-19 06:52:21 PM  
At my office we are lucky enough to have a chef that makes their own salad dressings. The herb ranch with dill is seriously drinkable. Nothing beats a freshly made dressing. The salad gets depleted every day, and people will fill the disposable coffee cup with leftover dressing

One day at church we had to throw out the dressings we had and were faced with no dressing at all. I managed to make a dressing out of pickle juice and some sour cream to fend off the beasties who could not eat lettuce plain. Added some sugar and it turned out OK.
 
2019-03-19 06:54:05 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


Ranch dressing is a food group unto itself for some folks.
 
2019-03-19 06:59:27 PM  
Butterscotch Ranch dressing, now with real Werther's candy pieces
 
2019-03-19 07:04:02 PM  

PunkTiger: farkyorefeelings: Metastatic Capricorn: I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.

I can't THIS this enough.

I'm no fan of blue cheese dressing. It has a horrid, bitter tang that make my taste buds regret their life choices. Ranch is OK, but there are some brands that have a very strong mayonnaise taste to them. Ick.


You been eating some cheap ass blue cheese bro. Gotta do it right, anything you buy at the store is usually shiat. The good stuff will have you picking the chunks outta the bucket at the salad bar in a decent restaurant. Stealth is the key here.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-03-19 07:30:44 PM  
They are all different (well at least the ones I have tried). The only time I use ranch is with chicken tenders or alternating with sour cream on jojo's. The first time I had a 'ranch dressing' was at a tavern in Black Diamond years ago, they used 'Uncle Dan's' mixed with sour cream & buttermilk & served it with their jojo's, yummy.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-03-19 08:41:32 PM  
Ranch is vile. I don't feel the appeal.

Folks who like ranch - why? Explain.
 
2019-03-19 08:55:12 PM  

whither_apophis: phlegmjay: FlashHarry: I consider myself a connoisseur of fine food. I eat it. I cook it. I have developed a refined palate over the years eating at fine restaurants in cities all over the US and Europe.

BUT, I have an abiding weakness  for good ranch dressing. Yes, gentle reader, I said "good" ranch dressing, for not all ranches are made the same. The Hidden Valley stuff in the bottle? Forget it. Horrible stuff. Sickly sweet and vinegary at the same time. BUT, the real deal - the ranch made with buttermilk - is otherworldly. Divine. Like the Lord's own heavenly spunk!

I'm with you. Snobbery toward ranch is mostly silly. If you rebranded it as buttermilk aioli aux herbes, it would be accepted in even high end situations -when use with restraint, of course.

Jacques Pepin's cream dressing

Ingredients
1/4 cup heavy cream
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 1/2 tsp red wine vinegar

Whisk together the cream, salt and pepper until a bit frothy, then stir in the vinegar.  Toss with 8 cups of Boston lettuce


That does sound like a delicious, simple dressing. I need to read more Pepin.
 
2019-03-19 09:03:45 PM  
If you put ranch on pizza, does that make pizza an ingredient?  Asking for a friend.

/NOT!!
 
2019-03-19 09:10:26 PM  

Metastatic Capricorn: I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.


People with penicillin allergies?
 
2019-03-19 09:18:59 PM  

This text is now purple: whither_apophis: Ranch dressing: where Americans dump a tub of sour cream, a pint of buttermilk, and a cup of mayo on a single piece of lettuce and then look confused when their doctor says their cholesterol is higher than Willie Nelson playing the Oregon Country Fair

Salad dressings aren't really designed to be good for you.

Their role is to add desperately needed fat to your rabbit food.


...which is why Americans now dip pizza into ranch dressing.
 
2019-03-19 09:20:34 PM  

common sense is an oxymoron: *hork*

Best salad dressing I've had was just a splash of oil and vinegar with crumbled bleu cheese.


Table-side Caesar, with extra anchovies, for me.
 
2019-03-19 09:25:05 PM  

This text is now purple: Metastatic Capricorn: I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.

People with penicillin allergies?


I have no frame of reference for people who have to choose between living and their food tasting good.
 
2019-03-19 09:29:37 PM  

This text is now purple: Metastatic Capricorn: I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.

People with penicillin allergies?


Different strain.
 
2019-03-19 09:29:58 PM  

Metastatic Capricorn: This text is now purple: Metastatic Capricorn: I hate ranch. I can think of nothing for which people use ranch that wouldn't be better with blue cheese.

People with penicillin allergies?

I have no frame of reference for people who have to choose between living and their food tasting good.


Welcome to London! WHOOOO!
 
2019-03-19 09:32:18 PM  

FormlessOne: This text is now purple: whither_apophis: Ranch dressing: where Americans dump a tub of sour cream, a pint of buttermilk, and a cup of mayo on a single piece of lettuce and then look confused when their doctor says their cholesterol is higher than Willie Nelson playing the Oregon Country Fair

Salad dressings aren't really designed to be good for you.

Their role is to add desperately needed fat to your rabbit food.

...which is why Americans now dip pizza into ranch dressing.


Uh what.

img.fark.netView Full Size


The only distinctly American ideal is that there is no all-encompassing American ideal. Every region has its own dialect, food, driving style (almost all of which are horrible except for mine), etc. We're multibreed mutts. Give me anybody from any country with even a tepid sense of curiosity and I can convert him or her into an American who loves this country without being a total dick to other countries.

Wow I really got lost in my personal headspace there. What I meant to say is not all Americans like ranch and definitely not all Americans dip or drizzle ranch with pizza.

/what next, pineapple-ranch pizza?
//don't do it. don't you do it.
 
2019-03-19 10:00:45 PM  

casual disregard: FormlessOne: This text is now purple: whither_apophis: Ranch dressing: where Americans dump a tub of sour cream, a pint of buttermilk, and a cup of mayo on a single piece of lettuce and then look confused when their doctor says their cholesterol is higher than Willie Nelson playing the Oregon Country Fair

Salad dressings aren't really designed to be good for you.

Their role is to add desperately needed fat to your rabbit food.

...which is why Americans now dip pizza into ranch dressing.

Uh what.

[img.fark.net image 120x120]

The only distinctly American ideal is that there is no all-encompassing American ideal. Every region has its own dialect, food, driving style (almost all of which are horrible except for mine), etc. We're multibreed mutts. Give me anybody from any country with even a tepid sense of curiosity and I can convert him or her into an American who loves this country without being a total dick to other countries.

Wow I really got lost in my personal headspace there. What I meant to say is not all Americans like ranch and definitely not all Americans dip or drizzle ranch with pizza.

/what next, pineapple-ranch pizza?
//don't do it. don't you do it.


No ranch for me. Or any creamy, chunky dressing. They're definitely not my thing. ... Oil and vinegar is fine. My dad added shallots, a spoonful of sugar and a good spoonful of grain mustard. ... Usually 2:1 oil to (balsamic) vinegar. ... Test it until you like it. You can also substitute sugar with honey. Regardless, not everything needs to be so creamy. It's too much. Enjoy your salad. Don't smother it.
 
2019-03-19 10:05:15 PM  

Grumpy Cat: casual disregard: FormlessOne: This text is now purple: whither_apophis: Ranch dressing: where Americans dump a tub of sour cream, a pint of buttermilk, and a cup of mayo on a single piece of lettuce and then look confused when their doctor says their cholesterol is higher than Willie Nelson playing the Oregon Country Fair

Salad dressings aren't really designed to be good for you.

Their role is to add desperately needed fat to your rabbit food.

...which is why Americans now dip pizza into ranch dressing.

Uh what.

[img.fark.net image 120x120]

The only distinctly American ideal is that there is no all-encompassing American ideal. Every region has its own dialect, food, driving style (almost all of which are horrible except for mine), etc. We're multibreed mutts. Give me anybody from any country with even a tepid sense of curiosity and I can convert him or her into an American who loves this country without being a total dick to other countries.

Wow I really got lost in my personal headspace there. What I meant to say is not all Americans like ranch and definitely not all Americans dip or drizzle ranch with pizza.

/what next, pineapple-ranch pizza?
//don't do it. don't you do it.

No ranch for me. Or any creamy, chunky dressing. They're definitely not my thing. ... Oil and vinegar is fine. My dad added shallots, a spoonful of sugar and a good spoonful of grain mustard. ... Usually 2:1 oil to (balsamic) vinegar. ... Test it until you like it. You can also substitute sugar with honey. Regardless, not everything needs to be so creamy. It's too much. Enjoy your salad. Don't smother it.


I like shallots and grain mustard. I automatically like your dad.
 
2019-03-19 10:34:55 PM  

casual disregard: Grumpy Cat: casual disregard: FormlessOne: This text is now purple: whither_apophis: Ranch dressing: where Americans dump a tub of sour cream, a pint of buttermilk, and a cup of mayo on a single piece of lettuce and then look confused when their doctor says their cholesterol is higher than Willie Nelson playing the Oregon Country Fair

Salad dressings aren't really designed to be good for you.

Their role is to add desperately needed fat to your rabbit food.

...which is why Americans now dip pizza into ranch dressing.

Uh what.

[img.fark.net image 120x120]

The only distinctly American ideal is that there is no all-encompassing American ideal. Every region has its own dialect, food, driving style (almost all of which are horrible except for mine), etc. We're multibreed mutts. Give me anybody from any country with even a tepid sense of curiosity and I can convert him or her into an American who loves this country without being a total dick to other countries.

Wow I really got lost in my personal headspace there. What I meant to say is not all Americans like ranch and definitely not all Americans dip or drizzle ranch with pizza.

/what next, pineapple-ranch pizza?
//don't do it. don't you do it.

No ranch for me. Or any creamy, chunky dressing. They're definitely not my thing. ... Oil and vinegar is fine. My dad added shallots, a spoonful of sugar and a good spoonful of grain mustard. ... Usually 2:1 oil to (balsamic) vinegar. ... Test it until you like it. You can also substitute sugar with honey. Regardless, not everything needs to be so creamy. It's too much. Enjoy your salad. Don't smother it.

I like shallots and grain mustard. I automatically like your dad.


As one of the people defending ranch in here I will second this. I also love shallots and grain mustard, and that sounds awesome.

/ I just like everything.
 
2019-03-19 10:56:45 PM  
My primary culture shock moving into the Portland, OR metro: ranch dressing on pizza.  I refuse to try it.
 
2019-03-19 11:14:44 PM  

natazha: My primary culture shock moving into the Portland, OR metro: ranch dressing on pizza.  I refuse to try it.


Identify these little shops of horrors. Heresy has been detected. A gentle, cleansing bath is required.

img.fark.netView Full Size


/get some variant of 6 cheese with extra sauce. add salami and whatever sausage they offer. that is orthodox pizza.
 
2019-03-19 11:21:39 PM  
When I moved from Mass to MT I was surprised that ranch was served with almost everything. Twenty years later I'm still caught off guard when ranch is used in situations I didn't expect. On bacon, on bread, on fruit, it goes on and on. I'm not a fan, but whatever. It's ok to dip a carrot or whatever, but I would never put it on a salad.
 
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