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(The Week)   That's the Mueller joke.jpeg   (theweek.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Election, United States presidential election, Elections in the United States, President of the United States, longest version of this joke, better shaggy-dog story, special counsel investigation, day Johnny  
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8746 clicks; posted to Politics » on 23 Feb 2019 at 7:18 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



210 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2019-02-23 05:31:06 AM  
Not just a liar, actually delusional.
 
2019-02-23 05:46:15 AM  
"The single most damning thing that has come out of the investigation is that Donald Trump was for a time interested in erecting a building in Moscow."

Well, that, and Donald Trump used campaign finances to pay off his mistresses. That's pretty damning.

That, and we also caught his son and son in law partaking in secret meetings with Russian intelligence asserts. . . But I guess that doesn't count since Donald Jr. spilled the beans on that himself, in response to a journalist speculating about it.

That, and we also caught a Russian spy coaxing prominent conservatives into a pro-Russia agenda. . . But I guess that doesn't count since she probably didn't fark Donald Trump.
 
2019-02-23 05:46:17 AM  
CRIMES AREN'T CRIMES!
 
2019-02-23 05:50:26 AM  
Seriously tho, "there was only some mild tax fraud and undisclosed conflict of interests. . . Nothing bad!" is a pretty shiatty take.
 
2019-02-23 07:20:28 AM  
Well, I don't know who that was, but now I want to slap him silly.
 
2019-02-23 07:22:07 AM  
Is he interviewing for a position in the Administration? Because that didn't read like opinion, that read like a desperate cry for help...
 
2019-02-23 07:22:18 AM  
That's just how it is with crimes - either you find all of the evidence immediately or you stop investigating.
 
2019-02-23 07:22:39 AM  
TLDR.

The Aristocrats?
 
2019-02-23 07:24:26 AM  
Trump's only been caught doing things that'd take down a normal president and he's suspected of treason against his country but this is really all just so much about nothing.

/jackass
 
2019-02-23 07:26:20 AM  
BIG NOTHINGBERDER!!!
BULD THE WLL
TRUMP WINS 2020!!

I saved you a click
 
2019-02-23 07:26:29 AM  
Roger Stone, working directly with Russia FSB and wikileaks to influence an election. Yup, "process crime".
 
2019-02-23 07:26:50 AM  
I like a joke that's short and to the point. The guy who trained me to be a chef had a great one.

"What do you have when my nuts are on your chin?"
" Huh? "
"My dick in your mouth!"

Short, straight to the point humor.
 
2019-02-23 07:27:03 AM  
So fully half of that piece was a cut and paste of a non-joke as a lead-in to his terrible thesis?

Looks like someone was working on deadline and had to pad out 'NO COLLUSION' by 1000 words.
 
2019-02-23 07:27:04 AM  
WTF did I just read? Was the point of the joke supposed to be a failed punchline insinuating that the Mueller report will be a flop? Because that was a stupid way to try and make a stupid speculation. Just yell "no collusion" and save me the time of reading this tripe.
 
2019-02-23 07:29:42 AM  
That article was pants-on-head stupid.
 
2019-02-23 07:30:56 AM  
I never thought I could get stupider from reading something, but today I was proven wrong.
 
2019-02-23 07:33:00 AM  
This guy is a Robert Novak Journalism Fellow.
What does that mean?
I know that means something, if only I could remember...........damn
 
2019-02-23 07:33:04 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-23 07:33:33 AM  
I'll rewrite the article and make it better.

"I would like to say some things about the apparently imminent conclusion of Robert Mueller's special counsel investigation, but first let me tell you a joke."

media.giphy.comView Full Size


End of article.
 
2019-02-23 07:34:04 AM  
An article wherein the author pretends that multiple American and allied 3 and 4 letter agencies didn't conclude that Russia interfered with the American election, that all of the contact by the Trump campaign to Russian actors and Russian intelligence were coincidental, and all of them lying about it is just "process crimes".

An article where the author pretends that it's perfectly normal to lift sanctions against a country when it actually hurts them and threatens an industrial bankruptcy, except when that country's name isn't Russia, then that's sanctions that aren't punishing enough.

Ridiculous.
 
2019-02-23 07:34:26 AM  

MattytheMouse: "The single most damning thing that has come out of the investigation is that Donald Trump was for a time interested in erecting a building in Moscow."

Well, that, and Donald Trump used campaign finances to pay off his mistresses. That's pretty damning.

That, and we also caught his son and son in law partaking in secret meetings with Russian intelligence asserts. . . But I guess that doesn't count since Donald Jr. spilled the beans on that himself, in response to a journalist speculating about it.

That, and we also caught a Russian spy coaxing prominent conservatives into a pro-Russia agenda. . . But I guess that doesn't count since she probably didn't fark Donald Trump.


Oh and NRA illegally funneling Tussia money and Trump admin having gsecret meeting with Russians to co-ordinate polling information.

If you ignore all the collusion there is none.
 
2019-02-23 07:36:45 AM  
"I don't know what's in the Mueller report, but I'm sure it's nothing serious."
 
2019-02-23 07:37:16 AM  
Much concern.
Very scared.
Wow!
 
2019-02-23 07:38:24 AM  

RadiomanATL: Roger Stone, working directly with Russia FSB and wikileaks to influence an election. Yup, "process crime".


And that's what we know, not what Mueller knows.
 
2019-02-23 07:38:27 AM  

MattytheMouse: "The single most damning thing that has come out of the investigation is that Donald Trump was for a time interested in erecting a building in Moscow."

Well, that, and Donald Trump used campaign finances to pay off his mistresses. That's pretty damning.

That, and we also caught his son and son in law partaking in secret meetings with Russian intelligence asserts. . . But I guess that doesn't count since Donald Jr. spilled the beans on that himself, in response to a journalist speculating about it.

That, and we also caught a Russian spy coaxing prominent conservatives into a pro-Russia agenda. . . But I guess that doesn't count since she probably didn't fark Donald Trump.


And the first week in office Trump gave secret intelligence to Russian diplomats to the horror and chagrin of allies, but I guess that doesn't count because they might have just flattered him instead of blackmailing him.

And Russian MafiaBusinessmen have leased his condos for way above market price righter after favorable statements from him.  But I guess that doesn't count because he's done worse for Chinese bribes.

And he's dragged his feet/disobeyed the farking law on Russian Sanctions for no reason except obedience to Putin.  But I guess that doesn't count because he was forced to enact some of them.
 
2019-02-23 07:38:28 AM  
Pretty much everyone majorly involved with Trump's 2016 campaign, including his own private attorney, have either been indicted for crimes or are spending time in jail.

If you think Trump is innocent, then you're basically admitting he's too farking stupid to understand the corruption he was getting himself into. And that's if you blatantly ignore the laundry list of corrupt shiat he's known for since the 80's.

These people will say farking anything to make themselves think they're in the right. This is why he absolutely has to be indicted or have clear evidence shown that he's corrupt and is involved in major crimes. It's the only way to shut these kind of people up. And if they don't care at that point, well... at least they're open about not really caring about corruption in politics, as long as their party wins.
 
2019-02-23 07:40:07 AM  
I can summarise that entire article with one picture.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2019-02-23 07:40:24 AM  
It's always amazing to me how so many people know exactly how this shockingly leak-proof investigation is going and that it's always going exactly the way their ideological prejudices would prefer.

I suspect we will find there was not a well-coordinated conspiracy with Russia nor is Trump a Russian asset, but we also won't find nothing (and I don't just mean other unrelated crimes that happen to pop up, there will be tons of that). However, I wouldn't be surprised either if some actual agreed-to conspiracy also happened.

Sooner or later we'll find out.
 
2019-02-23 07:41:07 AM  
I think the most damning thing to come out of the report so far is the number of links between the campaign and a hostile foreign power.
Sure, there's been "bloody glove" as of yet. But, there has been plenty of proof that Moscow wanted him installed as president.
 
2019-02-23 07:43:15 AM  
Just because they lied, cheated and stole everything that wasn't nailed down in the past doesn't mean they did it this time, believe me.
Lemme tell ya a stupid joke instead.
 
2019-02-23 07:45:49 AM  

bobobolinskii: This guy is a Robert Novak Journalism Fellow.
What does that mean?
I know that means something, if only I could remember...........damn


It means he can catch flies with his tongue.
 
2019-02-23 07:45:57 AM  
Everyone should still prepare themselves to be disappointed with the report. It's possible that they find enough on Trump and his campaign to find him guilty of something but considering what he has managed to get away with so far it isn't unreasonable to believe this report doesn't take him down either. So get ready because Trump will probably finish his term and possibly serve a second.
 
2019-02-23 07:46:23 AM  
This must be some kind of Republican humor thing.....'cause I just don't get it.
 
2019-02-23 07:47:11 AM  

bobobolinskii: Just because they lied, cheated and stole everything that wasn't nailed down in the past doesn't mean they did it this time, believe me.
Lemme tell ya a stupid joke instead.


Not just a stupid joke. A stupid joke that presumes Trump is totally innocent and is the only reasonable person around, in the context of the article.

This article was dumb.
 
2019-02-23 07:47:30 AM  
It has led otherwise sensible adults to attempt to make arguments about the supposedly sacrosanct nature of the American election system that they will, I hope, find embarrassing in just a few years.

Guys elections are supposed to be corrupt and stuff! Really you should be embarrassed to think otherwise!
 
2019-02-23 07:49:38 AM  
I want my three minutes of reading time back, subby
 
2019-02-23 07:51:19 AM  
I'm old enough to remember when alleged misuse of the Lincoln bedroom, suspicions about a Christmas card list and lying about a blow job were considered serious enough crimes to remove a President from office.
 
2019-02-23 07:51:39 AM  

bobobolinskii: This guy is a Robert Novak Journalism Fellow.
What does that mean?
I know that means something, if only I could remember...........damn


Robert Novak.. pundit, died in 2009.. nickname the Prince of Darkness...  yeah, it's coming back to me..
 
2019-02-23 07:52:39 AM  
So why is everyone he hires lying about everything, "author"?
 
2019-02-23 07:53:29 AM  
That was one of the weakest attempts at deflection I've ever read.
 
2019-02-23 07:54:54 AM  

The Garden State: I'm old enough to remember when alleged misuse of the Lincoln bedroom, suspicions about a Christmas card list and lying about a blow job were considered serious enough crimes to remove a President from office.


Also evasive testimony before Congress and another 9 women alleging sexual assault.  I supported kicking him out too.
 
2019-02-23 07:55:38 AM  

Alphax: bobobolinskii: This guy is a Robert Novak Journalism Fellow.
What does that mean?
I know that means something, if only I could remember...........damn

Robert Novak.. pundit, died in 2009.. nickname the Prince of Darkness...  yeah, it's coming back to me..


Officially remained a registered Democrat after he went over to the dark side just so he could fark wth their primaries.
 
2019-02-23 07:56:47 AM  

RTOGUY: Everyone should still prepare themselves to be disappointed with the report. It's possible that they find enough on Trump and his campaign to find him guilty of something but considering what he has managed to get away with so far it isn't unreasonable to believe this report doesn't take him down either. So get ready because Trump will probably finish his term and possibly serve a second.


At this rate, I fully expect Trump to finish out his term.  Not because I think the report will turn up nothing, because it will.  It will at least put together fairly good evidence that the Trump election campaign actively worked with a foreign, hostile intelligence agency to steal an election.  No, Trump will finish his first term because the majority of the GoP in congress who would be responsible for doing something about it were ALSO actively working with the same foreign assets in order to win their own elections.
 
2019-02-23 07:57:50 AM  
This guy musta been pissed when Clinton got busted for a blow job when being investigated for real estate fraud
 
2019-02-23 07:58:02 AM  
Matthew Walther is a national correspondent at The Week. His work has also appeared in First Things, The Spectator of London, The Catholic Herald, National Review, and other publications. He is currently writing a biography of the Rev. Montague Summers. He is also a Robert Novak Journalism Fellow.

Ah. So that's why he has his head so far up Trump's ass.
 
2019-02-23 07:58:41 AM  
Saddest part of that article is that the guy actually thinks he's clever.
 
2019-02-23 07:59:01 AM  
Another Robert Novak journalism fellow.

From the New York Times obit

The episode began on July 14, 2003, when, acting on a tip, Mr. Novak published the name of a C.I.A. officer, Valerie Wilson. Her husband, the former diplomat Joseph C. Wilson IV, had made public assertions that the Bush administration had justified the invasion of Iraq by distorting intelligence about Iraqi efforts to acquire unconventional weapons. Referring to Ms. Wilson by her maiden name, Plame, Mr. Novak disclosed her identity as "an agency operative on weapons of mass destruction."
A federal investigation began; federal law prohibited the disclosure of the identities of C.I.A. officers in some circumstances. And it led to the conviction of I. Lewis Libby Jr., Vice President Dick Cheney's chief of staff.
Mr. Libby was charged not with leaking Ms. Wilson's name but with perjury, for lying about his conversations with reporters about Ms. Wilson, and obstruction of justice. President Bush later commuted Mr. Libby's 30-month prison term. (Mr. Novak himself was at little risk of prosecution under the disclosure law, which applies mainly to people who have authorized access to classified information.) Some reporters were pressured to identify sources with whom they had discussed Ms. Wilson. But to the consternation of some liberals and news media critics, there seemed to be little focus on Mr. Novak. Judith Miller, then a reporter for The New York Times, went to jail for 85 days before she agreed, with Mr. Libby's permission, to testify to a grand jury about her conversations with Mr. Libby.
In interviews, Mr. Novak seemed to rub salt into the wounds of the other journalists. "I don't know why they're upset with me," he told Brian Lamb of C-Span in 2004. "They ought to worry about themselves. I worry about myself."
Mr. Novak insisted that he would not name his sources, then disclosed them to investigators and a grand jury, saying he had felt free to speak because the sources had identified themselves to the authorities
.
 
2019-02-23 07:59:04 AM  

Driedsponge: RTOGUY: Everyone should still prepare themselves to be disappointed with the report. It's possible that they find enough on Trump and his campaign to find him guilty of something but considering what he has managed to get away with so far it isn't unreasonable to believe this report doesn't take him down either. So get ready because Trump will probably finish his term and possibly serve a second.

At this rate, I fully expect Trump to finish out his term.  Not because I think the report will turn up nothing, because it will.  It will at least put together fairly good evidence that the Trump election campaign actively worked with a foreign, hostile intelligence agency to steal an election.  No, Trump will finish his first term because the majority of the GoP in congress who would be responsible for doing something about it were ALSO actively working with the same foreign assets in order to win their own elections.


By Jove!!! We never thought of that!! Give that man cigar.!
 
2019-02-23 07:59:04 AM  
I knew it was Walther before I clicked
 
2019-02-23 07:59:27 AM  

RTOGUY: Everyone should still prepare themselves to be disappointed with the report. It's possible that they find enough on Trump and his campaign to find him guilty of something but considering what he has managed to get away with so far it isn't unreasonable to believe this report doesn't take him down either. So get ready because Trump will probably finish his term and possibly serve a second.


Sad but true. There are plenty of reasons to believe that the Mueller report won't result in Trump being dragged out of the White House and arrested. The author of the article would have you believe it's because there was NO COLLUSION also BIG NOTHINGBERDER but the truth is that no matter what evidence the report contains, it's down to Congress to punish the President.

The Republicans would need to admit their Golden God-Emperor had done something bad, and the Democratic Party leadership might look at polling data that tells them if the Orange Menace is removed, the HerpaDerpers will come out enmasse in 2020 and Red Wave the Dems into electoral oblivion.

The Democratic leadership would then have to make a very tough decision: Try to impeach Trump now, or try to vote him out in 2020 - neither is sure to work, and each carries it's own risks.
 
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