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(Fark)   Everybody Panic: The 2018 Fark Fiction Anthology is now available on Amazon. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll give a squirrel a beer   ( fark.com) divider line
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946 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Oct 2018 at 9:28 AM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-10-11 09:29:22 AM  
It's here!

The third annual Fark Fiction Anthology is now available on Amazon in trade paperback, Kindle and Kindle Unlimited!

Everybody Panic: The 2018 Fark Fiction Anthology

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From across the far reaches of the internet, the community at Fark.com presents . . . Everybody Panic: The 2018 Fark Fiction Anthology.

Our editors have worked feverishly to bring you the best short fiction of 2018 from the minds and imaginations at Fark, the online community where snark is king and wit reigns supreme.

Vampires. Zombies. Sharks. Black holes. The dark things lurking in the void of space, and the spaced-out things lurking in time. Heroes on call, if you can afford them. Baked goods with interstellar consequences. Yes, you read that right. Just trust me.

And even better, for the third year running, all proceeds from the sale of this anthology will benefit an excellent children's charity chosen by the posters at Fark.com.

Pull up a chair. Give your favorite squirrel a beer. It's time to panic.


This year we have tales of adventure, stories to delight and astonish, and chronicles of suspense and horror!  All created, edited, and put together from volunteers right here on Fark.  Yes, your fellow Farkers have come together to show off their talents in the name of charity, since all proceeds from the sales of this anthology will be donated to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital!

Even better, this year I'm running a drawing for a Fire 8 HD tablet from Amazon!

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(I've actually got one of these.  It's pretty cool)

Post a snip of a screenshot of your purchase of Everybody Panic in this thread in the next 24 hours, and you'll be entered to win.  I'll randomly select one lucky reader and gift them a Fire 8 HD* tablet, perfect for reading Fark Fiction Anthologies for years to come!

Huge thanks to everyone who submitted, and everyone who volunteered to put this together!


*Or the next step up if that sells out or whatever. Please make sure you have contact info in your profile, or that you come back to this thread later to find out if you won.  Or I guess you could email me at e­di­t­or­s[nospam-﹫-backwards]noitcifk­raf*net also.
 
2018-10-11 09:29:48 AM  
I'd also like to encourage anyone who is published in this anthology to step up for a bow.  You certainly don't have to, if you'd like to remain anonymous, but here's your chance to get the accolades that only a Fark Fiction Anthology writer can enjoy!

I'll start: I'm Brian Bander, editor and author of The Mechanical Turk, a suspense and horror story at the very end of the anthology.
 
2018-10-11 09:44:33 AM  
Cool.
 
2018-10-11 09:51:14 AM  
No ebook edition this year?  Me and the other virtual pastors get together and virtually delete books we find offensive.  When we find ones that are really offensive and I'm looking at the ebook of "Stenson's Guide and Harbor Regulations - Boston Harbor and Surrounding - Version 3" we give a shift-delete.  Version 2 was word of God.  V3 was heresy.  Comfy chair, Stenson.
 
2018-10-11 09:57:34 AM  
What is "paperback?"  My people, we do not have this word.
 
2018-10-11 09:59:27 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: No ebook edition this year?  Me and the other virtual pastors get together and virtually delete books we find offensive.  When we find ones that are really offensive and I'm looking at the ebook of "Stenson's Guide and Harbor Regulations - Boston Harbor and Surrounding - Version 3" we give a shift-delete.  Version 2 was word of God.  V3 was heresy.  Comfy chair, Stenson.


There's both print and ebook editions available.  Amazon for some reason hasn't figured out they're the same thing yet, so they're on different pages.

Kindle edition
Paperback edition
 
2018-10-11 10:02:04 AM  
toraque deserves a round of applaus for all his hard work.  I submitted bunch of scans of clay tablets with hieroglyphics and he converted it all to words and punctuations.  He even caught my double dude-walking-like-this mistake.  Oh, if that had gotten out, it would be Cheops all over again.  Cheops!

Oh and I didn't phone it in like I did with 'Hoppers.  This year, I emailed it.
 
2018-10-11 10:08:12 AM  

toraque: Harry Freakstorm: No ebook edition this year?  Me and the other virtual pastors get together and virtually delete books we find offensive.  When we find ones that are really offensive and I'm looking at the ebook of "Stenson's Guide and Harbor Regulations - Boston Harbor and Surrounding - Version 3" we give a shift-delete.  Version 2 was word of God.  V3 was heresy.  Comfy chair, Stenson.

There's both print and ebook editions available.  Amazon for some reason hasn't figured out they're the same thing yet, so they're on different pages.

Kindle edition
Paperback edition


Too late.  Killed a tree.  It's all on you, tree killer.  Sleep well knowing that a beautiful and stately oxygen giving tree was cut down, pulped, run through a Goss Community 2000, bound, inventoried, quality controlled, stacked, evnveloped, stamped and delivered by a postal employee always tells me her feet hurt.  But I'll accept some of the blame.  It is I who ask the postal employee how she's feeling.  I should just say "Hello" and "Fark you and these farking bills".
 
2018-10-11 10:09:21 AM  
Yay! Looking forward to reading it!
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2018-10-11 10:12:56 AM  
One dead tree, please.

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2018-10-11 10:21:17 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: toraque deserves a round of applaus for all his hard work.


More than just a round of applause if possible. I helped a bit with anthology number one and the amount of work needed to bring this all together is astounding. I know you have a crew, toraque, but you really need to be recognized for your efforts.
 
2018-10-11 10:29:19 AM  
Very cool to see a pink oven mitt on the cover! I'll fess up to the Uncle Phil story. Kudos to the crew who put it all together.
 
2018-10-11 10:49:40 AM  
I worked on it and submitted and have a story included.  Yay for me?
 
2018-10-11 10:58:19 AM  
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What a great idea. The wit and smarts of my fellow Farkers is why I visit here daily. It's great to be able to read their work offline as well.

The kindle version is available to read for free as part of Kindle Unlimited, but I purchased it because it's a fundraiser. You might want to see if you can opt out of the unlimited option to raise more money.
 
2018-10-11 11:16:05 AM  
I paid the 2.99, even though it was free for Prime.  I'm too lazy to figure out how the paid vs. borrow for a month button impacts payment to the author, but I figure the authors need to eat, and I need to read.

Never mind, looks like half a cent per page if borrowed for free, vs. 70% royalties if priced between 2.99 and 9.99.
 
2018-10-11 11:20:12 AM  
the frolic goes on forever! HA! AND instead of a plug for MY latest collection of shorts...
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2018-10-11 11:30:43 AM  
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I just dun bought the paperback because its a reel book, so if'n I can't reed it at lest i can use it as a doorstop, the dag garned kindle keeps breaking.
 
2018-10-11 11:46:19 AM  
I bought the Kindle edition.  No, I'm not going to post a got-damned screenshot.  With my luck, it would capture something incredibly unseemly on my wishlist.  Not that there is anything incredibly unseemly on my wishlish, mind you.

Do people in the book also post their Fark-names nom-de-plumes?  I'm just curious, as I always want to know who the hacks and the genuinely talented are among us.
 
2018-10-11 12:37:26 PM  
I had the honor to help edit this with toraque and the rest of the crew, and was once again deeply impressed with talent of my fellow Farkers.

I will also claim Super Ayum which is a humorous (I hope) short about finding help in the digital age.
 
2018-10-11 12:38:33 PM  

Spawn_of_Cthulhu: I worked on it and submitted and have a story included.  Yay for me?


Definite yay! I really appreciated your insights into the stories as we read them. I love your story too :-)
 
2018-10-11 12:47:34 PM  

toraque: I'd also like to encourage anyone who is published in this anthology to step up for a bow.  You certainly don't have to, if you'd like to remain anonymous, but here's your chance to get the accolades that only a Fark Fiction Anthology writer can enjoy!

I'll start: I'm Brian Bander, editor and author of The Mechanical Turk, a suspense and horror story at the very end of the anthology.


Brian's a good guy. A true gentleman.
 
2018-10-11 01:13:24 PM  
Yay: a reader is me:
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Thanks for making me shop Amazon: I never realized how much I needed flash drives and key tags until I saw them!
 
2018-10-11 02:15:02 PM  
Ordered! Kindle edition, just in time for a week on the beach.
 
2018-10-11 02:26:39 PM  
toraque:

Purchased and excited....thank you too you and all who helped put this together!!
 
2018-10-11 02:31:39 PM  
I purchased a copy last night - in book form - and have a story in it (Tyson Prenter). Really glad to be included, excited to see this out now. Great work, everyone! I look forward to reading this year's stories - there have been some really fun ones in the previous editions.
 
2018-10-11 03:00:26 PM  
I am SO bad at tooting my own horn. I've never been sure why. I'm like the seven-year-old who runs up, shoves the bouquet of flowers in the girl's hands, shouts, "You're purty!" and then runs out of the playground to hide in the boys' room. That's basically me trying to get people to notice my work.

Anywho, my story is "The Visitation." *shoves book into your hands, runs to hide in his bathroom.*

*peeks out* Thanks, Toraque!
 
2018-10-11 03:10:15 PM  
Hey, I'm a professional writer.... How do I get in on this action?
 
2018-10-11 03:44:01 PM  
Yay!  My copy is coming Tuesday.

My name is Dangerosa Jones, and my hamster is on the cover.   Which corresponds to my story "This Hamster May Die" in the humor tab.   Way too excited right now.
 
2018-10-11 04:08:04 PM  

peasandcarrots: I am SO bad at tooting my own horn. I've never been sure why. I'm like the seven-year-old who runs up, shoves the bouquet of flowers in the girl's hands, shouts, "You're purty!" and then runs out of the playground to hide in the boys' room. That's basically me trying to get people to notice my work.

Anywho, my story is "The Visitation." *shoves book into your hands, runs to hide in his bathroom.*

*peeks out* Thanks, Toraque!


I'm right there with you on self-promotion, but glad you took a bow. Visitation was one of my favorites.
 
2018-10-11 04:17:57 PM  
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I'm one of the lucky chosen ones, even though my story is quite short.  I am really lookign forward to reading the others :)
 
2018-10-11 04:28:22 PM  

Pazuzu Smith-Jones: Hey, I'm a professional writer.... How do I get in on this action?


If by "this action" you mean submitting to the next Fark Fiction Anthology, just stay caught up on the weekly writers' thread in the Discussion Tab for the next call for submissions. (It should also appear on the Main Page, as well.) This year, if memory serves, the call went out in late February. Then just follow the instructions for submitting, sit back, and wait to be judged.

Don't worry. We're really pretty gentle about that last part.
 
2018-10-11 04:29:54 PM  
Should add: Writers' Threads are a Wednesday thing in the Discussion Tab.
 
2018-10-11 04:32:22 PM  
And, I forgot to say, thank you to all those - toraque et al. - who were involved with the actual production of the book.  I've never been in print before, so its kinda exciting :)
 
2018-10-11 04:36:17 PM  

Last Surviving Flying Gruyere Brother: Pazuzu Smith-Jones: Hey, I'm a professional writer.... How do I get in on this action?

If by "this action" you mean submitting to the next Fark Fiction Anthology, just stay caught up on the weekly writers' thread in the Discussion Tab for the next call for submissions. (It should also appear on the Main Page, as well.) This year, if memory serves, the call went out in late February. Then just follow the instructions for submitting, sit back, and wait to be judged.

Don't worry. We're really pretty gentle about that last part.


I've never really paid much attention to the writers' threads, but I'll start. Thanks.
 
2018-10-11 04:55:16 PM  

D_PaulAngel: I will also claim Super Ayum which is a humorous (I hope) short about finding help in the digital age.


Having read this story, I can honestly say it is NOT humorous. It is a hilariously on-point lampooning of modern tech. I'm glad it made it into the anthology.
 
2018-10-11 05:14:49 PM  
I am the author of "The Strange Case of the Missing Planet".  I began writing it shortly after I learned of the the death of Jonathan Harris, and decided to make the story a tribute to him, so I named the protagonist after him.  I sort of got carried away with that, and the story includes numerous references to "Lost in Space", though the story is in no way a spoof of LIS.  In fact, the majority of my test readers didn't even notice.

I ordered three copies.  One to read and show people, one to carefully wrap and store, and one I intend as a gift for Dr. Suvi Gezari, who I pestered with questions about black-holes at a lecture on that subject that she gave, at a bar in College Park.  (This was part of an ongoing lecture series at the same bar.)

Oh, right, the black hole isn't actually on the cover of Everybody Panic, but it's what's sucking everything else down.

When reviewing peasandcarrots' story, "The Visitation", it struck me that it would make a great short film, so after obtaining his permission, I've set about trying to make it a reality.  A few weeks ago I went location scouting at a public park in Pennsylvania, then inquired about filming there.  They wanted all sorts of assurances and waivers and wanted editorial control of the film.  The entire film, not just the part that would be filmed in their public park.

Gah!

I'm now looking into using a nearby farm, whose owners I think will like the idea.  Anyway, if this comes to fruition, it will probably wind up on YouTube.  When you read "The Visitation", I think you'll agree that it's quite visual, and lends itself well to being produced as a film.
 
2018-10-11 06:56:47 PM  
Ordered my copy.

No pic of the back cover.  I guess Magic Goat didn't make this year.

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I still want it on a t-shirt.  Something classy like the goat's head sticking out of a pocket.  It just has that 'Did someone say my name?' look to it.
Oh well, I can always dream.
 
2018-10-11 07:39:45 PM  
Brief scare when I connected to wifi at work this morning to receive my download and my kindle froze, but a reboot cured its ills and now I am settling in on my homeward bus ride to read all of your stories--thank you, Fark writers and editors!
 
2018-10-11 07:54:52 PM  
Yay, Fark, and extra yay at the Farkers who put it together!
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2018-10-11 08:06:28 PM  
My computer is failing to take screenshots. Here's the text from the Amazon confirmation page.

*****
Thank you, your order has been placed.
Please check your email for order confirmation and detailed delivery information or visit Message Center to review your notifications.
New! Get shipment notifications on your mobile device with the free Amazon app.
Order Number: ################
Everybody Panic: The 2018 Fark Fiction Anthology will be shipped to The Wench Fambly Hacienda by Amazon.com.
Estimated delivery: Oct. 18, 2018

Review or edit your order
*****
 
2018-10-11 09:30:24 PM  
I'd like to join the crowd in thanking toraque and his crew for all the work they've done. They took in my poor shivering little story, A World Apart, and made a home for it. In the process, they took my writer's cherry by giving me a bona fide publishing credit to use.

I bought two copies, one as a secret gift for a long-time friend who talked me into a writing class a few years ago. That kicked off this whole be-an-author business. He'll either high-five me or grumble about not getting published first. I look forward to finding out which.

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2018-10-11 11:06:23 PM  

Wenchmaster: D_PaulAngel: I will also claim Super Ayum which is a humorous (I hope) short about finding help in the digital age.

Having read this story, I can honestly say it is NOT humorous. It is a hilariously on-point lampooning of modern tech. I'm glad it made it into the anthology.


Thank you! I am too  :-)
 
2018-10-12 12:18:07 AM  
Alright, ya'll talked me into it.

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2018-10-12 01:31:41 AM  

Pazuzu Smith-Jones: Last Surviving Flying Gruyere Brother: Pazuzu Smith-Jones: Hey, I'm a professional writer.... How do I get in on this action?
If by "this action" you mean submitting to the next Fark Fiction Anthology, just stay caught up on the weekly writers' thread in the Discussion Tab for the next call for submissions. (It should also appear on the Main Page, as well.) This year, if memory serves, the call went out in late February. Then just follow the instructions for submitting, sit back, and wait to be judged.
Don't worry. We're really pretty gentle about that last part.

I've never really paid much attention to the writers' threads, but I'll start. Thanks.


For some reason I found this uproariously funny. I imagined the Fark Standard Sarcastic Response tm, and giggled even moar. :)
 
2018-10-12 06:18:51 AM  
The previous editions were in desperate need of editing, and I didn't finish them.  Spelling errors, grammar errors, you name it.  Offhand, Harry Freakstorm's stories were among the few that were good in that regard.

I'll give it another shot this time, but only because it benefits St. Jude.
 
2018-10-12 09:11:29 AM  

Wave Of Anal Fury: The previous editions were in desperate need of editing . . .


If you didn't like the editing, perhaps you'd like to be one of the editors on the next one?
 
2018-10-12 09:17:41 AM  

Creepy Lurker Guy: Wave Of Anal Fury: The previous editions were in desperate need of editing . . .

If you didn't like the editing, perhaps you'd like to be one of the editors on the next one?


I'm also a professional editor, if you want to reach out when the time comes.
 
2018-10-12 09:40:26 AM  

Pazuzu Smith-Jones: Creepy Lurker Guy: Wave Of Anal Fury: The previous editions were in desperate need of editing . . .

If you didn't like the editing, perhaps you'd like to be one of the editors on the next one?

I'm also a professional editor, if you want to reach out when the time comes.


Absolutely!  I'm constantly told I need professional help.

If you want to send an email to edi­t­ors[nospam-﹫-backwards]noitcif­kraf*net, we can get you into the google group now so you can see the preplanning when we start next year.
 
2018-10-12 09:57:50 AM  

Pazuzu Smith-Jones: Creepy Lurker Guy: Wave Of Anal Fury: The previous editions were in desperate need of editing . . .

If you didn't like the editing, perhaps you'd like to be one of the editors on the next one?

I'm also a professional editor, if you want to reach out when the time comes.


Didn't realize that. Just trying to help out. Sorry.
 
2018-10-12 09:58:28 AM  

toraque: Pazuzu Smith-Jones: Creepy Lurker Guy: Wave Of Anal Fury: The previous editions were in desperate need of editing . . .

If you didn't like the editing, perhaps you'd like to be one of the editors on the next one?

I'm also a professional editor, if you want to reach out when the time comes.

Absolutely!  I'm constantly told I need professional help.

If you want to send an email to editors[[nospam-﹫-backwards] image 7x13]noitcifkraf[* image 7x13]net, we can get you into the google group now so you can see the preplanning when we start next year.


Sounds good. I'll do that as time permits. Stay tuned.
 
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