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(The Smoking Gun)   The naked suspect, a priest told cops, "dipped his rear-end into the Holy Water fountain and splashed around a bit before entering the sanctuary while masturbating"   ( thesmokinggun.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Baptism, Burdick, Catholic Church, Roman Catholic Church, Zachary Burdick, North Dakota, Burdick's antics, Baptismal font  
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2805 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Oct 2018 at 11:54 PM (10 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



82 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2018-10-10 09:50:40 PM  
For Fark, it was Tuesday.
 
2018-10-10 10:02:31 PM  
Was Communion wine involved?
 
2018-10-10 11:39:56 PM  
The priest added that the font would have to be cleaned and sanitized, a process that would cost the church about $500.

That priest should bite the bullet and spring for a new one.
If the Pope finds out he's been dispensing "holy water" from a gently used bidet, he'll be up shiat creek.
 
2018-10-10 11:41:26 PM  
Well great, there goes my idea for an original Halloween costume.
 
2018-10-10 11:56:35 PM  
Read that as "The naked subject, a priest, told cops..."
 
2018-10-10 11:57:35 PM  
good times, good times
 
2018-10-10 11:58:33 PM  
To be fair, it is holey water.
 
2018-10-10 11:58:38 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-10-10 11:58:55 PM  
Dad?
 
2018-10-10 11:59:24 PM  

resnet_pimp: Read that as "The naked subject, a priest, told cops..."


As did I.

I hope that they not only clean and sanitize the font, but exorcise it as well...
 
2018-10-11 12:01:31 AM  
i find that to be a wonderful gag.
 
2018-10-11 12:04:33 AM  
That is blow-for-blow my son's christening.
 
2018-10-11 12:04:55 AM  
North Dakota man tweaking on meth

Didn't really need those last 3 words
 
2018-10-11 12:05:50 AM  

bearded clamorer: The priest added that the font would have to be cleaned and sanitized, a process that would cost the church about $500.

That priest should bite the bullet and spring for a new one.
If the Pope finds out he's been dispensing "holy water" from a gently used bidet, he'll be up shiat creek.


I wish I had thought of getting into that business. Charge $500 and then just download a new font from the internet for free. That priest is such a dingbat.
 
2018-10-11 12:13:30 AM  

Prof. Frink: bearded clamorer: The priest added that the font would have to be cleaned and sanitized, a process that would cost the church about $500.

That priest should bite the bullet and spring for a new one.
If the Pope finds out he's been dispensing "holy water" from a gently used bidet, he'll be up shiat creek.

I wish I had thought of getting into that business. Charge $500 and then just download a new font from the internet for free. That priest is such a dingbat.


FYI: don't use Hell-vetica
 
2018-10-11 12:15:25 AM  
As one does...
 
2018-10-11 12:16:35 AM  
Sorry, I wanted to party like bart o'kavanaugh.

My bad.
 
2018-10-11 12:21:16 AM  

BlazeTrailer: That is blow-for-blow my son's christening.


Why did you wait until he was 14?
 
2018-10-11 12:23:25 AM  
Why would holy water and the vessel containing it need to be cleaned and sanitized? Doesn't God keep both pure?
 
2018-10-11 12:23:44 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-10-11 12:23:55 AM  

Keizer_Ghidorah: Why would holy water and the vessel containing it need to be cleaned and sanitized? Doesn't God keep both pure?


Stop asking questions. Just believe.
 
2018-10-11 12:27:02 AM  

Resident Muslim: BlazeTrailer: That is blow-for-blow my son's christening.

Why did you wait until he was 14?


Exactly which denomination is it where christening involves doing blow at all, let alone trying to keep up with how much the priest or child is doing?
 
2018-10-11 12:29:13 AM  
He seemed to do a lot of walking around while masturbating.  I can't think of a time I ever walked around while masturbating.  I usually stay in one spot the whole time.
 
2018-10-11 12:29:14 AM  
$500!?  Are clorox wipes really that expensive there?  I'll mail the church a whole container of them for $30.
 
2018-10-11 12:29:27 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: Keizer_Ghidorah: Why would holy water and the vessel containing it need to be cleaned and sanitized? Doesn't God keep both pure?

Stop asking questions. Just believe.


And up your tithe up to 20%
You heathen.
Say 12 hail Marys and buy some cookies from the CYA
 
2018-10-11 12:30:46 AM  

wildlifer: Peter von Nostrand: Keizer_Ghidorah: Why would holy water and the vessel containing it need to be cleaned and sanitized? Doesn't God keep both pure?

Stop asking questions. Just believe.

And up your tithe up to 20%
You heathen.
Say 12 hail Marys and buy some cookies from the CYA


Cookies being a euphemism for give the priest a handy.
 
2018-10-11 12:32:31 AM  
The Aristocrats!
 
2018-10-11 12:34:04 AM  
A Come to Jesus moment?
 
2018-10-11 12:34:31 AM  

hawaiijenno: $500!?  Are clorox wipes really that expensive there?  I'll mail the church a whole container of them for $30.


If he was anything like some of the tweakers I've bumped into, they're going to need a lot more than clorox wipes.

/ a LOT more
// as in "burn it down and start over" more.
 
2018-10-11 12:40:15 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-10-11 12:40:21 AM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: North Dakota man tweaking on meth

Didn't really need those last 3 words


Apparently an otherwise good Catholic boy from Devil's Lake, ND. Wonder if he did time as an altar boy.

/reads like a scene from Bad Lieutenant left on the cutting room floor
 
2018-10-11 12:43:40 AM  
While often a misdemeanor, Burdick's alleged indecent exposure was charged as a felony because it occurred within 50 feet of "where private religious instruction is given to children aged 3-9."

Nothing they haven't seen before then.
 
2018-10-11 12:44:22 AM  
Un holyied the holy water.
 
2018-10-11 12:50:11 AM  
This is what happens when you get so high you get your days mixed up.  Had he arrived on Thursday as agreed it would have been a heck of a welcome party for the visiting Bishop.
 
2018-10-11 12:51:52 AM  
Someone confused the  font with the bidet...
 
2018-10-11 12:55:17 AM  
 
2018-10-11 01:04:05 AM  
Abox

He seemed to do a lot of walking around while masturbating. I can't think of a time I ever walked around while masturbating. I usually stay in one spot the whole time.

So you don't party...
 
2018-10-11 01:04:38 AM  

Ghost Roach: Prof. Frink: bearded clamorer: The priest added that the font would have to be cleaned and sanitized, a process that would cost the church about $500.

That priest should bite the bullet and spring for a new one.
If the Pope finds out he's been dispensing "holy water" from a gently used bidet, he'll be up shiat creek.

I wish I had thought of getting into that business. Charge $500 and then just download a new font from the internet for free. That priest is such a dingbat.

FYI: don't use Hell-vetica


That would lead to clerical mistakes.

Besides, I wouldn't be so sure about the price. You wouldn't want a sin tax error on your conscience.
 
2018-10-11 01:12:45 AM  

Keizer_Ghidorah: Why would holy water and the vessel containing it need to be cleaned and sanitized? Doesn't God keep both pure?


No.  It's Holy Water, nor Purell.
 
2018-10-11 01:15:18 AM  
The Holy Bidet sounds freezing.
 
2018-10-11 01:21:58 AM  

Ghost Roach: Prof. Frink: bearded clamorer: The priest added that the font would have to be cleaned and sanitized, a process that would cost the church about $500.

That priest should bite the bullet and spring for a new one.
If the Pope finds out he's been dispensing "holy water" from a gently used bidet, he'll be up shiat creek.

I wish I had thought of getting into that business. Charge $500 and then just download a new font from the internet for free. That priest is such a dingbat.

FYI: don't use Hell-vetica


This was all Comic Sans.
 
2018-10-11 01:44:52 AM  
On the bright side, the guy's ass is now demon-free.

/it's a busy day at the confessional at Our Lady of Perpetual Motion Catholic Girls School. Virginia is first in line."Father forgive me for I have sinned. I touched my boyfriend's penis with the tip of my finger." "Then dip the tip of your finger in holy water," replies the priest. Next is Beatrice. "Father forgive me for I have sinned. I used both hands to stroke and fondle my boyfriend's penis." "Then wash your hands thoroughly with holy water," replies Father Murphy. Suddenly there's a commotion outside the confessional as Martha breaks in line to be next. "My child, why are you in such a hurry?" asks the priest. Martha answers, "Father, I want to be sure to gargle with holy water before Elizabeth sticks her ass in it."
 
2018-10-11 01:48:25 AM  
Did they catch him by the organ?
 
2018-10-11 01:52:52 AM  
So was this the one that got away?

The priest really has to learn to adjust the dosage when he is trying to rape a man instead of a boy! This could have all been avoided had he not skimped on the rohipnol.
 
2018-10-11 02:02:14 AM  

Abox: He seemed to do a lot of walking around while masturbating.  I can't think of a time I ever walked around while masturbating.  I usually stay in one spot the whole time.

img.fark.netView Full Size

 
2018-10-11 02:05:31 AM  
Random Anonymous Blackmail: "North Dakota man tweaking on meth. Didn't really need those last 3 words".

Well, they did kinda clear things up for me. I had my money on Satanists. Actually, I'm tad disappointed.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-10-11 02:11:56 AM  

Somacandra: Was Communion wine involved?


That Jesus guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
 
2018-10-11 02:12:33 AM  
I thought that Jesus forgave all sins.
 
2018-10-11 02:15:06 AM  
Sometimes the old ways are best...
 
2018-10-11 02:24:05 AM  
The lord works in mysterious ways...
 
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