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(Fark)   Don't just feed it to your food, cut out the middleman and add bacon bits and low-fat dressing. Grab your fork for the Fark Weird News Quiz, Aug 26-Sept. 1 Eat A Damn Salad Edition   ( fark.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, Weird News Quiz, Login, Salad, Bacon, Fark Weird News, Cascading Style Sheets, Dog, The Middleman  
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1633 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2018 at 11:01 AM (10 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



25 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-09-13 11:39:48 PM  
So salads are supposed to be healthy and stuff, but most of the time in the United states we base them off of iceberg lettuce, which has no nutritional value. That's great if you want to feel full, but the problem is that most people (and most restaurants) drown them in dressing made with more sugar and fat than a candy bar. In most American fast food chains (looking at you, Taco Bell and McDonald's), their entree salads are actually among the most unhealthy things on the menu. So I always just make mine at home.

My pick for the ultimate salad is Butterhead lettuce tossed with red cabbage and grated carrot for color, with tomato wedges and cucumber slices. Add in some sunflower seeds for a bit of nuttiness and crunch, and about a slice's worth of bacon bits. Top off with any kind of grilled or baked meat - salmon, chicken, or shrimp are all awesome, and top off with a vinaigrette dressing - lemon herb for salmon, lime for shrimp, and balsamic or raspberry for chicken. If you're on the go, you can always wrap it up in a tortilla and everyone will think you're a hipster.

So take the quiz, then come back and tell us how you did and what you like on your salad.

If you missed the link to the Easy Quiz, here it is again.

If you have any issues with the quiz, please reply to this post. Good luck!
 
2018-09-13 11:41:03 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2018-09-14 12:09:41 AM  
I never realized there was actually a quiz with these things.  But I do like a good salad!

Arugula, spinach, and/or other spring greens, including Kale, you farking philistines.  Throw that in a bowl with a squirt of good olive oil and red wine vinegar, toss, and then add whatever other yummie veggies you can find.  Cucumber, jicama, and tomato are my go-to.
 
2018-09-14 12:16:06 AM  

Rent Party: Kale


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2018-09-14 12:25:11 AM  
Ok, if you insist.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-09-14 12:33:50 AM  

ox45tallboy: Rent Party: Kale

[media.giphy.com image 450x251]


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2018-09-14 01:19:03 AM  

ox45tallboy: So salads are supposed to be healthy and stuff, but most of the time in the United states we base them off of iceberg lettuce, which has no nutritional value. That's great if you want to feel full, but the problem is that most people (and most restaurants) drown them in dressing made with more sugar and fat than a candy bar. In most American fast food chains (looking at you, Taco Bell and McDonald's), their entree salads are actually among the most unhealthy things on the menu. So I always just make mine at home.

My pick for the ultimate salad is Butterhead lettuce tossed with red cabbage and grated carrot for color, with tomato wedges and cucumber slices. Add in some sunflower seeds for a bit of nuttiness and crunch, and about a slice's worth of bacon bits. Top off with any kind of grilled or baked meat - salmon, chicken, or shrimp are all awesome, and top off with a vinaigrette dressing - lemon herb for salmon, lime for shrimp, and balsamic or raspberry for chicken. If you're on the go, you can always wrap it up in a tortilla and everyone will think you're a hipster.

So take the quiz, then come back and tell us how you did and what you like on your salad.

If you missed the link to the Easy Quiz, here it is again.

If you have any issues with the quiz, please reply to this post. Good luck!


Salads are in no way automatically or even possessed of a tendancy toward health or nutrition.  It's literally just a bunch of room-temperature, solid ingredients mixed together (and sometimes not even that, for given values of "salad").  The Romans started the whole thing with greens, sea salt and fish sauce (and fruit salads), as a sort of classical-era TV dinner that was a "man it's too hot / late and I'm too tired / drunk to cook" sort of option.

That said, while you can dump literally anything in there and call it salad, making it potentially less healthy than some candy bars, there is an art to the cuisine.  A good Cobb salad is a true work of art.  Sweet, savory, sour, acid and tart, soft and crunchy, light and heavy, everything in proportion.

My fave easier-to-make riff on it (no bacon, avocado, or dressing) goes like:
- 2 kinds of lettuce (any kind will do; just don't do all-iceberg.  I prefer butter & green or butter & romaine)
- Cherry tomatoes (sliced tomatoes are a slimy mess IMO)
- Sliced cucumber
- Shredded carrot
- Some form of dried fruit.  Raisins, cranberries, even chopped figs or apricot or prunes if that floats your boat.  Must be chewy
- Crumbled or diced hard-boiled egg
- Crumbles of feta or bleu cheese - if you must have dressing, omit this step; add broccoli florets if you're using ranch, bleu cheese, or another cream-based dressing
- Sesame seeds & sesame noodles (way better than croutons); sub your favorite nuts if you don't like sesame
- Some shredded cheese of any kind you like, if you don't overdo it with the feta or bleu, above.  Extra-sharp cheddar is my favorite.  Go easy on it, though.
- Whatever protein floats your boat.  Cubed ham or turkey, cold chicken, you name it.  I'm not entirely sure fish wouldn't work if it was firm enough, or even those miniature shrimp.  Technically unnecessary what with the egg and possibly nuts and cheese, but elevates the salad nonetheless.

Now THAT'S a salad.  Not the least bit boring even without dressing.  A wide variety of tastes and textures that complement each other.  Closest thing Western cuisine has to Omakase, IMO.
 
2018-09-14 01:25:07 AM  
I should really start cross-posting this to the Food Tab.
 
2018-09-14 01:28:34 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-09-14 01:42:05 AM  
I was perplexed that my outstandingly mediocre performance on the easy quiz made the top 10. Then I remembered I was taking it early.

Caesar salad, hold the anchovies. Those things are just nasty, and besides, you look funny holding anchovies.
 
2018-09-14 01:45:43 AM  

cyberspacedout: I was perplexed that my outstandingly mediocre performance on the easy quiz made the top 10. Then I remembered I was taking it early.

Caesar salad, hold the anchovies. Those things are just nasty, and besides, you look funny holding anchovies.


How do you make Caesar dressing without anchovies? That's just egg whites, olive oil, and parmesan cheese.
 
2018-09-14 01:52:25 AM  
Wilted Baby Spinach salad
A spoonful of ghee1 in a big frying pan with a bit of minced garlic over medium for a minute, add a handful of sliced mushrooms and saute another minute or two to sorta brown the 'shrooms, then several handfuls of baby spinach so that it really looks like too much spinach, stir to coat the spinach leaves with the garlic-butter-shroom juice and then keep stirring until the spinach wilts ... it suddenly isn't too much spinach.  Remove from heat.  Add truffle salt2 after the heat is off so the truffliness isn't diminished.  Feed your head.

1. If no ghee use butter but be careful not to scorch it.
2. If no truffle salt just use table salt but do treat yourself to some truffle salt... an affordable luxury.
 
2018-09-14 02:14:13 AM  

ox45tallboy: cyberspacedout: I was perplexed that my outstandingly mediocre performance on the easy quiz made the top 10. Then I remembered I was taking it early.

Caesar salad, hold the anchovies. Those things are just nasty, and besides, you look funny holding anchovies.

How do you make Caesar dressing without anchovies? That's just egg whites, olive oil, and parmesan cheese.


Yolks, too. What, am I on a diet?  Add in some Dijon mustard, lemon juice and Worcestershire (the one time I love autocorrect), a bit of black pepper, and you're set.

That's all you need.
 
2018-09-14 02:15:09 AM  
Oh, and crushed garlic. Gotta have that.
 
2018-09-14 09:06:55 AM  

I Have A Bo Burnham GIF For That: [img.fark.net image 480x270]


Why is his tunic tucked into his jeans?
 
2018-09-14 09:08:16 AM  

ox45tallboy: So salads are supposed to be healthy and stuff, but most of the time in the United states we base them off of iceberg lettuce, which has no nutritional value. That's great if you want to feel full, but the problem is that most people (and most restaurants) drown them in dressing made with more sugar and fat than a candy bar. In most American fast food chains (looking at you, Taco Bell and McDonald's), their entree salads are actually among the most unhealthy things on the menu. So I always just make mine at home.

My pick for the ultimate salad is Butterhead lettuce tossed with red cabbage and grated carrot for color, with tomato wedges and cucumber slices. Add in some sunflower seeds for a bit of nuttiness and crunch, and about a slice's worth of bacon bits. Top off with any kind of grilled or baked meat - salmon, chicken, or shrimp are all awesome, and top off with a vinaigrette dressing - lemon herb for salmon, lime for shrimp, and balsamic or raspberry for chicken. If you're on the go, you can always wrap it up in a tortilla and everyone will think you're a hipster.

So take the quiz, then come back and tell us how you did and what you like on your salad.

If you missed the link to the Easy Quiz, here it is again.

If you have any issues with the quiz, please reply to this post. Good luck!


you definitely have salads right.
I get the mixed organic greens, spinach, and then the red cabbage, etc.
 
2018-09-14 09:08:47 AM  

Rent Party: I never realized there was actually a quiz with these things.  But I do like a good salad!

Arugula, spinach, and/or other spring greens, including Kale, you farking philistines.  Throw that in a bowl with a squirt of good olive oil and red wine vinegar, toss, and then add whatever other yummie veggies you can find.  Cucumber, jicama, and tomato are my go-to.


positive stuff.
 
2018-09-14 10:59:23 AM  
Japanese potato salad. Put some bacon pieces in it along with the vegetables and live the dream.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-09-14 11:05:46 AM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2018-09-14 11:08:21 AM  
10 out of 11 hard quiz, 5 for 10 on the easy one, not sure how I managed that.

Favorite salad has mixed greens, buffalo chicken strips, strawberries, candied or white chocolate covered pecans, red onions, tomatoes, crumbled gorgonzola  & sometimes mandarin orange slices.  Top with a raspberry vinaigrette or other similar dressing.
 
2018-09-14 11:13:05 AM  
Sous vide chicken breast
Organic Girl 'I heart Baby Kale' mix
Bragg's sesame ginger dressing
Sliced red onion
Something fried and crunchy
 
2018-09-14 12:42:41 PM  
Eating a HEB Cobb salad at my desk right now. Jalapeno ranch.
 
Ant
2018-09-14 01:52:52 PM  
Spinach with bacon and dried cranberries dressed with a vinagrette made from the bacon grease for me
 
2018-09-14 01:56:56 PM  
7/10, score 666 (easy).

Spinach salad with shredded carrots and slivered almonds, with balsamic vinaigrette dressing.
 
2018-09-14 04:22:42 PM  
You Don't Win Friends With Salad
Youtube wx59zLqBRuI
 
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