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(NYPost)   "Lizard man" caught riding dirty with illegal venomous Gila monsters (that were in the middle of escaping) and trunk full of crocodiles. Cops say he's lucky to be alive   ( nypost.com) divider line
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    More: Dumbass, Lizard, Gila monsters, poisonous Gila monsters, Squamata, illegal exotic-animal peddler, Gila monster, Nassau County, Nassau County, New York  
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4152 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Sep 2018 at 4:20 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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bearded clamorer [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2018-09-12 04:06:11 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


Be right back. Gotta drain the lizard.
 
Yellow Beard
2018-09-12 04:22:46 PM  
was he singing "There he is, your Komodo dragon"
 
guestguy [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 04:23:36 PM  
That's a really wordy euphemism.
 
Nicholas D. Wolfwood
2018-09-12 04:25:26 PM  
... Guess he now has a 'leg up' on the situation.
 
BenSaw2 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 04:28:11 PM  
"Trunk Full of Crocodiles" is my...

/ little help, please?
// kthxbye
/// threes
 
turbocucumber [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2018-09-12 04:32:41 PM  
Too bad he's alive.
 
ghettodwarf
2018-09-12 04:33:43 PM  

BenSaw2: "Trunk Full of Crocodiles" is my...

/ little help, please?
// kthxbye
/// threes


Reggae style ode to butt secks?
 
Mikey1969 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 04:35:47 PM  
"Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.
 
cautionflag [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 04:37:34 PM  
'Lizard man' caught riding dirty with illegal poisonous venomous gila monsters (that were in the middle of escaping) and trunk full of crocodiles. Cops say he's lucky to be alive   ( nypost.com)

Do I have to do everything here? Came for this but couldn't wait any longer
 
whatsupchuck
2018-09-12 04:39:39 PM  
Yeah, if you're lethargic enough to get bitten by a Gila monster, you were pretty close to death anyway.
 
Just another Heartland Weirdass
2018-09-12 04:47:13 PM  

Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.


Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.
 
solokumba [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2018-09-12 04:49:02 PM  
Aren't Ted Cruz articles placed in the political tab?
 
abhorrent1
2018-09-12 04:59:23 PM  
Poisonous? Just don't eat them and you'll be fine
 
Schmerd1948 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:02:13 PM  

Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.


Just looked it up and it seems there is a Gila monster venom. But it doesn't inject venom so much as get it to  flow into the wound by chewing and by flipping upside down. Still not going to pet one.
 
uncleacid [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:03:25 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
ZMugg [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:08:47 PM  

BenSaw2: "Trunk Full of Crocodiles" is my...

/ little help, please?
// kthxbye
/// threes


Spin Doctors tribute act?
 
Frantic Freddie
2018-09-12 05:10:39 PM  

Schmerd1948: Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.

Just looked it up and it seems there is a Gila monster venom. But it doesn't inject venom so much as get it to  flow into the wound by chewing and by flipping upside down. Still not going to pet one.


There's no record of a human being ever being killed by a Gila monster.

Wouldn't pet one either.
 
BenSaw2 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:13:24 PM  

ghettodwarf: BenSaw2: "Trunk Full of Crocodiles" is my...

/ little help, please?
// kthxbye
/// threes

Reggae style ode to butt secks?


I can work with that :-)
 
Mikey1969 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:13:27 PM  

Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.


Yeah, that's a better definition, I thought of that afterwards. Not venom, just poisonous. TFA makes it sound like the guy had a bunch of farking cobras right in his goddamn lap...
 
Mikey1969 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:15:33 PM  

Frantic Freddie: Schmerd1948: Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.

Just looked it up and it seems there is a Gila monster venom. But it doesn't inject venom so much as get it to  flow into the wound by chewing and by flipping upside down. Still not going to pet one.

There's no record of a human being ever being killed by a Gila monster.

Wouldn't pet one either.


Just like tarantulas and scorpions, they're scary things in the desert, but it's easy enough to survive a bite. I really think they all got their reputation when it could be days before you saw another human, and a bite actually could lead to death. Not really from the toxins though, as much as from the complications of not having medical care available.
 
lordargent
2018-09-12 05:17:52 PM  

cautionflag: 'Lizard man' caught riding dirty with illegal poisonous venomous gila monsters (that were in the middle of escaping) and trunk full of crocodiles. Cops say he's lucky to be alive   ( nypost.com)

Do I have to do everything here? Came for this but couldn't wait any longer


I was going to post one sentence.

"Then don't eat it then".
img.fark.netView Full Size


// also, their venom is weak and has never resulted in a documented human death.
 
SwiftFox
2018-09-12 05:20:09 PM  

Frantic Freddie: Schmerd1948: Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.

Just looked it up and it seems there is a Gila monster venom. But it doesn't inject venom so much as get it to  flow into the wound by chewing and by flipping upside down. Still not going to pet one.

There's no record of a human being ever being killed by a Gila monster.

Wouldn't pet one either.


No one knows how big the Gila monster grows
thegiganticproject.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
dittybopper [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:23:15 PM  

lordargent: cautionflag: 'Lizard man' caught riding dirty with illegal poisonous venomous gila monsters (that were in the middle of escaping) and trunk full of crocodiles. Cops say he's lucky to be alive   ( nypost.com)

Do I have to do everything here? Came for this but couldn't wait any longer

I was going to post one sentence.

"Then don't eat it then".
[img.fark.net image 640x365]

// also, their venom is weak and has never resulted in a documented human death.


Well, there was that one incident.....

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
nytmare
2018-09-12 05:27:19 PM  

Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.


Venom is injected. Poison is ingested. That the venom isn't squirted in, like a snake, is immaterial. Gila monsters are venomous.
 
zulius
2018-09-12 05:32:47 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
baronbloodbath [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2018-09-12 05:34:34 PM  
Lizard Man, carrying some crocs out there alone.
 
lordargent
2018-09-12 05:40:18 PM  

nytmare: Venom is injected. Poison is ingested. That the venom isn't squirted in, like a snake, is immaterial. Gila monsters are venomous.


Plus, one of the folks you quoted is thinking of a Komodo Dragon WRT the bacteria ridden mouths.
 
BeardedDragonLizardMan
2018-09-12 05:43:10 PM  
These damn lizard men
 
NotThatGuyAgain [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:47:42 PM  

Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.


Nah, they're truly venomous.  Look it up.
 
Dinodork
2018-09-12 05:54:29 PM  

Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.


You seem to be mixing the British up with Komodo dragons. Common mistake. The easy way to tell them apart is one has a terrifying maw, and the other is a Komodo dragon.
 
Parrahs
2018-09-12 05:56:35 PM  

lordargent: Plus, one of the folks you quoted is thinking of a Komodo Dragon WRT the bacteria ridden mouths.


Science eventually went and had a look at that and it turns out that the bacteria you find in a komodo dragon's mouth aren't really any different from those you'll find in the mouth of any other large predator. Instead it turned out that they were quite venomous.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti​c​les/PMC2690028/
 
Crypto Dentist
2018-09-12 05:57:31 PM  

Nicholas D. Wolfwood: ... Guess he now has a 'leg up' on the situation.


Is that... a giant Gila monster reference?
 
BenSaw2 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 05:58:34 PM  

Mikey1969: Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.

Yeah, that's a better definition, I thought of that afterwards. Not venom, just poisonous. TFA makes it sound like the guy had a bunch of farking cobras right in his goddamn lap...


"Bunch of Farking Cobras Right in My Goddamn Lap" is the title track on Trunk Full o' Crocodiles' debut album.

/ I love this site
 
i.r.id10t
2018-09-12 06:16:46 PM  
Illegal Poisonous Gila Monsters is the name of my death metal mariachi band ....
 
AeAe
2018-09-12 06:18:34 PM  
Gila monsters are poisonous?
 
wee
2018-09-12 06:26:45 PM  

Schmerd1948: Still not going to pet one.


They smell really nasty. Not exactly the kind of thing you want to be around to pet.
 
Chakat
2018-09-12 06:30:12 PM  
They saw him rollin', they hatin', they caught him ridin' herp-y.
 
El Dudereno
2018-09-12 06:31:05 PM  
Lucky he didn't end up like the dumbass in Austin a few years ago who stole a cobra.
 
Huggermugger [recently expired TotalFark]
2018-09-12 06:35:04 PM  
There are valuable chemical compounds in Gila Monster venom that are being used in medicine to treat the 'beetus.
 
Frantic Freddie
2018-09-12 06:36:58 PM  

Mikey1969: Frantic Freddie: Schmerd1948: Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.

Just looked it up and it seems there is a Gila monster venom. But it doesn't inject venom so much as get it to  flow into the wound by chewing and by flipping upside down. Still not going to pet one.

There's no record of a human being ever being killed by a Gila monster.

Wouldn't pet one either.

Just like tarantulas and scorpions, they're scary things in the desert, but it's easy enough to survive a bite. I really think they all got their reputation when it could be days before you saw another human, and a bite actually could lead to death. Not really from the toxins though, as much as from the complications of not having medical care available.


One night while camping on our land in the Manzanos, sitting around the fire enjoying adult beverages & herb, I watched a tarantula walk out of the darkness, headed straight for my foot. He never hesitated, just crawled right over my foot & went on his way into the dark.

/not scared of spiders
//the wife, on the other hand....
 
Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs
2018-09-12 06:43:31 PM  

i.r.id10t: Illegal Poisonous Gila Monsters is the name of my death metal mariachi band ....


Sorry, we already have one. Metalachi took the spot a while ago. Might I suggest some different fusion genres? We still have the 'ska-NWA cover band' slot available.
 
rickythepenguin [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 06:53:00 PM  
I've never seen one int he wild.....i've sadly seen the remains of the occasional gila monster that lost to a car tire, but never a live one.  my BIL sent us some crazy pictures of one he encountered.  they were like, gila monster selfies, basically.  i don't know why he got so damn close but the picture was a big ass gila monster eyeballing the phone.  prob no more than 3-4 feet away on zoom.  they were cool pix but, jesus, i wouldn't get that close to them.
 
Worldwalker [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2018-09-12 07:10:39 PM  

Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.


Actually, there are: venomous Gila monsters. They're not poisonous-they're perfectly ok to eat, though there's that whole "endangered" thing. Just don't let them bite you.

That said, if they had gotten loose, they'd have hidden. They're not aggressive; mostly, they just want to be left alone. He undoubtedly got them in the box by picking them up and putting them there. So "lucky to be alive" is about as true as it would be if he owned, say, a beagle; it couldrip his throat out while he's asleep, and that's about as likely as it is for a Gila monster or beaded lizard to start attacking people.

Gators, now, they're fast and aggressive. Caimans, I couldn't tell you. What I'd be paranoid about is what he had back at the shop. Varanids are smart and mean. If that one hasn't gotten out of its cage, that's only because it didn't want to yet. Any other lizards, you look them in the eye and get a dial tone; the monitors, there's something looking back at you. Something that hates you. Something that wants to see you die. They're the only reptiles that give me the willies. If I had to pick between handling the lizards or the monitor...here, Gila Gila Gila....
 
Worldwalker [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2018-09-12 07:12:24 PM  

Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.


No, they're actually venomous. They just get it in by chewing, not specialized injection systems.
 
nytmare
2018-09-12 07:12:51 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


/does not compute
 
Mikey1969 [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 07:20:10 PM  

Frantic Freddie: One night while camping on our land in the Manzanos, sitting around the fire enjoying adult beverages & herb, I watched a tarantula walk out of the darkness, headed straight for my foot. He never hesitated, just crawled right over my foot & went on his way into the dark.

/not scared of spiders
//the wife, on the other hand....


Yeah, spiders don't really bug me. I kill black widows if I find them in my house, shed, or garage. The rest I'm fine with. And tarantulas are pretty docile overall. You don't even see that many of them. I've seen 4, and I spent 22 years in AZ. One was just chilling in front of the rest area at Navajo Bridge by Lee's Ferry, not bothering anyone. Another was in Flagstaff, once again, just doing his own thing. Unfortunately for the other two, one almost immediately got run over and the other was getting to meet a tarantula hawk for the first time. Don't know if I could handle one on my foot, though. i had a buddy who had a pet one that I let walk on my hand, and I couldn't handle the way the farking thing felt walking across my skin. I ended up dropping it...
 
MythDragon [TotalFark]
2018-09-12 07:38:23 PM  

BenSaw2: "Trunk Full of Crocodiles" is my...

/ little help, please?
// kthxbye
/// threes


Euphemism for how bad it burns when you pee?
 
Manic Depressive Mouse [TotalFark] [BareFark]
2018-09-12 08:27:46 PM  
I dreamt last night that I owned a crocodile farm, and now this article appears.
This means something! O.o
 
almejita
2018-09-12 08:32:24 PM  

BenSaw2: Mikey1969: Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.

Yeah, that's a better definition, I thought of that afterwards. Not venom, just poisonous. TFA makes it sound like the guy had a bunch of farking cobras right in his goddamn lap...

"Bunch of Farking Cobras Right in My Goddamn Lap" is the title track on Trunk Full o' Crocodiles' debut album.

/ I love this site


The second song is a cover of Butt Trumpet - I'm Ugly And I Don't Know Why
Just because
Singer: Sharon Needles
Butt Trumpet - I'm Ugly And I Don't Know Why
Youtube LzNaLG5ARMM
 
mrs john amber
2018-09-12 08:46:42 PM  

Dinodork: Just another Heartland Weirdass: Mikey1969: "Poisonous gila monsters". Yeah there is no other kind of gila monster. But I doubt he was in any danger, they just want to be left alone. Oh, and they don't inject their poison like a rattlesnake, it's in their saliva, so they have to chew on you for a little while. But since this was in a tabloid, they gotta drama it up, I guess.

Since we are geeking out a bit here...  I don't think they have "venom" at all.  Venom must be injected.  They are just some nasty mofos who have nasty bacteria in their mouths.  Like the British, but less provincial.

You seem to be mixing the British up with Komodo dragons. Common mistake. The easy way to tell them apart is one has a terrifying maw, and the other is a Komodo dragon.


Precisely why a lot of them like to bag on the movie Deliverance and point out that that's what real Americans are.
 
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