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(Vice)   "But the attempted monkey heist was ultimately foiled by the fact that monkeys are not just hairy little children with tails. They are savage acrobats that will beat the living piss out of anyone who wanders into their territory unannounced"   ( vice.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Primate, squirrel monkeys, squirrel monkey enclosure, New Zealand, Monkey, Wellington, 23-year-old New Zealander, Endangered species  
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6564 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Sep 2018 at 12:50 PM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



57 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2018-09-12 12:05:39 PM  
If you've ever been to a zoo, you'll have thought about stealing a monkey

No, I haven't.  Monkeys are mean, nasty, foul creatures.  They're almost as bad as Homo Sapiens.
 
2018-09-12 12:21:48 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: If you've ever been to a zoo, you'll have thought about stealing a monkey

No, I haven't.  Monkeys are mean, nasty, foul creatures.  They're almost as bad as Homo Sapiens.


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2018-09-12 12:29:22 PM  

Marcus Aurelius: If you've ever been to a zoo, you'll have thought about stealing a monkey

No, I haven't.  Monkeys are mean, nasty, foul creatures.  They're almost as bad as Homo Sapiens.


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2018-09-12 12:50:55 PM  
You have to Shock the Monkey first, duh.
 
2018-09-12 12:51:49 PM  
Annie's Boobs.
 
2018-09-12 12:53:42 PM  
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2018-09-12 12:53:51 PM  
LOL, that's the best line I've read all month, subby!
 
2018-09-12 12:54:52 PM  
Did he try spanking them first?
 
2018-09-12 12:55:32 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-09-12 12:57:40 PM  
There is a reason that everyone I've ever met that lives in areas with wild monkeys despises them.

In Africa, a tourist left their window down in a land rover near ours while they got out for lunch. The monkeys in the area absolutely trashed the car looking for food. They ripped open backpacks, damaged seats, it was amazing just how destructive the little things can be.
 
2018-09-12 12:58:31 PM  
If you've ever been to a zoo, you'll have thought about stealing a monkeyWhat a bizarre opening to the article.  I doubt that almost anyone has thought about stealing a monkey.
 
2018-09-12 12:58:33 PM  

Uzzah: Annie's Boobs.


Threadjack

I read an interview with Alison Brie about her nude scenes in GLOW - she said she was her thinnest and most fit while making that show...and her boobs were the smallest they've ever been.  She said it was "a big 'fark you' to all the people who wanted to see my boobs".

..she forgets about those hacked cell phones...but it was a funny comment nonetheless.

/End threadjack
 
2018-09-12 12:58:42 PM  
Did its needle like teeth attach to his shoulder like an unsewing machine?
 
2018-09-12 12:58:52 PM  
I am surprised they didn't eat his face
 
2018-09-12 12:59:28 PM  
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2018-09-12 12:59:50 PM  
People think that's Kinski's subtitle. It's actually the monkey's.

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2018-09-12 01:00:51 PM  
That brings back memories.  Apes and Monkeys are so often depicted as friendly and furry children.  Newbie keepers at zoos are always startled to learn the concept of angular momentum and moment-arms when a chimpanzee shorter than they are sends them flying across the pen with a backhanded biatch slap.
Even the smaller rhesus monkeys needed at least two-three people to hold them them down for a simple injection.
 
2018-09-12 01:01:08 PM  
I'm missing any indication that the monkeys actually did anything at all, other than hide while "high as a kite" guy stumbled around injuring himself.
 
2018-09-12 01:03:44 PM  

2chris2: If you've ever been to a zoo, you'll have thought about stealing a monkeyWhat a bizarre opening to the article.  I doubt that almost anyone has thought about stealing a monkey.


Apparently, karma has four legs, a prehensile tail and weighs about 1100 grams
 
2018-09-12 01:04:29 PM  

Boojum2k: You have to Shock the Monkey first, duh.


Hey hey!
 
2018-09-12 01:05:16 PM  
I would've paid butter and egg money to see that Kiwi whupped.
 
2018-09-12 01:09:42 PM  
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2018-09-12 01:10:28 PM  
My aunt was about 10 years old when she had the temerity to run out of peanuts at a zoo where she was feeding this species. My grandfather had to pry the little bugger off her as she was lifted completely off the ground. No injuries were reported, but my aunt is still not a fan.
 
2018-09-12 01:12:10 PM  
From FTA: "... an unprovoked assault on a man waiting at traffic lights, an alcohol-fuelled attack at a convenience store, and assaults on a Wellington City Council community safety officer and a night shelter resident who refused to hand over cigarettes..."

Wow. He sounds like a keeper.
 
2018-09-12 01:14:51 PM  

Sum Dum Gai: There is a reason that everyone I've ever met that lives in areas with wild monkeys despises them.


The raccoons in my neighborhood are bad enough, monkeys must be another whole order worse.
 
2018-09-12 01:18:00 PM  

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Uzzah: Annie's Boobs.

Threadjack

I read an interview with Alison Brie about her nude scenes in GLOW - she said she was her thinnest and most fit while making that show...and her boobs were the smallest they've ever been.  She said it was "a big 'fark you' to all the people who wanted to see my boobs".

..she forgets about those hacked cell phones...but it was a funny comment nonetheless.

/End threadjack


She's a weird, funny, insanely attractive woman. And now I'm off to Google these naled pictures of her.
 
2018-09-12 01:25:34 PM  
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2018-09-12 01:31:27 PM  
He's in prison with the best "What you in for?" story they've probably ever heard...

"Got high, tried to steal a monkey, broke a leg, busted out some teeth and have several bruises from getting my ass handed to me by a bunch of 1.5 Lb monkeys with attitude!"
 
2018-09-12 01:39:24 PM  
Everyone's got something to hide.
 
2018-09-12 01:39:30 PM  

suckfest: He's in prison with the best "What you in for?" story they've probably ever heard...

"Got high, tried to steal a monkey, broke a leg, busted out some teeth and have several bruises from getting my ass handed to me by a bunch of 1.5 Lb monkeys with attitude!"


"And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, 'And creating a nuisance.' And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the bench."
 
2018-09-12 01:42:25 PM  
Bring your kids to the zoo to visit the biological hazards!
 
2018-09-12 01:44:02 PM  
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FFS folks, feeding them makes them fat and happy.
 
2018-09-12 01:44:10 PM  

xxBirdMadGirlxx: From FTA: "... an unprovoked assault on a man waiting at traffic lights, an alcohol-fuelled attack at a convenience store, and assaults on a Wellington City Council community safety officer and a night shelter resident who refused to hand over cigarettes..."

Wow. He sounds like a keeper.


Well, he went to the zoo but didn't do well as a keeper.
 
2018-09-12 01:44:29 PM  

WelldeadLink: Bring your kids to the zoo to visit the biological hazards!


And there are animals in captivity too!
 
2018-09-12 01:45:15 PM  
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2018-09-12 01:56:37 PM  
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2018-09-12 02:03:16 PM  

Dictatorial_Flair: Did he try spanking them first?


Hot Monkey Love
Youtube UthpUhT4R7c
 
2018-09-12 02:09:40 PM  
The Rundown 'Get outta here monkey!'
Youtube BDU8ew4ZeVQ
 
2018-09-12 02:11:57 PM  
Looks like he was...
( •_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
...up to some monkey business.
 
2018-09-12 02:30:34 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Unavailable for comment.
 
2018-09-12 02:35:49 PM  

MechaPyx: Looks like he was...
( •_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
...up to some monkey business.


YEEEAAAAAAHH!

FTFY
 
2018-09-12 02:38:21 PM  
I've never even entertained the idea of stealing any animal from a zoo. Wild animals are farking dangerous.
 
2018-09-12 02:41:37 PM  
I'd pay good money to see video of the incident (if available). Sounds hilarious.
 
2018-09-12 02:50:29 PM  

Natalie Portmanteau: DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Uzzah: Annie's Boobs.

Threadjack

I read an interview with Alison Brie about her nude scenes in GLOW - she said she was her thinnest and most fit while making that show...and her boobs were the smallest they've ever been.  She said it was "a big 'fark you' to all the people who wanted to see my boobs".

..she forgets about those hacked cell phones...but it was a funny comment nonetheless.

/End threadjack

She's a weird, funny, insanely attractive woman. And now I'm off to Google these naled pictures of her.


Your Freud is slipping.
 
2018-09-12 02:50:36 PM  

Sum Dum Gai: There is a reason that everyone I've ever met that lives in areas with wild monkeys despises them.

In Africa, a tourist left their window down in a land rover near ours while they got out for lunch. The monkeys in the area absolutely trashed the car looking for food. They ripped open backpacks, damaged seats, it was amazing just how destructive the little things can be.


When I was a pre-teen my family went on one of those 'safari drive' parks where you take your car through a park with a variety of exotic animals. Any kind of soft-top was not allowed and you had to sign a waiver that they held no responsibility for any damage caused by the animals. We thought that seemed excessive, and pretty funny until we saw a what they did to the car ahead of us. A monkey managed to get a hold of a corner of the rubber stripping that some 90s cars had to prevent door dings, and rip the whole think off. The car was then swarmed by the whole pack (10-15?) who tried to pull every little bit of the stuff off the car - mostly successfully.
 
2018-09-12 03:06:33 PM  

2chris2: If you've ever been to a zoo, you'll have thought about stealing a monkeyWhat a bizarre opening to the article.  I doubt that almost anyone has thought about stealing a monkey.


Teaching zoo at the college I work for had a spider monkey, a lizard, and some turtles stolen a few months ago.  Got most of 'em back.
 
2018-09-12 03:24:10 PM  

jso2897: Natalie Portmanteau: DontMakeMeComeBackThere: Uzzah: Annie's Boobs.

Threadjack

I read an interview with Alison Brie about her nude scenes in GLOW - she said she was her thinnest and most fit while making that show...and her boobs were the smallest they've ever been.  She said it was "a big 'fark you' to all the people who wanted to see my boobs".

..she forgets about those hacked cell phones...but it was a funny comment nonetheless.

/End threadjack

She's a weird, funny, insanely attractive woman. And now I'm off to Google these naled pictures of her.

Your Freud is slipping.


Yeah, it always confused me when my phone changes a real word like naked into a non word.

I found them though. Nice.
 
2018-09-12 04:03:31 PM  
Dangerous to steal monkeys? Not the training video I saw.

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2018-09-12 04:18:28 PM  
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2018-09-12 05:24:26 PM  

xxBirdMadGirlxx: From FTA: "... an unprovoked assault on a man waiting at traffic lights, an alcohol-fuelled attack at a convenience store, and assaults on a Wellington City Council community safety officer and a night shelter resident who refused to hand over cigarettes..."

Wow. He sounds like a keeper.


With some luck (on our part) he might try the chimps the next time.
 
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