Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(ABC News)   Texas priest disappears without trace. This could be the beginning of the rapture. Or maybe it has something to do with child molestation allegations against him. You decide   ( abcnews.go.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Rev. Edmundo Paredes, Bishop, sexual abuse allegations, Catholic Church, Roman Catholic Church, Bishop Edward Burns, Catholic Church officials, Child abuse  
•       •       •

3534 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Aug 2018 at 6:35 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2018-08-20 05:17:23 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 05:18:33 PM  
The headline would be more incisive if Catholics believed in the Rapture...

/ ...or if a priest molesting children was in any way unexpected...
 
2018-08-20 06:37:26 PM  
Is this a sequel?
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 06:39:36 PM  
Wouldn't it be funny if "the rapture" were a vacuum cleaner straight to hell?
 
2018-08-20 06:40:26 PM  
Disappears without a trace? More like the church moved him to a new country and had his name changed.
 
2018-08-20 06:42:28 PM  

Martian_Astronomer: The headline would be more incisive if Catholics believed in the Rapture...


That.
 
2018-08-20 06:42:35 PM  
"Rapture" is what the priest yelled when he spied that insanely cute 12 year old altar boy.
 
2018-08-20 06:42:50 PM  
Six Feet Under 'Rapture' death
Youtube 1LXuNpF6NVg


/maybe NSFW, possibly
 
2018-08-20 06:45:16 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 06:46:16 PM  
$80k probably goes a long way in rural parts of Phillipines. Man had a retirement package that didn't include being sectioned off to some depository for old priests.
 
2018-08-20 06:47:07 PM  
I would say we're working on a molestin' clergy trifecta here on FARK, but it's way beyond that already.
 
2018-08-20 06:47:52 PM  

skyotter: Martian_Astronomer: The headline would be more incisive if Catholics believed in the Rapture...

That.


I would be willing to bet most of us don't care about the subtle differences in the mythology of each sect and found the headline perfectly cromulent.
 
2018-08-20 06:49:23 PM  
Witnesses report his last words were "uno... dos..." and then poof.

/without a tres
 
2018-08-20 06:50:33 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 06:51:57 PM  
Rapture?
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 06:53:18 PM  
What are we going to strangle the last king with if we liquidate all the priests first?
 
2018-08-20 06:57:50 PM  

Tom Marvolo Bombadil: Rapture?
[img.fark.net image 460x688]


"Why don't you have a seat over there."

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 06:58:19 PM  
Coming to a daycare center near you....
 
2018-08-20 07:04:44 PM  
Maybe it was the anti-rapture
 
2018-08-20 07:08:15 PM  

jst3p: skyotter: Martian_Astronomer: The headline would be more incisive if Catholics believed in the Rapture...

That.

I would be willing to bet most of us don't care about the subtle differences in the mythology of each sect and found the headline perfectly cromulent.


So when a prosperity gospel Evangelical gets caught running a drug cartel, you're going to make a joke about Transubstantiation?
 
2018-08-20 07:09:54 PM  
Nah.  It was about the money.  Clearly clergy can molest all the kids they want.  I thought that was obvious by now.
 
2018-08-20 07:12:23 PM  

Johnny_Canuck: Maybe it was the anti-rapture


You have my attention.
 
2018-08-20 07:13:49 PM  

wildcardjack: $80k probably goes a long way in rural parts of Phillipines.


So you're saying that an $80K dead-or-alive reward would work?
 
2018-08-20 07:16:30 PM  

Arachnophobe: [img.fark.net image 320x240]


You all know what to do...

Blondie - Rapture
Youtube pHCdS7O248g


Turn up the sound.
Sing along, even if you know you shouldn't. *
Drive everyone around you nuts!

* The harder you fail at those high notes, the better...
 
2018-08-20 07:20:07 PM  
Maybe he accidentally sent one of his parishioners to hell with the godvoice and went to go find him?
 
2018-08-20 07:20:48 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 07:27:59 PM  
Hopefully he's in the desert somewhere with buzzards picking away at him.
 
2018-08-20 07:29:43 PM  

Trocadero: jst3p: skyotter: Martian_Astronomer: The headline would be more incisive if Catholics believed in the Rapture...

That.

I would be willing to bet most of us don't care about the subtle differences in the mythology of each sect and found the headline perfectly cromulent.

So when a prosperity gospel Evangelical gets caught running a drug cartel, you're going to make a joke about Transubstantiation?


Substitutionary locomotion
 
2018-08-20 07:30:27 PM  
My money is on disgruntled parent of victim child.
 
2018-08-20 07:31:16 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 07:33:19 PM  

The Lurker at Your Threshold: [Youtube 1LXuNpF6NVg image 480x360][Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/1LXuNpF6​NVg]

/maybe NSFW, possibly


I laughed at that. Maybe too much.
 
2018-08-20 07:34:04 PM  
Well it is Texas, where the "he needed killing" defense has been successfully used in court.
 
2018-08-20 07:34:12 PM  

sunderland56: wildcardjack: $80k probably goes a long way in rural parts of Phillipines.

So you're saying that an $80K dead-or-alive reward would work?


I'm saying I read the article where it said he stepped down after being accused of stealing money, after which he disappeared 👻 two years ago, long before any child molestation charges.
 
2018-08-20 07:34:50 PM  
Don't touch church money or you lose your job.

Diddle kids and you have job security.
 
2018-08-20 07:38:52 PM  
Um. Priest disappears without a trace.

What's the farking problem again? It's like saying "lawyer missing" except more likely to molest you.
 
2018-08-20 07:39:09 PM  

ph0rk: Maybe he accidentally sent one of his parishioners to hell with the godvoice and went to go find him?


You really think Genesis would get stuck in the body of a child molester. You need someone moral and righteous like Jessie Custer.
Then he would enter the Land of Confusion with the Invisible Touch and possibly go look for a Home By the Sea. Not far enough to become an Illegal Alien, just far enough so that Tonight, Tonight, Tonight, he can hear Mama say Supper's Ready. You know Jesus, He Knows Me. That's All I really wanted to say, before I start Throwing It All Away By getting In Too Deep, and start getting No Reply at All. Best not turn The Knife in the back too deeply, Abacab.
 
2018-08-20 07:40:32 PM  

Shirley Ujest: Don't touch church money or you lose your job.

Diddle kids and you have job security.


As the Giant Spider demands!
 
2018-08-20 07:41:00 PM  

Shirley Ujest: Don't touch church money or you lose your job.

Diddle kids and you have job security.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 07:48:06 PM  

edmo: The Lurker at Your Threshold: [Youtube 1LXuNpF6NVg image 480x360][Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/1LXuNpF6​NVg]

/maybe NSFW, possibly

I laughed at that. Maybe too much.


Then my work is done :)
 
2018-08-20 07:52:17 PM  
I'll never believe this.

Fake news.

A religious person?
A Christian?
A Catholic?
A priest?

Isn't that the very definition of the last person on Earth (next to the freaking pope) who would steal and rape little boys?

Sorry, just couldn't happen. I mean, we all know a priest would never lie, steal and rape the same way we know there are gangs of atheists going around raping and pillaging.

Right? Right?????
 
2018-08-20 07:52:38 PM  

GnuUzir: [img.fark.net image 480x360]


I thought it was Alcoa who did those. am I crazy?
 
2018-08-20 07:53:25 PM  

Trocadero: jst3p: skyotter: Martian_Astronomer: The headline would be more incisive if Catholics believed in the Rapture...

That.

I would be willing to bet most of us don't care about the subtle differences in the mythology of each sect and found the headline perfectly cromulent.

So when a prosperity gospel Evangelical gets caught running a drug cartel, you're going to make a joke about Transubstantiation?


Take. This cocaine represents His body. Broken, chopped up on a mirror, and arranged into little white lines for you.
 
2018-08-20 07:53:34 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-20 07:57:29 PM  

jtown: Nah.  It was about the money.  Clearly clergy can molest all the kids they want.  I thought that was obvious by now.


Yep.   The Catholic Church doesn't really do anything about priest rapists until it hurts the diocese or the general church financially.  Then they wrap it all up in "atonement" - but it's about money and power.  It's always about money and power.
 
2018-08-20 08:03:15 PM  

Koldbern: Arachnophobe: [img.fark.net image 320x240]

You all know what to do...

[Youtube-video https://www.youtube.com/embed/pHCdS7O2​48g]

Turn up the sound.
Sing along, even if you know you shouldn't. *
Drive everyone around you nuts!

* The harder you fail at those high notes, the better...


I was sure the answer was fap.
 
2018-08-20 08:04:57 PM  

jst3p: I would be willing to bet most of us don't care about the subtle differences in the mythology of each sect and found the headline perfectly cromulent.


The mythology of any group of people tells us a lot about them. Which considering all the insanely evil "burning and everlasting torture " stuff involved in the mythology which came to us from the starkly protestant Puritan world of mid-19th century America, well, it says a lot.
 
2018-08-20 08:09:20 PM  
Nah. Rapture already happened in early 2016. We're what's left over.
 
2018-08-20 08:15:04 PM  
Are all catholic priests scumbag child molesters?

It sure seems like it.

Hang them. Seriously.
 
2018-08-20 08:17:45 PM  
Hmm, I think I'd pick a country besides the Philippines to try to flee justice... I mean, you can probably get away with being an embezzler, but with Duarte's stance on drug dealers I don't think I'd want to find out the hard way what his stance on pedophelia is.
 
2018-08-20 08:22:11 PM  
I was talking to my mom about the list of priests in Pennsylvania that was published a few days ago. She told me the pastor from our parish was on the list. She said heard rumors - but just rumors - about it, and that's when she made me stop being an altar boy, there. It must have been hard for her, because she's a pretty hardcore Catholic.

I shudder to think of what would have happened, if the pastor had touched me, though. I'm not sure which of my parents would have taken care of it, but my mom is very protective of her children, is part Italian, and used to have mob connections. My dad just has anger issues, but he's also fairly protective of his children. Either way, it would have been bad.

I can just see one of those "cold case" reality shows investigating the 40-year-old mysterious disappearance of a priest.
 
Displayed 50 of 77 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report