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(The Atlantic)   "Should I worry that my husband is texting with a close female friend and coworker?"   ( theatlantic.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, truth, Marriage, 2007 singles, husband, real issue underground, actual problem, Truth, professional medical advice  
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721 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 13 Aug 2018 at 11:07 PM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-08-13 06:31:49 PM  
Nah. They're just friends.
 
2018-08-13 07:15:44 PM  
Yes, please by all means get hyper suspicious and demand to see his phone, and/or steal his phone and stalk the friend. It will make for a decent Fark-worthy headline
 
2018-08-13 07:18:05 PM  
Is she hot?
 
2018-08-13 07:37:01 PM  
If your asking, you probably have something to worry about.
 
2018-08-13 07:56:53 PM  
Having the attention of a potential illicit lover can be ego inflating and intoxicating. It could be totally innocent on your husband's part, but the potential for it going further than intended is there. Don't necessarily put the kebash on it -- that'll just send it underground and secrets can kill a marriage. But do remind your husband of the potential pitfalls of something like this.
 
2018-08-13 08:09:20 PM  

SurfaceTension: Having the attention of a potential illicit lover can be ego inflating and intoxicating. It could be totally innocent on your husband's part, but the potential for it going further than intended is there. Don't necessarily put the kebash on it -- that'll just send it underground and secrets can kill a marriage. But do remind your husband of the potential pitfalls of something like this.


But it was a secret before the wife found out.
 
2018-08-13 08:29:08 PM  
I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is not a feeling. It's a series of choices and actions and sacrifices. Anything less is not love; it's a selfish desire to possess.
 
2018-08-13 08:36:43 PM  

redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is not a feeling. It's a series of choices and actions and sacrifices. Anything less is not love; it's a selfish desire to possess.


Jfc, get a divorce.
 
2018-08-13 08:41:46 PM  
IgG4, I used to practice divorce law. There is not a chance in hell I'm putting my kids through that, nor will I risk an outcome that has him caring for them alone for long chunks of time. If we didn't have kids, I would have left 8 years ago.
 
2018-08-13 08:43:40 PM  

redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is not a feeling. It's a series of choices and actions and sacrifices. Anything less is not love; it's a selfish desire to possess.


That was depressing.

Your children are learning to appease tyrants and abusers.
 
2018-08-13 08:52:53 PM  
Don't worry, be happy.
 
2018-08-13 09:15:06 PM  

redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is not a feeling. It's a series of choices and actions and sacrifices. Anything less is not love; it's a selfish desire to possess.


You sound fun...
Complete lack of empathy and an inflated sense of entitlement.
Either you're a millennial or a sociopath.

/Agreed, get a divorce, children don't need to grow up in such a toxic environment.
 
2018-08-13 09:19:43 PM  

Redh8t: redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack the ...


I'm neither, but thanks. I took the least bad of a lot of bad options. Talk about lack of empathy...
 
2018-08-13 09:44:19 PM  

gopher321: Is she hot?


This basically sums it up.  If she's a hosebeast, let him go at it.  If she's prettier than you are, be concerned.

Pretty simple actually.
 
2018-08-13 09:46:34 PM  

redslippers: Redh8t: redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack the ...

I'm neither, but thanks. I took the least bad of a lot of bad options. Talk about lack of empathy...


I think it behooves you to actually read the article you're commenting on, you may find it insightful...
 
2018-08-13 09:50:19 PM  

8 inches: If she's prettier than you are, be concerned.


You misspelled 3-way.
 
2018-08-13 10:20:55 PM  
Guys are controlled by their dicks.
They are basically dicks on legs.
Your husband is not texting this woman and hiding it from you because they are exchanging cooking recipes.
Wise up, lawyer up, and get out of that sham of a marriage.
 
2018-08-13 10:21:10 PM  
Overlyattachedgirlfriend.jpg
 
2018-08-13 10:27:22 PM  
My best friend is a woman I've worked with for over 20 years. We shared an office for about 10 years and the rest of the time have been a couple of doors down or a couple of cubes apart. We text all the time, certainly more than I text my wife.

If I weren't married and she wasn't in a relationship, of course I would ask her out.  We're both adults, though, so nothing is going on.  My wife isn't worried about us, although the guy she's with is a bit jealous. He trusts her, though, so nothing to worry about.

I can see where people in this kind of relationship could fall for someone other than their spouse, but if you take care of each other then there is no incentive to leave. Now if you treat your spouse like crap, then they have a ready made relationship to jump to.
 
2018-08-13 10:29:30 PM  
Oh...  and it's not a secret. She knows I talk to her and all the texts I've ever made to her are on my phone that my wife has the combo to. She can read them if she wants to. As far as I know, she never has, but I don't care if she does look. There's nothing inappropriate there.
 
2018-08-13 10:36:42 PM  

labman: Oh...  and it's not a secret. She knows I talk to her and all the texts I've ever made to her are on my phone that my wife has the combo to. She can read them if she wants to. As far as I know, she never has, but I don't care if she does look. There's nothing inappropriate there.


Thou doth protest too much.
 
2018-08-13 10:58:12 PM  

redslippers: emotional intimacy. I do have that with him.


If someone needs to have this with someone other than their spouse, they're a big part of the problem. There may be reasons, but to continue to be in a relationship with someone while getting their emotional needs met elsewhere is pointless. In many ways this kind of intimacy is far more harmful than someone knocking boots with someone else.  

If you can't have emotional intimacy with your spouse, get a divorce.
 
2018-08-13 11:17:04 PM  

Redh8t: redslippers: Redh8t: redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack the ...

I'm neither, but thanks. I took the least bad of a lot of bad options. Talk about lack of empathy...

I think it behooves you to actually read the article you're commenting on, you may find it insightful...


Now kiss.
 
2018-08-13 11:19:43 PM  
I love how redslippers is in love with somebody other than her husband, but somehow them staying married is the "stable household" she's wants for her kids.
 
2018-08-13 11:25:46 PM  
This particular situation is a good example of the difference between being wrong and being incorrect. It was wrong of you to get worked up about this, and doubly wrong of you to snoop on his phone. But the fact that he's started lying about the texts is a serious red flag: despite being wrong, you may have coincidentally turned out to be correct. It must be emphasized that this is a coincidence: your train of thought wasn't valid, and your odds of being correct no better than random chance. But something serious is indeed going on, though possinly not what you think it is.

Get counseling. As a couple, but also individually.
 
2018-08-13 11:25:54 PM  

Some Bass Playing Guy: redslippers: emotional intimacy. I do have that with him.

If someone needs to have this with someone other than their spouse, they're a big part of the problem. There may be reasons, but to continue to be in a relationship with someone while getting their emotional needs met elsewhere is pointless. In many ways this kind of intimacy is far more harmful than someone knocking boots with someone else.  

If you can't have emotional intimacy with your spouse, get a divorce.


And destroy your life, loose your home if you have a house, be denied stable access to your children, see your quality of life plummet, pay obsurd lawyers fees, and see everything you built during your life destroyed.

Divorce comes at a big cost, and few marriages are perfect. Sometime you need to wiegh the pros and cons and consider others than yourself.

Although then probably eventually get a dovorce anyways.
 
2018-08-13 11:37:46 PM  
Whelp, this thread was boned before it had much of a chance. Anyway, I thought the article's advice was spot on, actually.
 
2018-08-13 11:43:21 PM  
I just pictured my ex-wife beginning a sentence with "it would behoove you.."
 
2018-08-13 11:49:19 PM  
The best text I ever received from a female coworker:

"My friend has two tickets to the Seahawks game tomorrow.  Face value.  Do you want them?"

BTW, I said yes.
 
2018-08-13 11:56:54 PM  

redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is ...


That was refreshingly honest.  I haven't walked a mile in your shoes, etc but I think I understand your situation.  Being that honest is rare online.  It sucks that you were immediately judged for it.
 
2018-08-14 12:05:53 AM  
It takes two to cheat: one to cheat, and one who's incessant nagging drives the other one to cheat.
 
2018-08-14 12:08:34 AM  
I've known my wife and my "workwife" for 8 years.  I met them on the same day(we all work together).  My workwife and I have a relationship like an old married couple.  No sex, lots of bickering and prodding, but the type of caring and friendship that being close to someone brings.  We traveled together for work and lived in another city with her on this project for a very long time.  Before I started dating my wife, my wife said I should date her, but I never felt that with the workwife.  My wife, who I started dating 5 years ago, and (clearly) knows about the workwife and I's "relationship" and completely trusts me, because that's what people who love each other do.  I've never cheated, and never plan to cheat.  My wife and I are very happy and comfortable in ourselves and our marriage, and we both travel for work, so we need to be, because we spend lots of time with people of the other sex that we work with while we're away for half the year.

The key is communication.  My first wife(now ex-wife) and I couldn't communicate, so when things went south, we got a divorce. Seven years, one child.  The child is better off not being in a poisoned home where one parent sleeps on the couch, both parents are in a constant state of hatred of each other, and doing things together to save face in front of friends is much more than a chore.  My ex-wife and I weren't on the same wavelength.  Since the split, everyone is better off, including the child, who now gets to live in a happy house instead of a shiathouse.

redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older.

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is ...


Everyone in this story is unhappy.  Get a divorce.  Your kid will struggle a little bit, then do much better because the poison in your homelife will be gone.  And when your child is an adult, they won't make the same mistake you did and will get out of an untenable relationship rather than submit the household to torture in some misguided venture in relationship management and parenting.  "Stability" is overrated.  Children feed off emotion
 
2018-08-14 12:17:21 AM  
Don't teach your kids to bail when things go bad.
 
2018-08-14 12:29:44 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Don't teach your kids to bail when things go bad.


When it comes to relationships, I disagree.  I spent 4 years with a succubus because I had the stupid desire to work things out.  Never again.
 
2018-08-14 12:30:42 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Don't teach your kids to bail when things go bad.


Your kids only get one life.  Don't teach them to waste it being unhappy
 
2018-08-14 12:32:19 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: Don't teach your kids to bail when things go bad.


Absolutely. Wait until the plane hits the mountain, then jump.
 
2018-08-14 12:36:11 AM  

Redh8t: redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is not a feeling. It's a series of choices and actions and sacrifices. Anything less is not love; it's a selfish desire to possess.

You sound fun...
Complete lack of empathy and an inflated sense of entitlement.
Either you're a millennial or a sociopath.

/Agreed, get a divorce, children don't need to grow up in such a toxic environment.


Yeah, this is farking horrible.
 
2018-08-14 12:36:24 AM  

covfefe: Redh8t: redslippers: Redh8t: redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack the ...

I'm neither, but thanks. I took the least bad of a lot of bad options. Talk about lack of empathy...

I think it behooves you to actually read the article you're commenting on, you may find it insightful...

Now kiss.


Oh good grief...

Welp, my pee pee does have a boo boo.
/sorry, kinda.

//divorce is a better alternative than contained animosity. I know... When I was nine years old, I watched my father lift my mother off the ground by her neck and start to strangle her. The only thing that stopped him was my screaming...
Hate may build slowly, but when it comes to the surface, it explodes in everyone's face.
 
2018-08-14 12:37:47 AM  

redslippers: Redh8t: redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack the ...

I'm neither, but thanks. I took the least bad of a lot of bad options. Talk about lack of empathy...


No, you didn't. You decided to be complacent in an environment you were repeatedly shown you weren't valued. You are screwed up.
 
2018-08-14 12:41:23 AM  

Somacandra: Whelp, this thread was boned before it had much of a chance. Anyway, I thought the article's advice was spot on, actually.


Yeah...that was weirdly mature and non-pandering for an advice column.

The distinction between "privacy" and "secrecy" is something that took me many years of marriage to master. I'm a private person by nature, but I deliberately don't do anything that could be even remotely interpreted as "secretive" because A) I've got nothing to hide from my wife, and B) making private stuff a secret only makes the situation so, so much worse. Be honest, let the chips fall.
 
2018-08-14 12:44:53 AM  
If he's lying to her she's on the way out anyway, at least for him. Wife is being played and needs to cut her losses and start fresh.
 
2018-08-14 12:56:00 AM  
I think your kids should absolutely bail when things go bad.
 
2018-08-14 12:56:39 AM  
Depends on the contents of the texts.

/DNRTFA
 
2018-08-14 01:23:09 AM  

redslippers: Redh8t: redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack the ...

I'm neither, but thanks. I took the least bad of a lot of bad options. Talk about lack of empathy...


BTW, why should be empathetic to a situation you actively cultivate? Self-inflicted - no sympathy.
 
2018-08-14 02:00:12 AM  

redslippers: I spent 6 hours with my partner's wife last week, while she sobbed, because we travel together a lot and we are close friends as well as colleagues and she's afraid he's going to leave her for me because she wants what she thinks I have with him, emotional intimacy. I do have that with him. She's not wrong. My husband has been insecure as well. As he should be. I love my partner completely. That love is reciprocated. We have been in a close, loving relationship for three years. But we, like adults, made the decision to not leave our partners, upend our lives, or allow upheaval at home until our children are much older. 

Are we the bad guys? I don't think it's so cut and dried.

This same woman who yearns for close emotional intimacy in her relationship has refused to have sex with him for over 8 years. After getting pregnant while cheating on him, so that he was not sure the child was his. And she ignores him, treats him like shiat, makes passive aggressive jabs at him in public, gets drunk and screams at him every night, etc. This is something i have witnessed, and she has openly admitted she refuses to let him touch her and has since before the child was born. He's only in the relationship because of his daughter and his fears of what would happen if he wasn't around to mitigate the mother's instabilities.

My husband spent ten years calling me names, turning me down for sex, denigrating me, yelling at me when I got sick, and on a few occasions turning physically violent (he has sought treatment for his issues and I am not in any danger at this point in time, and have not been for years). I am only in the relationship to ensure my children are in a stable environment, because I also fear what will happen if their father has them without my presence.

I find that any time I hear stories like this, there is a reason the suspicious spouse is insecure, and it is typically not because of the other party's behavior, but rather their own actions or lack thereof. Love is ...


Your partner's wife should divorce him, and your husband should divorce you. Someone needs to do the right thing, and since the pair of you are apparently so mentally disturbed as to think your current choice is somehow the correct, wise and mature one, I guess it wont be you. The "for the children" line is clearly bullshiat, since it's been pointed out that what you are doing is actually worse for the children. You reek of some sort of martyrship disorder and depend heavily on the mistaken belief that you are so noble. Don't teach your children to be like you, it's dysfunctional.
 
2018-08-14 02:57:16 AM  
Redh8t, I'm speechless. Thank you. <3
 
2018-08-14 03:58:26 AM  
I too thank you Redh8t, and your comment was most kind.
 
2018-08-14 03:59:08 AM  

Unikitty: Redh8t, I'm speechless. Thank you. <3


You're welcome..
Life is chaos. Be kind.
-Patton Oswalt quoting Michelle McNamara..


/words to live and love by, plus, this is a perfect thread for such expositions...
 
2018-08-14 04:05:50 AM  

Redh8t: Unikitty: Redh8t, I'm speechless. Thank you. <3

You're welcome..
Life is chaos. Be kind.
-Patton Oswalt quoting Michelle McNamara..

/words to live and love by, plus, this is a perfect thread for such expositions...


Indeed. For we know not what tomorrow brings.
 
2018-08-14 04:32:17 AM  

Nidiot: I too thank you Redh8t, and your comment was most kind.


My pleasure.. A touch of heart tends to be infectious. Please pay it forward...
 
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