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(Patheos)   Wondering what god does in his free time?   ( friendlyatheist.patheos.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, hands, God, airplane, Lay hands, Televangelist Kenneth Copeland, old airplane, big old airplane, four-engine turbo-prop airliner  
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6524 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Aug 2018 at 11:41 PM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2018-08-09 06:08:09 PM  
He has so much of it now.
 
2018-08-09 06:15:16 PM  
I always assumed it involved alot of smiting.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2018-08-09 06:21:16 PM  
Masturbates furiously.
 
2018-08-09 06:24:07 PM  

vpb: Masturbates furiously.


Crap!  Missed it by two minutes.
 
2018-08-09 06:46:51 PM  
Farks those 6 fish in particular?
 
2018-08-09 07:13:58 PM  
He said, "Corrosion comes from the Curse."
 
2018-08-09 07:18:13 PM  
He's probably planning another plane crash where everyone dies except one person...so his followers can praise him for the miracle...or burning down a church but the cross survives. That God...he really knows how to suck in the rubes
 
2018-08-09 08:42:18 PM  
I love this guy. I really do. It is pure comedy gold
 
2018-08-09 09:07:34 PM  

Justin Beaver: I love this guy. I really do. It is pure comedy gold


This is true.
However it's far less funny when you know that old people have been bilked out of their retirement income and skip meals in the promise of his ticket to heaven for cash plan.
 
2018-08-09 09:16:56 PM  
Well, it's not impegnate teen virgins. That was on the official schedule.

I'm going with promising, but always denying, a reach around for Satan. Lucy and the football like.
 
2018-08-09 09:20:01 PM  

optikeye: Justin Beaver: I love this guy. I really do. It is pure comedy gold

This is true.
However it's far less funny when you know that old people have been bilked out of their retirement income and skip meals in the promise of his ticket to heaven for cash plan.


Buuuut, if you are gullible enough to part your money with a slick-talking huckster, maybe you deserve to get taken for a ride
 
2018-08-09 09:28:41 PM  
Vickers Viscount, you say...

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-09 09:29:44 PM  
Not at all. This explains everything.
What if God Smoked Cannabis - Joan Osborne
Youtube iiZwrRLS2-A
 
2018-08-09 09:30:40 PM  

Justin Beaver: optikeye: Justin Beaver: I love this guy. I really do. It is pure comedy gold

This is true.
However it's far less funny when you know that old people have been bilked out of their retirement income and skip meals in the promise of his ticket to heaven for cash plan.

Buuuut, if you are gullible enough to part your money with a slick-talking huckster, maybe you deserve to get taken for a ride


You do know that old people are basically drunks.
Now, tell me have you ever one clicked on Amazon in a moment of weakness?
 
2018-08-09 09:33:33 PM  
If you had infinite time and resources I'm pretty sure you would jerk off once in a while
 
2018-08-09 09:45:43 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Oblig.
 
2018-08-09 10:07:05 PM  
Shams
Youtube UQbEEHur2vU
 
2018-08-09 10:18:57 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: I always assumed it involved alot of smiting.


Smite Me Almighty Smiter
Youtube edc9wyBCGCQ
 
2018-08-09 10:45:54 PM  
He sadly sits outside a closed Chik-Fil-A.
 
2018-08-09 11:21:51 PM  
No obligatory Far Side cartoon for shame Fark, for shame.
thebarkingfox.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2018-08-09 11:43:22 PM  

maddan: Farks those 6 fish in particular?


img.fark.netView Full Size


Makes me giggle every time. It's in my "bad day" folder of stuff to refer to in case of emergency. =D
 
2018-08-09 11:47:06 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-09 11:49:21 PM  
Modmins on news aggregator sites?
 
2018-08-09 11:49:21 PM  
I'm sure some members of his congregation will be so happy for him while continuing to pray for a cure for their terminal cancer.
 
2018-08-09 11:49:58 PM  
He writes steamy Destiel. But none of that weird A/B/O stuff.

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-09 11:50:13 PM  
Beg for money?
 
2018-08-09 11:51:18 PM  
Skeeball?
 
2018-08-09 11:52:05 PM  

IgG4: If you had infinite time and resources I'm pretty sure you would jerk off once in a while


Hell, I dont have either of those things and I jerk off more than "once in a while"
 
2018-08-09 11:56:18 PM  
Grown-ass adults who vote and hold positions of power actually believe this guy and people like him. Sweet dreams, America!
 
2018-08-09 11:56:26 PM  
strike down little kids with brain cancer?
 
2018-08-09 11:56:51 PM  
If only this douchebag coulda been there for Elvis.
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-10 12:00:12 AM  
So jeebus is made of bondo?
 
2018-08-10 12:04:36 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-10 12:04:52 AM  
He, sure as shiat, ain't lookin' for a starahip.
 
2018-08-10 12:05:19 AM  
He writes fake Amazon reviews.
 
2018-08-10 12:07:01 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-10 12:22:41 AM  
Because his god is the best god.  You know, kind of like a glorified plane body fabricator only with more angels


/crazy can be fun.
 
2018-08-10 12:24:37 AM  
He made me
 
2018-08-10 12:25:14 AM  

Nefarious: No obligatory Far Side cartoon for shame Fark, for shame.
[thebarkingfox.files.wordpress.com image 450x513]


tse1.mm.bing.netView Full Size
 
2018-08-10 12:27:01 AM  
It is precisely this kind of thing that makes me want to believe. This isn't the kind of thing you'd just make up. It's so random. Copeland was almost certainly in touch with God who healed his airplane. What other explanation could there be for the sudden healing of the corrosion?
 
2018-08-10 12:29:25 AM  
I wish this sort of thing was made up, but it isn't.  When I was a kid one of my mother's friends was married to a guy who'd pray over a broken lawnmower instead of breaking out the tools.  I guess that would sometimes work if your problem is that you're a dumbass and you keep flooding the engine.

Also, Benny Hinn finds your lack of faith disturbing.
media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2018-08-10 12:32:54 AM  
I'm a devout agnostic, but my favorite theories on deities are the ones that involve a ton of irony. Like what if stuff like this really is a miracle, and whatever deity exists changes mundane stuff all the time because it just doesn't comprehend things the way we do. That time you ordered a medium fries and got a large by mistake? The time you were just about to take your car in to be looked at and it stopped making the funny noise? Ever drop a coin and have it roll around on its edge? All works of a deity. The big stuff though is just totally random, because the deity doesn't think we appreciate their miracles because we don't pay attention to the little stuff that randomly happens.
My favorite still I heard from a friend way back in High School. He insisted god was like a genie. His first act was making the universe, his second was creating life, and he's saving his third in case he decides it was a bad idea.
 
2018-08-10 12:33:43 AM  
Man, c'mon now Fark

First, I pointed out that no, I don't, because I know: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9mhs​W​5aWJM

And then that any god that exists is a load of crap for pulling my sister 2 days after her 44th birthday (cancer, for almost all of you who are curious, as I would be if I was reading this)

So suck my non-existant male genitals

NO, I don't wonder. Biggest job in the world, and he's asleep on it.
 
2018-08-10 12:42:47 AM  
So this guy recalls the exact words God said to him. "Kenneth." He said, "Corrosion comes from the Curse."

It reminds me of a schizophrenia case study we saw in psychology. The guy's sitting there smoking a cig in kmart (those were the days!) and he turns to his father and asks "Why would you say that?" Turns out he heard his father's voice in his head calling him a disgrace or something to that effect. Apparently, the voices in people's heads are not very nice.

But back to my point, do religious people expect to hear god's voice speaking plainly to them? Answering questions? Diagnosing airplane problems? I know this guy in particular could be a complete bullshiatter but his parishioners who send him money, do they hear god's voice like he does?
 
2018-08-10 12:44:31 AM  

epic_biatch: And then that any god that exists is a load of crap for pulling my sister 2 days after her 44th birthday (cancer, for almost all of you who are curious, as I would be if I was reading this)


There are two phrases that make me want to beat the shiat out of the speaker, "it's god's will" and "he/she is in a better place".  Telling people "your god is an asshole" gets interesting responses.
 
2018-08-10 12:50:20 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: It is precisely this kind of thing that makes me want to believe. This isn't the kind of thing you'd just make up. It's so random. Copeland was almost certainly in touch with God who healed his airplane. What other explanation could there be for the sudden healing of the corrosion?


FTA: They did more X-rays and came back, and there was just one little old spot there. I said, "Lord, what -" "No," He said, "I'm going to remind you." I said, "Uh, what are you reminding me of?" He said, "They could have said, 'Maybe the - maybe the X-rays were wrong.'"
Are you listening? So we laid hands on it again, and it was gone
.

He forgot the part about how every x-ray had an inset of Jesus holding today's Washington Times and modern science was forced to admit the existence of God.
 
2018-08-10 12:51:32 AM  
He decides the outcomes of sporting events.  Stop a tsunami that killed hundreds of thousands of people?  Sorry too busy - but he really wanted DeShanun to catch that pass.
 
2018-08-10 12:54:34 AM  
Makes fun of Muslims?
 
2018-08-10 12:54:54 AM  

MrBallou: He said, "Corrosion comes from the Curse."


Oxygen?
 
2018-08-10 12:59:19 AM  
And then Kenneth told me to give him the ring.
 
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