Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(New York Daily News)   Author claims dogs are 'parasites,' suggests you don't read the article if you want to preserve your 'canine illusions.'   ( nydailynews.com) divider line
    More: Stupid, Pet, dogs, Ralph Lauren, Dog, eager dog owners, American pet owners, endlessly subspecialized array, Writer Peter Haldeman  
•       •       •

1393 clicks; posted to Geek » on 12 Jul 2018 at 11:04 PM (9 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



90 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2018-07-12 08:09:39 PM  
If dogs only care about getting fed I'm curious why the author thinks they play favorites?

My old roommate fed the dog more than I did, but the dog still liked me better.
 
2018-07-12 08:13:47 PM  
If dogs are parasites what are fleas?
 
2018-07-12 08:30:57 PM  
Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

No, not you, Chris Reed.
 
2018-07-12 09:04:24 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
433 [TotalFark]
2018-07-12 09:05:41 PM  

fusillade762: If dogs are parasites what are fleas?


.Big fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em,
And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so, ad infinitum.
 
2018-07-12 09:06:14 PM  
Man's best friend exhibits an altruistic trait that's commonly seen in humans and apes, called prosocial behavior:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/​s​tudy-shows-dogs-help-dogs_us_5672e57de​4b0648fe302774d
 
2018-07-12 10:13:19 PM  
Dogs are not parasites, they are adjuncts. Their sensory world is different from ours. And they are frequently good companions.
/When the ex-wife finally moves out, I'm getting another dog
//At least a dog can be faithful
 
2018-07-12 10:52:54 PM  
I think the author is confusing dogs with cats
 
2018-07-12 11:08:29 PM  
Strictly speaking, all pets are social parasites.  We exchange food and shelter for cuddly snuggles.

We got the better end of the deal.
 
2018-07-12 11:09:40 PM  
83 percent of American pet owners referred to themselves as their animal's "mommy" or "daddy"

83 percent of American pet owners are obnoxious.
 
2018-07-12 11:10:53 PM  
Your blog sucks.
 
2018-07-12 11:13:39 PM  
A parasite does nothing positive for its host. Pets give us joy so while they live off us, they aren't parasites.
 
2018-07-12 11:13:47 PM  

Bumblefark: 83 percent of American pet owners referred to themselves as their animal's "mommy" or "daddy"

83 percent of American pet owners are obnoxious.


true, we kind of are. but we have some loving furry critter to cuddle us, so it all balances out
 
2018-07-12 11:18:37 PM  
Dogs are parasites if children are.  Hell, dogs are more useful, and we are allowed to tamper with the genetics of dogs.  And in a pinch you can eat them.  Not so much with children.
 
2018-07-12 11:18:39 PM  
Symbiosis : the relationship between two different kinds of living things that live together and depend on each other
 
2018-07-12 11:19:14 PM  
Dogs are love.
 
2018-07-12 11:19:18 PM  
Are we sure this isn't an ad for Alpha?
 
2018-07-12 11:19:43 PM  

Befuddled: A parasite does nothing positive for its host. Pets give us joy so while they live off us, they aren't parasites.


Dogs are also better protection than owning a gun. When my daughters got their own places after college, we helped each of them got a nice dog. After a while they learned that the dog was better at figuring out who the unpleasant people were than themselves.
 
2018-07-12 11:20:34 PM  
I was half expecting that to be written by Douglas Preston or Lincoln Child.

Cripes do those two like gruesomely killing dogs.
 
2018-07-12 11:21:58 PM  

inglixthemad: Befuddled: A parasite does nothing positive for its host. Pets give us joy so while they live off us, they aren't parasites.

Dogs are also better protection than owning a gun. When my daughters got their own places after college, we helped each of them got a nice dog. After a while they learned that the dog was better at figuring out who the unpleasant people were than themselves.


You can trust a person if they don't like dogs.  Never trust anyone your dog doesn't like.
 
2018-07-12 11:21:59 PM  

davidphogan: If dogs only care about getting fed I'm curious why the author thinks they play favorites?

My old roommate fed the dog more than I did, but the dog still liked me better.


My dad had that issue with our dogs when I was younger.  He fed them more, gave them more snacks, but they liked me more.

Why?  I trained them.  Took them places.  Played with them multiple times a day, everyday, for their entire lives.  Feeding them, giving them junk food, and throwing a toy every now and then isn't the same as training them, disciplining them, and playing with them.
 
2018-07-12 11:22:30 PM  
static1.squarespace.comView Full Size
 
2018-07-12 11:24:21 PM  

inglixthemad: Dogs are also better protection than owning a gun. When my daughters got their own places after college, we helped each of them got a nice dog. After a while they learned that the dog was better at figuring out who the unpleasant people were than themselves.


Oh, I don't know Labradors are so friendly they would probably give anyone their trust.
 
2018-07-12 11:27:03 PM  

Flappyhead: inglixthemad: Befuddled: A parasite does nothing positive for its host. Pets give us joy so while they live off us, they aren't parasites.

Dogs are also better protection than owning a gun. When my daughters got their own places after college, we helped each of them got a nice dog. After a while they learned that the dog was better at figuring out who the unpleasant people were than themselves.

You can trust a person if they don't like dogs.  Never trust anyone your dog doesn't like.


I don't like dogs.  I don't appreciate their smell, the licking, or their obnoxious in your face attention seeking behavior.

However I appreciate other people like dogs, and the fact they are still living creatures that deserve a measure of respect and general decency.

I tell dogs upfront I don't like them, pet them anyways and generally try not to be an ass.  It has worked so far.
 
2018-07-12 11:27:14 PM  

AmbassadorBooze: Dogs are parasites if children are.  Hell, dogs are more useful, and we are allowed to tamper with the genetics of dogs.  And in a pinch you can eat them.  Not so much with children.


Look up the history of the Jamestown Winter of 1609.  500 to start, 60 when it was over.  They've found bodies of butchered children in mass graves.  You can eat children...wait, wait, this is Fark and words matter...You can dine on children.
 
2018-07-12 11:30:47 PM  

AmbassadorBooze: Dogs are parasites if children are.  Hell, dogs are more useful, and we are allowed to tamper with the genetics of dogs.  And in a pinch you can eat them.  Not so much with children.


Well the problem is that a lot of children are covered in a layer of at and are unhealthy to eat.  We need to do something about the obesity epidemic so our children will be healthier to eat.
 
2018-07-12 11:34:18 PM  

hashtag.acronym: AmbassadorBooze: Dogs are parasites if children are.  Hell, dogs are more useful, and we are allowed to tamper with the genetics of dogs.  And in a pinch you can eat them.  Not so much with children.

Look up the history of the Jamestown Winter of 1609.  500 to start, 60 when it was over.  They've found bodies of butchered children in mass graves.  You can eat children...wait, wait, this is Fark and words matter...You can dine on children.


I stand corrected.  You may dine in children.  Just not legally (currently).  Well, my guess is that in most places in the US it isn't legal to eat dog either, so i guess it is moot?
 
2018-07-12 11:37:42 PM  
Instead of the notion that over the past 40,000 years, mankind domesticated wolves into present-day dogs, Budiansky says evidence strongly suggests that "proto-dogs" cultivated mankind, intuitively grasping that "mooching off people" beat "fighting it out in the wild."

Maybe that guy is a legit academic most days and was just having an off day, but this statement sure makes it seem like he's a farking moron who couldn't pass a middle school biology class.

Animals being convinced that hanging around with people is easier than living in the wild is literally the definition of domestication.  And "mooching" is the dumbest way to describe what dogs are to humans ever put to farking paper.  Dogs as "pets" were so uncommon as to essentially not exist at all until a handful of centuries ago, prior to that they were more or less exclusively either working animals or our food, or both depending on the culture.  Us deciding they are kinda cute and that we're willing to feed them whether they're actually serving a useful practical purpose or not is an incredibly recent development, for most of our history a dog that wouldn't help us hunt effectively enough to produce more food than it took to feed it (or manage herds, guard an assigned thing, etc) was put into a sack, weighted down with rocks, and chucked into a farking river.
 
2018-07-12 11:41:26 PM  

AmbassadorBooze: You may dine in children.  Just not legally (currently).


Cannibalism is bad from an actual biological perspective due to prion-related diseases.  Saying you "can" eat people is like saying you "can" drink spoiled milk... technically true, and it won't necessarily be instant death, but it's bad to you to the point of not really counting as "food" in any practical sense.
 
2018-07-12 11:44:19 PM  

Bumblefark: 83 percent of American pet owners referred to themselves as their animal's "mommy" or "daddy"

83 percent of American pet owners are obnoxious.


I mean... it depends.  If they are SERIOUSLY comparing having a pet to being a parent, absolutely obnoxious, at least to an eyeroll-level.   But, in my experience, and occasional usage when talking to dogs when referring to their owner, it's just a somewhat cutesy shorthand for how we integrate our pets into our family, and they often have a favorite human.

/am a human parent of a human child
//don't need a cross to climb on
///obligatory third slashy
 
2018-07-12 11:46:21 PM  

Man with the Red Eyes: /am a human parent of a human child


Tell us honestly if you intend to eat the kid.
 
2018-07-12 11:51:50 PM  

Gergesa: Man with the Red Eyes: /am a human parent of a human child

Tell us honestly if you intend to eat the kid.


Well, I haven't found a decent recipe yet, so it's more just one of your our human dreams than a "plan".  Paula Deen has one that is probably really tasty, but i can't justify that much butter.  Gotta keep the ole thorax waist trim!
 
2018-07-12 11:54:27 PM  
I need to write up my wife's theory of how "inside the house" dogs are basically like keeping someone in prison for 23h50m per day because dogs have jobs, and those jobs are outside.

She really turned around my whole opinion on the subject over a couple of hours, as someone who's always had dogs, and whose dogs have always been large indoors dogs.

It's the finest in trollbait, but really makes a lot of sense.  If you live in an apartment, you shouldn't have an animal which has been bred for hundreds of years to flush birds and only to flush birds.  I get it.
 
2018-07-12 11:59:23 PM  

AmbassadorBooze: Dogs are parasites if children are.  Hell, dogs are more useful, and we are allowed to tamper with the genetics of dogs.  And in a pinch you can eat them.  Not so much with children.


Says you.
 
2018-07-13 12:05:19 AM  
Someone was not hugged enough as a child.
 
2018-07-13 12:06:26 AM  

xrayspx: I need to write up my wife's theory of how "inside the house" dogs are basically like keeping someone in prison for 23h50m per day because dogs have jobs, and those jobs are outside.

She really turned around my whole opinion on the subject over a couple of hours, as someone who's always had dogs, and whose dogs have always been large indoors dogs.

It's the finest in trollbait, but really makes a lot of sense.  If you live in an apartment, you shouldn't have an animal which has been bred for hundreds of years to flush birds and only to flush birds.  I get it.


This theory goes against most recent research I've seen on the subject.  Keeping dogs outside only keeps them from getting sufficient social interaction, since they are social animals and in most cases they are removed from a pack of other dogs.
 
2018-07-13 12:09:02 AM  

xrayspx: I need to write up my wife's theory of how "inside the house" dogs are basically like keeping someone in prison for 23h50m per day because dogs have jobs, and those jobs are outside.

She really turned around my whole opinion on the subject over a couple of hours, as someone who's always had dogs, and whose dogs have always been large indoors dogs.

It's the finest in trollbait, but really makes a lot of sense.  If you live in an apartment, you shouldn't have an animal which has been bred for hundreds of years to flush birds and only to flush birds.  I get it.


On the other hand, dogs would rather be part of the family and interacting with them as much as possible as opposed to being left outside alone all the time. Even if you have more than one dog they need to be close to their people.

Also, inside dogs are safer from random wildlife, diseases like parvovirus and distemper that they can get from other 'outside' dogs, safer from parasites like fleas and ticks and mosquitos that may also pass on diseases or heartworm, getting into dangerous items on your property, hanging themselves up on your fence, getting poisoned or shot by neighbors, escaping from your yard and finding/causing trouble, getting hit by a vehicle if they escape...

Dogs have been living inside with their humans for a long time. Keeping them with you inside your house 24/7 is not good for them, just like it's not exactly good for -you- to be stuck inside like that, but it's not like you're keeping a wild animal. Get a dog that fits your living space and your ability to give it adequate exercise. It's not a prisoner, it's a pet, and it will live longer and be happier if you don't lock it out of your home.
 
2018-07-13 12:12:52 AM  
All people like dogs.
 
kab
2018-07-13 12:20:27 AM  
Author should buy a cat or kill himself.
 
2018-07-13 12:22:20 AM  
So...stop liking what I don't like?
 
2018-07-13 12:28:25 AM  

xrayspx: I need to write up my wife's theory of how "inside the house" dogs are basically like keeping someone in prison for 23h50m per day because dogs have jobs, and those jobs are outside.

She really turned around my whole opinion on the subject over a couple of hours, as someone who's always had dogs, and whose dogs have always been large indoors dogs.

It's the finest in trollbait, but really makes a lot of sense.  If you live in an apartment, you shouldn't have an animal which has been bred for hundreds of years to flush birds and only to flush birds.  I get it.


Your wife's theories would only make sense only if evolution didn't exist. We don't still behave or think like our ancient ancestors. Dogs don't behave and think like their ancient ancestors, either. They have also had seven times more generations than we have in the same amount of time since we got together and decided to have a relationship as two species on this planet.

They are pack animals. They traded their canine pack for us. Being inside with the family IS how they want it in most cases, because we are where they get their social interaction now, and for their past few thousand generations. A dog left alone outside becomes isolated, insane, and can even become dangerous to its adopted family or strangers.

Dogs are part of the human pack now. Staying with humans-- wherever they may dwell-- was their choice, as a species. It was one that benefited them, and us, greatly.
 
2018-07-13 12:33:00 AM  
We have plenty of shared illusions that are beneficial.

Currency is an illusion.
Civilization is an illusion.
The law is an illusion.
Language is an illusion.

Dogs are real.

/Except for the illusionary ones, naturally.
 
2018-07-13 12:33:50 AM  
The writer's wife deserves to have her purse kicked.

FTFA: This crazy dog love keeps getting more and more costly. Spending by Americans on their pets more than quadrupled from 1994 to 2017, going from $17 billion to $69.5 billion.

Those numbers, while clearly large, can be better explained if inflation is taken into account. It is either laziness on the part of the writer (and editor) or inflation was deliberately not considered so that the jump was artificially bigger to assist the writer in making some grand point. Simple things like that with no standards drive me nuts, either way it shouldn't have happened.
 
2018-07-13 12:39:33 AM  
Haldeman also noted that owners who love spas and brand-name clothiers project their feelings onto dogs who are "wallowing in mud baths and detox wraps, hot oil treatments and blueberry facials."

Give me a farking break.
 
2018-07-13 12:42:56 AM  

simplicimus: //At least a dog can be faithful


Only as long as you're in the room -- the second you leave, the dog thinks he's in charge now.
 
2018-07-13 12:43:26 AM  

fusillade762: If dogs are parasites what are fleas?


So, naturalists observe, a flea
Hath smaller fleas that on him prey.
And these have smaller fleas that bite 'em,
And so proceed ad infinitum.
-- Jonathan Swift
 
2018-07-13 12:56:24 AM  

Excelsior: simplicimus: //At least a dog can be faithful

Only as long as you're in the room -- the second you leave, the dog thinks he's in charge.


They're the Frank Burns of the animal kingdom.
 
2018-07-13 01:09:41 AM  

ArkAngel: I think the author is confusing dogs with cats


Nah, cats are symbiotes.
 
2018-07-13 01:14:33 AM  

Gergesa: AmbassadorBooze: Dogs are parasites if children are.  Hell, dogs are more useful, and we are allowed to tamper with the genetics of dogs.  And in a pinch you can eat them.  Not so much with children.

Well the problem is that a lot of children are covered in a layer of at and are unhealthy to eat.  We need to do something about the obesity epidemic so our children will be healthier to eat.


Sounds like a modest proposal.
 
2018-07-13 01:16:54 AM  

WoodyHayes: The writer's wife deserves to have her purse kicked.

FTFA: This crazy dog love keeps getting more and more costly. Spending by Americans on their pets more than quadrupled from 1994 to 2017, going from $17 billion to $69.5 billion.

Those numbers, while clearly large, can be better explained if inflation is taken into account. It is either laziness on the part of the writer (and editor) or inflation was deliberately not considered so that the jump was artificially bigger to assist the writer in making some grand point. Simple things like that with no standards drive me nuts, either way it shouldn't have happened.


Pretty sure the general price level hasn't quadrupled in 23 years. That would require an inflation rate of at least 6%. The only time that inflation got over 5% in that time period was a three-month stretch in 2008, and the average inflation was, and I'm quickly ball-parking this estimate, around 2%. Inflation alone doesn't account for this increase in spending.
 
Displayed 50 of 90 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report