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(Deslidefied)   40 things you can't get away with after you turn 40. Some of you will agree with these things, others will say "Screw you, I do what I want"   ( deslide.clusterfake.net) divider line
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1206 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 12 Jul 2018 at 10:05 AM (6 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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6 days ago  
The items in that list can be neatly divided into the stupidly wrong and the breathtakingly obvious.
 
6 days ago  
Fist bump? Really? Because that never fails to land.

This is a list on how to be boring, how to NOT die from unchecked diseases or fall into a pit of financial despair. It's a weird combo.
 
6 days ago  
They'll get my Ramones T-shirt off me when they pull it from my "I bought those albums when they came out, motherf*cker." body.
 
6 days ago  
You're not the boss of me!
 
6 days ago  
So some are common sense like relying on your fast metabolism - Unless you're a Chinese woman, that isn't an option no matter what you think.   But a lot of that article smacks of "I just don't like middle-age people doing these things."  Drinking and sex?  Are you farking kidding?

I'm sure these should apply to everyone currently over 40 but will somehow not apply to the article writer when they are over 40.  Keep propagating that dipshiattery and you'll become the next baby boomers.
 
6 days ago  
Whoever wrote that is a horrible person and someone I would never want to associate with.

Although selfies are obnoxious at any age.
 
6 days ago  
Screw whoever wrote this. One of the great joys in my life is staying up until 4 and sleeping until noon. And I'm in my mid 30's.

FTA: "You know who else sleeps all morning and gets nothing meaningful accomplished? Cats. You are now officially no better than a cat. "

And don't you dare bring my cat into this.
 
6 days ago  
College girls still OK?
 
6 days ago  
hmm

i lived with my parents for about 6 months during my cancer treatments.
the hospital I was getting treatment at was 4 hours from the house I owned.

I didn't see anything wrong with that .
 
6 days ago  

freddyV: hmm

i lived with my parents for about 6 months during my cancer treatments.
the hospital I was getting treatment at was 4 hours from the house I owned.

I didn't see anything wrong with that .


Well, I am currently sitting in my mother's basement
But I had to move back home because she has Alzheimer's and really likes to visit with the nice man that brings her a bunch of flowers every day.
 
6 days ago  
#41 Stop being a judgmental prick and mind your own business
 
6 days ago  

vudukungfu: College girls still OK?


Stick to Masters and PhD students once you're over 40.
 
6 days ago  

vudukungfu: Well, I am currently sitting in my mother's basement
But I had to move back home because she has Alzheimer's and really likes to visit with the nice man that brings her a bunch of flowers every day.


You are a good man. Not that it means anything but my thoughts are with you as you travel that long, painful road.
 
6 days ago  

vudukungfu: College girls still OK?


Just the ones putting themselves through college.
 
6 days ago  
I'm 50 now and it doesn't take much for me to get "blackout drunk." And by blackout drunk I mean fall asleep after a few glasses of wine.
 
6 days ago  

BooksontheBrain: Screw whoever wrote this. One of the great joys in my life is staying up until 4 and sleeping until noon. And I'm in my mid 30's.

FTA: "You know who else sleeps all morning and gets nothing meaningful accomplished? Cats. You are now officially no better than a cat. "

And don't you dare bring my cat into this.


Pretty much.

One amazing gift my daughter gave me was to force me to recognize naps. And the power of sleeping in. If it's a Sunday, I could get up early and burn out a bunch of housework by noon, and then sit in the hottest portion of the day sort of cockeyed, or I could laze around until noon, get a lazy cup of coffee and a late breakfast, and just sort of poke at those chores, and just putter around...

Our Dear Author has lost a sense of applied and healthy laziness...
 
6 days ago  
37. Being an Internet troll

Guess I'll have to go back to being a dial-up BBS troll.
 
6 days ago  
#7 Owning just one "nice" suit

One would be one more than I have now.  I have "nice" clothes, but I do not own a suit.  I have a sport jacket, but I haven't had to wear a tie since I left my previous job in 2005.


17. Living with your parents

Yeah, but you're getting close to the age where they may need to live with you.  Health issues, vanishing pensions, etc. are going to cause even more of this in the future


26. Dwelling in the past

Really?  When you've hit forty you've lived longer than you've got left.  While you shouldn't dwell on it, it's a large part of your life now


31. One-night stands

hahahahahahaha
 
6 days ago  
That list was written by someone who has died inside from their lifeless cubical job.
 
6 days ago  
img.fark.netView Full Size


At 50+ I just moved my whole family into my parent's basement to get the heck away from where we were and start fresh. We've been away from them too long and my kids should get to know their grandparents before it's too late.
I may need to occasionally get blackout drunk to survive this...
 
6 days ago  

Mugato: #41 Stop being a judgmental prick and mind your own business


This is the only one that matters.
 
6 days ago  
23. Sleeping past noon.

FARK YOU!11!!.

31. One-night stands - It's still dangerous and risky in your 40s.

Oh FFS. I'm well into my 50's but I think I can handle the incredible danger from banging a woman that I met in a local bar.
 
6 days ago  
Right from the beginning I see that the author believes that being cool and being fake are the same thing. So there's not much point reading on from there to see what other nonsensical dribble might be found.
 
6 days ago  
Oh. it's one of thosearticles.
 
6 days ago  
1. Trying to be cool - fark you, I'll wear band shirts when I want, where I want.
2. Getting blackout drunk - Life sucks, I'll drink until I can't remember if I damn well please.
23. Sleeping past noon - I'll sleep in (most likely after getting black out drunk) for the same reason above.
24. Going to rock festivals - Go fark off, metal shows and festivals are about the only joy left in life.
28. Doing shots - See above.
 
6 days ago  
I have had tickets to curveball since like Feb. im the youngest in my crew 44.

Music Festivals are fun.

And I dont try to be cool. I just am ;)
 
6 days ago  
#7: Owning just one nice suit

Umm, I'm 52 and I only own one. I do own quite a collection of ugly Hawaiian shirts though which is what I usually wear to work.  Why would you wear something hot during the summer that makes it difficult to bike to work all the time?
 
6 days ago  

BooksontheBrain: Screw whoever wrote this. One of the great joys in my life is staying up until 4 and sleeping until noon. And I'm in my mid 30's.

50's

FTA: "You know who else sleeps all morning and gets nothing meaningful accomplished? Cats. You are now officially no better than a cat. "

And don't you dare bring my cat into this.


Now all of this applies to me!!
 
TWX
6 days ago  
I see really nothing on this list that's particularly more acceptable when under forty than over forty. And I'm still under forty at the moment.

Some of these things (eating out more often than cooking for one's self, skipping work for poor reasons) are easier to do when you're older, because you probably make more money than you did in your twenties and thirties and probably accrue more vacation time, so the cost to doing them is lower.
 
6 days ago  
Thieves took the suit I got married in and which I wore for my father's funeral. I didn't own another suit until after I turned 60.  I haven't worn it in almost 10 years. If you're not a businessman or a churchgoer, there's no occasion to wear a suit anymore. I have several jackets, but since I retired there's not even much of a call for those.

I have a furnace for a metabolism and eat what I want. Still. Sorry. It's the one thing this "foul smell and blood in a bag" is good at.

We know many families with over-40 children at home. (Not ours. Knock wood.)

I agree with plenty on that list. In my 50s, I'd meet men my age who tried to act like they were still out there on the pull. Weird, pathetic figures.

I refuse to wear shorts now. Old people's legs? [shudder] When we took a cruise to Germany many years ago we were warned off looking up the famous German nudist beaches. The cruise advisors were as delicate as they could be, but "Nobody got time for that." was the gist of it.
 
6 days ago  

yakmans_dad: Thieves took the suit I got married in and which I wore for my father's funeral. I didn't own another suit until after I turned 60.  I haven't worn it in almost 10 years. If you're not a businessman or a churchgoer, there's no occasion to wear a suit anymore. I have several jackets, but since I retired there's not even much of a call for those.

I have a furnace for a metabolism and eat what I want. Still. Sorry. It's the one thing this "foul smell and blood in a bag" is good at.

We know many families with over-40 children at home. (Not ours. Knock wood.)

I agree with plenty on that list. In my 50s, I'd meet men my age who tried to act like they were still out there on the pull. Weird, pathetic figures.

I refuse to wear shorts now. Old people's legs? [shudder] When we took a cruise to Germany many years ago we were warned off looking up the famous German nudist beaches. The cruise advisors were as delicate as they could be, but "Nobody got time for that." was the gist of it.


Someone stole your suit?! it's a farked up world we live in.
You sound awesome.
 
6 days ago  
That list somehow screams "Don't be single" to me.
 
6 days ago  
You should probably exercise and floss more.

Yeah you.

Meaning me  (._.)
 
6 days ago  
You know what List Maker?

You follow that advice, and you're never going to eat the last mango in Paris, you're never going to take the last plane out of Saigon, and for damn sure you're never going to wander and follow La Vie Dansante...
 
6 days ago  
Item #1 - Don't try to be cool.

Item's #2-40 - Do these and you'll be cooler.

Sounds about right.
 
6 days ago  
7. Owning just one "nice" suit. I'm well past 40, a senior manager at my company, regularly meet with financiers, lawyers, engineers, government officials, and I regularly testify in court (both criminal and civil trials) and I don't even one one suit, much less two or more. In fact, other than lawyers at trial and the odd pretentious 20 something with delusions of grandeur, I rarely see suits being worn today. Last month I did and examination for discovery and the plaintiff's counsel, a well known and high profile local attorney, was wearing jeans and a golf shirt.

17. Living with your parents. My mom lives with me, is that ok? She's 82 and handicaped so her options are limited.

19. Letting your house or apartment become a landfill. As a landlord I can assure you that having a messy house and hoarding know no age barriers. Given that most households are two income these days it's not uncommon for even professional couples to have a messy house.

21. Skipping work cause you're hungover. That's not acceptable regardless of your age. I'm an experienced drinker and averaged a case of beer/day throughout most of my 20s and never used it as an excuse to skip work. If you can't handle the hangover don't drink.

23. Sleeping past noon. I regularly sleep in on weekends, but I rarely make it past 10am. If I could sleep past noon I would guilt free.
 
6 days ago  
I turned 40 last year, so this list matters to me. A lot. Let's critique:

1) Who in the flying fark WANTS to bother? That's the awesome thing now. I don't have to give a good dogdam about what people think are cool. Well, this isn't new for me, but now nobody makes fun of me for it.

2) This never sounded fun.

3) See #2.

4) See #2.

5) I'm an introvert. I never felt obligated to go any-farking-where. Who wrote this miserable list?

6) I'm north of 40. Why the hell should I care about what you think about where I get my meals. If I don't want to cook, I don't. If I want to run my grill, I'll make something awesome. Last night's chicken was INCREDIBLE. I seriously need to go get some more of that garlic lemon rub.

7) Nobody wears suits anymore. Even so, I still have three decent suits and a fair amount of sport coat/slack ensembles. And a whole rack of ties. Kiss my ass, article writer.

8) Literally nobody does this shiat. We can afford to, but splitting the bill is easy nowadays. Separate checks, please.

9) I'm not 20. I've never once taken a dogdam selfie. Was this written by a 22 year old who thinks she knows what real adults are like?

10) Who forgets this shiat anymore? Between Facebook and cell phone calendars, that stuff doesn't get forgotten. Besides, one of the lovely things about being an adult is the only birthdays I care about are close family. Friends are great, but adult men don't celebrate each others' birthdays. We might go out and get a beer.

11) Kiss my ass. Sometimes you do what you need to do for your family.

12) If you're in a toxic relationship at 40, it's your own damn fault.

13) Ok, I'll agree with this. See a doctor, get rid of it.

14) For farking sake. Pregnancy scare? Really? Does this person not know what "adult" means? We take care of our shiat.

15) Small savings account? If you aren't seriously saving for retirement ten years ago you're way the fark behind the curve.

16) Nobody gives a shiat about your hair.

17) Living with your parents should have stopped ten years ago.

18) Abusive friends? Yes, now we know we're dealing with a 22 year old. They think this shiat wasn't handled 15 years back.

19) This applies when you're 18, dearie.

20) Goddam millennials. They really think this happens.

21) If you've got vacation time, who the hell cares?

22) Sometimes shiat happens and plans change. Plans are so you know what you're deviating from.

23) The hell? At 40 this isn't even possible. You've got to get up to piss. Like, twice, by noon.

24) You don't need to tell 40somethings this. We don't even want to put up with it.

25) Whatever, kiddo. See #24.

26) Now we know you're padding it.

27) Yeah, you do need to take some time to exercise. That naturally trim body is a thing of the past.

28) If you're 40 and drinking booze you need to shotgun so fast you never taste it, you deserve whatever happens.

29) At 40 you've already made this choice. If you're still saying "we're thinking about it" it's only to keep nosy assholes off your back.

30) True.

31) I don't see the desire to live life as a series of one night stands, myself, but then again, I've been married for a dozen years and we're still happy together. The dating scene just looks like a train wreck anyway nowadays.

32) You were supposed to be flossing all along, dumbass. Take care of yourself.

33) At 40 you don't care what they think.

34) Is this a thing? People give a damn about how you clean your hair? So long as it's done, who cares?

35) Yeah, well, fark off.

36) Really? This stopped being a thing when you graduated college. You didn't have money for it in your twenties and in your thirties you found more interesting things to do.

37) Eh, it's a hobby.

38) I think we've covered this already.

39) And yet, people still do it.

40) Honey, at 40 you really learn what it means to burn yourself out.


OK, we learned the author of TFA is an early 20something who apparently doesn't understand what it's like to be 25, let alone 30, and 40 is right out.
 
TWX
6 days ago  
I only have one suit, because it's goddamn hot here, too hot to wear a suit. Unless one gets a seersucker suit. And I don't want to look like I'm selling musical instruments, monorails, or invitation to the Star League.
 
6 days ago  

bekovich: yakmans_dad: Thieves took the suit I got married in and which I wore for my father's funeral. I didn't own another suit until after I turned 60.  I haven't worn it in almost 10 years. If you're not a businessman or a churchgoer, there's no occasion to wear a suit anymore. I have several jackets, but since I retired there's not even much of a call for those.

I have a furnace for a metabolism and eat what I want. Still. Sorry. It's the one thing this "foul smell and blood in a bag" is good at.

We know many families with over-40 children at home. (Not ours. Knock wood.)

I agree with plenty on that list. In my 50s, I'd meet men my age who tried to act like they were still out there on the pull. Weird, pathetic figures.

I refuse to wear shorts now. Old people's legs? [shudder] When we took a cruise to Germany many years ago we were warned off looking up the famous German nudist beaches. The cruise advisors were as delicate as they could be, but "Nobody got time for that." was the gist of it.

Someone stole your suit?! it's a farked up world we live in.
You sound awesome.


The suit? 6 months later, I saw someone walking around the neighborhood in it.

We were young in an old, racially mixed neighborhood and so were were robbed pretty regularly until we got a big dog, Then the robberies summarily stopped. The robbery that finally prompted the dog was a frenzied search of the entire house for drugs. Every drawer, every box, every container. They were sure we were druggies. (I've never bought an illegal drug in my life and have never even initiated a smoke. ) The suit was a stodgy, 3 piece boxy thing. Only suitable for Important Life Events. I can't imagine why it was taken.
 
6 days ago  
Possibly the most incorrect, stupid, biased, and pointless listicle ever.
 
6 days ago  
Oh, I couldn't rely on my metabolism when I was in my 20s, let alone now that I'm almost 45.

/Thyroid issues
 
6 days ago  
WTF is dry shampoo? Maybe I don't know because I'm approaching 40 and lost all my hair by the time I was 25.
 
6 days ago  
Middle-aged dude here.

7,8,13,20,26,27,32,35,38 all stuff I continue to do. Or not, in the case of not exercising.
 
6 days ago  

Russ1642: WTF is dry shampoo? Maybe I don't know because I'm approaching 40 and lost all my hair by the time I was 25.


Basically aerosol baby powder. Absorbs oils. Makes greasy hair look less so. Spray in, comb out.
 
6 days ago  

Russ1642: WTF is dry shampoo? Maybe I don't know because I'm approaching 40 and lost all my hair by the time I was 25.


I thought it was just something for travel use, myself. Since it's in a bar (like normal soap) the TSA doesn't freak out over it. But apparently some people biatch about it.
 
6 days ago  
A few days ago I said a list of NFL one hit wonders was the worst list ever. That list was just replaced by this one.
 
6 days ago  

Glockenspiel Hero: #7: Owning just one nice suit

Umm, I'm 52 and I only own one. I do own quite a collection of ugly Hawaiian shirts though which is what I usually wear to work.  Why would you wear something hot during the summer that makes it difficult to bike to work all the time?


I'm a lawyer. I wear suits to work almost every day, I like wearing nice suits. If you rarely wear a suit you absolutely positively do not need more than one suit. And for people who don't wear suits often, a suit from JC Penny's taken to a good tailor will probably get the job done.
 
6 days ago  

kindms: I have had tickets to curveball since like Feb. im the youngest in my crew 44.

Music Festivals are fun.

And I dont try to be cool. I just am ;)


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
6 days ago  

vudukungfu: College girls still OK?


i.giphy.comView Full Size
 
6 days ago  

kindms: Music Festivals are fun.


We used to do Levitation and ACL but the ACL lineups have sucked lately. Levitation was THE SHIAT this year though. We were planning on hitting Bellweather this year (sick lineup) but some family obligations got in the way.

/turn 55 this year.
//get off my lawn
///you gonna pass that or what?
 
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