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(Deadspin)   In the wake of Larry Nassar and Jerry Sandusky comes a letter from a parent that pretty much anyone who has kids, deals with kids, would like to one day be a parent, or be around parents even, might want to read   ( deadspin.com) divider line
    More: News, Family, child advocacy center, Suicide, Police, Rape, Jenny Was a Friend of Mine, Child pornography, local child advocacy  
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14620 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jul 2018 at 7:07 AM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-07-10 10:50:25 PM  
Years ago, my ex-wife's uncle was brought up on charges, with girls barely in their teens, associated with a youth ministry that he was a deacon for. And no one was surprised. The evidence was never there, but the vibe at the house was always off. And no matter what we did, we couldn't get his daughters to open up and talk. So, it became a sort of defensive measure to NOT leave kids around him alone. And watch and try to see if we could get anyone to open up and talk...and eventually it happened, and when the gates opened, it was a LOT of kids. Some were now adults when they came forward because they finally thought someone might believe them. And he is now locked up, and he's not going to get released any time soon, and will likely die behind bars. And his family is still in tatters, and with better resources at the time, things might have gone differently for the family.

If you have reason to believe that someone is messing with kids...call. Call, and keep calling, and don't let it just pass by.
 
2018-07-10 11:15:17 PM  
Wow. That's just awful all around.
 
2018-07-10 11:25:31 PM  

make me some tea: Wow. That's just awful all around.


Fark doesn't have the tags for this sort of thing. Sad doesn't even get near it, and yet, there is also instrumental hope that others might be helped by their story. I had a real hard time reading through this. My time as a teacher...I saw and had to sit in on, and try to help kids who had gone through all sorts of Hell, and then there was when a student turned to me to try to stop her step-father because he was threatening to go after her 10 year old sister...I had a Special Ed concentration, and Behavioral Needs is real f*cker of a category, because it encompasses just so MUCH potential pain. I was at least trained a bit to deal with, and confront, and how to reach out to kids, and their parents...for a regular parent, trying to get through their days and something like THIS drops...

I'm going to go into the other room. Maybe the dog needs a hug or something.
 
2018-07-10 11:25:51 PM  
What a gut punch that was.
 
2018-07-10 11:30:28 PM  

hubiestubert: make me some tea: Wow. That's just awful all around.

Fark doesn't have the tags for this sort of thing. Sad doesn't even get near it, and yet, there is also instrumental hope that others might be helped by their story. I had a real hard time reading through this. My time as a teacher...I saw and had to sit in on, and try to help kids who had gone through all sorts of Hell, and then there was when a student turned to me to try to stop her step-father because he was threatening to go after her 10 year old sister...I had a Special Ed concentration, and Behavioral Needs is real f*cker of a category, because it encompasses just so MUCH potential pain. I was at least trained a bit to deal with, and confront, and how to reach out to kids, and their parents...for a regular parent, trying to get through their days and something like THIS drops...

I'm going to go into the other room. Maybe the dog needs a hug or something.


As a former volunteer youth coach for a junior bowling league, that was way too tough to read. I am glad I was never approached about such things, and there were heavy guidelines one had to follow to be a volunteer coach.

I just...argh!
 
2018-07-10 11:57:02 PM  
Wow.

I wish it were that easy to take down a pedophile.

My father is a pedo, with a long history. Unfortunately, I can't prove it.

A few years back he was accused by his current wife's grandchild, and was charged with:
.     Count 1 - Ind. assault on a person less than 13 years of age - 18 § 3126 §§ A7 - M1
.     Count 2 - Corruption of Minors - 18 § 6301 §§ A1 - M1 
.     Count 3 - Simple Assault - 18 § 2701 §§ A3 - M2

Which he managed to plea down to simple assault, and was sentenced to two year's probation.

He never actually touched me, although I certainly suffered various kinds of emotional abuse and a very interesting "birds and bees" talk around age 10 or 11 which I remember vividly.

Instead of me, he had a series of young "friends," who were always around. (This had the awesome effect of making me feel unable to be worthy of his attention and love. He clearly preferred these other children's company while I was belittled and never good enough--at sports, school, church, whatever. This is stuff that at age 50ish, I'm still trying to come to terms with.)

None of those "friends," though, are willing to make a complaint against him, so he's still out there, predating away.

My mother, my sister, and I never saw any actual touching. We can't prove anything. My mother spoke to a lawyer after the Sandusky thing, concerned about her exposure. My sister keeps annoying the DA in the county where he lives.

Me, I'm still working shiat out.

So, yeah. Good luck, parents.
 
2018-07-11 12:45:55 AM  
Sandusky got away with it for decades because there was a lot of money to be lost.

That's where morals collide.
 
2018-07-11 03:04:48 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Sandusky got away with it for decades because there was a lot of money to be lost.

That's where morals collide.


the lesson PennState taught Pennsylvanians was that the PSU revenue stream is/was/still is more important than kiddie rape, trauma and abuse.
 
2018-07-11 06:51:41 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: That's where morals collide.


There is no moral ground for protecting a kiddy diddler, rapist, or those who prey on others.  It's all about greed and being comfortable in your life.  It only happens to others.  Those others did something that caused it to happen to them.  Led the predator on, dressed wrong, was in a place they shouldn't have been, etc.

People don't want to believe that someone they know, care about, and trust would do something like that simply because they don't want to feel like fools/be tainted with the stain of being close to that person.  As if you should know everything and anything about everyone in your circle of those you trust.  And you'll feel compelled to defend that person because of that trust.  Those who prey on others count on that.  Which is one of the major reasons why they build up a good reputation.
 
2018-07-11 07:11:09 AM  
anyone who has kids, deals with kids, would like to one day be a parent, or be around parents even, might want to read

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-07-11 07:15:07 AM  
So who do we call to report the CBP and ICE...?
 
2018-07-11 07:17:28 AM  
They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?
 
2018-07-11 07:20:56 AM  
The underlying problem is why do some people find kiddies so unresistably sexy? Most of the time I just want to punch or slap them in the face, the cheeky bastards*.

/*scottish kids; most start drinking lager by the age of 4
 
2018-07-11 07:23:16 AM  
Wow, what a horrid thing to read first thing in the morning. Like I need a reason to ugly cry at 0700.
 
2018-07-11 07:23:20 AM  

She comes in colors everywhere: He clearly preferred these other children's company while I was belittled and never good enough--at sports, school, church, whatever. This is stuff that at age 50ish, I'm still trying to come to terms with.)


Eesh.  Parent has ONE farking job, and he failed.

Good on you; everything you accomplished in life, you did despite him.

/not a parent
 
2018-07-11 07:25:15 AM  

Yankees Team Gynecologist: anyone who has kids, deals with kids, would like to one day be a parent, or be around parents even, might want to read

[img.fark.net image 250x272]


You might already know the gist of the article, but lots of folks don't.  It's not the "stranger danger", it's the close relative/coach/family friend that's the REAL statistical danger.

"We covet what we see."
- Marcus Aurelius
 
2018-07-11 07:25:17 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-07-11 07:25:59 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?


Yeah, what does that term mean? I took it as a direct confrontation over the phone, but that is a strange term.

By the way, what a story. Back in my day they made stuff like this into after school specials.
 
2018-07-11 07:26:26 AM  

iggyskuz: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

[img.fark.net image 800x449]


Yeah, not sure what Hotlining is, either...anyone?  Bueller?
 
2018-07-11 07:26:43 AM  

iggyskuz: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

[img.fark.net image 800x449]


Well, I don't really think a dance-off was the right way to resolve that situation.
 
2018-07-11 07:27:05 AM  

PunGent: iggyskuz: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

[img.fark.net image 800x449]

Yeah, not sure what Hotlining is, either...anyone?  Bueller?


They called the CPS hotline.
 
2018-07-11 07:28:19 AM  

hubiestubert: Years ago, my ex-wife's uncle was brought up on charges, with girls barely in their teens, associated with a youth ministry that he was a deacon for. And no one was surprised. The evidence was never there, but the vibe at the house was always off. And no matter what we did, we couldn't get his daughters to open up and talk. So, it became a sort of defensive measure to NOT leave kids around him alone. And watch and try to see if we could get anyone to open up and talk...and eventually it happened, and when the gates opened, it was a LOT of kids. Some were now adults when they came forward because they finally thought someone might believe them. And he is now locked up, and he's not going to get released any time soon, and will likely die behind bars. And his family is still in tatters, and with better resources at the time, things might have gone differently for the family.

If you have reason to believe that someone is messing with kids...call. Call, and keep calling, and don't let it just pass by.


While all that's true, I remember the "satanic panic" of the 80s, and people who were sent to jail due to the false testimony of children that had been coached. There was a case recently in Texas where a couple who were running a daycare center were falsely accused, and were finally released after 20 years in jail. And the prosecutor still refuses to admit they were wrong.
 
2018-07-11 07:29:08 AM  

nquadroa: PunGent: iggyskuz: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

[img.fark.net image 800x449]

Yeah, not sure what Hotlining is, either...anyone?  Bueller?

They called the CPS hotline.


Calling the CPS hotline is such a common occurrence that there's jargon for it? Yeeeeeeesh. This is the darkest of timelines.
 
2018-07-11 07:29:36 AM  

PunGent: Yankees Team Gynecologist: anyone who has kids, deals with kids, would like to one day be a parent, or be around parents even, might want to read

[img.fark.net image 250x272]

You might already know the gist of the article, but lots of folks don't.  It's not the "stranger danger", it's the close relative/coach/family friend that's the REAL statistical danger.

"We covet what we see."
- Marcus Aurelius


Yeah, I know, I was joking. I read it.
 
2018-07-11 07:30:43 AM  

nquadroa: PunGent: iggyskuz: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

[img.fark.net image 800x449]

Yeah, not sure what Hotlining is, either...anyone?  Bueller?

They called the CPS hotline.


Ahh... that makes sense. Of course, it wouldn't have hurt him to say "Calling CPS on my father was the hardest thing I had ever done" would have made more sense and even flowed better as a sentence.

Although really, I can't fault this parents writing or anything else. I couldn't write anything as lucid if something like that happened to me.
 
2018-07-11 07:31:54 AM  
my favorite part was when the scumbag had the decency to kill himself. my least favorite was when he didnt do it sooner.
 
2018-07-11 07:32:03 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?


I wondered the same thing.  I guess I'm lucky that I've never needed to know what that is.

This article is depressing, with the only positive parts being that the kid's parents paid attention and didn't try to hide from what she told them, and that there were other people there to help her parents with the support they needed.
 
2018-07-11 07:32:52 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Sandusky got away with it for decades because there was a lot of money to be lost.

That's where morals collide.


Many child abuse cases reported to the authorities don't get prosecuted because the perp is usually the breadwinner and the accomplices (almost always women) won't cooperate in the investigation.  They have all sorts of rationalizations for this behavior, ranging from "My dad and uncles gang-raped me and I'm fine" all the way to "I don't want to have to start supporting myself and my children."  Until there are serious consequences for aiding and abetting these crimes, they'll continue.
 
2018-07-11 07:34:37 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?


That Drake song started playing in my head when I read that; it was a terrible juxtaposition to the story.
 
2018-07-11 07:36:06 AM  

Dork Gently: I wondered the same thing.  I guess I'm lucky that I've never needed to know what that is.


I do a lot of landscaping. I'm used to calling the Miss Utility hotline. Maybe that's what they meant. As in, "Don't forget to call Miss Utility before digging the shallow grave in your Dad's backyard after you beat him to death with a shovel."
 
2018-07-11 07:37:02 AM  

RogueWallEnthusiast: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

That Drake song started playing in my head when I read that; it was a terrible juxtaposition to the story.


Probably a more appropriate song would have been Bloodhound Gang's "Bad Touch."
 
2018-07-11 07:38:54 AM  
"Grandpa licked my butt," is the new "Daddy ate my eyes."
 
2018-07-11 07:42:02 AM  
we decided our next step was to call our therapist for advice. If she thought it was something we needed to pursue, our next step would be to call a child advocacy center. When I talked to my therapist...

Is this normal?  Do most people just have a therapist?  I'm curious why these folks are already in therapy to begin with.  Doesn't really have anything to do with the story, I just found it odd that they kind of have a therapist on retainer.  That seems unusual to me, but maybe I'm the weird one for not having one?
 
2018-07-11 07:42:05 AM  
Good to know I guess, but it's not like I was going to let this guy's dad watch my kid anyways..
 
2018-07-11 07:44:56 AM  

Wessoman: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

Yeah, what does that term mean? I took it as a direct confrontation over the phone, but that is a strange term.

By the way, what a story. Back in my day they made stuff like this into after school specials.


Child abuse hotline is the way I read it.
 
2018-07-11 07:46:09 AM  
Jesus Christ.
 
2018-07-11 07:48:03 AM  
They need to make sexual assault of someone under 13 a capital crime. Start executing these animals.
 
2018-07-11 07:50:56 AM  

debug: we decided our next step was to call our therapist for advice. If she thought it was something we needed to pursue, our next step would be to call a child advocacy center. When I talked to my therapist...

Is this normal?  Do most people just have a therapist?  I'm curious why these folks are already in therapy to begin with.  Doesn't really have anything to do with the story, I just found it odd that they kind of have a therapist on retainer.  That seems unusual to me, but maybe I'm the weird one for not having one?


Maybe if your dad is a pedo, you might have some issues that a therapist could help with.
 
2018-07-11 07:52:35 AM  

hubiestubert: If you have reason to believe that someone is messing with kids...call. Call, and keep calling, and don't let it just pass by.

Well, in my case I try to find an opportunity to pass word along.  That's the best I can do.  If you're an old ugly white bald man and you even see children, these days everyone assumes the absolute worst.  (If this doesn't happen to you, you're probably not as ugly as me.)  So I can't help a child in distress, but if my wife's around I might call it to her attention.

I'm willing to help, but some of us have to be pragmatic about it, and it only helps an abuser if I throw off the scent with my existence, thank you media stereotypes.
 
2018-07-11 07:52:37 AM  
My ex-wife, her mother and her mothers sisters were all abused by my ex's grandfather (their father).  As another generation of girls was being born they all cornered him and told him that if he were ever to do anything to the newest family members, they would kill him.

The sad thing is that experience wired my ex with the 'physical attention will make men love me' issue.  This isn't why we're divorced, we're just really two way different people but it always makes me wonder when you have the 'high school slut' if she really wants to be that way or if there is something more insidious there.  Makes me feel bad, and sad.
 
2018-07-11 07:53:21 AM  

PunGent: iggyskuz: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

[img.fark.net image 800x449]

Yeah, not sure what Hotlining is, either...anyone?  Bueller?


Weeners under the article asks that question.  The response was something to the effect of officially making a complaint and having the advocate start an investigation.
 
2018-07-11 07:56:06 AM  

soupafi: They need to make sexual assault of someone under 13 a capital crime. Start executing these animals.


Yes, because surely that will be an effective deterrent.
 
2018-07-11 07:57:24 AM  

Wessoman: nquadroa: PunGent: iggyskuz: Prank Call of Cthulhu: They told us the same thing about kids that age and said either we could Hotline my father or they would do it for us.

WUT?

[img.fark.net image 800x449]

Yeah, not sure what Hotlining is, either...anyone?  Bueller?

They called the CPS hotline.

Ahh... that makes sense. Of course, it wouldn't have hurt him to say "Calling CPS on my father was the hardest thing I had ever done" would have made more sense and even flowed better as a sentence.

Although really, I can't fault this parents writing or anything else. I couldn't write anything as lucid if something like that happened to me.


CPS has a child abuse hotline. You can a anonymously report things like this and then they'll send the police and a social worker to investigate the allegations. Yes, it's horribly sad.
 
2018-07-11 07:59:52 AM  
I've seen tapes of several forensic interviews with kids. Grand jury. The protections they have in place to avoid leading the child or tainting the evidence is impressive. But the stories are absolutely heartbreaking. How the cops don't lose it after hearing some of that stuff is a mystery to me. There were a couple of kids that you knew would be alright from the interview. Damaged, but ok. There was one kid that was broken. The situation was awful and the interview ... there was no chance the kid was going to make it. I hate people sometimes.

These parents handled it as well as anyone could. And that poor girl will grow up thinking that she got grandpa killed.
 
2018-07-11 08:00:09 AM  

debug: we decided our next step was to call our therapist for advice. If she thought it was something we needed to pursue, our next step would be to call a child advocacy center. When I talked to my therapist...

Is this normal?  Do most people just have a therapist?  I'm curious why these folks are already in therapy to begin with.  Doesn't really have anything to do with the story, I just found it odd that they kind of have a therapist on retainer.  That seems unusual to me, but maybe I'm the weird one for not having one?


I was in a daycare as a child in 1874, i was 4 years old.  My mother worked and absolutely hated going there, I would cry when I got dropped off, and beg not to go back.

My mother, who is a great mom, wrote it off as I just did not like to be not around family, which is pretty normal for little kids.

My grandmother, who was I guess in her late 40s, 5'11 Irish Red head, who spent her life living in Bayoy Black Louisiana, was tough as nails suspected something was wrong, because I was a tough little kid rarely cried, and loved going anywhere with anyone.

So one day my grandmother drops me off with a little suitcase because my father was going to pick me up for the weekend.  And my grandfather had given me a 1$ for spending money.

This I do remember.

The lady pulled my pants down, (I was not five minutes in the door) went through my suitcase and took my dollar and when I tried to grab it back she hit me on my bare ass with a metal yard stick so hard I pissed myself and starting telling me I was a dirty little spic.

What happened next.  My grandmother had been pulling out when her buddy, the Sheriff drove up, and told her hello.  She said "hey lets get talk to this lady". They walked up and peeked through the window just as I got whomped with the measuring stick and pushed to the ground.

My grandmother ran in and beat the ever loving shiat out her.  Pretty much curb stomped her. She picked me up, handed me to the sheriff and went back in and closed the door.  I do not know what happened then.

I do know when maw maw was done, the sheriff went in and arrested her and the center closed down and I never was placed in day care again.

Years later I said "Maw maw, what happened in there" and she said "I broke a finger and two toes on that woman's face."

The odd thing is, I remember events before and after with perfect clarity.  But my time at that place, nothing.  So I cannot imagine what I am blocking out.
 
2018-07-11 08:02:11 AM  

theflatline: I was in a daycare as a child in 1874


Are you a vampire?
 
2018-07-11 08:04:05 AM  
Should I read it if I can't stand to be around kids, hope to never have one and don't like the parents of kids?
 
2018-07-11 08:04:27 AM  

ChubbyTiger: These parents handled it as well as anyone could. And that poor girl will grow up thinking that she got grandpa killed.


Based on how well they handled it, Im hoping the little girl does not grow up thinking that.  Seems like that family will be open and talk with her/have a therapist talk to her and avoid her internalizing it.
 
2018-07-11 08:04:38 AM  

Meat's dream: soupafi: They need to make sexual assault of someone under 13 a capital crime. Start executing these animals.

Yes, because surely that will be an effective deterrent.


Or put them in general population and make sure the inmates know what they did.
 
2018-07-11 08:06:38 AM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: theflatline: I was in a daycare as a child in 1874

Are you a vampire?


Hahahahaha Typo.

1974
 
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