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(Fox News)   "Jogger gored by bison on morning run." Never bother a bison on his morning run   (foxnews.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Neilson, American Bison, Bison, bison, plains bison grazing, Buttocks, Craig Neilson, The Butt  
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2398 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 May 2018 at 11:37 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



31 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-05-31 9:18:35 PM  
What he was doing in my pajamas...
 
2018-05-31 9:31:17 PM  
Is the bison going to be put down like they do with bears and cougars?
 
2018-05-31 11:40:51 PM  
Let he who hasn't startled an ugly cow in the park throw the first stone.
 
2018-05-31 11:41:26 PM  
This must be a different version of "Clue".
 
2018-05-31 11:41:39 PM  
"Come at me, Bro"

img.fark.netView Full Size


/must have been a Tuesday
 
2018-05-31 11:42:20 PM  
This thread is relevant to my interests.
 
2018-05-31 11:43:22 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-05-31 11:46:13 PM  

Sgygus: Is the bison going to be put down like they do with bears and cougars?


Bear:
scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.comView Full Size


Cougar:
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size


What the hell is a bison?
 
2018-05-31 11:48:40 PM  
this is why i never leave my apartment. you just never know.
 
2018-05-31 11:57:43 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-06-01 12:06:39 AM  
The injured runner flagged down a car that had stopped to take pictures of the animal and was rushed to the local emergency room by ambulance.

 So are we to assume he 'flagged' them down with his bloody ass?
 
2018-06-01 12:21:55 AM  
I'm training for an ultra-marathon at the moment so

For some reason I imagine he starts pretty much any sentence with that phrase.

/What's your favorite color?
 
2018-06-01 12:22:26 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Sgygus: Is the bison going to be put down like they do with bears and cougars?

Bear:
[scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.com image 480x480]

Cougar:
[pbs.twimg.com image 339x339]

What the hell is a bison?


It's like that Elton John song "Don't let your son go down on me" being sung by the bear and the cougar.
 
2018-06-01 12:44:18 AM  
Let's see...
- 2000lb animal
- knows it has no natural predators in its prime
- guarding it's herd
- has about three brain cells, 'eat', 'fight', 'fark', and each fights the other two for a swing vote...

I'm sorry, but you don't go within 500m of them unless you are armed, and have a spotter...  or a fence between you that can handle a charge from a 2000lb animal at 35k/hr+
 
2018-06-01 12:45:24 AM  

ArcadianRefugee: Sgygus: Is the bison going to be put down like they do with bears and cougars?

Bear:
[scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.com image 480x480]

Cougar:
[pbs.twimg.com image 339x339]

What the hell is a bison?


cdn.shopify.comView Full Size
 
2018-06-01 12:53:44 AM  

GrogSmash: Let's see...
- 2000lb animal
- knows it has no natural predators in its prime
- guarding it's herd
- has about three brain cells, 'eat', 'fight', 'fark', and each fights the other two for a swing vote...

I'm sorry, but you don't go within 500m of them unless you are armed, and have a spotter...  or a fence between you that can handle a charge from a 2000lb animal at 35k/hr+


Okay, I'll dust this one off and trot it out again ...

Back when I was in college I took a weekend trip with some friends to Catalina Island. We camped out on the beach at a place called Parson's Landing. We had to take the ferry over from San Pedro to Avalon, hop on a shuttle boat that took us to Two Harbors, and from there we hiked a few miles overland to the campsite.

Catalina Island is home to a herd of bison, descendants of a group of bison brought to the island by a film production company nearly a century ago (disputed by some). At night these bison would come down to sleep on the bluff overlooking the beach, though they wouldn't venture out onto the sand where we were camped.

The first night we were there, my group gathered around a campfire with a couple of neighboring groups from other campsites; the whole of Parson's Landing that weekend was college students. Someone had a guitar, and we sang songs, told jokes, laughed our asses off and passed around a few joints. I would have been fine if that were all it was.

Nope, some of us (myself included) had also brought along spare canteens full of straight booze; mine was rum, but there was also tequila, vodka and God knows what else. And the flasks kept making the rounds. Now most of the people, being college students of higher learning, would only take a sip every now and then. But not old brainless me, nope. Every time a flask went by, I took a swig, no matter what it was.

As the evening wore on I proceeded to get more and more hammered. At one point, this girl whose shirt I had been trying to get my hands under for the better part of an hour (and I was being snuggled with and not being told "no", for the record) said she had to go use the porta potties, so I volunteered to escort her up the hill.

Now the porta potties at Parson's Landing, as chance would have it, were on the aforementioned bluff overlooking the beach, and to get to them you had to come pretty damned close to the sleeping bison, which were surprisingly unconcerned with having any people nearby, as long as you kept your distance. But keeping my distance wasn't on my drunken agenda that night.

The girl I was escorting told me the next day that I had tried to pet one of the bison calves, and she had to pull me away and order me to stand still outside the porta potty while she went inside. My own recollections of it are rather muddled, but it sounds like the kind of dumbass thing my younger drunken self would have done.

I do remember staggering back down to the beach to plop down by the fire, only to have my erstwhile companion angrily and pointedly take a seat on the opposite side of the fire where she proceeded to glare at me for the remainder of the night.

I then launched into every story I knew about buffalo, rambling on at apparently some length about how the buffalo were originally native to Asia, and the camel and horse were native to America and how they passed each other crossing the Bering land bridge in opposite directions. Drunken. Rambling.
I don't remember staggering off to sleep, but I woke up on my sleeping bag and commenced to be violently ill. I dragged myself out of the tent and made it down to the waterline where I perched on a rock as the waves splashed over my legs.

And as I'm heaving out the green, bilious contents of my stomach into the surf, I hear this taunting refrain from the next campsite over.

"DAAAAAAAAAAVE! TELL US A BUFFALO STORY!"

Assholes.
 
2018-06-01 1:10:08 AM  
He got bucked by a fuffalo.
 
2018-06-01 1:21:57 AM  
Don't roller skate with them either.
Jackass 3 - Roller buffalo
Youtube 2SIADtYPAHA
 
2018-06-01 1:34:35 AM  

Danger Avoid Death: GrogSmash: Let's see...
- 2000lb animal
- knows it has no natural predators in its prime
- guarding it's herd
- has about three brain cells, 'eat', 'fight', 'fark', and each fights the other two for a swing vote...

I'm sorry, but you don't go within 500m of them unless you are armed, and have a spotter...  or a fence between you that can handle a charge from a 2000lb animal at 35k/hr+

Okay, I'll dust this one off and trot it out again ...

Back when I was in college I took a weekend trip with some friends to Catalina Island. We camped out on the beach at a place called Parson's Landing. We had to take the ferry over from San Pedro to Avalon, hop on a shuttle boat that took us to Two Harbors, and from there we hiked a few miles overland to the campsite.

Catalina Island is home to a herd of bison, descendants of a group of bison brought to the island by a film production company nearly a century ago (disputed by some). At night these bison would come down to sleep on the bluff overlooking the beach, though they wouldn't venture out onto the sand where we were camped.

The first night we were there, my group gathered around a campfire with a couple of neighboring groups from other campsites; the whole of Parson's Landing that weekend was college students. Someone had a guitar, and we sang songs, told jokes, laughed our asses off and passed around a few joints. I would have been fine if that were all it was.

Nope, some of us (myself included) had also brought along spare canteens full of straight booze; mine was rum, but there was also tequila, vodka and God knows what else. And the flasks kept making the rounds. Now most of the people, being college students of higher learning, would only take a sip every now and then. But not old brainless me, nope. Every time a flask went by, I took a swig, no matter what it was.

As the evening wore on I proceeded to get more and more hammered. At one point, this girl whose shirt I had been trying to get my hands under for the better part of an hour (and I was being snuggled with and not being told "no", for the record) said she had to go use the porta potties, so I volunteered to escort her up the hill.

Now the porta potties at Parson's Landing, as chance would have it, were on the aforementioned bluff overlooking the beach, and to get to them you had to come pretty damned close to the sleeping bison, which were surprisingly unconcerned with having any people nearby, as long as you kept your distance. But keeping my distance wasn't on my drunken agenda that night.

The girl I was escorting told me the next day that I had tried to pet one of the bison calves, and she had to pull me away and order me to stand still outside the porta potty while she went inside. My own recollections of it are rather muddled, but it sounds like the kind of dumbass thing my younger drunken self would have done.

I do remember staggering back down to the beach to plop down by the fire, only to have my erstwhile companion angrily and pointedly take a seat on the opposite side of the fire where she proceeded to glare at me for the remainder of the night.

I then launched into every story I knew about buffalo, rambling on at apparently some length about how the buffalo were originally native to Asia, and the camel and horse were native to America and how they passed each other crossing the Bering land bridge in opposite directions. Drunken. Rambling.
I don't remember staggering off to sleep, but I woke up on my sleeping bag and commenced to be violently ill. I dragged myself out of the tent and made it down to the waterline where I perched on a rock as the waves splashed over my legs.

And as I'm heaving out the green, bilious contents of my stomach into the surf, I hear this taunting refrain from the next campsite over.

"DAAAAAAAAAAVE! TELL US A BUFFALO STORY!"

Assholes.


Did you at least regale them with "Buffalo buffalo..."?
 
2018-06-01 5:22:31 AM  
Danger Avoid Death:  Assholes.

Harassing your hammered/hungover friends is one of the greatest parts of being young. My best buddy worked the lighting rig in a dance club and would always talk about the lights when we were sitting around getting messed up. One night, he was on the bathroom floor feeling the spins real hard after hurling, and he locked the rest of us out of the bathroom. The light switch was on the outside in the hallway, so we gave him a light show while yelling his name. After a few minutes he crawled out and said "maaaan, f*ck you guys." Now we laugh about it.
 
2018-06-01 6:47:52 AM  
"Gored By A. Bison" is the name of my trademark-skirting Street Fighter tribute band.
 
2018-06-01 9:04:48 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-06-01 9:35:39 AM  

itcamefromschenectady: ArcadianRefugee: Sgygus: Is the bison going to be put down like they do with bears and cougars?

Bear:
[scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.com image 480x480]

Cougar:
[pbs.twimg.com image 339x339]

What the hell is a bison?

[cdn.shopify.com image 850x850]


Are those the new Nameless Ghoul masks for the latest Ghost tour?
 
2018-06-01 10:31:43 AM  
"For you, the day Bison gored your ass was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday."
 
2018-06-01 10:35:49 AM  
Great.  Buffalo attacks.  And you KNOW that this is when some PEGgy VIP is going to just show up out of the woods and start shooting at you.  I swear they're in cahoots somehow.
 
2018-06-01 10:39:19 AM  

itcamefromschenectady: ArcadianRefugee: Sgygus: Is the bison going to be put down like they do with bears and cougars?

Bear:
[scontent-sea1-1.cdninstagram.com image 480x480]

Cougar:
[pbs.twimg.com image 339x339]

What the hell is a bison?

[cdn.shopify.com image 850x850]


i.ytimg.comView Full Size
Or this.  It's not vibranium.  I'm just feelin' it.
 
2018-06-01 12:03:35 PM  
Does anyone else think it's weird that this guy stopped to weigh the bison after (or maybe before) it attacked him?
 
2018-06-01 4:36:03 PM  
Ok, dangerous situation.  Luckily your 1 skill will come in handy here...running!  ugh.  don't quit your day job.
Also, his wife is now obligated to name their kid Tatanka.  Or maybe just make his middle name whatever native american word means 'horn in ass' instead of his dad's name.
 
2018-06-01 6:00:35 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: [img.fark.net image 720x408]


Man...What a dick move!
 
2018-06-01 11:17:40 PM  

GrogSmash: Let's see...
- 2000lb animal
- knows it has no natural predators in its prime
- guarding it's herd
- has about three brain cells, 'eat', 'fight', 'fark', and each fights the other two for a swing vote...

I'm sorry, but you don't go within 500m of them unless you are armed, and have a spotter...  or a fence between you that can handle a charge from a 2000lb animal at 35k/hr+


I just came back from 4 days in Yellowstone and from the way some goddamn idiots there were behaving around the bison (let alone the farking bears), I'm amazed we don't see one of these stories three or four times a week.

The forest service does have a hilarious "DON'T DO THIS" photo book in the Old Faithful Visitors Center, as it turns out...
 
2018-06-01 11:39:20 PM  

EnormousGreenRageMonster: GrogSmash: Let's see...
- 2000lb animal
- knows it has no natural predators in its prime
- guarding it's herd
- has about three brain cells, 'eat', 'fight', 'fark', and each fights the other two for a swing vote...

I'm sorry, but you don't go within 500m of them unless you are armed, and have a spotter...  or a fence between you that can handle a charge from a 2000lb animal at 35k/hr+

I just came back from 4 days in Yellowstone and from the way some goddamn idiots there were behaving around the bison (let alone the farking bears), I'm amazed we don't see one of these stories three or four times a week.

The forest service does have a hilarious "DON'T DO THIS" photo book in the Old Faithful Visitors Center, as it turns out...


To be completely honest, I would trust the bear before the bison.  A bear is intelligent, and actually weighs things out in its head before it acts.  A bison...  is about as intelligent as its own shiat-flop.
 
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