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(More Potatoes)   Never date a lawyer. Never marry a lawyer. If you meet a lawyer on the street, do NOT make eye contact. I cannot stress this enough; because, if I DID stress it enough, I fear I would end up in court with a lawsuit on my hands   (morepotatoes.com) divider line
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690 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 31 May 2018 at 8:00 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



33 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-05-31 7:54:57 AM  
I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...
 
2018-05-31 8:05:31 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...


Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.
 
2018-05-31 8:10:16 AM  

naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.


That got an LOL out of me, this morning...
 
2018-05-31 8:25:51 AM  

naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.


Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?
 
2018-05-31 8:29:05 AM  

PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?


You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...
 
2018-05-31 8:39:55 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...


NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.
 
2018-05-31 8:56:21 AM  
You would absolutely hate my family reunions, subby.
 
2018-05-31 9:02:06 AM  
"GIRLFS THAT ARE NIGHTMARFS"

WTF's a Girlf?

Urban dictionary:
1: A girl that you want to be your girlfriend, but she isn't quite yet your girlfriend.
2: Girl I'd Like to fark.
3: Short for girlfriend.

This is the problem with slang these days, none of it has any meaning, people just make it up as they go, or make it mean what they want.
 
2018-05-31 9:07:23 AM  

ReapTheChaos: "GIRLFS THAT ARE NIGHTMARFS"

WTF's a Girlf?

Urban dictionary:
1: A girl that you want to be your girlfriend, but she isn't quite yet your girlfriend.
2: Girl I'd Like to fark.
3: Short for girlfriend.

This is the problem with slang these days, none of it has any meaning, people just make it up as they go, or make it mean what they want.


As opposed to old timey slang, which was issued by royal decree, and if used outside tightly defined definitions resulted in the death penalty?

/old man yells at clouds
 
2018-05-31 9:16:18 AM  
Well, maybe some lawyers would be acceptable.....

viraltalks.comView Full Size
 
2018-05-31 9:19:12 AM  

ReapTheChaos: "GIRLFS THAT ARE NIGHTMARFS"

WTF's a Girlf?

Urban dictionary:
1: A girl that you want to be your girlfriend, but she isn't quite yet your girlfriend.
2: Girl I'd Like to fark.
3: Short for girlfriend.

This is the problem with slang these days, none of it has any meaning, people just make it up as they go, or make it mean what they want.


Found this on line:

n. Abbreviated form of the word "girlfriend", adopted after it was noticed that many English-speakers became winded after pronouncing the entire word.

A team of ergonomicists worked for over a year and concluded that, if the last five letters of the word were deleted, only the sick or infirm would have difficulty reaching the end of the word without becoming winded. They also reasoned that the sick or infirm would be better off without the added strain of girlfriends.

Why wasn't "girlfriend" simply replaced with the abbreviation GF? Abbreviations are friendly and fun...like "Mr. And Mrs. C" from the beloved Happy Days television series or "M and P" (Mom and Pop) from Anthony Burgess' heartwarming novel about coming of age, A Clockwork Orange. The word "girlf" sounds uncannily like the noise a boxer makes if he is punched in the solar-plexus while belching.

With the word "Boyf," "girlf" has filled a void in the category of "cool words that end in 'f'". A welcome addition in the wake of 2001, when the OED dispatched lingual-engineers to infiltrate hipster groups and seed words such as "Ruff", "Coif" and "Serif". The project met with little success.
 
2018-05-31 9:20:17 AM  
My husband says he married an attorney and debate coach, so he was right when he said "I do" and hasn't been right about anything else since.
 
2018-05-31 9:38:31 AM  
Jesus, the ellipses. Cram that textual moue and finish your thoughts with a full stop.
 
2018-05-31 9:39:31 AM  

Dallymo: Jesus, the ellipses. Cram that textual moue and finish your thoughts with a full stop.


I know, right...
 
2018-05-31 9:42:46 AM  
Erm, maybe I did it wrong, but I found dating a lawyer to be a fairly fresh experience, if a bit too republican.
 
2018-05-31 9:43:20 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: Dallymo: Jesus, the ellipses. Cram that textual moue and finish your thoughts with a full stop.

I know, right...


*slap*
 
2018-05-31 9:49:38 AM  
It's a 100 percent certainty that rae is not Subby.
 
2018-05-31 10:10:48 AM  
I have known a lot of lawyers. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I dunno.

/I like some of you guys
 
2018-05-31 10:36:36 AM  

ReapTheChaos: "GIRLFS THAT ARE NIGHTMARFS"

WTF's a Girlf?


Well MILF is Mom I'd Like to Fark, and GILF by extension is Grandma I'd Like to Fark. So, clearly GIRLF is an intensifier meaning Grandma I'd Really Like to Fark.  Seems like this guy is pretty specific about what he does not want in his geriatric fantasies.
 
2018-05-31 10:57:57 AM  

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.


Because that one was funny.

bigfatbuddhist and naughtyrev write some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. If either one were to write a novel, I'd buy the hell out of it and probably gift it to friends.

bigfatbuddhist's take on hornets had me in literal tears. And I didn't even save the link. And the Googles are not helping.
 
2018-05-31 11:08:06 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.

Because that one was funny.

bigfatbuddhist and naughtyrev write some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. If either one were to write a novel, I'd buy the hell out of it and probably gift it to friends.

bigfatbuddhist's take on hornets had me in literal tears. And I didn't even save the link. And the Googles are not helping.


I cannot resist:

The hornet is essentially an angry flying syringe filled with poison. It can sting you repeatedly without dying and it beats up on other insects. It you make the mistake of squashing one, LOOK OUT! Their bodies release a pheromone that send dozens of other hornets your way. In short, the hornet joins the crocodile and the king cobra in my list of animals for whom the benefits of their extinctions far outweigh the grave ecological consequences.

Hornets are of the genus Vespa in the subfamily of Vespinae, which is in the family of Vespidae, which is in the constellation of Aquarius. Any insect not of the genus Vespa is NOT a true hornet and is probably just a bored beetle with a can of yellow paint. The North American species, the baldfaced hornet, is not a true hornet. It is only referred to as a "hornet" because is looks and acts like one. Other than that, there is no similarity between the two species. Adding any new hornet species is nearly impossible; because, it would require some sort of consensus amongst the world's entomologists. And, the world's entomologists are too busy roaming the world getting stung to death to get together in one place.

Hornets live in colonies of up to seven hundred. This means that whenever a hornet gets settled in the bathroom, someone starts knocking on the door. It's a far cry from the initial nest of the fifty initial hornets that the queen produces initially (initially). The queen hornet is a solitary character at the beginning of the initial part of the process. In the spring, the queen finds a good spot to build a nest, often in the hollow of a tree or directly over the head of any Hanna-Barbara cartoon character. The first generation of hornets are females, responsible for adding to the nest, foraging for food, caring for subsequent larvae and humming Where the Boys are in a mournful sort of voice...

But, the male hornet doesn't come into existence until the queen starts laying unfertilized eggs. Fertilized eggs become female and unfertilized eggs become males or drones. The male hornet has no duties besides mating, after which it dies. Being a male hornet is considered a pretty bad job to have, although not as bad as assistant salmon gutter. The fertilized queens survive the winter; so, there is plenty of incentive for a queen hornet to keep her standards low. Actually, because the males die shortly after mating, they don't have to listen to the queen complaining about the pain of childbirth.

The hornet is known for its sting. Not only will it sting you early and often, but, most deliver venom more toxic than that of bees; in fact, the Asian giant hornet has the most poisonous insect venom. More Japanese die from the bite of this insect than from helium and dandelions combined. Hornets DO deliver less venom than bees, per sting, which I think is their way of making comparisons difficult. Let's just say that if you are given a choice between a bee sting or a hornet sting, you've let the situation get well out of hand.

This venom is used in the pursuit of food, often bees. The preferred method for the hornets is to scout out a beehive and release a pheromone once one is located; then, the hornets invade the hive, kill the bees inside and take their bodies, their honey and any loose change that might be lying around. A hornet can kill up to forty bees in a minute-more if it has access to high explosives. Only the Japanese honeybee (Apis cerana japonica) has developed a method of stopping the destruction of their hives. The bee lures the hornet into its hive and, using their wings, one hundred or so bees raise the temperature around the hornet to forty-seven degrees C by beating their wings frantically. This kills the hornet and doesn't do some of the bees much good either. When not in Japan, however, the hornet does pretty well for itself. It is even a protected species in Germany where they have lots of other problems as well.

Hornets are not inherently dangerous. They only attack when they feel that their nest is threatened or if they are having a bad day. If you can remember these safety tips, you can greatly reduce your chances of being stung:

*Never block the path of a hornet. This involves determining the intent of a creature with a brain smaller than a watch battery; therefore, one must think like a hornet. Just remember to discontinue thinking like a hornet before you get home so that you don't sting your family to death.

*Never disturb a hornet's nest: Actually, this should be rephrased to "Never be near a hornet's nest when it is being disturbed" or, better yet, "never be near a hornet's nest"...

*Avoid killing a hornet near its nest: Take it for a car ride. Let it sit in the front seat. When it gets complacent, garrote the little monster from behind or turn your car's thermostat to forty-seven degrees Celsius.

*Wipe out every hornets' nest you see for miles around: This is known as the "stop-gap approach"...

Perhaps, as a balance, we should look at the BENEFIT of having hornets around. They are known to kill and eat harmful insects; unfortunately, the list of harmful insects that they kill doesn't include HORNETS. It reminds me of folks in India who keep cobras in their homes and shops to kill rodents at night. Sure you don't have rats, but you do have cobras; and, the only things that eat cobras are larger cobras and possibly secretary birds. It is a slippery slope that spirals out of control in ever tighter circles until the baby is thrown out with the bathwater.

And, this is what happens when we let venomous animals do the jobs that exterminators should be doing...
 
2018-05-31 11:14:46 AM  

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.


You would too, if you met my ex-wife!
 
2018-05-31 11:19:16 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: ecmoRandomNumbers: Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.

Because that one was funny.

bigfatbuddhist and naughtyrev write some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. If either one were to write a novel, I'd buy the hell out of it and probably gift it to friends.

bigfatbuddhist's take on hornets had me in literal tears. And I didn't even save the link. And the Googles are not helping.

I cannot resist:

The hornet is essentially an angry flying syringe filled with poison. It can sting you repeatedly without dying and it beats up on other insects. It you make the mistake of squashing one, LOOK OUT! Their bodies release a pheromone that send dozens of other hornets your way. In short, the hornet joins the crocodile and the king cobra in my list of animals for whom the benefits of their extinctions far outweigh the grave ecological consequences.

Hornets are of the genus Vespa in the subfamily of Vespinae, which is in the family of Vespidae, which is in the constellation of Aquarius. Any insect not of the genus Vespa is NOT a true hornet and is probably just a bored beetle with a can of yellow paint. The North American species, the baldfaced hornet, is not a true hornet. It is only referred to as a "hornet" because is looks and acts like one. Other than that, there is no similarity between the two species. Adding any new hornet species is nearly impossible; because, it would require some sort of consensus amongst the world's entomologists. And, the world's entomologists are too busy roaming the world getting stung to death to get together in one place.

Hornets live in colonies of up to seven hundred. This means that whenever a hornet gets se ...


Are you the "True Facts About..." guy on YouTube?
 
2018-05-31 11:20:57 AM  

Harlee: ughtyrev write some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. If either one were to write a novel, I'd buy the hell out of it and probably gift it to friends.

bigfatbuddhist's take on hornets had me in literal tears. And I didn't even save the link. And the Googles are not helping.

I cannot resist:

The hornet is essentially an angry flying syringe filled with poison. It can sting you repeatedly without dying and it beats up on other insects. It you make the mistake of squashing one, LOOK OUT! Their bodies release a pheromone that send dozens of other hornets your way. In short, the hornet joins the crocodile and the king cobra in my list of animals for whom the benefits of their extinctions far outweigh the grave ecological consequences.

Hornets are of the genus Vespa in the subfamily of Vespinae, which is in the family of Vespidae, which is in the constellation of Aquarius. Any insect not of the genus Vespa is NOT a true hornet and is probably just a bored beetle with a can of yellow paint. The North American species, the baldfaced hornet, is not a true hornet. It is only referred to as a "hornet" because is looks and acts like one. Other than that, there is no similarity between the two species. Adding any new hornet species is nearly impossible; because, it would require some sort of consensus amongst the world's entomologists. And, the world's entomologists are too busy roaming the world getting stung to death to get together in one place.

Hornets live in colonies of up to seven hundred. This means that whenever a hornet gets se ...

Are you the "True Facts About..." guy on YouTube?


Nope.  Is he worth watching?
 
2018-05-31 11:22:02 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.

Because that one was funny.

bigfatbuddhist and naughtyrev write some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. If either one were to write a novel, I'd buy the hell out of it and probably gift it to friends.

bigfatbuddhist's take on hornets had me in literal tears. And I didn't even save the link. And the Googles are not helping.


I was laughing too :)

I wrote that from the perspective of me leaning over & yelling it at the coworkers. It was funny in my head, damn it.
 
2018-05-31 11:35:29 AM  

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.

It's always funny until someone dies. . . then it's apparently sexytime for some people.
 
2018-05-31 11:35:34 AM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.

Because that one was funny.

bigfatbuddhist and naughtyrev write some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. If either one were to write a novel, I'd buy the hell out of it and probably gift it to friends.

bigfatbuddhist's take on hornets had me in literal tears. And I didn't even save the link. And the Googles are not helping.


i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2018-05-31 11:44:02 AM  
Oh video game thread!

My favorite naval combat video game:

i5.walmartimages.comView Full Size
 
2018-05-31 3:09:38 PM  

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.


I learned a long time ago that necrophilia is just dead boring.
 
2018-06-01 10:34:03 AM  

Dallymo: Jesus, the ellipses. Cram that textual moue and finish your thoughts with a full stop.


Hey, every once in awhile, the moon is going to obscure the sun.  That's orbital mechanics for ya.

:)
 
2018-06-01 10:37:02 AM  

bigfatbuddhist: Let's just say that if you are given a choice between a bee sting or a hornet sting, you've let the situation get well out of hand.


I'm dying here :)
 
2018-06-01 10:40:31 AM  

Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.


At least it's not sadistic bestial necrophilia...

but that's just beating a dead horse.
 
2018-06-01 10:48:32 AM  

PunGent: Tell Me How My Blog Tastes: bigfatbuddhist: PunGent: naughtyrev: bigfatbuddhist: I'd rather date a lawyer than a coroner...

Good chance you'll still have sex with a coroner whether you like it or not.

Hey, who doesn't like cracking open a cold one?

You guys need to stop.  I can't even tell my coworkers what I'm laughing at...

NECROPHILIA. YOU LAUGH AT NECROPHILIA.

At least it's not sadistic bestial necrophilia...

but that's just beating a dead horse.


I would "funny" that until the end of time...
 
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