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(AP News)   Teenage boy seen in retention pond flailing and screaming about having been bitten before going under water. Police search the pond and find the body....of an adult woman. Wait, what?   ( apnews.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Orange County Sheriff, Orlando, Florida, Sheriffs in the United States, Sheriff, English-language films, Coroner, Greater Orlando, Conservation biology  
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11605 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 May 2018 at 1:50 PM (11 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2018-05-10 01:26:35 PM  
I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.
 
2018-05-10 01:48:20 PM  
That regeneration failed.
 
2018-05-10 01:48:25 PM  
I see Jenny Greenteeth is at it again.
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2018-05-10 01:50:59 PM  
I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.
 
2018-05-10 01:52:54 PM  
TA DAH!
 
2018-05-10 01:53:01 PM  
Never trust a cougar in the water.
 
GBB
2018-05-10 01:53:06 PM  

Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.


And in a state of sheer panic.
 
2018-05-10 01:53:13 PM  

BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.


Your loss.  Honestly.
I absolutely love living here, and I've lived in 5 states.

Florida offers the best quality of life by far.  Just don't be the dumbass who swims in a retention pond.
 
2018-05-10 01:54:09 PM  
"Gator-filled pond".  Probably three or four more bodies in there. Keep looking, folks.
 
2018-05-10 01:54:22 PM  
Deputies don't know how the woman got into the fenced-off retention pond

Um, let's see. I'm gonna give it a shot.

She climbed the fence and waded into the water?

/do I get a cookie?
//
 
2018-05-10 01:54:27 PM  
Was she holding up Excalibur ?
 
2018-05-10 01:54:48 PM  
Florida, a self correcting problem.
 
2018-05-10 01:54:58 PM  

Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.


Yeah but no. That line didn't work for me when the police got involved.
 
2018-05-10 01:55:30 PM  

Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.


Correct. And where the hell is the person that called it in? They were close enough to see the person in the retention pond, and possibly identify the body as the person they saw. Not suggesting they dive in, but did they just say "fark it, I called the cops" and walk away?
 
2018-05-10 01:55:47 PM  
The lizard people can change their human disguises at will, like the T-1000 in Terminator 2, but when they die their disguise reverts to its default state.  I'm just surprised that they don't get along with alligators.
 
2018-05-10 01:55:55 PM  
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size

/sometimes a poor swimmer
 
2018-05-10 01:56:48 PM  
Taylor Swift?

(or becky?)
 
2018-05-10 01:56:56 PM  
When I'm golfing in Florida and I hit a ball so it lands near the edge of a water hazard, I let it go.
 
2018-05-10 01:57:40 PM  

Tad_Waxpole: BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.

Your loss.  Honestly.
I absolutely love living here, and I've lived in 5 states.

Florida offers the best quality of life by far.  Just don't be the dumbass who swims in a retention pond.


Plus, we get our local news from Fark, and I never have to watch it on tv.
 
2018-05-10 01:59:10 PM  
Pretty sure I read this story in a book somewhere.

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2018-05-10 01:59:50 PM  
I think I've seen this movie.
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2018-05-10 02:01:07 PM  

Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.


I was assured by the Thailand police officer that it happens all the time.
 
2018-05-10 02:01:31 PM  
It's Florida, you kind of have to expect any random body of water to contain at least one corpse.
 
2018-05-10 02:02:07 PM  
RIP Kiera Knightley
 
2018-05-10 02:02:32 PM  
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2018-05-10 02:03:17 PM  
queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.comView Full Size


... that turn the friggin' teenagers into middle aged women.
 
2018-05-10 02:03:30 PM  
God's punishment for cutting hair short. Read Bible people, FJS
 
2018-05-10 02:03:30 PM  

BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.


Well it's not bad in some areas. I live in a nice gated community on the back bay in SW FL so it's pretty quite but it's also on a state park and estuary so there are goods and bad with that. I've a 4 foot alligator passing through the ocean in my back yard, 2 nights ago there was a panther walking through my back yard, probably about 6 feet long. There is also a bear somewhere out there (or two). Of course snakes but the snakes eat the marsh rats trying to eat my tomatoes so I love the snakes, nothing poisonous down here mind you, it's all teeth and claws. Upsides are awesome bird viewing especially in winter as they migrate down, I get all your cute and cool birds (not those damn Canadian Geese thank god). It's always a ton of great nature working around out back. Also the beach is like 5 minutes away and I can Kayak from my back yard, just gotta hit that gator in the head on the way out. Also dolphins in the back yard, that's really farking cool to wake up, grab coffee, and see a few dolphins.
 
2018-05-10 02:03:43 PM  

Monkey: Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.

Correct. And where the hell is the person that called it in? They were close enough to see the person in the retention pond, and possibly identify the body as the person they saw. Not suggesting they dive in, but did they just say "fark it, I called the cops" and walk away?


The alternative would be to stand there and wait for them to get mauled.
 
2018-05-10 02:04:12 PM  
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2018-05-10 02:05:47 PM  

Tad_Waxpole: BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.

Your loss.  Honestly.
I absolutely love living here, and I've lived in 5 states.

Florida offers the best quality of life by far.  Just don't be the dumbass who swims in a retention pond.


aw man, and I thought swimming with alligators in Florida was part of the attraction, like swimming with dolphins in Hawaii
 
2018-05-10 02:06:17 PM  

BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.



Florida is a lot of fun....I love Key West and Miami.  Hell, I had a good time in Jacksonville last year....YRLY.

But......

When I was 12, I stayed with my Grandmother in Melbourne/Palm Bay.  The humidity is brutal, and my glasses would fog up when I stepped out from her air-conditioned car.

If summer did not exist, I could see myself living there.
 
2018-05-10 02:06:28 PM  
Patient Zero!
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Has Israel been building any large walls lately?
 
2018-05-10 02:08:18 PM  
Could it be that the teen boy was actually eaten completely, and that the gator didn't know there was a dead woman at the bottom of the pond?
 
2018-05-10 02:08:20 PM  

BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.


I'll just leave this here. Happened when I was down there working a mission years ago.
Fark that noise.
At least I wasn't working in THAT particular building but close by.

Alligator Captured Inside NASA KSC Building
Status Report From: Kennedy Space Center

From so­meone[nospam-﹫-backwards]a­san*g­ovHi Keith, I'd suggest that you call NASA public affairs to confirm this, but somewhere between KSC and JSC, the location of these photos apparently got promoted. I'm told that they were taken on May 14, at a receiving warehouse in the KSC industrial area, several miles south of the VAB. Gator encounters are a common occurrence here, given that we're situated in the middle of a wildlife refuge. Still, it's rare for them to venture inside.
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2018-05-10 02:10:52 PM  

Ambitwistor: It's Florida, you kind of have to expect any random body of water to contain at least one corpse.


....and at least one alligator
 
2018-05-10 02:12:31 PM  
Strange women lying in ponds is no basis for improving your reputation, Florida.
 
2018-05-10 02:14:22 PM  
Alligator Captured Inside NASA KSC Building
Status Report From: Kennedy Space Center


"BUT I WANT TO GO TO SPACE! I WANT TO GO TO SPACE!"
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-05-10 02:15:03 PM  

Monkey: Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.

Correct. And where the hell is the person that called it in? They were close enough to see the person in the retention pond, and possibly identify the body as the person they saw. Not suggesting they dive in, but did they just say "fark it, I called the cops" and walk away?


The womans body showed no signs of a gator attack.  The person who called it in was the murderer.  You heard it here first
 
2018-05-10 02:15:25 PM  

Ambitwistor: It's Florida, you kind of have to expect any random body of water to contain at least one corpse.


Mother of God...
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2018-05-10 02:16:03 PM  
I looked in to the issue of Florida and gators after the WDW event last year.
I was like "how come this hasn't happened a million times before at WDW?"

Well, back in 1971 when WDW was built, gators were on the endangered species list.  There really weren't many around.  Now however, they have come back with a vengeance and are able to get places no one ever thought they would, because not that long ago they didn't exist in those places.
 
2018-05-10 02:17:33 PM  

Walker: Alligator Captured Inside NASA KSC Building
Status Report From: Kennedy Space Center

"BUT I WANT TO GO TO SPACE! I WANT TO GO TO SPACE!"
[img.fark.net image 640x480]


BUT I STUDIED HARD TO BE AN ASTROGATOR
 
2018-05-10 02:19:38 PM  

Liquid_Bacon: Monkey: Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.

Correct. And where the hell is the person that called it in? They were close enough to see the person in the retention pond, and possibly identify the body as the person they saw. Not suggesting they dive in, but did they just say "fark it, I called the cops" and walk away?

The womans body showed no signs of a gator attack.  The person who called it in was the murderer.  You heard it here first


Yep. This was staged.
 
2018-05-10 02:20:46 PM  

xynix: BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.

Well it's not bad in some areas. I live in a nice gated community on the back bay in SW FL so it's pretty quite but it's also on a state park and estuary so there are goods and bad with that. I've a 4 foot alligator passing through the ocean in my back yard, 2 nights ago there was a panther walking through my back yard, probably about 6 feet long. There is also a bear somewhere out there (or two). Of course snakes but the snakes eat the marsh rats trying to eat my tomatoes so I love the snakes, nothing poisonous down here mind you, it's all teeth and claws. Upsides are awesome bird viewing especially in winter as they migrate down, I get all your cute and cool birds (not those damn Canadian Geese thank god). It's always a ton of great nature working around out back. Also the beach is like 5 minutes away and I can Kayak from my back yard, just gotta hit that gator in the head on the way out. Also dolphins in the back yard, that's really farking cool to wake up, grab coffee, and see a few dolphins.


That sounds fun.  And you've got a spare room for a fellow farker right?
 
2018-05-10 02:24:29 PM  
i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
Oak
2018-05-10 02:27:40 PM  

Tad_Waxpole: BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.

Your loss.  Honestly.
I absolutely love living here, and I've lived in 5 states.



I count self-delusion, denial, and most likely inebriation.  What are the other two?
 
2018-05-10 02:29:02 PM  

Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.


But the woman didn't show bite marks, so she wasn't the one that was bitten. That only leaves one explanation: the dead woman bit the boy and he's roaming around as a zombie now.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
 
2018-05-10 02:30:29 PM  

Miss5280: I would think it would be rather easy to mix up a teen boy whose voice might not have changed yet with a slim adult woman - at least from a distance.


Isn't Peter Pan always cast as a woman?  At least at the big time?
 
2018-05-10 02:31:37 PM  

Tad_Waxpole: BadReligion: I am thankful everyday that I am not, and have never been in Florida.

Your loss.  Honestly.
I absolutely love living here, and I've lived in 5 states.

Florida offers the best quality of life by far.  Just don't be the dumbass who swims in a retention pond.


Your parents lied. You spent your youth moving around parts of Ohio.
 
2018-05-10 02:35:46 PM  
When will we learn not to apply gender labels on flailing people? It's the 21st century, folks! Get woke!
 
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