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(Miami Herald)   Florida man was just trying to open a beer with a knife. What could possibly go wrong?   ( miamiherald.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Herrada Oliva, Friendship, fillet knife, Sheriff, Battery, Dagger, Love, Aynel Torna Morales  
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4342 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 May 2018 at 2:09 AM (13 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



24 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2018-05-08 12:29:05 AM  
Donny?

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2018-05-08 12:37:26 AM  
Good thing he didn't use a corkscrew. That would just be twisted.
 
2018-05-08 12:43:25 AM  
I did that yesterday. It was awful: I sloshed a little beer out of the bottle.

Driver: Good thing he didn't use a corkscrew. That would just be twisted.


I recently decided to uncork a bottle of wine without removing the foil seal over the top. It was a screw-cap. Welp, guess I've got to finish it now.
 
2018-05-08 02:05:32 AM  
Want kind of beer?
 
2018-05-08 02:16:09 AM  
Koo k
 
2018-05-08 02:21:27 AM  
Amatuer. A real Florida man would open it with is teeth (or gums). As for me, well I know many ways to (safely) open a bottle.
 
2018-05-08 02:22:02 AM  
I once opened a bottle of wine with a folding knife. I nearly amputated a finger, but in my defense, I did successfully open the bottle.
 
2018-05-08 02:35:39 AM  
Timely since I just did this to my finger an hour ago.
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An hour later it's still bleeding like crazy.
 
2018-05-08 02:36:18 AM  
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2018-05-08 02:37:04 AM  
I have video but I don't think I can post it directly.
It's bad.
 
2018-05-08 02:41:30 AM  
I was going to invite a couple friends over for tacos tomorrow. I'm sure they have other plans.
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2018-05-08 02:52:32 AM  
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The bleeding has stopped finally. But now I need to apply some first aid. It will bleed again.
 
2018-05-08 03:32:45 AM  
I did that once using a potato peeler.
It was one that slipped over your finger like a ring. It blocked the view of my fingers and gave me a deep cut on my finger. I threw the peeped out.
 
2018-05-08 05:46:46 AM  
Oh Smits, you totally blew the 'Marathon Man' reference.
 
2018-05-08 06:58:17 AM  
Have not read TFA: either he chopped off a digit or 2, or he stabbed himself in the gut.

*click


Well, shiat
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2018-05-08 07:35:30 AM  
That was similar to the other time when the guy was at a party and was trying to iron a shirt, when he accidentally hit another man in the face with the iron. Accidentally hit him in the face five times.
 
2018-05-08 08:18:04 AM  
during an argument with Morales he used a fillet knife to open a beer and "Morales got stabbed,"
The old "something must have happened" defense.
 
2018-05-08 08:57:38 AM  

Billy Bathsalt: during an argument with Morales he used a fillet knife to open a beer and "Morales got stabbed,"
The old "something must have happened" defense.


FTA: "Herrada Oliva told several accounts of what had happened, police said. "

Maybe it's like a Mad Lib.

One day, __(person)___ took a __(something sharp)__ and __(verb ending in ED)__ his friend __(person)__ in the __(body part)__

/that could never go wrong
 
2018-05-08 09:46:11 AM  

aagrajag: I once opened a bottle of wine with a folding knife. I nearly amputated a finger, but in my defense, I did successfully open the bottle.


It didn't cross your mind to just push the cork into the bottle?
 
2018-05-08 09:58:51 AM  
"Aynel"
 
2018-05-08 10:09:22 AM  
You could spill the beer
 
2018-05-08 03:11:59 PM  
fake news.  there is absolutely no way Florida Man wasn't drinking a twist off.
 
2018-05-08 03:15:36 PM  
Jeez, dude, get a Swiss Army knife....
 
2018-05-08 08:45:36 PM  

skinink: That was similar to the other time when the guy was at a party and was trying to iron a shirt, when he accidentally hit another man in the face with the iron. Accidentally hit him in the face five times.


I hate it when I do that.
 
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