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Flotilla paintball attacks, an idea so crazy that even Hamas and Hezbollah think it's nuts, and Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/30 - 6/5
Posted by Drew at 2010-06-08 1:20:47 PM, edited 2010-06-08 2:26:01 PM (50 comments) | Permalink

So as we all know, last week Israel intercepted a flotilla carrying relief supplies to the Gaza strip. Hilarity ensued, in the form of a few additional developments that you may or may not have noticed. I did, because that's pretty much what I do -- read stuff all day.

- Israel says their commandos were sent in with assault rifles loaded with paintball rounds (and sidearms with live ammo). Uh, sure they were. Nothing sounds safer for commandos than arming them with paintball rounds, parachuting them onto boats in the middle of the night surrounded by 700+ people who don't want to be raided. Never mind the fact that none of the folks on the boat had paintball blasts on them.

- Israel also says they'll use more force next time. Okay, THIS I believe.

- Iran (crazy) has decided to up the ante by offering to send naval escorts for future "relief shipments". The best part about this tho is that both Hamas (crazy) and Hezbollah (crazy) have independently said that's the dumbest thing they've ever heard.

Thanks to Stratfor for most of the above info, check em out if you haven't already.

Also, unrelated but just as much fun is this piece in Salon arguing that a press corps that attends watergun fights and pool parties with high-ranking Obama Administration officials probably can't do as good a job of holding them accountable.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-05-30 to Sat 2010-06-05:  Al Gore concedes erection  Man with .32 BAC charged with DUI, improper use of children as hood ornaments  Serbian artist sets new record for the longest time spent sitting down and doing nothing, narrowly beating the previous time recorded by a member of the Teamsters  Anti-Semitic: Flipping off a bus full of Hasidic Jews on the Garden State Parkway. Anti-gravity Semitic: Bus full of Hasidic Jews flipping off the Garden State Parkway  Gulf coast fishermen stage protest with boats, are promptly raided by Israeli commandos  Parents not really happy that McDonald's offered free Cd with purchase of Shrek glasses  Woman has son kill cow over beef with neighbor. US DA willing to cut choice deal in return for testimony and udder considerations  Dogs could be used to detect prostate cancer, but first scientists have to do something about the cold nose  Off-duty Chicago cop who was caught on video downing five shots before getting into his car and killing two people has all charges dropped, walks away scotch-free  Dyslexic student wins poetry competition. Your god wants Keats  A Delta Airlines flight attendant was arrested when she checked in her 9mm Glock with her carry-on bag. There was no explanation for her carrying the gun, except for the fact that she was flying to Atlanta

Sports:  Ben Roethlisberger excited for new "chapter." Hopefully, he isn't currently reading Lolita  Cavaliers GM resigns LeBron. Except without that last word in the sentence  Tightness frustrates Fister

Geek:  Throat exercises can relieve sleep apnea, your boyfriend  Don't worry kids, Digg is just being sent to a farm where he can run around and play with all his friends like MySpace, Friendster, and Geocities  Scientists say that initial testing confirms that new spray successfully prevents premature ejacul--DAMMIT

Showbiz:  Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker had a quiet tenth anniversary, capped off with the obligatory roll in the hay  Geordi Laforge attempts to reconfigure the power transfer tunnel while transferring magnetic plasma to warp field generators in vain attempt to outrun the IRS  Fran Drescher says her ex-husband was gay. I also think it's safe to say he was also deaf

Politics:  The worst politcal campaigns of 2010, or as you may know it: The Martha Coakley Award  Nancy Pelosi says her public policy is guided by "The Word." No word on whether she means the F-word, the N-word or the L-word  After rejecting ship names such as "Trolling the World", "Stabbing for Gaza", and "The Pure and Wholesome Peace Bridage", the next activist ship will bear the name "Rachel Corrie"

Music:  Joe Walsh applies for a restraining order against an elderly man who tried to kill him. Probably Don Henley  What Billy Corgan is calling the Smashing Pumpkins these days is set to play a string of "intimate club" dates. So, if you've ever wanted to become intimate with a pale, bald, Splice-like creature, now's your chance  Canadian rock star Avril Lavigne has a perfume. It smells like donuts and Deryck Whibley before a shower

Business:  Canadian economy growing at best rate in 10 years, which would be more impressive if the entire economy weren't based on hockey ticket sales  Radio Shack is up for auction, which is great news for anyone needing zip codes of people dumb enough to buy batteries at Radio Shack  Stocks rebound on good news about home sales and the rumor that a trader found a twenty-dollar bill in the bathroom
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Gary Coleman four feet under, getting Down at the special ed dance, and the politically-correct term Palin-Americans: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 5/23 - 5/29
Posted by Drew at 2010-06-01 1:34:16 PM (28 comments) | Permalink

No writeup this week, just some good headlines. Enjoy.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-05-23 to Sat 2010-05-29:  Special ed students heading to prom, ready to get Down  Truck carrying 17 million bees crashes. That's, like, 3.4 million quarters  Lindsay Lohan's ankle bracelet has Breathalyzer technology, proving yet again that Lohan frequently has her ankles near her face  Survey reveals that most of us believe people do not show caring and sympathy to those with mental illnesses. Well, jeez, we elected the poor bastards, isn't that enough?  Chicago woman was attacked and had acid thrown in her face. Witnesses shocked at such baseless violence  Former carny tries to turn his life around, but fails. Now he's a lawyer  Judge calls alcohol-fuelled violence "the plague of Britain," narrowly edging out "the Irish"  Gary Coleman is four feet under  Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt split. Lawyers to settle who gets custody of their I.Q. point  73 killed in Jamaica; 365 jobs now available  Gay activists vow to start hunger strike, lesbians promise to only eat out

Sports:  Albert Haynesworth being sued for ten million dollars by stripper he knocked up. DNA test deemed unnecessary because of the baby's habit of kicking and whining for a while and then taking the rest of the afternoon off  Wrigley Field went dark in the middle of a Cubs game this evening, instead of mid-September as usual  Roy Halladay does his best Deepwater Horizon impression by suffocating every Fish in his path

Geek:  Titanium pentoxide will offer 200 times the data density of Blu-ray, says professor at Tokyo University's porn-storage laboratory  Study suggests gamers experience more pleasant dreams, such as having a girlfriend  Concorde may be revived as a 'vintage' plane. "A bold effort, possessing a sharp nose, rich body, and an earthy, fiery finish"

Showbiz:  "Twilight sucks up National Movie Awards" says headline that is four words too long  Gary Coleman in critical condition after head injury. Symptoms include difficulty understanding speech  Woman accuses Gene Simmons of sexual assult, claims she has suffered humiliation, shame, embarrassment, anger, anxiety, loss of sleep, depression, and other normal signs of having contact with Gene Simmons

Politics:  Rush Limbaugh, who drinks $4,000 bottles of wine and built his house to resemble Versailles, would like to remind you that liberal elitists are out of touch with the working man  Rand Paul fires his staff for making him have stupid opinions  Senate panel approves bill banning the word "retarded" from federal laws, opting for more politically correct "Palin-American"

Music:  Slipknot bassist found dead in Iowa hotel room. Preliminary cause of death reportedly listed as 'Shame'  Kylie Minogue is rumored to be replacing U2 as Glastonbury headliner. That's like having Audrey Hepburn fill in for Lindsay Lohan  Crystal Bowersox loses American Idol, then her boyfriend dumps her. Sounds like she's got the lyrics for her first country song

Business:  BP's managing director would like everyone to know that no one is "more devastated" by the spill than him. Not, you know, economically or anything. But feelings-wise  Consumer confidence highest in two years on news the survey is about two months behind reality  Stocks poised to rebound. This is not a repeat from last week, or the week before, or the week before, and will certainly not be followed soon with a "stocks plunge" article
· · ·

Street signs of the Apostles, cannabis farmers getting baked, and the only way to ruin the phrase "Kate Moss lesbian fling": Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 5/16 - 5/22
Posted by Drew at 2010-05-25 1:38:38 PM (14 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No writeup this week from Drew. Enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-05-16 to Sat 2010-05-22:  94-year-old woman earns college diploma, doesn't seem too worried about repaying student loans  Thieves are targeting street signs named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Police plan to throw the good book at them  At the end of the day, journalists - unsung heroes for concerned residents - would use cliches in a split second. In a last-ditch effort to do an about face, one writer provides an outpouring of support and points out the most overused cliches  Man killed by heat from cannabis farm in his home. Dude, he was SO baked  30,000 year old sex toy used to start fires, your mom  Police bust up an HIV/AIDS pyramid scheme. Obviously, Ramses wasn't involved  Alabama geometry teacher goes off on tangent, lectures kids on angles needed to assassinate President Obama, drawing acute interest of Secret Service. How obtuse  Ethnic violence prompts Kyrgyzstan to declare a state of mrgncy  Man gets hand caught in wood-chipping machine, doctors expect him to be all right  Alfalfa sprouts recalled due to salmonella, buckwheat crops said to be o-tay  Dalai Lama finally uses his Twitter account. Trending topics: #Gunga galunga

Sports:  Gay breaks 44-year-old mark. Mark inconsolable  Sagan wins fifth stage of the Tour of California, billions and billions of picoseconds a head of his nearest rival  Rajon Rondo, playing in the Eastern Conference Finals, gets a pony. Well, he didn't actually get a pony, but he was getting pretty much anything else he wanted against Orlando

Geek:  "Traffic density and increased BMI linked." That's science-talk for "Fat people don't like to walk"  Nearly one in three social networkers suffer from 'poster's remorse.' Mods, please delete this  Astronauts replace 4 of the 6 batteries on the ISS. Thankfully the ISS wasn't built by Apple since that would have involved taking the whole space station back to the Apple store

Showbiz:  Reviewer says Sarah Jessica Parker's shoes are the only interesting thing about Sex and the City 2. Probably because they bring you good luck  Supermodel *fap* Kate Moss *fap fap* had a lesbian fling *fap fap fap* with Courtney Love. *PPpppsssssssst*  Hollywood not the only place out of ideas. Asian studio set to remake Ghost. Patrick Swayze to oversee production

Politics:  VA. A.G. resists probing of major donor  When Palin endorses a candidate over the webiatchanges the race in their favor. Delusional Dems can only remain so optimisticoontil the primaries are over  Third time's a charm: Germany now owns Europe

Music:  Just like how one large planet-destroying asteroid can still do unthinkable damage by breaking off into smaller asteroids, Joe Jonas looks to inflict damage upon an unwitting public with a solo record  Kelis and Robyn hatch plans for their "And You Are...?" joint tour  Bono undergoes emergency back surgery; doctors believe it is because he is continually trying to throw his arms around the world

Business:  Inventor of ATM machine passes away, away  Symantec buying VeriSign web security division. Paying online with a credit card will now consume 33% of your system resources  With $50 million from Toyota, Tesla Motors sure to be unstoppable
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Astronaut dogmeat, plowed farmers, and Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 5/9 - 5/15
Posted by Drew at 2010-05-18 12:53:47 PM (10 comments) | Permalink

Nothing new this week, so enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-05-09 to Sat 2010-05-15:  American Mensa holds its annual convention in Detroit this year. Slogan: "Who's the genius that picked Detroit?"  Man arrested after stealing $8,350 worth of Apple merchandise. Police say they have recovered both Macbook Pros  Two medical-marijuana businesses firebombed, drawing hundreds of spectators downwind  Libyan plane crashes in Tripoli, over 100 dead. Only one child survives, who will be pursued mercilessly by Mr. Glass  Two homeless men accused of killing a third homeless man, could face harsh sentence of being provided with shelter, clothing and food indefinitely  Gay-hating activist who toured Europe with a gay male escort resigns, rather than leave his friend's behind  Tiger penis found at Auckland Airport. There was a golf tournament in New Zealand?  Actual headline: "3d man now faces murder charge" What a relief  While in orbit, Chinese astronauts eat dog meat to keep their strength up and their senses as Shar Peis possible  Farmer killed when tractor rolls over him. An autopsy is pending, but at this point police suspect he was plowed  Census worker shot at by lawyer who supports the tally ban

Sports:  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar says rookies have it too easy, expect too much, need to try dragging Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes  Kansas City Royals promote Trey Hillman from manager to ex-manager  Hey Cleveland, hope you like hobbits, because that's the only way you're going to see the return of the king

Geek:  Astronomers find 9.6 billion-year-old object; scheduled to host SNL in June  Toyota announces that they should have a $50K hydrogen-powered sedan ready by early 2015, with recalls ready by mid-to-late 2015  Nasal spray developed to help prevent over-eating. Submitter remembers hearing about something similar using powder and a straw

Showbiz:  Kim Kardashian wants a man who sees her good qualities, five lights  Megan Fox, bisexual star of Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit  Kristen Stewart "had done it with a bunch of guys" before Robert Pattinson. That makes two of them

Politics:  Observers wondering whether the Barack Obama-David Cameron relationship will be "special," like how Churchill and FDR used to keep close correspondence, or how Tony Blair vacationed up George Bush's ass  Chavez says he will not attend summit because Honduran leader is attending. Honduras suddenly invited to dozens more meetings  Woody Allen thinks we should make Obama a dictator "for a few years" so he could do a lot of good quickly, end Clone War

Music:  Roger Waters explains the inspiration behind The Wall was his first ex-wife. Guess she wouldn't eat the meat but wanted the pudding  Rapper Trae Tha Truth sues radio station, Webster's Dictionary  Slash, Ace Frehley, Motorhead's Lemmy and Cheri Curie honor Betty Ford during tribute, for providing them with a place to stay between tours

Business:  Turkey agrees to let Russia build an oil pipeline in exchange for Russia agreeing to ask before building it  "The increase in unemployment is a sign of a stronger job market, but it is also a sign of how weak the job market still is," says economist Mark "Yogi Berra" Zandi  Ford does not know what to do with Lincoln, should ask Booth
· · ·

New feature for link-sharing: the Farkbar. Fark: working to integrate bars and Fark since 1999
Posted by Drew at 2010-05-11 4:00:15 PM, edited 2010-05-12 3:07:36 PM (128 comments) | Permalink

We're launching a new added functionality to outside network link sharing that we wanted to let you know about it. With the growth of networking sites, some people asked if we could make it easier to share Fark headlines, so on the last round of design tweaks, we made the linking buttons more prominent. We added one-click buttons below the headline for you to share threads on Facebook, Twitter, random other link sharing places, as well as an internal URL sweetener, if you're into the whole brevity thing.

A lot of you are using those (thank you) and sharing some of your favorite Fark headlines or weird stories on these sites, but we've found that one part was a bit confusing for new readers. Until now, people clicking the outside links haven't been able to get directly to the linked article from any external app (RSS, Facebook app, Twitter links, etc). When they click on external links, they land on the comment thread, and then have to click again on the story link to read the article. While that's fine for most of you, it's baffling to people who haven't been here before.

We've been discussing a way to make it easier, so that people that you might share links with would be able to read the story, but also could visit the Fark thread. The solution is the Farkbar, a thin bar at the top of the destination site. It would only show up for externally linked threads, and it would let people read the article, but still have a way to read the Fark headline and visit the thread (which is sometimes (often) better than the original article itself). This lets people that aren't Farkers read the target story directly, without forcing them to the thread.

This is only for external links. For those of you who come to the Fark site, nothing will look or operate any differently than what you're already used to. The Farkbar won't show up if you click on a link from here. The only change is that when a Fark thread is linked on Facebook or Twitter or any of the other networking sites, we added the functionality to go to the linked article instead of the comments page. And it can be disabled in your profile preferences, too, if you prefer the current system.
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How to help Fark help mainstream media call attention to the flood crisis in Nashville. Also, Fark's favorite headlines for 5/2 - 5/8
Posted by Drew at 2010-05-11 2:18:57 PM, edited 2010-05-11 2:38:14 PM (61 comments) | Permalink

In Florida hanging down at the Poynter Institute working on their 5th Estate Project. Things weren't too bad in KY after the storms, there isn't a river or lake going through Lexington. There is one about 15-20 miles away though which is where all the water generally goes. The water that doesn't turns into weird lakes and creeks which not coincidentally occur in the same places every time this happens. Which means there are no structures built there either. Not to say it never happens but it doesn't happen often.

Nashville however has a river, and after taking the brunt of last week's storm the river apparently decided to reclaim most of the town. Unfortunately for Nashville, the news cycle is already innundated with articles about the attempted Times Square bombing and the probably eventually much worse oil rig disaster in the gulf.

Which prompted Andrew Romano at Newsweek to write a piece called "Why the Media Ignored the Nashville Flood"

Basically his point is the reasons there's little coverage is there are two other disasters going on, and also cites something I'll call "media momentum" whereby stories get coverage because there already is a lot of coverage on them. He also says that the disaster didn't have a narrative, which is the reasons MSM can tell you WHY you should care.

Example narratives:
NYC: because it's in NYC.
Gulf spill: Kills turtles.

I think Romano's pretty much on target, but he missed one piece (probably due to space constraints if I had to guess). Based on what I see from where I sit (which, if Journalism is the entire planet Earth, I live on the moon), the reason Nashville didn't get much coverage is pretty much exactly what Romano says it as. As a non-journalist who runs a big ass news aggregator I'd also like to toss into the blame pot the fact that people flat out aren't clicking on the flood articles. If they were, there would probably be followups. Yesterday morning snapped a quick photo of a redneck with a shark in his pickup truck. 200,000 pageviews later they've assigned beat reporters to finding this guy. Etc.

The greater point here is that we've moved from a news climate where the story determined its own importance to where the audience determines the story's importance. Man that sounds like some BS that a "social media expert would say". But I don't mean by people tweeting it or fb liking it or redditing it or whatever. It comes down to one simple thing: journalism outfits need money, this takes priority over "importance". It always has to varying degres, marketing departments in every industry are always in a tug of war with production over what should be the best course of action. When money gets scarce though, marketing departments get a louder voice and more pull. Should it be that way? No. For example, I also think we should live in a meritocracy and that beer should be $1 for a 12 pack and I'm not having any luck there, either.

In short, news consumers end up with the media coverage they deserve.

So, here's a possible solution: if anyone living in Nashville would like Fark to help rectify the problem of little or no news about the flood, please email me directly anything you feel absolutely HAS to get out about the flood. I'll turn it over to my crack team of monkeys with typewriters and we'll come up with a compelling, traffic-driving headline for it and put it on the main page. Because Fark is all about taglines, less so the actual articles themselves. Maybe we can help MSM provide a little narrative and help them cover a dire and dangerous situation like they should.

Will this work? Damned if I know. Let's give it a shot

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-05-02 to Sat 2010-05-08:  Today on Fear-Filled Mad Libs: INSECT BITES during PREGNANCY can cause BIRTH DEFECTS  Rollercoaster riders get stuck upside down for 20 minutes after poncho gets stuck in rails. If we controlled our borders better he probably wouldn't have been there  "Giant box" could be key to oil spill containment, according to engineering firm of Duggar, Gosselin, and Suleman LLC  Nigerian President dead. Widow makes plea for help in getting his money out of the country  Robber targets gas station. Worker gives him a free fill-up of leaded  SeaTac partially evacuated after smoking bag found on tarmac. Amy Winehouse's manager apologizes, explains that she got lost  Maple trees are being stolen in Washington state. Police on the lookout for syruptitious behavior  Texas man tries to kill his ex-wife with a bomb made from salad bowls, promptly gets tossed in jail  Headline: No charges for corpse parked outside GlenOak High School. Great. Now zombies are going to think they can park wherever the hell they want to  British women annoyed that their partners are more interested in their iPhones than having sex. In fairness, the iPhones are easier to turn on and have a mute function  Seattle police caught on camera threatening to beat the "Mexican piss" out of man. No word yet on how they knew he had Corona

Sports:  Ballplayers with special needs take to field of their dreams. In other news the Chicago Cubs play tomorrow night at 7:05 PM  Tebow's jersey is #1 is sales on Is there anything this guy can't do? Besides develop a quality throwing motion that is  Raiders drop JaMarcus Russell, registers 6.3 on the Richter Scale

Geek:  Lizard monitor discovers monitor lizard by monitoring the monitors of other monitor lizard monitors  Most humans carry up to 4% of Neanderthal DNA. Which explains subette's last four boyfriends  Some of the tiniest microbes yet discovered found living on acid and getting poked by bigger microbes. So kind of like your high school experience, minus the Metallica t-shirts

Showbiz:  Sarah Jessica Parker has had it with neighsayers who insist that she tried to stirrup feuds with her "Sex and the City 2" co-stars  Taylor Swift donates $500,000 to Nashville flood relief. Your move, Kanye  Oprah shaves off Dr. Phil's moustache, still keeps Steadman as beard

Politics:  Despite the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico being potentially the worst ever off our coastlines, Sarah Palin insists "drill here, drill now." That's her slogan, and she's sticking to it -- like crude on a pelican  The Obama administration's vow to "keep their boot on the neck" of BP is a major change from previous regulators who kept thier mouths firmly wrapped around an altogether different part of BP's allegorical anatomy  If Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid loses the election, the Democrats will be better off. As will the State of Nevada, the United States of America, the Solar System, and the Orion Spiral Arm of the Milky Way galaxy

Music:  Shakira is working on a new "edgy" album that will be sold in every state but Arizona, where it will be marked up in price and sold as an import  The Beastie Boys putting final touches on their upcoming album, "Check Your Prostate," due for fall release  Austin renames street after Willie Nelson. Watch out for the potholes

Business:  U.S. private sector takes on 32,000 in April, only outmatched by your mom's private sector  Nintendo's profit forecasts miss estimates, will have to start over all the way from the beginning of the stage  PNG charges dropped against Australian bankers, even though the prosecution managed not to lose any data
· · ·

Wonton endangerment, Schwarzenegger on the moon, and a sweaty, uninhibited, double-jointed disgrace. Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/25 - 5/1
Posted by Drew at 2010-05-04 1:56:47 PM (35 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week, so enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-04-25 to Sat 2010-05-01:  Poison suspected after 80 Afghan school girls get sick. Bret Michaels is having the worst week ever  A pill to prevent premature ejaculation will be coming soon  Busboy at Chinese restaurant stabs co-worker with cleaver. Will be charged with wonton endangerment  Concertgoers show up in SS gestapo uniforms, receive beatdown upon leaving. How did they nazi this coming?  Mexico issues traveler advisory for Arizona. How Arpaiopriate  Teen discovers his dog's barf is worse than his bite  Florida makes another attempt to ban bestiality, raising the question of how their attempts keep failing in the first place  Man accused of stealing 20 packs of 'male enhancement' product from gas station, will do hard time  What women swallow may affect kids and grandkids, mostly whether they have them or not  Two Latin American countries allow homosexuals to adopt children. Know how I know Uruguay?  "Boy loses hand in bedroom explosion". And you thought the worst that could happen was going blind

Sports:  Sports radio host compares Tim Tebow to a Nazi, which is ridiculous considering the Nazis had a devastating air attack  IOC strips underage Chinese gymnasts  Canadiens march into Washington and burn the Capitals. This is not a repeat from 1812

Geek:  Scientific studies show that taking psychedelics can help reduce anxiety, at least until the green monster with teeth on its fingertips starts gnawing your face off  Japan pledged that before this decade is out, it will put Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Moon. Regrettably they also want to return him safely to the Earth. They want to do this not because it is easy, but because it is hard  Winners for the first International Longest Tweet contest announced. Unfortunately, the longest entry was a 3,748,839,101-way tie at 140 characters

Showbiz:  John Cleese calls the 31-year gap between him and his girlfriend "a disgrace." A lusty, sweaty, uninhibited, double-jointed disgrace  Jenna Jameson has a big hole in her story. In related news, this headline is thirteen words too long  Rielle Hunter tells Oprah that she's not a homewrecker, which is true, because she's a sprawling estate-wrecker

Politics:  George W. Bush's book "Decision Points" being released November 9th. Here you all thought it was going to be coloring book, but the sneaky bastard went all "connect the dots" on you  Sue Lowden (R-NV): "The GOP liberated Europe in World War II." Yeah, remember when they stormed Normandy on R-Day?  Senator from the party of nuance, bipartisanship and sweet reason refers to his political opponents as "white supremacists", is given chairmanship of new You're Not Really Helping Here Committee

Music:  Justin Bieber concert cancelled after fans get trampled in stampede. No word on whether they were trying to stampede into or out of the concert  Billy Corgan and Courtney Love fighting. 1995 wants it's headline back... actually no, it probably doesn't  Shakira's "Waka Waka" has been named the official song of this year's World Cup. In related news, Fozzie Bear to sue Shakira blind for copyright infringement

Business:  ASTRAZENECA FINED $510 FARKING MILLION DOLLARS FOR ILLEGALLY MARKETING A FRIGGIN' ANTI-PSYCHOTIC DRUG AND IT ANGERS ME SO FARKING MUCH THAT I'M GOING TO PUNCH MY COMPUTER AND SMASH MY FARKING KEYBOARD  AOL earnings fall 23% on loss of subscriber  Louisiana closes down shrimping areas, affecting shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried, pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup
· · ·

Armenian cognac, a detour to Jerusalem and Headlines of the Week for 4/18 - 4/24
Posted by Drew at 2010-04-27 11:18:41 AM (20 comments) | Permalink

I'm back after being gone for a couple of weeks. I started out in Armenia visiting Alexis Ohanian of Reddit fame. He's there for a few months, and I figured why not pop out there since I had to be in London the following week anyhow. Had a great stay, drank a ton of Armenian Cognac, and I remember about half of it. It was great.

I was supposed to end up in London but thanks to Iceland's economy spreading its ashes over all of Europe, air travel was shut down for a few days. So I detoured over to Israel instead and spent time in Jerusalem and Eilot mostly. Arrived back home last Thursday and am still recovering from jetlag.

As for what's going on in the news, looks like the focus is on financial oversight reform. Can't think of anything more exciting than that, other than watching paint dry and grass grow. We're in a pretty bad news lull right now, one that isn't cyclical at all. Sometimes that's how it goes.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-04-18 to Sat 2010-04-24:  Cuban cigar legend dies at 91. Will be cremated slowly over an after-dinner glass of brandy  Helvetia man dies in brush clearing incident. Town issues a statement sans sheriff  "Iranian missile may be able to hit U.S. by 2015." That's one slow missile  April is STD Awareness Month. Pass it on  Bear with head stuck in milk can rescued. Oh bother  Missing boy dropped off at Catholic cathedral unharmed...for now  Woman cleared of airport battery - both terminals  Doctors in Spain perform world's first full face transplant. Patient expected to remain in hospital for two months, upon which he will be released on someone else's recognizance  After 28 years in a mental institution, would-be presidential assassin John Hinckley is nearing release. For the love of god, nobody tell him that Jodie Foster is a lesbian now  Man's 600ft suicide plunge from the Gap fails due to freak wave; pile of folded sweaters  Man dies while mounting Uluru; Kirk unimpressed

Sports:  Uncle of Phillies' vomit fan says his nephew choked, which under MLB rules makes him eligible to play for the Mets  Manu Ginobili suffers broken nose in Game 3, expected to be in a body cast for weeks  Green Bay Packers welcome Zombo, now can do anything

Geek:  Scientists have no success with birth control for feral Texas hogs. Some contraceptives wore off too quickly, others required too specific of dose, and shutting down the bars earlier was too drastic a solution  Gene therapy cures blindness in dogs; in related story, dog horrified to find he's been drinking from toilet  Scientists create made-to-order diamonds. So far, only "friendly BJ" size has been achieved, but "three-way with her sister" is theoretically possible

Showbiz:  Bruce Willis to release his own fragrance. Yippie-ki-yay, muskyfarker  Jennifer Lopez talks about her new movie "The Back-up Plan." Luckily, it's very slow and has an intermittent beep to warn bystanders  Russell Brand accidentally set on fire while filming new movie. Better luck next time, fire

Politics:  Obama signed a law passed by a Democratic Congress allowing people to carry openly in National Parks, with the predictable result that people show up armed in a National Park to protest his attempts to trample their Second Amendment rights  Senior Iranian cleric blames women for all his problems. You and me both, buddy  Kyrgyzstan's ousted president vowels not to return

Music:  Michael Buble wins the Juno for album of the year. If the preceeding sentence made no sense to you, you're probably not wearing a hat with flaps right now  Jenna Jameson to launch her first album, which reportedly contains a literal version of "How Deep Is Your Love"  Paul Weller slams Facebook, MySpace, horseless carriages

Business:  Lehman Brothers examiner will testify that President Bush's SEC knew Lehman was bankrupt and watched them spectaularly fail. That is the America the teahadists want back  Target will begin selling Kindles on April 25th, offering refunds by April 26th  Moody's downgrades themselves to "subpoenaed"
· · ·

Discussion of a change to non-logged in users, and Fark's favorite headlines of the week for 4/11 - 4/17
Posted by Drew at 2010-04-19 3:47:13 PM (169 comments) | Permalink

Hey there, we have a change coming and we wanted you to have a heads up about it, even though most of you will never notice it.

For the last few years, advertisers have been been begging us to use interstitials on Fark. We've always told them no, because 1) it's annoying as hell, and 2) it's annoying as hell. They've kept asking and we've turned them down every time, but they still come back the next month and ask again. It's not that we don't need the money, which helps keep the site running and helps us with various staffing needs, but that we couldn't think of a way to make it work that wouldn't suck for you. We've never wanted it to mess up your user experience, but we also don't like seeing that money flowing to other sites when we're doing our best to stay afloat.

Even though it's been shot down every other time it's been discussed, there may be a middle ground where we can do something that doesn't affect 99% of you. Here's what we're implementing: we've made an arrangement to allow interstitials for non-logged-in users at a rate of one per day. If you're logged in, you won't see it. A person that's not logged in would see it once in a 24-hour period. The advertisers would like to see more than that, but this is all we're willing to allow. While most of you will never notice this change, we figured a heads-up was still in order.

If you're logged in and you're seeing an interstitial ad, it's likely not related to this (in the past it's been remnant ads that we never approved), so please let us know immediately so we can go smack the advertiser. We're hoping that this can work where it's under your radar but still helps us out.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-04-11 to Sat 2010-04-17:  Man who had sex with horse "does not have stable address"  Autistic girl rescued after being stranded in swamp for 4 days, 7 hours, 33 minutes and 19 seconds  Copper piping stolen from hrch  Police bust third grader for suspected heroin dealing. Next, on Thomas the Trainspotter  Man pleads guilty to cheating in a bass tournament. He received a jail sentence THIS big  Scientists create a bulletproof t-shirt by adding a fourth wolf  National park fees waived next week. EVERYBODY PICNIC  Record pollen count in Kansas City is so high, drug dealers are turning meth back into Sudafed  Police say woman who drove head on into a garbage truck was trashed  A man got stabbed in Rolando. There was something in the air that night, the knives were bright, Rolando, they were stabbing you and me, for liberty, Rolando  Boy brings rabid bat to elementary school for show-and-tell, orders round of shots for all his friends

Sports:  Houston Astros begin season 0-5 for the first time since 1983, back when the team sported uniforms designed by a drag queen high on paint fumes  The Bruins, much like the Toronto viewing audience, get number two from the Maple Leafs  Jeff Francoeur says the Mets are behind manager Jerry Manuel 110 percent, which is also the team batting average

Geek:  Scientists have developed an edible film that can be used to wrap food products. They are tentatively calling it a "tortilla"  Doctors prevent brain damage in baby born not breathing by using experimental Xenon gas treatment. How noble of them  India's space program successfully maps the ocean floor

Showbiz:  Vanessa Hudgens joins the cast of Rent even though Hair would have been a more appropriate choice  Breast implants reject Amy Winehouse  Michael J Fox says Parkinson's improved his life, speed at which his Polaroids develop

Politics:  Oklahoma considers its own militia to protect it from the federal government. As if there's anything in Oklahoma anybody wants  Leader of Norway, stranded in NY by Iceland's volcano, runs the country with his iPad. In other news--You can run Norway without multi-tasking  Colon, who is behind Wood, didn't like what Nass was trying to do to Wood. Nass says Colon's an ass. Colon says he's sorry and now Colon & Nass are working together again

Music:  John Frusciante is named Top Guitarist of the Past Thirty Years by people who don't know what the f*ck they're talking about  Courtney Love impressed with Jessica Simpson, twist-off caps on booze bottles  Woman arrested for stalking a Freddie Mercury look-alike. She was sentenced to three years in an imaginary prison

Business:  Palm has decided to put itself up for sale, which is a little like saying that homeless guy on the subway has decided to start accepting venture capital  Google and Library of Congress to archive all Tweets twatted since 2006  Goldman kicked in the Sachs by SEC
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Followup on the Chicago AWpocalypse, hanging out in Armenia with the founder of Reddit, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/4 - 4/10
Posted by Drew at 2010-04-13 9:53:45 AM (54 comments) | Permalink

Thanks to everyone who came to the Chicago Fark Party this past weekend. The turnout was the most we've ever had for a Fark shindig, there were definitely more than 200 folks there, maybe more than 250 even. I drank about a dozen beers so math was hard. Thanks go out to Naskar, who may be king douchebag but he managed to pull off the highest attendence Fark party ever. He also managed to throw up on a train but you'll have to ask him about that.

We will definitely do something like this again, stay tuned.

I'm currently hanging out in Armenia of all places with Alexis Ohanian, the guy who founded Reddit. Travel out wasn't too bad other than the solid 24 hours of travel, 14 hours of being on planes, and the 9 hour timezone difference. I'm keeping notes about the travel and will post a longer update next week. Current plans are for me to get to England sometime next week and be at the EuroFark party April 24th in London. I spent a bunch of time trying to learn the Armenian alphabet so I could at least read street signs but it's really hard. Only a couple of letters resemble romanian or cyrillic counterparts, and there are a few consonant letters that we don't have in English.

So far this trip I have learned that in France, airline refueler strikes only slow down takeoffs by about 10 minutes and that Air France has no problem showing boobs on French TV shows on flights out of France. Everyone was super friendly in Paris too, probably had something to do with me at least trying (and failing) to speak the language. I think I may have to change my opinion about the French.

Much more next week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-04-04 to Sat 2010-04-10:  British kissing couple loses jail appeal in Dubai. Now they'll have to lightly handshake their freedom goodbye  US approves oral treatment for colorectal cancer. Eeeeew  Weekend at Bernie's 3: Women arrested at airport for inappropriate carrion baggage  Oldest American dies at 114. Pants to be worn at half-chest in remembrance  Prison mistakenly frees man in jail for drug-related crimes. RELEASE THE CRACKHEAD  Man gets off easy after viewing porn  Camilla breaks leg while hiking in Scotland. Kids, I need you to look away  California approves "Reagan Day", a holiday where we'll max out our credit cards, give guns to the local mosque, fark a person we call "Mommy", and then fall asleep and forget about it the next day  Man dies after fall while replacing window. At least he wasn't in a lot of pane  Teen accused of having sex with a donkey. In his defense, it was a nice ass  Sir Edmund Hillary's ashes won't Everest on world's highest mountain

Sports:  Butler defeats Michigan State, will play in the National Championship game if their head coach's mother signs his permission slip  Obama to throw out first pitch at Nationals game Monday. Presumably using a ball taken from the wealthy Yankees  Tennis star Martina Navratilova diagnosed with breast cancer, a condition affecting nearly 2,000 men a year

Geek:  A judge has dismissed the $750 million lawsuit of Stan Lee Media Inc v. Stan Lee and Marvel Inc. The official findings will be released in six variant covers with a special edition foil embossed 'timeline of events' prelude and aftermath  Chinese to aid in construction of railway in California. This is not a repeat from the 1860s  Collaborative video games like World of Warcraft help build the next generation of leaders America needs. Fat, nerdy, Cheeto-stained leaders

Showbiz:  Whitney Houston hospitalized with "nose and throat" problems, most likely because the lines before her concerts are so long  "CSI" stuntwoman killed in motorcycle crash. It seems like these kinds of accidents... *puts on his sunglasses* ... will stunt your career. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH  Michael J Fox is happy to have given up booze, because he prefers his martinis stirred anyway

Politics:  Feds reject Pennsylvania's plan to toll Interstate 80, saying charging people to flee the state is cruel and unusual punishment  "Obama Eyes Interns." First he repeats all of Bush's mistakes; now he's imitating Clinton  Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring; will be replaced by Judge George Ringo

Music:  See the Lilith Fair, live on tour. This is not the premise behind Hot Tub Time Machine 2  Liverpool to have two month John Lennon festival, George Harrison to get three week celebration and Ringo will get a special afternoon for the kids  Coolio willingly shows up in court after learning an arrest warrant was issued for him. So, we've established he had two hits, right?

Business:  Blondes aren't just more fun, they also make more money. Granted, it may be in singles  The bad news for Toyota just won't stop  Euro touches 11-month bottom, has a seat right over there
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