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New Jose Cuervo ad campaign heads-up (short version: it's not annoying) , and info on how to win a big Fark party in your town
Posted by Drew at 2010-10-11 11:16:16 AM (196 comments) | Permalink

Just wanted to let you know about an ad campaign we're gonna be running for a few months. Finally landed an alcohol sponsor, Jose Cuervo. They're going to be sponsoring something we're calling the Cuervo Cue Moment of the Week. Each week, we're going to select a Fark link to be a Cue moment that is cool, unique and interesting. But we wanted to do something that involved the community as well.

Each month (starting in Oct) we're going to have a Cue Moment of the Month. These moments will be submitted by you the viewer. The moment will be a few paragraphs about something really cool, unique and funny that might have happened to you. Whether you won $30k in Vegas, or you had front row seats to the Super Bowl, or perhaps you did something to become an actual Fark article. Anything you're proud of that you'd want the whole of Fark to read, we want you to submit that. Winner will receive $500 and a Fark party in his/her hometown in their honor and I'll come if at all humanly possible (95% chance, depends on what's going on at the time but I'll try like hell to get there). More details will come as the month progresses.

I'd like to point out that Cuervo was very interested in avoiding the things you (we) all hate such as pop-ups, popunders, flash takeovers, dudes wearing placcards chasing you around the store, and so on.

We've struggled for literally years trying to convince advertisers that maybe, JUST MAYBE, not irritating consumers is a better route to go. FINALLY, we've found an ad partner who believes this as well. I can't tell you how happy this makes me.

For those folks very proud of their installed ad blockers blocking Fark ads, I'm sure you'll waste no time telling us all about how awesome you are in the comments thread. For those of you who have ad-blockers and have chosen to allow Fark's ads to get through, my family and I thank you for helping us keep the lights on. Cuervo went out of their way to make their ads acceptable to the Fark community, and if for some reason anyone thinks we missed the mark by all means let us know because we want to do this as right as possible.
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Declining berserker habitat, S-s-s-s-s-ymbian shut down, and the Soon-Yi effect: Headlines of the Week 9/26 - 10/2
Posted by Drew at 2010-10-05 4:31:53 PM (12 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No post from Drew this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-09-26 to Sat 2010-10-02:  Neo-Nazi discovers he has a little Jew inside of him, also known as the Soon-Yi effect  China's one child policy turns 30, upset it never had a brother to play catch with  Car stolen at gunpoint at strip club. DNA successfully lifted from the parking lot, but crime lab techicians admit it will take time to catalogue all 63,481 suspects  Listerine cures jock-itch, says man who refuses to describe how he and his wife figured this out  Man dies mysteriously in porn booth. Police unsure whether he was whacked  America's "most depressing hot dog stand" found in Chicago, coming in just ahead of Wrigley Field  Scientists now say T-Rex joints were much bigger than first assumed, which would make them a lot easier to reach with those tiny arms  Thieves escape from Kuala Lumpur airport with over 10,000 Western Digital hard drives. Surprisingly enough, they didn't crash  No Carl, I want you to kill all the GOPHERS on the course  "Did you hear? 37 people were injured after a train derailed east of Oslo." "NORWAY." "YES WAY"  Male infertility hereditary. How the gene manages to get passed on a mystery

Sports:  NFC West favorite San Francisco 49ers outplay Chiefs to 31-10 loss  End of an error. Bills release Trent Edwards  Bill Polian would like to clarify his statements about the upcoming 18 game NFL schedule, would also like you to ignore the imprint of Roger Goodell's boot on his ass

Geek:  Finnish scientists say sightings of Valkyries have reached the lowest point in 100 years; leading to concerns that they may have become endangered due to peacetime, loss of berserker habitat  Study shows men withdraw during stress, but generally recover quickly enough to re-insert and start over using shorter strokes  Months before astronomers discovered new Earth-like planet, scientist detected pulse of light coming from same direction. Doofus with laser pointer has not been ruled out

Showbiz:  "Wall Street 2" takes the top spot at the box office this weekend. Shia LaBoeuf now considering a career of nothing but sequels to 80's classics starring actors way past their prime. Next up: "Tango and Cash and Son"  New photos show LiLo injecting heroin and kissing Paris Hilton. Doesn't she know you can get diseases that way? Plus the heroin is bad for you too  Star Wars: 3D coming in 2012, followed by Star Wars: 3D Director's Cut 2013, Star Wars: 3D Wide-Screen 2014, Star Wars: 3D Wide-Screen Director's cut Blu-Ray 2015, Star Wars: 3D Wide-Screen Special Edition Director's Cut Blu-Ray 2016  

Politics:  French politician Rachida Dati issues a public apology for confusing oral sex with inflation. What a cunning linguist  Dennis Miller to headline Sharron Angle fundraiser. That's about as ridiculous as Fatty Arbuckle asking for a virgin Bloody Mary with extra ice  Christine O'Donnell says her LinkedIn profile was faked by enemies in the Republican party who sought to defame her by implying she graduated from college

Music:  Mariah Carey is pregnant with either a boy, girl, or chocolate cake  "Everybody Hurts" is the song most likely to make men cry, according to the Institute of Researchers Who Don't Force People to Listen to "Hollaback Girl" for Hours and Hours  Note: John Cage's 4′33″ contains an audio track that has not been authorized by WMG. The audio has been disabled

Business:  AOL buys TechCrunch for an undisloclosed number of hours of free internet service  S-s-s-s-s-s-s-amsung s-s-shuts down S-s-s-s-s-ymbian  China's toilet sales now highest in the world when only a decade ago they were squat
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Octomom's giant hiding place, spontaneously combusting bankers, and Emma Watson's Boobies-Potter role: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/19 - 9/25
Posted by Drew at 2010-09-30 7:37:00 PM (31 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No posting from Drew this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-09-19 to Sat 2010-09-25:  WWII hero Manfred Gans, who combed war-torn Germany searching for his parents and found them in a concentration camp, dead at 88. He is also remembered for his awesome cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Blinded By the Light"  Missing banker "either met with foul play, voluntarily left the area, or took his own life." At least they ruled out spontaneous combustion  Gene linked to rapid Alzheimer's onset, but he can't remember why  Town council bans 100 activities at a popular beach, including kite flying, taking pictures, and digging holes. Leaves only conventional Australian beach pastimes like drowning and being eaten by sharks  College girls with heavy roommates gain less weight, mainly because there's nothing left to eat  Chicago man arrested for 253rd time, making him eligible for political office  Supposably, there is problems alot of people has with what the right words are and where in the sentence they are at  In ten years, 75 percent of Americans will be fat. USA USA U... gonna eat that?  Indiana teen dies from "choking game." No word if he was wearing his Peyton Manning jersey at the time  Airborne laser being tested for US Missile Defense Agency goes off-target due to software glitch that KENT STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF  Train kills seven elephants in India. Local Hindus up in arms

Sports:  Add "liquor" to the list of things Jets WR Braylon Edwards is unable to hold  NASCAR to take good look at the Clint Bowyer car that won the last race. Preliminary findings state "he says he's from Wichita, but his license plate says Kansas"  David Beckham upset over claims he slept with a prostitute that he wasn't married to

Geek:  Scientists discovers food like flax and soy beans thrive in the soil around Chernobyl. Ho, ho, ho, Green Giant  Researchers in Sweden confirm that fat people are more likely to have heart attacks. Fat people vow to take this sitting down, wheezing slightly  Goodnight texting man. Martin King, father of T9 predictive text software did

Showbiz:  Owner of Octomom's house says she's hiding money. Subby can only think of one place big enough to store that much cash  Jodie Foster says that despite everything, she won't abandon her close friend Mel Gibson. Gibson, for his part acknowledges that for a heretic sodomite destined to burn in hell, she ain't so bad herself  Emma Watson lines up Boobies-Potter role

Politics:  Substance sickens 11 on Capitol Hill. This is completely understandable since Congress is unfamiliar with anything of substance  Thanks to a new law passed by Congress, you can no longer say "mentally retarded". From now on, Congress is to be referred to as having an "intellectual disability"  In the Arizona criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who fake a crime, and the governors who pass legislation demonizing minorities. These are their stories. *DERP DERP*  

Music:  Spandau Ballet's Martin Kemp wants us all to know George Michael is doing okay in prison. He'd also like us to know that today's special is grilled tilapia served on a bed of rice pilaf with a baked potato on the side  Vince Neil says he never really had a voice in Motley Crue. Agreed  Rumor mill: Justin Bieber says he feels like "the Kurt Cobain of my generation." Let's all hope he's right

Business:  KFC pays college women for ad space on their butts, an investment guaranteed to double in returns over four years  Top eBay executive leaving. Time left: 190d 17h 28m  Mexico's jobless rate drops to 5.4%. Americans to start hopping the border for work
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Drew's article in GigaOM, some upcoming Fark parties in DC, Chicago and Las Vegas, and Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/12 - 9/18
Posted by Drew at 2010-09-21 1:26:54 PM (27 comments) | Permalink

Spent my last week road-warrioring all over the place. Mon-Tues in LA, Sat-Mon in Ocean City MD. Somehow I managed to schedule a week and a half of downtime that starts today, I'm not sure how that happened.

Over the weekend, Gigaom ran a piece I wrote about running a web-based company outside of a tech-centric city like SF, LA, or NY. The article is here if you've got some time to kill. If you live in SF, LA, or NY it'll probably confuse you; however, I've been hearing from a lot of folks in smaller cities who said it pretty much mirrors their situation too.

Special thanks to Leighton Moore, owner of Ocean 98 and Seacrets nightclub in Ocean City for having me out to judge a bikini contest with Mr. Skin. Skin and I run into each other every so often at conferences, he's a stand up guy and really fun to hang out with. I don't think there was a point this weekend where Leighton didn't make sure I had a beer in my hand. The only problem with the bikini contest was it was the finals, and pretty much all the gals were 5s on a 5-point scale. I found myself having to eliminate people based on random details, and finally just threw my hands up and voted for a first place tie. Turns out it was also bike week in Ocean City, and as a result I have a very confusing T-Shirt to wear at my next soccer game.

Randomly though, here are a few upcoming Fark Party notes:

- First off, there is definitely a World Fark Party happening in Vegas Apr 1-3, that is not in question. What we don't yet know is what we'll be doing. Worst case we'll just have random meetups around town and take over bars. Best case, full blown convention. It'll probably fall somewhere in the middle though. More info when I know it, mark your calendars though.

- There is also a huge party on deck Oct 2nd in Chicago, check the Park Parties page for details there. It's looking to be quite large, and I'm told Nasser's folks are likely to make an appearance, possibly with other members of his family. We still haven't designated who's going to take Nasser's job of ordering a round of shots after we've all had 10 beers but I'm sure someone will pick up the slack.

- Finally, it appears that there's suddenly going to be a Fark party in DC on Oct 30th after the Colbert/Stewart rally. Coincidentally I was going to be in town to give a talk at a conference on the 28th so I'm likely going to stay over a couple days and go to both.

That's all for now folks, I should have a much better handle on things by next week

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-09-12 to Sat 2010-09-18:  The imam behind the so-called "Ground Zero Mosque" says that he's a fan of the New York Giants. Weird, you'd think he'd be a fan of the Jets  Woman claims EMF levels in her home are making her sick. Unbelievable  Eiffel Tower evacuated due to bomb threat. Reporting live from the scene is Fark's correspondent mime. What's happening there, Marcel? ". . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ." Thanks for the update, Marcel  Thousands of tickets for Pope Benedict XVI's visit to Britain remain unsold. Which is strange, because the Catholic Church never usually has a problem with filling seats  Husband kills his wife when she cuts the wires to his speakers. Another day, another stereotypical murder  Newsman and grammar stickler Edwin Newman has deceased  Stimulus program hand jobs to those in $800,000 African genital washing program  Researchers at Johns Hopkins find that shootings and hostage situations are directly linked to lockdowns and evacuations  China plans to lead world in eco-friendly cars. Haven't they lead enough?  Investigators looking into deaths of three bears, theft of porridge  You were caught cheating on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" Do you: A) live a quiet and dignified life, B) perform acts of charity, C) hack off three toes in a freak gardening accident, or D) elephant?

Sports:  Maroney traded to Denver. Claims he's not from there, you fargin iceholes  In an attempt to move away from incontinent old musicians, the Super Bowl XLV Halftime Show will feature the Black Eyed Peas. Mission half-accomplished, I guess  Kovalchuk shifts to right wing. Granted, everyone does once they come into money

Geek:  An internal nut on the Discovery shuttle slipped out of position and fell into the aft compartment during flight prep. I'm so very scared. Help  Australian man sets Guinness world record for the widest tongue. With his winnings, he will not relocate. Happy to stay down under  Patent office rejects perpetual motion machine that was rejected by the patent office that rejects perpetual motion machines that are rejected by patent offices

Showbiz:  Kate Gosselin takes time out of her busy schedule of not raising eight kids to pose in a bikini for People magazine  Amityville Horror director sues ex-wife after she duped him into believing daughter was his for 17 years. GET OUT  Kelly McGillis joins gay partner in civil union. This is not a repeat from 1986's Top Gun or 1988's The Accused

Politics:  Defeated GOP establishment candidate Mike Castle will not give Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell the pleasure of his endorsement. Looks like she'll have to pleasure herself  In the opening Peace Talks salvo, Palestinians promise to increase mortar shelling for the benefit of Israeli civilians. Israelis respond with a F16 Dove carrying a 500lb olive branch  Newt Gingrich demands federal law outlawing any use of Sharia in US. Also asks for a ban on trans-warp drive, holodecks, Pax gas, and anything else that won't ever exist

Music:  Bieber a no-show on final day of Bloodstock  Liberace museum closing in Las Vegas. No word on whether the items will go back in the closet  John Mayer closes his Twitter account. Our long national nightmare is no longer confined to 140-character posts

Business:  Consumers will pay more for goods they can touch, which would explain MC Hammer's current financial hardship  "Canadian Economy Saunters When It Could Lope." As long as it doesn't mosey when it could gallivant. A meander would be more worrisome than a beeline -- and prancing is right out  As part of a deal for the city to renew their cable television franchises for another 10 years, Time Warner and Cablevision have agreed to spend $10 million to construct WiFi service in parks across NYC but will limit users to
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Quilling sprees, flaming dog testicles, and the French retweet. Some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/5 - 9/11
Posted by Drew at 2010-09-14 1:31:15 PM (15 comments) | Permalink

No update from Drew this week, so check to see if your favorite headlines from last week made the list.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-09-05 to Sat 2010-09-11:

   Rugby players who survived a plane crash in the Andes and inspired the movie "Alive" have arrived in Chile to offer the trapped miners support, recipes

   Seriously slow day over at CBS: Popping pimples is bad for your face. It's not new zits Fark  Two photographers fighting at a wedding. Bride wonders if someday her prints will come  

   Two-thirds of you Americans believe that one magical person out there, somewhere, is your soul mate. The rest of you already gave up and are married

   Woman stung 500 times by wasps, mostly by insulting her shoes, lack of Ivy League education

   British fail to understand the Tea Party. This is not a repeat from 1773

   Porcupines may lose their protection in Pennsylvania, prompting state residents to go on a quilling spree

   Sprinkler system blamed in fire. IT'S LIKE RAI-EEEEEEE-AIIIIIIIIIIIN

   Russian airline pilot makes an amazing crash landing after getting his Bering Strait

   High school students create group to fight peer pressure. You should join. Come on, everyone's doing it. It'll make you feel good. What are you, chicken?

   Woman's lost pinky grows back. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?


   Former WWE wrestler Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart hit with drug charges, steel chair

   Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky gambled in Vegas, and MJ tried to tip a waitress with a $5 chip. Gretzky instead gave her one of MJ's $100 chips and said "that's how we tip, Michael." Wayne Gretzky is probably dead right now

   Clijsters tops Zvonareva. I think I have a cream for that


   Scientists link bone strengthening drugs to throat cancer. That's going to be tough news to swallow

   Turns out the US Army has a Twitter feed. The French army has one too, but they only use it to retweet

   Scientists are close to finishing mapping the complete turkey genome sequence. They would have finished it earlier but they suddenly got really tired, unbuttoned their pants and took a nap while watching football


   Paris Hilton's vagina has more Coke in it than an Atlanta vending machine

   Terry Gilliam's Don Quixote project is stalled yet again. If only there were a metaphor involving the futility of the project involving windmills that could be used

   David Carradine's ex-wife believes his spirit is "trying to cross over" and lead her to the truth behind his death. She sounds as if she's still choked with grief


   Ex-UK military chief says Blair underfunded army. Goes on to say Natalie's strategy was flawed, Tootie underutilized the Navy, and Ms. Garrett was a mole

   Furious protesters in Muslim nations believe that the few nuts who are going to burn Qurans represent all of American culture. Fortunately, we in the United States would never stigmatize an entire culture based on the actions of a radical few  

   Obama goes without his wedding ring at press conference; sources say Rahm took it back to Mount Doom for some touch-up work


   Taylor Momsen makes her play to be considered a real rock and roll star by setting her dog's testicles on fire

   50 Cent wants to collaborate with Kanye West. Sadly, this collaboration wouldn't take place in the Thunderdome

   Iron & Wine announce new album, tour dates; insomniacs everywhere rejoice


   Amazon suggests manufacturers start making packaging easier to open, because apparently people get angry when this DAMNED CLAMSHELL COULDN'T BE CUT WITH A FARKING LIGHTSABER

   IN A WORLD where pre-movie commercials run too long, ONE WOMAN will decide that it's TIME to take ACTION. "Last Action Lawsuit" - this time, IT'S PERSONAL

   Starbucks shortens menu by removing 'tall." Now instead of kind of expensive, really expensive and horribly expensive your only options are really expensive and horribly expensive
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Helicopter parent crashes, jailbreaking DNA, and the fit has hit the Shan: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 8/29 - 9/4
Posted by Drew at 2010-09-07 4:06:09 PM (14 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No update from Drew this week, so enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-08-29 to Sat 2010-09-04:

   Woman dies in helicopter parent crash

   But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is rape, and I am the sun

   Wife of trapped miner finds another hole he was stuck in

   Chinese officials are forcing families with the last name "Shan" to change it, because it requires a character that can't be typed in standard word-processing programs. In fact, you might say, the fit has hit the Shan

   Tapped Chilean miner sends wedding proposal to his sweetheart. Article is useless without picks

   Magistrate decrees logodaedaelian hoosegow cageling may retain his thesaurus. You presented this typescript with a more frumptuous epigraph

   Sheen from yesterday's oil rig explosion downgraded to Estevez

   Truck smashes into apartment building. I guess it's a flat now

   How Christians spoil sex: An alternative view from a missionary's position

   Thousands protest French crackdown on Gypsies. In other news, French President Nicolas Sarkozy is beginning to look ...thinner

   Amana-ccused of throwing air conditioner at police after Rheeming his frigid heir. Tag is for subby


   Favre last night: 0 TDs, 2 INTs. Love him or hate him, it's impressive he can miss all of training camp and be right in playoff form

   Seven-year-old boy attends nearly 500 Orioles games, enjoying dozens of wins

   Jacksonville State, led by a true freshman QB, comes back from 21 to win at Ole Miss. Apparently, Masoli couldn't steal the game


   Geneticists jailbreak apple DNA

   Breast, ovary removal cuts cancer risk. In other exciting news, leg amputation reduces risk of ACL injuries

   Bacteria controlled by magnets build a tiny pyramid, start sacrificing protozoa to Ra


   Christina Hendricks' dress once again wins best role in supporting an actress

   Jennifer Grey worried about competing on "Dancing with the Stars," being put in a corner

   Robert Pattinson was almost crushed to death by an elephant last week. Shockingly, it doesn't involve his Twilight fanbase


   U.S. disappointed at Israel's leading ultra-Orthodox party, Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, for saying all Palestinians should perish. U.S. asks that Israel check Yosef before he wrecks himsef

   Jesse Jackson shows up at rally for green jobs in an Escalade, is dismayed to discover that auto theft is carbon neutral

   Obama says his economic policies halted "bleeding," all but assuring adviser Tim Geithner will win the Nobel Tampon for economics


   I don't know what's worse, the fact that someone suckered in hundreds of people with bogus Take That tickets, or that hundreds of people want to see Take That desperately enough

   Seen another darned liszt of things that depress you? No need for haydn, you can handel it. Just bach it all off with the Mozart Effect

   Coming soon to a store near you: The Rolling Stones Monopoly. Go directly to jail, do not pass Altamont, do not collect $200


   Toyota recalls the Matrix. Whoa. Déjà vu

   Drake University's new "D+" logo shows you may not want to base an advertising campaign on the polling of high school students

   Kia recalls 56,000 Souls. Let the Reaping begin
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A quick note on Digg v4, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/22 - 8/28
Posted by Drew at 2010-08-31 1:19:33 PM (107 comments) | Permalink

I really wasn't planning on making any comment on the new version of Digg, but enough people have asked me about it so here it is. As it so happens, botched site relaunches are something I know a thing or two about.

Back when we were doing Fark TV, someone emailed in a complaint that I've never forgotten. They said they didn't like the show because it was a sketch comedy show that had the name Fark stamped on top. There wasn't really anything Fark about it. You can't just stick the Fark name in there and expect the Fark community to just adopt it as their own, they said. Whoever sent that in was right.

Digg just made the same mistake. They just scrapped their existing site, replaced it with a new one, and told everyone it was Digg. That's what everyone's angry about: it's not Digg, and they really resent being repeatedly told that it is.

As for the actual Diggv4 site concept, I have no idea if it's genius or stupid. I can't tell, maybe it's the next Twitter, maybe it's the next MySpace. Time will tell.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-08-22 to Sat 2010-08-28:

   Oh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day. I cut down trees, I rob some banks, I go to the lavatory. On Friday I'm arrested, and charged with a felony

   Woman gets third tattoo at age 101, apparently unconcerned that it's permanent

   Camel milk expected on European shelves next year. Promoters claim it makes great sheiks

   Two-foot-long alligator found hiding under NYC car. It was apparently subletting it for $1500 a month

   Air bag technology has made it safer for equestrian riders who fall off their horses. That is super, man

   Chiropractor accused of masturbating and ejaculating on woman's back. In other news, a chiropractor actually did something to someone's back

   Man sets world record by spending 114 days with 40 dangerous snakes, beating the previous record held by a congressional staffer

   Vagina tree in Thailand tempts locals to Bangkok

   Woman found dead on wedding day. Now they just have to find something old, something new and something borrowed

   Japanese researchers develop touchable 3D TV images. "This technology could create a virtual museum," said researcher with a straight face

   A tourist snapping photos of a Iranian sunrise is jailed and subjected to "white torture,", which, I don't know for sure, but I think involves brunch and Steely Dan music


   Ben Roethlisberger returns to the field in Steelers' preseason game, seeing his first serious action since early this year in a Georgia women's restroom

   Tiger Woods divorce settlement becomes the most expensive 18 holes he's ever played

   The Rocket faces his toughest opponent yet, U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton. REGGIE REGGIE REGGIE


   Depressed teen plays Xbox 15 hours per day. If only there were a way to console him

   Wired youth in China and Japan are forgetting how to write, eat with forks

   Multitasking DOING ONE THING is for people AT A TIME who don't like WORKS to think BETTER too much


   Jon Gosselin to write book about parenting skills. Hopefully it's thick enough to make a good coaster

   U.S. Marshals fail to take Wesley Snipes to prison. This sounds very, very familiar

   Oprah Winfrey wants to host her talk show's series finale inside a stadium next fall. Wrigley Field would work perfectly; it's never used after August


   "Democrats should run on their record instead of reacting to Republican characterizations of it," says columnist unaware Democrats are not of the phylum Chordata

   It took a microscope and Sharron Angle saying some Congressmen may be enemies of the state, but Harry Reid's spine has finally been located

   Estimates show that there would be fewer jobs and larger deficits under the Republicans' plan. Republicans say that's impossible, they don't have a plan


   Bay City Rollers frontman Les McKeown wants the group to reunite. That seems like a lot of work to get people together to sing just one song

   Jimmy Page is releasing his autobiography later this year. It will contain 500 pages of text, 650 photographs, be individually autographed, and sell for $688 before shipping and handling

   Iron Maiden likes to keep their tours simple, like their fans


   The bad economy makes people rethink renting rather than home ownership, soon be followed by rethinking living with parents, then living on the street, then the sweet sweet release of death

   Sex toys prove recession-proof, inflation-friendly

   Johnson and Johnson recalls hip implants after complaints of hip failure, accelerated Pelvic Thrusts
· · ·

Cats attacking helicopters, the most dangerous of the thrown pies, and a question about the Beaver's hair: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/15 - 8/21
Posted by Drew at 2010-08-24 2:23:20 PM (20 comments) | Permalink

No post from Drew today, so enjoy the headlines.

- Unfreakable

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-08-15 to Sat 2010-08-21:

   Crash victim identified as Cumming man. Well that explains the loss of control

   Adrienne Curry molested at a Star Wars convention while wearing a Slave Leia costume. Police are currently seeking... everyone

   Heat may have killed puppies on American flight, cement their status of most hated NBA team in America

   German students can now earn a master's in sausage appreciation. WURST DEGREE EVER

   Police officers injured after someone aims a laser pointer at their helicopter and thousands of cats attack

   Study finds that having an older brother can delay a girl's sexual maturity by a year. Obviously they've never heard of West Virginia

   Three cheers for the world's oldest newlyweds - HIP HIP, replacement

   Road crosses ruled unconstitutional. Chicken inconsolable

   Booming Brazil is like the U.S. in the 1950's...except for the Beaver's hair, presumably

   Former astronaut Lisa Nowak discharged. I'm not cleaning THAT up

   Man punches horse in head. He must have REALLY hated "Eat, Pray, Love"


   LeBron James in hot water again for tweeting that Gus Johnson was dead, not considering that there was a more famous Gus Johnson who UNBELIEVABLE, OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT A TWEET

   Westbrook signs one-year injury reserve contract with San Francisco

   Olympic figure skater burns down $1 million house while trying to dry a Porsche with a leaf blower. 5.9 - 5.8 - 5.9 - 5.7 - 5.9


   British boy has a condition where he'll die if he falls asleep. Doctors say the boy will be okay, just as long as he doesn't see "Eat Pray Love"

   Scientists say psychedelic drugs could be effective treatments for conditions like depression, OCD, chronic pain, and attacks by the purple banana king of unicorn mountain

   Arizona discovers online maps used by aliens, plans new fence


   "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If your enemy is stronger, join him. If your enemy is Justin Bieber, find better enemies." -- Sun Tzu, "The Art of War"

   Confusion persists regarding whether Dr. Laura was fired or whether she has just been called back to the netherworld to harvest the souls she has collected

   Julianna Margulies is performing network TV's first depiction of oral sex. No wonder the show's called The Good Wife


   Sen. Levin gets hit In the face with Dutch apple pie. Not regular apple pie here, Dutch apple. The most dangerous of all the thrown pies

   47 years after Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, the oratorial super duo of Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are ready to stand in his shoes. I HAVE A DERP  Blagojevich found guilty of lying to the FBI, will soon discover that although his ass is a valuable f*cking thing, he's about to give it away for nothing


   Hellllllo, ladies.... Single male, independent, big on cruising the seas. Handsome and strong with a few extra pounds. Eco-friendly, heart the size of a car and tongue weighing more than an elephant  


   Erykah Badu's naked music video through Dealey Plaza has earned her probation and a fine. The case is considered closed, but there is still a question whether there was just one man shooting video or a second shooter from the grassy knoll

   Like her husband before her, Courtney Love settles

   Man jumps off of a building and onto the stage during a Swell Season's concert, dying upon impact. It was either a suicide attempt or one of the most poorly executed concert reviews ever


   FDA recalls 228 million eggs in an ovary cautious move

   FCC says average cable customer gets half of the advertised broadband speed they pay for. You probably submitted this hours ago and already got a greenlight, but Subby is on Comcast

   Intel buys McAfee for $7.68 billion, or about $19.99 per month with a contract for 384 million months
· · ·

White elephant parties, Juan-on-Juan marriages and Cinco Denied-O: Headlines of the Week for 8/8 - 8/14
Posted by Drew at 2010-08-17 1:02:19 PM (15 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

Since Drew had a long blog posting earlier today, this is just headlines.

For those of you who missed it last week, we had an early nominations thread for Headline of the Year for the months of January-June and I got a lot of good links from that, so thanks to everybody who participated.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-08-08 to Sat 2010-08-14:

   Study finds Australians among world's worst abusers of alcohol, which Fosters an attitude of tolerance

   Rare white elephant given party. Gifts received: Thigh Master, Salad Shooter, and Scrabble with missing letter tiles

   Man impaled on fence. Worst... post... EVER

   Mexican Supreme Court rules all states must recognize Juan on Juan marriages

   Scientists discover secret of what makes something funny, will next try to explain it to modmins

   "Same sex bridal magazine fills void." Well, maybe if you rolled it up

   85-year-old man stung by 500 bees, cancellation of "Matlock"

   Four-month-old Dylan is the first baby born in Hawaii from frozen eggs, although there's no proof of that unless he produces a long-form birth certificate

   British man builds barbecue capable of dealing with 1,000 sausages at once. Your mom sues for trademark infringement

   New monkey species found in Amazon. [ Ħ Add to Cart]

   Eight people shot, four get wings at Buffalo restaurant


   Last place Pirates fired Kerrigan. WHY? WHY? WHY?

   Patriots to win this season's Super Bowl according to this just released Madden 2011 simulation. Looks like the cheat codes have been released as well

   Milton Bradley to have knee surgery. Don't touch the sides...... BUZZZZZZZZ


   Meet the first robot to act like a human. No, it's not Hayden Christensen

   Study shows that Spinal Tap is almost 11/11 in predicting Alzheimer's disease in patients

   A Cincinnati-area father took bad parenting to a new depth by selling his son's console and videogames for drug money, leaving son inconsolable


   Tila Tequila decides to bolster her career by doing lesbian porn and you're still reading this aren't you? Yeah, I didn't think you'd be that interested either, I was just hoping for a greenlight

   Paris Hilton involved in hair extension lawsuit. I WANT TO BE WEAVED

   Snooki: "I would like to trademark my name." US Patent Office: "Funny you should ask that. Do you know what my favorite Mexican holiday is?" Snooki: "What's that?" US Patent Office: "CINCO DENIED-O"


   Obama eliminates his Transparency Czar. We think. At least, that's what sources are telling us

   Obama approves bill to provide 1,500 new border patrol agents. They will supposedly hand out bottles of water and maps to incoming unregistered democrats

   Sarah Palin is the most popular Republican...amongst Republicans who say they've smoked pot. Suddenly, this starts making sense


   The Sex Pistols to launch their own fragrance, tentatively called Eau De Vicious, which is said to contain hints of malt liquor, pepper spray and restraining order

   Funk legend who played with James Brown, Parliament-Funkadelic and the The Rubber Band, Phelps "Catfish" Collins passes away, further reducing our nation's already critically endangered supply of music legends with cool nicknames

   Stone Temple Pilots' first show in Colorado started with Scott Weiland coughing and wheezing his way through their first song. He wasn't used to being so high


   "99ers", people who have been unemployed for more than 99 weeks plan rally on Wall St. to demand extension of uemployment benefits. Rally organizers expect large turnout if there's nothing good on Oprah

   Expedia, Delta, and Bank of America team up, form bad customer service Voltron

   *Spins wheel* Oracle is suing *throws dart* Google over *rolls dice* Java
· · ·

Drew's grandfather--a former minister--passed away this weekend. To honor him, here's something he wrote that some folks may find interesting
Posted by Drew at 2010-08-17 9:41:40 AM, edited 2010-08-17 11:47:19 AM (204 comments) | Permalink

On Sunday, my grandfather Samuel Blake Ellis passed away due to complications from Parkisons and Alzheimers at the age of 88.

He wrote the following thoughts on God about 10 years ago. I wanted to pass it on because I thought it was interesting to see the thought process of someone took issue with certain details regarding his religion yet still found a way to stick to the most important points. He was a retired Methodist minister.


Please do not take offense at what I am going to say. In no way do I mean to belittle your beliefs. And please don't don't worry about my "salvation," whatever that may mean to you. My beliefs really serve me well.

I am grateful that over the years I have never been looked down on for asking questions.

"When I was a child I thought like a child...". Children are apt to interpret things literally. No where is this more true than in the realm of religion. All of my playmates were from Roman Catholic families, and we were all aware that there was a difference between Catholics and Protestants.

As a child I felt I knew all about God, but as the years have gone by I find that I agree less and less with the things I've been told about God. Even as a very young person I got away from that kind of thinking, for it didn't fit with some other ideas of God that meant more to me. For example, I was taught, and I still believe, that God is Love, and that God is inextricably related to the welfare of all people. Believing that, I cannot believe that God purposely allows disasters of fire, flood, and earthquake, to say nothing of individual personal pain in the form of physical impairment, bereavement, divorce, assault, automobile accident, etc.

Another idea that I have discarded is that God is all-powerful. If God is a god of love and also all-powerful, God certainly would not cause the difficulties I've just mentioned. If God were all-powerful he would not allow them to happen. So, they must happen in spite of any power that God may have. So, for me, God cannot be both all-powerful and loving.

Take the illustration of a disaster such as an airplane crash that results in some persons dying and others surviving. When I read of parents of a survivor thanking their god for saving their beloved family member I feel like asking them, "What kind of god is this who is willing to save some people, but is unable (or unwilling) to save others?

One thing I am very sure about is that God is neither male nor female, even though I've been using the masculine pronoun for want of one that is adequate. Particularly in the last ten or fifteen years or so of my ministry I became sensitized to the alienation and hurt we males have inflicted upon women and girls by the language we use. And clergy males are no less to blame than lay men.

Once, at the beginning of a meeting of clergy, we were asked to introduce ourselves by name, and then tell what were the best or the worst things that had been part of our lives in our recent past. With a gesture that included all the people in the group, a man spoke of the love and concern he had felt recently from "all my brothers in the ministry" during his recent illness. A young female minister two seats away from him who had sent him a note of encouragement, introduced herself in turn and noted that the worst thing that had happened to her was learning just now that she was a brother of the male minister. It was said gently, and with a touch of humor, but it made very clear how thoughtless we men sometimes are.

At this point I can't resist telling you the story about a rocket that had been sent into space. It fell to earth one Sunday morning just outside a church where a service was in progress. The landing made such a noise that the congregation and minister rushed out to find the rocket stuck firmly in the ground, and there, wonder of wonders, was an angel sitting on the nose cone. When the hubbub had died down, the minister, as spokesperson, posed a question directly to the angel.

Minister: Blessed Angel, we welcome you to Earth. We are honored by your presence. We pray that you would be so kind as to answer a question that you, as a citizen of Heaven, are eminently qualified to clarify.
Angel: I am happy to be with you, and I shall try to answer your question.
Minister: We would like to know, What is God like?
Angel: (after several moments in deep thought) Well, first of all, she's black...!

And that reminds me of what a parishioner said to me when he learned that I was about to retire. Said he in a derogatory manner, "I suppose the bishop will appoint a woman to be our pastor." And, trying to answer in a light manner, I responded, "Yes, and she will probably be black." What made it interesting was that the bishop did indeed appoint a woman, and she was indeed very black.

At my final service of worship before her arrival I did something to symbolize my desire that she be welcomed warmly. I hoped also that what I did would indicate clearly that I would no longer be pastor to this congregation. At the close of the service, using appropriate words, I took off my black clerical robe and placed it upon the altar as an indication that the person who was coming would take up the robe, and with it, the ministering of the congregation that had been my responsibility until then.


The Dancing Wu Li Masters by Gary Zukav (1979, Morrill Quill Paperbacks) is a physics book dealing with subatomic physics written for the lay person, which has opened an exciting new view of creation for me and has forced me to rethink my place as one human being in the universe as well as my old ideas about god.

Writings by Carl Sagan

One of the most important ideas that has changed my religious outlook is my discovery that pure chance appears to be what decides things in the sub-atomic physical world. Of course this runs counter to the idea that God purposely directs every single thing that happens.

For me, however, it provides a satisfactory answer to the old problem of evil. That subject has puzzled and bedeviled people for centuries, and perhaps even farther back in prehistory before there were any formal theologians. There has always been a feeling on the part of humans that if they were good, however that was defined, they would be rewarded, and that if they were bad they would be punished.

In our own lives we know that this is not the way it works. Oh, we can try to rationalize by saying that in some mysterious manner it must be for the best that the mother of three little children was killed in an automobile accident. God must have had a good reason for willing, or at least allowing, that sort of thing to happen.

I don't buy that. Rabbi Kushner, in his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, does an excellent job of expressing how impossible it would be to respect that kind of god. Also, my own personal experience tells me quite convincingly that good people do not always receive a blessing, and bad people do not always get their just desserts.

I suppose that the ideas of heaven and hell came into being in order to explain that it would only be fair that each person get what he or she deserves If that doesn't happen while the person is alive it seems only right that it should happen in some other life beyond death. That would mean that the good people in this life would go to heaven and bad people would go to hell. That helps many people to feel better when humans don't get what they deserve-either eternal peace or eternal damnation-before they die.

I believe that fairness (justice) is not life's major operating principle. After all, what did I ever do to deserve being born into a loving family where I always had the necessities of life? What terrible thing did a child starving in Ethiopia do to deserve suffering and starvation? How is it that one child is born to an alcoholic mother who doesn't want it, and another child is born to parents who will love and nurture it to responsible adulthood?

Heaven and hell solve the problem for many people, but it doesn't for me. The best explanation I have is that such eventualities come about by chance. Which simply means that all babies are born without being consulted or having any choice in the matter.

The question, "Why me?", asked when cancer strikes, is not taken seriously by those who answer in a supercilious manner with the question, "Why not you?". I love that Old Testament character, Job, who was not patient at all (although crossword puzzles sometimes define him as the epitome of patience) with his friends who kept trying to convince him that he must have done something terribly sinful to have deserved the sorrow and pain that they thought God visited upon him. Job maintained before them and before his God that he was not guilty of anything that merited his suffering.

Many a human being has felt as Job did, and the argument that God, by inflicting pain and suffering, is merely meting out just punishment for unknown sin, is certainly not worthy of a good god. The god Job's friends believed in is not my god.

In the realm of nature, think of the fact that only one of millions of sperm cells succeeds in fertilizing an ovum, and all the rest fail. Why that particular one? Or, what about the fact that an average of only two out of some 700,000 eggs laid by a Pacific salmon ever reach maturity? Why those particular two and not some other two? Given the relevant facts, we can determine what the probabilities are for survival, but we can not say just which specific eggs will produce the survivors. We can predict that a certain number of lives will be lost in automobile accidents for every ten million miles driven, but we cannot be specific and tell by name who the victims will be.

Both fortuitous and hurtful happenings seem to be distributed by chance, and that would be very discouraging if it were not for some other important factors. In other words, if chance were the only operating power we might as well forget about justice, righteousness, and love. We could live any old way we wanted to, because nothing we could do would make a difference in the outcome. The fact is, however, that how we deal with good fortune and bad fortune does make a big difference.

I firmly believe that there is a manner of living which is exceedingly valuable, and I call that way of life Christianity. I hasten to say that I don't believe in everything that has been called Christianity. But, I do wholeheartedly believe in the kind of Christianity that is depicted in the gospels of the New Testament as they reveal the spirit of Jesus. And it is the spirit that is important to me. There are also Old Testament instances that give evidence of that spirit. I firmly believe that the spirit of goodness is not restricted to persons who call themselves Christians. Neither does it belong to any time period in history.

I know it's hard to talk about God as spirit, for spirit is something ethereal, out of reach of the five senses, and yet it's something that we human beings give life to. The idea of God as a superhuman being who is somewhat like us is very pervasive, but I don't believe that there is such a "being" beyond the lives of humans.

My God is goodness itself, a quality of spirit. The spirit I think of as my God, the essence of Goodness, lives where-and at those moments when-a human being gives life to the spirit of love. Love is only an idea until it is expressed in action by a human being; then it becomes a reality!

I don't believe in a literal heaven up in the sky or in a hell that is somewhere in the fiery bowels of the earth. I don't believe in a literal, physical, resurrection of Jesus or in a virgin birth. Some of the parishioners whom I served over the years would be distressed by those statements. I hope that they don't disturb you, but if they do, remember that you don't have to believe as I do. Every person has a right-and a duty-to hold fast his or her own beliefs. You have a right to yours whatever they may be. However, please remember that it's a sign of growth to be willing to give up even long-held beliefs in favor of new ones that you find to be more meaningful.

Religious beliefs are not simply to be mouthed; they should guide and direct personal day-to-day living. Saying we believe something, simply because we have been told by some authority that we ought to believe it, is not good enough. In our childhood we naturally take on beliefs that our parents hold. We hang on to them until our own experience gives us good reason to change them. But, to hold onto beliefs that were passed down to us when we were children if they no longer make sense is to be less than honest with ourselves.

I've heard a story, which may or may not be true, about a young wife who always cut a slice off a roast before she put it in the roasting pan. One day her husband asked why she did that. Her answer was that her mother always did it, and so it must be the right way to prepare a roast, but she agreed to ask her mother about it. When she did, her mother answered that she always cut a slice off the roast because she didn't have a roasting pan big enough for the whole thing.

There's nothing wrong with questioning custom, and there's nothing wrong with questioning our religious beliefs either. It's easy enough to question the beliefs of others, but I'm talking about our own beliefs. Those that can't stand up under our own questioning ought to be discarded, don't you think? I think that a reason some people don't have anything to do with organized religion is that they have questioned certain religious practices and beliefs and have found them wanting. The sad part is that these folks don't investigate anything else.

I'll never forget a visit I made to a man who, I was warned by well-meaning parishioners, was an atheist. In the course of our conversation he enumerated a number of things that he didn't believe. He was somewhat taken aback when I told him that I didn't believe those things either.

There's a lot of superstition in religion, but there is also much that can enrich the lives of human beings. As a result of learning about the attitude and teachings of Jesus through reading about them, and through seeing them work in the lives of others, and experiencing how they have worked in my own life when I have had the courage to practice them, I have come to embrace the following credo.

My understanding of the message of Jesus is that his God wants people to enjoy this life that they have been launched into without their consent. Jesus demonstrated how best to find that joy. Jesus likened his God to a father who loves his children. (He might have chosen a mother image, but in his day it was the father who was the person who was responsible for the family.) To have a father who loved his children in spite of their waywardness was a powerful picture illustrating the spirit he considered to be the greatest Good.

I don't see the God of Jesus as being especially interested in having people bow down before him, or having people do certain acts of kindness and mercy for his benefit. The emphasis of Jesus was not on duty to God, but rather on trying to help people discover how to live happy, valuable, satisfying, good (godly) lives-lives lived in a spirit of goodwill. Apparently Jesus felt that his God would be happy if people lived in such a way that they would be happy. That makes sense to me. After all, isn't it good when we and those we love are happy persons? Don't good parents want their children to be happy persons?.

I believe that I ought to respect all people and treat them with the kind of non-judgmental understanding that I would want to receive from them.

I believe that being good is its own reward. It is futile to "do good" for the purpose of getting a reward. Doing good, and dwelling on that goodness, is the kind of pride that breeds dissatisfaction and resentment when we don't get the recognition and praise from others that we think our moral superiority deserves. And, if I should get praise for being (or doing) good, I would probably begin to believe that I am superior to others. But, doing good and trying to be a good person simply because it is a satisfying way for me to live eliminates any need for the praise of others and allows me to move on to the next adventure with a light and happy heart.

I believe that the only person I can change is myself. If others make changes, good or bad, in their lives because they have known me, it is because they choose to do so. I have no power to coerce them into changing. Nor do I want such power, because that would make them my slaves and take away from them any joy they might find in directing their own lives.

Instead of trying to list all of the rest of the beliefs that have been meaningful to me and have helped me to have a wonderful, satisfying life, let me simply commend to you the teachings of Jesus.

For me, Jesus was not God, nor even a god (small g) but simply a man, a human being, who understood quite clearly the most satisfying way to live his human life. And, don't tell me that makes Jesus "just an ordinary human being." Just the opposite; it means that he was an extraordinary human being. His life was lived in a spirit that defines what goodness (Godliness, if you'd rather say it that way) really is.

I also want to say something about the Church. The Church is certainly imperfect. I find that there are many things in church dogma that I cannot abide. Superstition and belief in magic are still rampant. There are some people who are hard to get along with. There are, however, many church people who are the salt of the earth. And, the Church is the only institution I know which encourages and recommends to all that we search for and practice the highest qualities of human life that we can find. I owe a great deal to the Church. It has given me a wonderful opportunity to practice, in a safe setting, the kind of Christianity I have tried to live outside the Church where there's little safety.

So, to sum up, I don't know much about what or who your God is, but I have enjoyed life as a part of the Church, and have found a great deal of satisfaction in trying to live life in a spirit of goodwill. I like to think I'm getting a little better at it as time goes on.

Oh, but "What about the creation of the universe?", you ask. "Who did that?" I knew you'd be asking that, because I've asked it of myself many times. My answer at the present time is that I don't know, and it doesn't worry me one bit.

For all I know, there may not have been any beginning at all. Maybe the universe is eternal with no beginning and no ending. Our minds, as amazing and wonderful as they are, seem incapable of imagining anything that has no beginning and no ending, but that may say more about our limitations than about the reality of the universe.

So far, nobody has discovered any boundaries to the universe. New telescopes help scientists to discover galaxies and "black holes" at greater and greater distances from us. Of course, they may not even be in existence now, because of the length of time it has taken their light to reach us.

I know about the Big Bang theory, but for me that doesn't explain how the universe was created. There must have been something that BANGED! I have to admit that my mind can't fathom nothing, Anyway, what difference does it make in the way we live with other people and with our environment here on earth today?

Astronomy and astrophysics are fascinating subjects. I'd like to know more about them. And I think it's great that there are people who probe the mysteries of space and time. I respect them. But when I read about astrophysics and, at the other end of the spectrum, the world of subatomic particles, I find myself coming back to the idea that there might be no beginning or ending to what we call the universe.

But, you say, "The Bible says that 'In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth,' doesn't it?" Sure it does, and if you have to have a beginning, that may be the best way of saying it. It simply means that the person who first expressed that idea of God couldn't understand how creation could have come about. The humans he knew couldn't have created it, so he (perhaps she?) decided that a superhuman, supernatural power must have done it somehow for some unknown reason. Maybe the creator was lonely so he made people; maybe he liked color and therefore made sunsets and flowers; maybe he liked to travel so he stretched out the universe so that there would be more room. Maybe! But I see that kind of reasoning as strengthening my belief that we humans create our gods according to our own definitions of goodness.

That leads me to say a few things about the Bible. I encourage you to read the Bible as if you had never before heard of it. Read it, and pay attention to what is written there. Try to remember you're reading it as if you had never heard anything about this book. That's hard, because you have heard about it; you have heard some people say that it must be believed as the literal Word of God, and when you read that the sun stood still you ought to believe that the sun actually stopped at some point between its rising and its setting. And when you read of an axe floating in water you should believe it because it's in the Bible. But, try to read it as if you never heard that you ought to believe such things.

Notice that there are a couple of biblical stories about the beginnings of things, and that the stories don't agree. You'll find these stories in the first two chapters of the first book in the Bible. Many times in history we humans have simply attributed to a superhuman being those things that we couldn't explain.

You will find that in one place the Bible record says "They shall beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks", and in another place it says precisely the opposite. There will be a lot of other things that you'll read in the Bible that don't agree with each other or with scientific knowledge discovered since the writing of the Bible by humans of a bygone age. So, what are you going to do with this book of books? I suggest that you use the same methods of criticism that you'd use with any other book.

Human beings wrote what is in the Bible, and other human beings, men in council meetings, (we assume all of them were males) chose to include certain writings instead of numerous other writings that were also available. And human beings were just as fallible in making choices then as we are today.

It would be laughable, were it not so sad, that there are people who try to make Bible texts fit their pre-conceived idea that everything in the Bible is historically factual. Picture all the animal life on earth going two-by two into a big boat (the ark) to be saved from a world-wide flood that destroyed everything else. Of course no boat could be big enough to hold all that life for more than forty days and forty nights along with all the food necessary to keep them alive.

Probably most of the people who say we should believe the story as literal history don't even know that in the sixth and seventh chapters of Genesis Noah is told to take two of every kind of animal at one point while at another point there are to be seven pairs of "clean" animals and birds in the ark along with only one pair of each animal that was not considered "clean".

Please understand that I am not saying that the Bible is worthless; I am simply saying that we ought to use our intelligence and understanding of the various forms of literature we find in the Bible.

One of the reasons that I went into the ministry was because I felt that there had to be an approach to the Bible that was different from what my minster believed. He said in a sermon in my hearing that God had given us television so that we could watch the battle of Armageddon, which he interpreted as marking the end of the world. I mentioned earlier how this same minister warned teen-agers that they should never consider the idea of evolution; if they did they would not be welcome in his church.

The better business bureau tells us that if a deal looks too good to be true, it probably is; beware of it. I would say that if something you read in the Bible is too fantastic to be believed literally, it is probably not literal fact. You may read some of the teachings of Jesus in the New Testament that seem to be too good to be true, or too fantastic to be literally so or impossible to live in this life. You may want to test them. I'm talking about such teachings as the Golden Rule and the teachings in what has been called "The Sermon on the Mount." Go ahead; check them out; put them into action; test them. It will be well worth your while.

I don't want to give the impression that I agree with him 100%. However I like the overall message. Hope you find it useful.

- Drew
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