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A very brief note on the patent lawsuit, and then Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/9 - 1/15
Posted by Drew at 2011-01-18 3:25:33 PM (182 comments) | Permalink

Sup everybody, I don't have much to add to the Headline of the Week writeup this week. I've got my head down in this patent lawsuit thing that you probably already heard about. I'll have more for you on that soon, but in the meantime we're gearing up for a horrifically expensive legal fight.

We're hoping it won't go that way, but others who have been in similar situations have spent a lot of time (i.e. years) and a metric assload of money proving their innocence. I'll tell you more about it later.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-01-09 to Sat 2011-01-15:

img.fark.net  Smoking could disappear by 2050. Unlikely tag laughs and coughs up some brown phlegm    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Bank building badly damaged on 9/11 is finally scheduled to come down. Truthers to be watching carefully for signs of controlled demolition    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Lizzie Borden museum gets the ax    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  To battle contraband cellphones, state prisons may start jamming them, which, ironically, is how they usually come into a prisoner's possesion to begin with    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Scientists using ginger to attract endangered stags. Proving once and for all that she is hotter than Mary Ann    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Do not cure sides of beef by stringing them from your roof; the steaks are just too high    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Accountant's blood alcohol was more than five times the legal limit when he parked in the middle of the highway to sleep. Guess he couldn't handle his ten fortys    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Moose attacks skier and dog. Squirrel accomplice in custody, considered flight risk    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Proof the town just ain't what it used to be: Vegas showgirl found dismembered and encased in concrete turns out to have nothing to do with the mob, instead was whacked by one of the fruity French clown guys from Cirque du Soliel    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Massive quake hits South Pacific. Oklahoma OK    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Wikipedia is ten years old [celebration needed]    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Dead bird epidemic continues: 53 eagles found dead on a field in Philadelphia    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Favre to bail his sister out of jail. *UPDATE* Favre to let her sit in jail. *UPDATE 2* Favre to bail her out. *UPDATE* Maybe    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Cam Newton to take pay cut by declaring for the NFL draft    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  How to make snow ice cream. Hmmmmm, this makes no mention of how to get it in a stunning yellow hue like my older brother used to make    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Nobel prize winning scientist claims to have proof that DNA can transport itself across short distances, although it reaches further if you have a quick rest between experiments    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  How PhDs talk: Reverse Dispersal Translocation obviates need for lethal option. Human translation: If we plant bushes the prairie dogs will stay away and we won't have to poison them    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Matt Damon vows to do his own Bourne movie. Look for Still Bourne some time in 2013    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "Taylor Swift is the new Jennifer Aniston." Wow... that was unnecessarily harsh    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  The Trump gods are displeased by your lack of viewership of civilian Apprentice, and have cast their plagues upon you. YOU SHALL NOW SUFFER GARY BUSEY, MEAT LOAF AND A REAL HOUSEWIFE    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  Manufacturers ask GOP Chair of the House Oversight Committee to eliminate regulation of toxic dumping, worker health, and air pollution. Chair asks if he can get them a cappucino while he's up    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Obama pleads for civility, deletion of Politics tab, in message of healing    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Openly gay man marries straight woman for art project. In subby's day, you just rubbed your genitals in paint, ejaculated on a canvas, and called it a day    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Lady Gaga teams up with Polaroid. More on this story as it develops    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  What's-her-name doesn't want you to forget her    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Tom Waits says all proceeds from his poetry book will go towards eliminating the homeless problem. Probably because he's tired of people mistaking him for one of them    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  Best Buy is expanding their buy back program to buy back your old stuff but you have to buy into the buy back program when you first buy the stuff at Best Buy. Well.. bye    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  British banker's monocle falls out as he insists his $14 million bonus this year is an act of self-restraint    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Fiat's Turin plant workers approve new union contract, the details of which are shrouded in secrecy    img.fark.net
· · ·

Drew is currently unavailable for comment from the Bering Sea, but here are some of Fark's favorite headlines from 1/2 - 1/8
Posted by Drew at 2011-01-11 12:57:57 PM (24 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No posting from Drew this week; his last update was from the Fark.com Satellite Office on the F/V Time Bandit and he was in full caps-lock mode in Dutch Harbor less than 12 hours ago. So I'm just gonna presume that Drew's last terrifying brush with sobriety was a while ago.

While we wait for that story to emerge, here are a few of Fark's favorite headlines from last week. Carrion.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2011-01-02 to Sat 2011-01-08:

img.fark.net  Car hits pig, knocking out a headlight. Pig is said to be re..reco..recov..recover... He's fine    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Cambodian wedding held for two snakes. Ceremony almost cancelled when one wanted his diamondback    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Saudi Arabian officials have reportedly arrested a vulture suspected of being a Mossad spy. Nothing to see here, carrion    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Nude burglar claims he was tripping on acid, thought he was God. Police are Leary    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Long Island food bank to hand out Snuggies to the homeless in exchange for dignity    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  England and Scotland brace themselves for four inches, as their womenfolk have been doing for years    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Valet's life saved when bullet strikes the cell phone in his shirt pocket. Valet downplayed the situation, as the impact was still less painful than dealing with AT&T    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Man keeps dead dad in closet for five years. Family considers pressing suit    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Friends say Omaha school gunman was fun, outgoing, aimed high    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  British terror alert status upgraded to "What's all this, then?"    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  A Maine woman arrested for stabbing her husband in the back did it because, "I can't stand him and he drives me nuts." Bangor Daily? I bet he wishes he didn't    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Three Chicago Bears go to a local grocery store to bag groceries for lucky fans. Jay Cutler didn't go since he already gets sacked enough    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Seattle stuns New Orleans, are now one win away from .500    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Rex Ryan has a new favorite right foot    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  New study says elderly adults with tooth loss more likely to get dementia, Alzheimer's, jobs at WalMart    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  New dual telescope view of Andromeda galaxy shows birth and death of stars. Not sure if Sirius    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Hidden literary references discovered in the Mona Lisa. Nobody says ANYTHING about this to Dan Brown, do you understand?    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Lindsay Lohan: "Everyone is out to get me." I think we can rule casting directors out of this statement, Lindsay    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Bono and The Edge to start attending all performances of Spider-Man musical, because it's not officially a disaster area until Bono goes there    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  History Channel decides not to air 'The Kennedys' miniseries, saying "It's not a fit for the History brand. But stay tunned for another episode of Ice Road Truckers"    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  White House press secretary is stepping down. Will now earn money not answering questions in the private sector    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Roseanne Barr and Ted Nugent spar on Anderson Cooper's show. This is like watching a couple of mentally handicapped kids fight each other in the ball pit at Chuck-E-Cheese    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Ted Haggard to star in new reality special, which will probably be something like "Breaking Bad" meets "Boy Meets Boy"    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Toni Braxton might unwear her dress for Playboy    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Illness forced to respect Aretha Franklin    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  If you've ever thought "man, I'd give my right arm to drum in a Def Leppard tribute band", opportunity is knocking (with one hand)    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  Next generation of Intel chips will refuse to copy movies, open pod bay doors    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Lawsuit against Netflix and Walmart accuses the two companies of conspiring to run Blockbuster out of business. Pfft. As if Blockbuster can't do that by themselves    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  FHM creates sexy "stealth" ad that can only be seen from a low angle. So instead of asking you why you're watching smut at work, your boss will ask you why you're crouching behind your desk with a boner    img.fark.net
· · ·

Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2010 Headline of the Year contest
Posted by Drew at 2011-01-04 3:04:05 PM (110 comments) | Permalink

Below are the winners and runners-up for Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2010. We put this together a few years ago to give special recognition to the funny submitters that have given us all so many laughs over the course of the year, and also as a way to recap some of our favorites.

Although there are a lot of funny headlines here, there are a lot more that were great but ultimately didn't get enough votes to win this contest. Below are the results of the Headline of the Year contest based on your votes.

HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline
(submitter: crimsin23 )

Runner-up: Baby Jesus stolen from church nativity. Maybe they should try nailing him down
(submitter: Sybarite )

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Golfer Melissa Reid bitten by snake between holes. Sounds like she should have tightened up her stance a little
(submitter: ElusiveWookiee )

Runner-up: Sports radio host compares Tim Tebow to a Nazi, which is ridiculous considering the Nazis had a devastating air attack
(submitter: MisterLoki )


GEEK HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Turns out the US Army has a Twitter feed. The French army has one too, but they only use it to retweet
(submitter: Masterdog )

Runner-up: For only $34,000 you can buy a video game that teaches your child abstinence, or you could just spend 50 bucks, buy them World of Warcraft and let nature take its course
(submitter: mitchcumstein1 )


SHOWBIZ HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Michael J Fox says Parkinson's improved his life, speed at which his Polaroids develop
(submitter: danduran )

Runner-up: Katy Perry in bikini and now that all the straight men have already clicked the link, we can communicate freely; the revolution starts tonight. Leave no survivors. Triumph will finally be ours over the straight males
(submitter: Jonathan Hohensee )

POLITICS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Senate panel approves bill banning the word "retarded" from federal laws, opting for more politically correct "Palin-American"
(submitter: krelborne )

Runner-up: The small print: tampons fall under taxable items with ObamaCare. Republicans warned you there'd be strings attached
(submitter: FlyingJ )

MUSIC HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Jim Morrison to be pardoned today. Come on baby right my prior
(submitter: queenalice )

Runner-up: Fans of Kanye West joining together to demand that he perform in Helsinki. Imma let you Finnish
(submitter: Dr.Fey )

BUSINESS HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Euro touches 11-month bottom, has a seat right over there

(submitter: NewportBarGuy )

Runner-up: Former CEO of Bank of America charged with fraud, $39 overdraft fee, $10 notification fee, $25 low balance fee, and $7 loss fee
(submitter: andrew131 )


CONTEXT HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: *facepalm*
(submitter: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener )

Runner-up: MEMEMEMEME MEMEMEME MEMEMEMEMEME {{boom}}
(submitter: thebigwhitewolf )

WORDPLAY/PUN HEADLINE OF THE YEAR: Cops arrest driver who threw potato at a pedestrian who did not have her eyes peeled. Story to the left, common taters to the right
(submitter: ozone )

Runner-up: Police suspect flees biting dog
(submitter: shopball )


Congratulations and kudos to the winners!

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-12-26 to Sat 2011-01-01:

img.fark.net  15,000 lose power in Connecticut. More like Disconnecticut, AMIRITE?    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Tattoo parlor fire-bombed. First responders report several people horribly disfigured, but say no one was actually hurt    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Nearly 70 dead bats found in Arizona. Isn't it a little early for spring training news about the Cubs?    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Authorities say European anarchists are much more sophisticated and better organized these days, while seemingly still unaware of the irony of this development    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Earthquake hits Central Indiana. Hundreds of thousands of acres reported to be flattened, desolate, uninhabitable wasteland. Oh wait...nevermind    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  All 100 cars in pileup in North Dakota    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Man strips to his underwear at airport checkpoint in protest of TSA searches. TSA appreciates the effort, calls him an 'early adopter'    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Gun battle today between homeowner and unlicensed invasive extrajudicial wealth redistributor    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Baby, if you've ever wondered, wondered whatever became of me, I'm flying through the air in Cincinnati, Cincinnati W-I-N-D    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Ancient fortress in Tel Aviv home to ancient lesbian urn. What's an ancient lesbian urn? About three drachmas an hour    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Fire closes water ride at Universal Studios. What on earth will wind up being the cause?    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  TSA to ban Jay Cutler for his apparent ease at taking down Jets    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Brett Favre fined $12,500 per inch    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Metrodome out of commission until March, then will take several agonizing months deciding whether or not to retire    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  New study claims drinking water can help you lose weight. Best results noted if you're on vacation in Mexico    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Neanderthals cooked their vegetables "just like humans." Where they got microwaves from is anyone's guess    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Under certain circumstances, Jell-O hooked up to an electroencephalograph can display readings similar to human brain. Which explains the Politics tab    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Miley Cyrus wants to turn over new leaf in 2011. How long until she smokes that new leaf, I have no idea    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Five things to know about Kim Kardashian's new boyfriend Kris Humphries, while he tries to figure out why his side of the bed was already warm    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "Full House" star Candace Cameron Bure suffered from bulimia, was urged by Dave Coulier to CUT (✂) IT (☞) OUT (☜)  


Politics:

img.fark.net  Congress to open next session with reading of Constitution. Please don't tell them how it ends. They've gone out of their way not to hear anything about it yet    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Boston may replace convicted city councilor Chuck "blame the Irish" Turner with son of convicted state senator Dianne "bra-stuffer" Wilkerson. His four arrests give him an early lead    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "Anderson Cooper 360" apparently refers to the number of people watching his show    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Teena Marie, Motown's first white act, dead at 54. Best known for somehow surviving working with Rick James while only 19 years old    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  DMX admitted to jail's mental health unit. Y'ALL GONNA MAKE HIM LOSE HIS MIND UP IN THERE, UP IN THERE    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Sebastian Bach to divorce his wife of 18 years, has life to go    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  The high-tech matchup that everyone has been waiting for-Sears and Roxio team up to offer on-line movies. Plans to develop new "virtual out-of-stock" technology    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Hotel washes every coin they receive in an effort to stop some weirdo's ass-penny scheme    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Borders approaches Chapter 11 in their choose your own adventure novel    img.fark.net
· · ·

Wrapping up Headline of the Year voting for 2010 and an idea on how to make the contests better for 2011, as well as Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/19 - 12/25
Posted by Drew at 2010-12-29 1:06:02 PM (57 comments) | Permalink

Hey everybody, we're down to the end of the Headline of the Year contest. The Headline of the Year contest for Main went live last week, and all of the Headline of the Year contests for the subtabs are now live for the Sports, Geek, Showbiz, Politics, Music, and Business subtabs. We also are doing the first-ever contest for Context Headline of the Year, which is for headlines that are great in conjunction with the linked article.

We're also working on the usual end-of-year threads, and will be pushing those out today for weirdest linked story the year, biggest dumbass, parents of the year, and the puns/wordplay contest as well.

One thing that we discussed was taking this off the strict calendar-year basis that we have it on right now. We could make November 30 the cutoff date, and include this year's December in next year's consideration. It wouldn't be a purely calendar-year competition anymore, but it would let us get the contests out a little sooner for you, and it would also give December submitters a fair shake, since the headlines below didn't get included in Headline of the Year consideration. Tell us what you think.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-12-19 to Sat 2010-12-25:

img.fark.net  Special victims unit detective accused of putting his special unit in victim    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Man stabbed in Woolloongabba. I'm not familiar with these hoity-toity medical terms    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Al Qaeda mulled the idea of poisoning US salad bars. Luckily for us, Americans don't eat salad    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Man caught hiding in pharmacy ceiling charged with burglary, disturbing sanctuary of the Divine Feline Observer of Your Self-Stimulation    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Moms who take iron supplements more likely to have kids who attend magnet schools    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  The average man experiences just under three hours of orgasms in his lifetime. That's shorter than "Titanic," but far less painful    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Male/female shopping styles evolved from hunter/gatherers, can be seen at malls: females browse and forage, males want to kill someone    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Honey is a good cure for hangovers, say scientists, but caution that her rates are high and she only accepts cash    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Cops say that the factory worker who was trapped inside a canoe-making oven ignored the warning that you can't have your kayak and heat it too    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Hog boss charged with hazards; will have to duke it out in court    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Armed man at Mormon temple meets Saints sooner than Latter    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Pacquiao to fight Mosley May 7. It's the only way the Pac Man can get May weather in the ring    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Drunk driver who killed pitcher sentenced to 51 years as catcher    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Jamie Moyer plans to come back and pitch again. This is not a repeat from 1912    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  China opens restaurant staffed by robots. Yes, the robots are designed to serve man    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  The next Mars rover will carry a laser. YOU HEAR THAT, MARTIANS?    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Device creates fuel from sunlight. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that World of Warcraft players didn't invent this    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Papyrus font expected to get a full workout as James Cameron prepares an "Avatar Bible"    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Model Charles DeVoe dead; exact cause of death not yet determined, but authorities haven't ruled out poiiisooooon    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  'LOTR' star divorces for a fourth time. One does not simply walk into marriage    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  Sarah Palin has flaws. Also, Drew, there's a bug that won't let me use the newsflash tag with this headline    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "If Arnold Schwarzenegger can be governor, why can't George Lopez be the mayor of Los Angeles?" Because Arnold Schwarzenegger was good for a laugh, that's why    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Senate ratifies nuke pact, delivering win to Obama, people who don't want to be vaporized    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Lady Gaga hates Christmas. She's free to deck the halls with STFU    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Justin Bieber to collaborate with Rascal Flatts. Apparently, the apocalypse has a twangy, whiny sound    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  50 Cent's Connecticut mansion burglarized. Police arrived on the scene to find a man drinking wine in one of the closets; confirm it was not R. Kelly    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  The woman who made James Bond drink Smirnoff and drive a BMW is dead at 49. This headline was submitted on my Apple computer, perched on my Eames desk, while I'm sitting in my Herman Miller Aeron chair    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Online ad spending overtakes newspapers. That may be so, but do online ads feature the Jumbles? Do they?    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  TransUnion says the eight people left with good credit will be driving the majority of auto sales next year    img.fark.net
· · ·

The last batch of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/12 - 12/18, and an update on the 2010 Headline of the Year contest
Posted by Drew at 2010-12-21 3:59:33 PM (38 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

Wrapping up the end of the year Headline of the Year contest, the batch below will be the last ones included in the December nominations so that we're not still running the contest in January.

The voting is still active for Headline of the Year Quarterfinals - Round 3, and you can see the previous Headline of the Year threads for Round 1 and Round 2

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-12-12 to Sat 2010-12-18:

img.fark.net  Sperm stem cells altered into insulin-producing cells to treat diabetes. Researchers say a cure for diabetes is about to come any moment now    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  JFK's secretary's handwritten list of possible assassination suspects now up for auction. Numerous bidders hoping to get a shot at it    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Software engineer in custody after reformatting and partitioning his wife    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Alaska sues over fish restriction. Clearly, freedom is an Aleutian    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Italian doctors, nurses asked not to snort cocaine while on duty. Sheesh. Micromanage much?    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Drunk woman spinning donuts in police parking lot fails to draw any attention; walks into station demanding to be arrested for DUI--thus marking the first time in human history that donuts have failed to bring cops running    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  19 Pakistani girls wedge themselves in a SmartCar, set world record for most mustaches in an automobile    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Two million year-old mummified forest in Canada's Arctic could provide climate change clues, like how Zog and Ug's cap and trade CO2 emissions agreement reversed the global warming that had allowed a forest to grow in Canada's Arctic    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Artwork made of dollar bills forming the word "Honesty" left unattended. Perhaps that wasn't the best policy    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Mexican drone crashes in Texas neighborhood. Authorities suspect it was shot down by American drones concerned it would take their jobs    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "US Foie Gras Industry Ducking Controversy." Maybe they can help goose the economy when they (puts on sunglasses) de-liver it. YEEEEAAAAHHH    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Chilean miners visit Man United, learn about living in dark environment where people go months without sunshine    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "Is losing out on Lee a blessing for Yanks?" Well, not until Gettysburg    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  In death, Bob Feller still hit 92 on the gun    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  Paleontologists discover complete 287 million year old dimetron fossil in Texas. That's nearly 6,000 years old in Texas School Board years    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Quantum cryptography may or may not be secure, which makes sense when you think about it    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Why some people have meltdowns during the holiday season and what HEY. YOU FINISH READING THIS HEADLINE BEFORE GOING TO THE NEXT ONE. I SAID FINISH IT    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Miley Cyrus used a bong. Doo Dah, doo dah. But she thinks she did no wrong. All the hookah day    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "You're in GaGa" *shudder* Oh wait, that's "Year in GaGa". much better    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "Steven Tyler is the New Paula Abdul." There's no interpretation of this phrase that DOESN'T put a chill up my spine    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  Post Office to unveil new Ronald Reagan stamp, made with glue that tastes like delicious liberal tears    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Rep. Anthony Weiner and Hannity argue tax rates. THE GENTLEMEN IS CORRECT IN SUBMITTING    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Obama names Jon Bon Jovi to White House Council for Community Solutions. Special envoy David Coverdale approves    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  George Clinton is suing the Black Eyed Peas for plagiarism. They picked the wrong man to funk with    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Rapper Ja Rule heads off to Ja il    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Copyright infringement suit and royalties asked for against the rapper soon to be known as 25 Cent    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  Accessory package for $111,100 Corvette ZR1 includes two free days at high-performance driving school, hair plugs, viagra, & trophy wife    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  New Givenchy ads feature an albino model. Some slight image corrections needed with photoshopping, White Out    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Silicon Valley venture capitalists value Twitter at $3.7+ billion in potential future IPO. Subby thinks these people are a bunch of dumb fuc    img.fark.net
· · ·

Fark Shop now active. Sadly, 5" Daleks and Cthulhu Hand Puppets are already sold out
Posted by Drew at 2010-12-17 11:21:27 AM, edited 2010-12-17 11:46:00 AM (97 comments) | Permalink

Sup everyone. We added a Fark Shop to the site, you may have noticed.

For literally years we've tried to do some kind of merchandise and for whatever reason it's never worked out. Mostly because it's pretty much not what we do. I don't know a damn thing about it. Odds are that played some kind of role.

The kind folks at Neatorama approached me about a month ago asking if they could take over that part of the site for us. Aside from linking to Neatorama on a semi-regular basis, I've personally been reading their website for something like 15 years now. Great folks.

They're calling it the Neatoshop. The idea is take a large inventory of stuff, see what people on a given website purchase, then calibrate it so that it has more stuff that people like. At least that's my understanding, I do drink a lot.

At any rate, check it out, let me know if we can fix anything that is broke, looks bad, or a dumb idea. Comments always appreciated. Thanks!
· · ·

Headline of the Year contest update, and Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/5 - 12/11
Posted by Drew at 2010-12-14 11:46:07 AM (41 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable

It's mid-December, which means we're running our annual Headline of the Year contest, where we take a bunch of our favorites and let you vote on the ones you think are most deserving of the honor.

Yesterday we ran the initial mainpage thread for Headline of the Year - first quarter, which was the top-voted headlines for January through March. Voting is still open for that one if you missed it. The top five as voted will go to the final contest.

For the TFers, there are three active voting threads still open for April, May, and June, and those are gonna close tonight so that we can put up the next thread tomorrow on the main page.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-12-05 to Sat 2010-12-11:

img.fark.net  TSA fails to stop terrier attack    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Two Gentlemen of Verona called out for a Taming of the Shrew after two bridesmaids got into a Tempest, making Much Ado About Nothing and turning the reception into a Comedy of Errors. All's Well That Ends Well    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Family crash car while carrying bucket of paint. They're all-white, but a bit overcome with emulsion    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  NYC officials bust up a pot, coke, meth and LSD ring operating out of a Columbia University frat house. Unclear if the raid was named "Operation Shooting Fish in a Barrel"    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Philadelphia: Catholic Archdiocese creates panel to look at school children. I mean, to learn how to entice more children. I mean, in school. I mean, "into" school. I mean, "into going to Catholic school." For education    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Band teacher in hot water for playing in A minor    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Police enter closed strip club and find several men inside claiming to be plumbers. That must explain why they had their caulk in their hands    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Baby Jesus stolen from church nativity. Maybe they should try nailing him down    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Texas to build experimental green community. Key components include guns made from recycled material and sustainably grown Skoal    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Six children hurt in La school when el car crashed into it    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Custer's battle flag auctioned for $2 million. Sadly, it represents the last win for the Indians until the 1920 World Series    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Blatter says FIFA isn't corrupt, it just needs to improve its image. Qatar seen handing Blatter a briefcase stuffed with image improvement    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Toronto Maple Leafs upset that someone threw waffles onto the ice during a game. In other news, the waffles beat the Maple Leafs 7-2    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Cam Newton awarded temporary custody of Heisman Trophy    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  Google releases the keyboard design for Chrome OS without a Caps Lock key. RADICALS OF THE CHURCH OF BILLY MAYS DECLARE HOLY WAR    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  How big something appears to you depends on the size of the brain area necessary for vision - as well as the size of her hands    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Bone fragment believed to be from Amelia Earhart discovered on remote Pacific Island. However, some don't think it's her atoll    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Leslie Nielsen had an entirely different kind of funeral. Altogether    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Jennifer Lopez becomes the face, giant ass of L'Oreal    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Natalie Portman strips down to her garter and negligee and I could now post my social security number and PIN number and mother's maiden name and nobody would ever read it    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  According to the governor of Kentucky, supporting the Noah's Ark theme park with tax incentives is no different than supporting NASCAR. Patently ridiculous, of course, since this action represents a hard turn to the right    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Israel ends trade ban on furniture and textile exports from Gaza. Palestinians complain that what they really need is to be allowed to import construction goods, but Israel's continued anti-cementism forbids it    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Detroit to offer incentives for residents to relocate. Within the city. Damn, there's always a catch    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Jim Morrison to be pardoned today. Come on baby right my prior    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Susan Boyle returns to No. 1 spot, all-you-can-eat buffet    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Hacker might have stolen Ke$ha nude pics. KEEP THEM    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  Counterfeit stamps are costing the US Postal Service half dozens of dollars every few years    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Moody's downgrades Hungary to Starving    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  IKEA gave bonus of a bicycle to every one of its 12,400 U.S. employees. Most likely arrived in a box with three dented corners, missing several parts and with instructions in eight different languages    img.fark.net
· · ·

A quick note on Fark's Headline of the Year contest, and a few of our favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/28 - 12/4
Posted by Drew at 2010-12-07 12:42:55 PM (24 comments) | Permalink

Sup everybody, just a hello and a reminder that we're in the process of putting together the annual Fark Headline of the Year contest, using Headlines of the Week from January 1, 2010 through today. The voting threads for January and February have already gone to TFD, and the first quarterly thread for Headlines of the Year will go live this Friday around noon EST. A lot of really phenomenal headlines in there that you may have missed earlier this year.

In the past, I know that some people who come to Fark for the first time take one look at the main page and don't really understand what they're looking at. They only see headlines and not every headline is as great as these.

This is my favorite contest of the year, so feel free to share the mainpage links when they go live, I'd love to see us blow up Facetube and Twitter this year.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-11-28 to Sat 2010-12-04:

img.fark.net  University of Maryland to field new sports team--in competitive eating. Great, another sport that will be dominated by the SEC    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  A retired French electrician and his wife have come forward with 271 undocumented, never-before-seen works by Pablo Picasso estimated to be worth at least $429.72^3    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Panicky pilot causes Indian passenger jet to plunge 6,000 feet, leaving Hindu passengers up in arms    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  President of Kenya: "It is 'madness' for two men to fall in love with each other when a recent census showed there were 'plenty of women' in the country." And you Americans elected this guy?    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Guy at Harry Potter Movie: "Engorgio. Spankus monkius." Police: "ARRESTO"    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Pentagon: Letting openly gay troops serve won't hurt, at least not after the first couple of times    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Lee Harvey Oswald's coffin going up for auction - remember, you only get one shot at this    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Forest fire in Israel kills at least 40. Fire blamed on the yews    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Two rare red foxes confirmed in Sierra Nevada, you big dummy    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  B.C. task force seizes 54,000 pot plants, invents the wheel    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Rare 12' long serpentine oarfish washes up on Malibu shore, is promptly cleaned, grilled, dusted with lime, sea salt, Malabar peppercorns and served with a bold but casual Alsatian Pinot Blanc    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Jockey upgraded to stable. Before Obamacare, he would have been upgraded to a hospital    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Derek Anderson throws a temper tantrum, has it intercepted and returned for a touchdown    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Henrietta King, wife of boxing promoter Don King, deathalized, sensationalized, mortuarified and casketized at 87. Practitioners of ratfinkism and the greatest show on Earth mournify in stupendous and momentous occasion    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  Same face may look male or female, say defensive researchers surprised by who they woke up with    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  NASA press conference is *not* about aliens. At all. Now please look into this light from my standard issue neuralyzer    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Mercury poisoning can make you gay. Hgs for everyone    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  George Lucas mourns the death of "The Empire Strikes Back" director Irvin Kershner, will release a remastered special edition of his funeral with new scenes involving Jar Jar Binks    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  America's next top model wants to talk to teens about being comfortable in their own fat, nasty skin    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Mark Wahlberg thinks he can take champion boxer Manny Pacquiao. Where? To the mall? To the pharmacy? To a nice restaurant?    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  McCain says Sarah Palin similar to Reagan. Presumably Nancy since they both spent a significant portion of their lives wiping the drool from an incoherent invalid in diapers    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Pakistan rejects US fears on nuclear arms falling into the wrong hands, as that would imply Pakistani nuclear arms are currently in good hands    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Uncle Joe clears everything up: "GOP 'just simply wrong'." Thanks for clearing that up, Joe, now clear out your office so Hillary can move in    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Mariah Carey refuses to answer reporter's question about her twins, mistakenly thinking he was asking her about her pregnancy    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Rapper Curren$y challenges Ke$ha for the most rigoddamndiculous stage name    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Scissor Sisters frustrated by gig cancellation, Rock Sisters    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  Google offers to buy Groupon for $5 billion. Now they just need 50 more people to buy the offer as well for the deal to be active    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Lesbian-only resort opens its doors to men due to financial crunch, much like your sister right after she graduated from college    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Lowe's recalls 11 million blinds. I SAID: LOWE'S RECALLS 11 MILLION BLINDS    img.fark.net
· · ·

Headline of the Year contest update, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/21 - 11/27
Posted by Drew at 2010-11-30 2:29:10 PM (20 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No post from Drew this week, but I've started putting together the Headline of the Year preliminary threads and will be putting them into TF Discussion over the course of the next week or so. January's is currently on TFD for anybody that wants to vote.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-11-21 to Sat 2010-11-27:

img.fark.net  Israel to invest $23 million in Western Wall plaza. The plaza will have a Starbucks, Sbarro's, Hot Dog On A Stick, California Pizza Kitchen, and a Starbucks inside the other Starbucks    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Plane with fiery wing makes emergency landing, presumably for ranch dipping sauce    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Seven killed in gold mine collapse. Au shiat    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Shaft traps Chinese worker for 80 hours. In his defense, he *is* a complicated man, and no one understands him but his woman    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Over 300 killed on holiday in Cambodia. No word if any Kennedys were among the dead    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Secret chamber found in India's National Library. Staff asked to refrain from stamping books until anyone with a fedora is ushered out    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Researchers say predicting prostate recurrence is ineffective, and they can't put a finger on why    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  After raping a teen at gunpoint, Catholic priest hires a hit man to keep him quiet about it. Let us prey    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Crab boat flips, one found dead in crushed station    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Fire at home for mentally ill spreads slowly due to retardant    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Village of Llansanffraid was spelled Llansantffraid since the 1800's, until the Powys council dropped the "t". Most villagers now want the "t" back. The others don't really give a shi    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Parade for team and fans of MLS soccer championship in Denver, parade expected to clog up two driveways    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Nevada shot down Boise State in Reno, just to watch them die    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Will Smith arrested for one little fight, will be sent to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  Intel has found a way to cram 1,000 cores into a processor. Engineers at Gillette seen taking notes    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Apple-1 computer sells for $213,000. So, the prices are finally dropping    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Prehistoric hunters dealt mammoth blow to Siberean ecosystem. Siberia's warm, furry, tasty ecosystem    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Leonardo DiCaprio donates $1 million dollars to WWF, gets hit by steel chair    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Kelly Preston and John Travolta welcome new son Benjamin into the world, while still honoring the memory of their late son Jett. Oh, ho. B-B-Benny and dead Jett    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Architect for renovation of Royal Shakespeare Company's theater in Stratford-upon-Avon concerned about falling through trap door, though more likely he's just going through a stage    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  Castro calls Obama the "best snake charmer" who ever lived. What a dumb asp    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  "Palin's attack shows ignorance." Obvious tag slowly raises bat and points it toward left field    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Obama's grandmother prays for him to convert to Islam during pilgrimage to Mecca. THANKS GRANDMA    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Billy Joel to undergo surgery on bad hip. Working too hard could hurt his SACROILIAC-AC-AC-AC    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Beady Eye, Liam Gallagher's new band, announce several tour dates. He says the band will be "bigger than Wings"    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Fans of Kanye West joining together to demand that he perform in Helsinki. Imma let you Finnish    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  NYC's legendary Guggenheim Museum stuck in a downward spiral    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Experiment done to see which shipping company is best at handling your packages. TSA not included in study    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Artisanal Cornish Blue named best-tasting cheese at World Cheese Awards competition. Buy this and other outstanding British cheeses at your local cheese shop today, where they will surely be available    img.fark.net
· · ·

Fat gene easy to identify in a crowd, Jessica Simpson celebrates everything with pizza, and the secret to making Spotted Dick: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 11/14 - 11/20
Posted by Drew at 2010-11-23 7:48:59 AM (27 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No posting from Drew this week, enjoy the headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-11-14 to Sat 2010-11-20:

img.fark.net  Man to live with 400 spiders for three weeks for charity, says he plans to be on the web the whole time    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  42 dead in Chinese skyscraper fire. If only there were some sort of drill that could have prepared them for this    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  One in 10 British men likes to cook in the nude; frying bacon is the secret to making Spotted Dick    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Police in Aruba testing jawbone to see if it is connected to Natalee Holloway. My guess is that it is not connected to anybody at the moment    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Johnson City man accused of urinating on a police car. Cops now checking streaming video    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Airport full body scanners cannot differentiate between a tampon and a stick of dynamite. T.S.A. officials are expected to exercise some discretion, however ultimately might have to pull the plug    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Police name Theodore shooting victim. ALVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  27 miners trapped in New Zealand mine. No word yet on if they dug too greedily or too deep    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  3 year old girl molested by 74 year old man. Which airport he worked at is unknown    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Scientists say babies and robots learn from each other, according to astounding new reseach from the Institute Of We Watched Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes for About An Hour    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  If you were thinking about buying some black-market Ukranian sperm whale teeth, think again. You will not be allowed to import them. Narwahl you be allowed to sell them    img.fark.net


Sports:

img.fark.net  Pittsburgh's soon to be ex-kicker Jeff Reed says he's not going to make excuses, manages to miss that too    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  TIME nominates LeBron James for Person of the Year. LeBron and ESPN hastily organize hour-long douchemercial to influence the vote    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Eagles adding wind turbines to stadium in hopes of increasing number of fans    img.fark.net


Geek:

img.fark.net  'Fat Gene' identified, although researchers admit it really wasn't that hard to pick him him out of the crowd    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Neuroscientists announce that they have developed a retinal implant that restores vision in blind mice. The next logical step is to see how they run    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  People who stutter show abnormal brain activity when reading, listening, and being tortured by Kevin Kline    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img.fark.net  Courtney Love looks great after sex, presumably while the bag is still on    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Skyline producers respond to critics. However, their response is entirely derivative and has a lot in common with comments made by producers of Independence Day    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Jessica Simpson celebrates engagement with pizza. Be here tomorrow when Jessica Simpson celebrates the newspaper's arrival with pizza    img.fark.net


Politics:

img.fark.net  Tea Party to those politicians it helped get elected: We're watching you. Seriously. We don't have jobs and we never exercise and we keep portable televisions on our Rascals. Watching you is all we do, so be scared    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Glenn Beck's solution to airline security: everyone bring their guns on board. Auric Goldfinger unavailable for comment    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Cheney's gaunt appearance is from summer hospital stay, not from overusing the dark side of the force    img.fark.net


Music:

img.fark.net  Jimmy Eat World tours UK in support of their comeback album. "We can't wait for our fans [sic] to hear it"    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Aaron Ne-eh-eh-eh-eh-ehville got maa-aa-aa-aa-arried on Saturd-eh-eh-eh-ay    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Peter Gabriel joins voices backing net neutrality, will spend the next ten years crafting a finely-honed and ponderously slow statement regarding the issue    img.fark.net


Business:

img.fark.net  People say America doesn't produce anything more. Wrong: they still produce food, and Americans are apparently patriotic enough to eat all of it    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  Smith & Wesson's stock plummets on news that everyone bought up firearms in preparation for the Apocalypse back in 2009    img.fark.net

img.fark.net  BP says world needs new oil, complains old oil is all contaminated now with sand and fish    img.fark.net
· · ·


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