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Optical Aleutians, Funxsutawney Steele and Kirstie Alley rolling over in her gravy: Headlines of the Week 3/22 - 3/28
Posted by Drew at 2009-03-30 1:07:13 PM (22 comments) | Permalink

No posting from Drew, so let's just cut to the chase this week with some favorite headlines.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-03-22 to Sat 2009-03-28:

img1.fark.net  Truck spills 8,000 gallons of milk after crashing into a drainage ditch. Emergency responders were emotionally detached    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  US pondering move to cheaper Chinese-made condoms. Expect this to go over like a lead balloon    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  U.S. Navy teams fly in to provide medical and dental care to residents of remote Alaskan villages. Some reports say an optometrist was part of the medical team, but Navy dismisses that as an optical Aleutian    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Truck carrying soy sauce overturns on I-5. Driver might be reprimanded later; no need to Kikkoman while he's down    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  British primary school children to be taught how to use Twitter, because if there's one thing 7 year olds don't know how to do it's tell people they're pooping    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Somewhere, Kirstie Alley is rolling over in her gravy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chemist positively charged with economic espionage after stealing paint formula from employer. FBI had an ion him the whole time, but still don't know alchemy did it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lawyer Chiquita Tate stabbed 38 times by husband, who apparently just went bananas    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Denver police looking for a missing adult female "wearing very little and with a diminished mental capacity" which describes 1.8 million women in Denver    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Lance Armstrong has fallen during a race and is in a Spanish hospital, worrying America's bike racing fan    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  BoSox pitcher John Smoltz imitates Clay Aiken; says his first mound session was "awkward"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  John McEnroe duped in art scam. WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND???    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Emotiv Systems uses your thoughts to power gaming. Sorry Princess Peach, but your panties are now in another castle    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Yes, crabs do feel pain when you boil them alive. So, pouring boiling water on your crotch is still not a recommended option for removal    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists discover bacteria with the ability to consume and detoxify toxic metal. Still no cure for cancer, but at least now there's a cure for Slipknot    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Jurors in the Phil Spector murder retrial have the option of a manslaughter conviction, are advised not to post one more farking NewsFlash about the story    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dolly Parton denies rumor that she's a lesbian or has ever even owned a Subaru Outback    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "American Idol" producers finally admit that the group performances on the show are lip-synced, blame it on the rain    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Funxsutawney Steele pops out of his burrow, says the GOP has lost their minds, and then crawls back in for another six weeks of media exile    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Glenn Beck explains the current economic crisis with the help of a dead fish. In case you're not sure, Glenn is the one with gloves on    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  U.S. Seventh Fleet moves in to get a good view of North Korea's latest failure at model rocketry    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Michael Jackson compared to the IRA; both want apologies    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lars Ulrich insists that Metallica will never "sell out," goes back to playing "Enter Sandman" on Rock Band while watching Metallica's music video for "Mission: Impossible 2"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Madonna splits with Jesus. Rome breathes sigh of relief    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Tiffany 4Q profit drops 75%. I think they're not alone, now    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  10 Johnson Controls factories to go flaccid    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  News Corp to hire former AOL CEO as digital chief. Soon to hire former AIG exec as ethics chief, former McCain campain manager as head of PR    img.fark.net
· · ·

Drew talks about SXSW, Facebook's redesign and Fark's lack of "Twitter initiatives". Bonus: headlines of the week for last week hidden at the bottom
Posted by Drew at 2009-03-23 1:45:27 PM (103 comments) | Permalink

I was at South by Southwest (SXSW) last week in Austin. Everybody at SXSW loves the Twitter. I was asked what Fark's Twitter initiatives were. Truth to tell we haven't really fleshed that one out yet. Part of the reason is that Twitter is built to push messages out to your followers, the same way we put my blog posts to the main page of Fark (or for that matter anything else on the main page of Fark). But the other part of the reason is we just don't have the resources to be early adopters. For example, this Facebook Connect thing seems like it might be an okay idea, but it's too early to tell. We'll let other people figure it out. As Internet rabblerouser Joe Peacock already noted, until someone actually does work out a strategy, the concept of "Twitter initiatives" is doomed to become another one of those corporate buzzword things that eventually becomes a mockery of itself.


Speaking of Twitter initiatives, Facebook did a major redesign recently and the thing looks like Twitter now. Far be it from me to criticize other people's site redesigns (my official stance with any redesign is "you'll get over it"), but it seems strange to me that a site with 175 million users is so scared of a site with 6 million that it destroys what made Facebook unique to become an imperfect copy of Twitter.


Twitter content is actively updated. You say to yourself "I haven't told everyone what kind of cream cheese I ate on my bagel today", and you update your Twitter status so everyone knows. Facebook content on the other hand is secondary activity created when you try to do something like look up old friends, contact people, friend them, confirm party attendance, zombie bite them, whatever (with the exception of status updates, but that's only one piece of the functionality). Facebook content for the most part consists of secondary information about what you're doing on Facebook. Its the ripples in the pool as you move around. Twitter content IS what you're doing. Twitter is the actual swimming - you have to take the strokes. This distinction is important because intentional content creation has to be sustained. Secondary content creation is a side affect and just happens.


You may have noticed that the vast majority of people don't have anything interesting to say. They may eventually get Twitter accounts and they may update but the content sucks and no one cares. Far more people are going to be doing what they're doing on Facebook for far longer -- assuming (and this is the important bit) that Facebook doesn't fark up and forget what the hell people were on Facebook to do in the first place... Whoops, too late.


I don't think Facebook is in any danger from Twitter in the first place. It's probably not a bad thing that they're not resting on their successes, because something at some point is absolutely going to knock Facebook out of their number-one-hangout-spot-on-the-Internet slot. It seems to happen on a five year cycle. Before Facebook it was Myspace, before that it was AOL, Compuserve, Usenet, etc. If someone told you ten years ago that, not only would AOL NOT be the top hangout spot on the Internet but that it would have faded into relative obscurity, you wouldn't have believed it. I don't know what's coming after Facebook, but something inevitably will. However, it's not going to be Twitter. Unless Facebook inadvertently hands the crown to Twitter.


In short, always bet on people being lazy. Eventually, people will be too lazy to continue to update 140 word statuses over a period of years. Yes it's unimaginable right now, but AOL thought the same thing at one point.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-03-15 to Sat 2009-03-21:

img1.fark.net  Liberians granted temporary protection in the US may be sent back to their country, threaten to take Dewey Decimal System with them    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Senate committee exploring 90% special tax for AIG bonus recipients, to be filed using form 1040FU    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  First two octuplets come home. If Nadya beats this level, she can unlock up to six more characters    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Blind kids on the brink of being shown the door." Well, maybe not "shown", exactly    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman falls through ice on Walden Pond. She was rescued after a Thoreau search    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Plane wreckage found, pilot killed." Man, why'd they kill him when they found the wreckage    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Music teacher jailed for playing in A Minor    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman goes in for tummy tuck. Doctors accidentally give facelift. She's furious, but she can't stop smiling    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Funeral home owner arrives at work 9:30 a.m. to find hearse stolen. Thief likely an early mourning person    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Mental hospital escapee policy changes after nut bolted    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  You flip 16 tons, what do you get, 5000 evacuated and one hell of a mess. Rt. 33 is closed so you can't go, guess he won't swerve to miss deer no more    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  The Big Unit is temporarily out of action because of sore bicep. What Farker can't empathize with that?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lions players no longer allowed to talk to media. Would use public relations website, but can't string three Ws together for the URL    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Astros' Aaron Boone to have open heart surgery. Procedure said to be similar to when he tore the hearts out of Boston in 2003    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Neurobiology research finds that consciousness arises from the coordinated interplay between all portions of the brain. Descartes seen tugging his collar, looking around nervously    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Nearly 13% of people in longer relationships can still find the romance. 50% can find a lawyer. And 37% long for the relief that death brings    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists claim that all jokes fit into eight categories, amongst which are "qualification", "completion", "division" and "stolen from a Fark headline of three years ago"  


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Jenna Jameson gave birth to twin boys on Monday after an unexpected sneeze    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Twilight" DVD release reminiscent of "Harry Potter" releases: record crowds of virgins gather around Blockbuster dressed in capes    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tired of her blowing away all the time, Harrison Ford puts large metal ring on Calista Flockhart    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Michelle Obama to plant an organic vegetable garden on South grounds of the White House, also installing giant Keith Olbermann scarecrow to keep Republicans out of their arugula    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The Special Olympics wants President Obama to consider hiring one of their athletes to work in the White House. Submitter has somebody in mind, he's a professional brush-clearer from Texas who knows the White House well    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Washington State legislature passes bill to make graduation easier. Math test requirements no longer required. Ability to calculate monthly earnings at minimum wage optional    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Rapper 'King Tut' commits suicide. He could'a won a Grammy, will be buried in his jammies    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Simon and Garfunkel reuniting for "Bridge Over Troubled Finances" tour    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Family of LeAnn Rimes' husband confirms that he's gayer than an Oscar party at Elton John's house    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Britain sees first drop in airline passengers since Lockerbie    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Congress to AIG: Who taught you how to do this stuff? AIG: YOU, ALRIGHT? I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Britain hopes to create 13,000 jobs by introducing U.S.-style yellow schoolbuses to replace the oxcarts or whatever the hell they currently use    img.fark.net
· · ·

South by Southwest, Facebook, and Twitter
Posted by Drew at 2009-03-23 1:40:57 PM (0 comments) | Permalink

I was at South by Southwest (SXSW) last week in Austin. Everybody at SXSW loves the Twitter. I was asked what Fark's Twitter initiatives were, but the truth is, we haven't really fleshed that one out yet. Part of the reason is that Twitter is built to push messages out to your followers, the same way we put my blog posts to the main page of Fark (or for that matter anything else on the main page of Fark). But the other part of the reason is we just don't have the resources to be early adopters. For example, this Facebook Connect thing seems like it might be an okay idea, but it's too early to tell. We'll let other people figure it out. As Internet rabblerouser Joe Peacock already noted, until someone actually does work out a strategy, the concept of "Twitter initiatives" is doomed to become another one of those corporate buzzword things that eventually becomes a mockery of itself.


Speaking of Twitter initiatives, Facebook did a major redesign recently and the thing looks like Twitter now. Far be it from me to criticize other people's site redesigns (my official stance with any redesign is "you'll get over it"), but it seems strange to me that a site with 175 million users is so scared of a site with 6 million that it destroys what made Facebook unique to become an imperfect copy of Twitter.


Twitter content is actively updated. You say to yourself "I haven't told everyone what kind of cream cheese I ate on my bagel today", and you update your Twitter status so everyone knows. Facebook content on the other hand is secondary activity created when you try to do something like look up old friends, contact people, friend them, confirm party attendance, zombie bite them, whatever (with the exception of status updates, but that's only one piece of the functionality). Facebook content for the most part consists of secondary information about what you're doing on Facebook. Its the ripples in the pool as you move around. Twitter content IS what you're doing. Twitter is the actual swimming - you have to take the strokes. This distinction is important because intentional content creation has to be sustained. Secondary content creation is a side affect and just happens.


You may have noticed that the vast majority of people don't have anything interesting to say. They may eventually get Twitter accounts and they may update but the content sucks and no one cares. Far more people are going to be doing what they're doing on Facebook for far longer -- assuming (and this is the important bit) that Facebook doesn't fark up and forget what the hell people were on Facebook to do in the first place... Whoops, too late.


I don't think Facebook is in any danger from Twitter in the first place. It's probably not a bad thing that they're not resting on their successes, because something at some point is absolutely going to knock Facebook out of their number-one-hangout-spot-on-the-Internet slot. It seems to happen on a five year cycle. Before Facebook it was Myspace, before that it was AOL, Compuserve, Usenet, etc. If someone told you ten years ago that, not only would AOL NOT be the top hangout spot on the Internet but that it would have faded into relative obscurity, you wouldn't have believed it. I don't know what's coming after Facebook, but something inevitably will. However, it's not going to be Twitter. Unless Facebook inadvertently hands the crown to Twitter.


In short, always bet on people being lazy. Eventually, people will be too lazy to continue to update 140 word statuses over a period of years. Yes it's unimaginable right now, but AOL thought the same thing at one point.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-03-22 to Sat 2009-03-28:
· · ·

Naked karate fights, textual harassment and a Wynn/Wynn situation: Headlines of the Week 3/8 - 3/14
Posted by Drew at 2009-03-16 11:20:39 AM (23 comments) | Permalink

It's not Fark it's News: Still nothing much to report. "The economy still sucks" articles are getting pretty hard to write. As a journalist you can't write an article called "The economy still sucks". Something has to change, or a different angle has to be taken. Luckily, AIG seems to be happy enough to hand out bonuses on a regular basis that we can all get outraged about. Keep an eye out for polls being run as news: From CNN today - "Job worries have tripled, poll shows". No need to read the articles on those, the headlines pretty much sum up the result. It's occasionally useful to read them closely, though, because sometimes journalists use bad math to make a more stunning conclusion. Usually by switching from amount of change (volume) to rate of change (percentage). A 25% increase is a scarier statement than saying the sample size was only 12 people to begin with. Next time I find an example I'll post it.

My favorite criminal defense reared its head today: "it's an art project". Maybe someone somewhere got off using this defense? You don't see it too often, which makes me think the answer is no. My earliest recollection of a similar story was a few years back where a guy got arrested for walking around a county fair with his nutsack hanging out of his zipper. His defense was that it was really a performance art piece, and therefore protected speech. It didn't work. Incidentally, telling that story is why I got booted off of Mancow's radio show on my first appearance. I said the word 'nutsack' in the first five seconds and got dumped. Nutsack.

Anyway, here are some of our favorite headlines from last week:

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-03-08 to Sat 2009-03-14:

img1.fark.net  Vatican claims washing machine is most liberating 20th century invention for women. Sybian didn't even make the list    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Twittering encouraged in church. Submitter still afraid of being text-communicated    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  UK government may introduce eBay-style customer feedback for police forces. A+++++++ Would fall down stairs again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Saving forests can create 10 million jobs. Mostly branch managers    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Defendants in asbestos-related wrongful death civil suit confiscate plaintiff's body at the cemetery just as his family was trying to bury him. Can't we all just get a lung?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Naked man challenges neighbors to karate fight, breaking several penal codes in the process    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man kills girlfriend after she tells him he can't have any more beer, then enjoys a cold one    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Kenyan-born Muslim claims he is an American, not a terrorist. Like we haven't heard that one before    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ten kids accidentally drink windshield wiper fluid at day care; employees noticed something was wrong when the kids started swaying back and forth rhythmically    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  You can get married at Juliet's house in Verona, but be aware that while it may seem romantic at first, it will probably end up being a tragedy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The wheels on the bus are three blocks back, three blocks back, three blocks back    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Michael Vick's house doesn't sell at auction, will be euthanized    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chicago Cubs once again threatening to block view of Sheffield Ave. rooftop bleachers. As if an unobstructed view for the past 100 years wasn't punishment enough    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Seeking to find the best metaphor for his program, Tennessee Vols football player injures himself while running into a brick wall    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Textual harrassment may be a stupid phrase, but it is also the first known way to make a teenage girl turn off her phone    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Archaeologists unearth grave of Italian woman buried with a brick in her mouth, meaning she was either a vampire or someone's mother-in-law    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists have discovered several species that are only found near the poles, just like your mom    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Octo Mom alone again. You know, except for the 14 kids and Ed McMahon delivering her monthly welfare check    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ashlee Simpson to be cast in Melrose Place remake. Send this beast back from Wentz it came    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jennifer Love Hewitt is getting over her engagement with Jamie Kennedy, lobotomy    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Eliot Spitzer used to play this little game with the women he hired for sex. Let's just say he helped them out with their Mets-in-September impersonations    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Newest Obama appointee's office raided by FBI. Left finally comes to terms that Obama is not Jesus. Jesus could actually build a cabinet    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Georgia governor emphasizes he would oppose stem cell research, indoor plumbing, dentistry, fancy book learnin'    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  David Crosby to sell his yacht in the hopes of raising funds for a seventeenth liver    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Amy Winehouse replaced for Coachella, instead they'll just flip on a drum machine with recorded loops and a strobe light flashing in the background. Or, as they like to refer to themselves, The Orb and Chemical Brothers    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Michael Jackson sells out 50 London concerts, prompting Pepsi to issue commemorative Michael Jackson edition, which comes in little cans    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Applications to the top liberal-arts schools drop 20% as students realize there is no longer any need to earn a Liberal Arts degree to remain unemployable    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Casino mogul files for divorce. Looks like a Wynn/Wynn situation    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Six Flags on the verge of filing Chapter 11. Restructuring terms will force debt collectors to stand in a gigantic zig-zag line for hours, only to have the check printing machine break down when they're next in line    img.fark.net
· · ·

Christian salt, contraceptive robberies, and a wallet full of teeth: Fark's Headlines of the Week 3/1 to 3/7
Posted by Drew at 2009-03-09 1:13:30 PM (21 comments) | Permalink

It's Not Fark It's News: not really a whole lot going on. Geopolitical attention whore North Korea is making a bunch of noise today. One possible bit of hilarity on deck: in response to North Korea announcing that they'll be doing a "peaceful" satellite launch, Japan has moved an anti-ballistic missile ship into the area. North Korea claims that an attack on their launch will be an act of war. Are they serious? Who knows. Bunch of nutjobs over there.

Speaking of nutjobs, someone's trying to restart the conflict in Northern Ireland by shooting British soldiers. Chances of success don't seem very high, very few people want to go back to the way things were before.

Hilarious moments in news from around the web this morning.

CNN.com's lead story this morning: Boat Made of Plastic Bottles to Sail to Australia. 15,000 bottles! 11,000 miles! And more huge numbers!

Also on CNN, I can't figure out the angle on the story about the bullet-deflecting bible in the church shooting yesterday. Normally this would be an attempt to claim some kind of miracle was involved, but the guy died anyhow. Not really sure what kind of miracle we've got here. Notice that whenever a miracle is "good", such as a church surviving while an entire town is levelled during a hurricane, it's taken as a measure of God's mercy but when a miracle is "bad", such as lightning strikes a church and burns it down, it's just a random occurence.

So I went to FoxNews.com to try to find something hilarious. Other than amusing wording (North Korea Warns... 'FULLY COMBAT READY' - implication: EVERYBODY PANIC), FoxNews.com actually has all real news as their lead stories. A little farther down the page you can read about the Kangaroo Home Invasion and missing white chicks but above the fold it's all news. Damn you FoxNews.com for killing my point.

And now that I've checked it, MSNBC is pretty much the same as FoxNews.com - all real news up top, scroll down a bit to find the articles about the man owning an endangered ape and the like. I'm gonna have to recheck these sites next week, I was just assuming that every news site had gone over to the Not News Dark Side. This morning it's just CNN - The Most Trusted Name in Not News.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-03-01 to Sat 2009-03-07:

img1.fark.net  Man who robbed gas station made no threats, displayed no gun, simply offered an apology as he fled with a fistful of cash. Authorities on the lookout for a Canadian    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man finds ten human teeth in wallet at Walmart. That's just decadent    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man markets Christian salt to stand against the cabal that markets kosher salt. Customers dismayed it's only available in pillar form    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Moran arrested for child porn. Good. Good arrested for looking at kid's johnson. Johnson arrested with pics of kid in leathers. Leathers arrested with more, I see. Morici arrested too. Moran    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Armed men steal contraceptives in Indonesia. Police find the idea inconceivable    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scottish ministers to launch new anti-alcoholism campaign as soon as the room stops spinning and they work out where they are    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Prosecutor receives kidney from rival defense attorney after learning they have the same blood type: cold    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Java's tallest volcano erupts, spewing smoke and ash from its grande venti    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Sexy maid service features young women in french maid uniforms, fishnet stockings and stillettos who will dust your TV and scrub your counters, but won't clean your toilet. Because that's degrading    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Nine firefighters help save St. Bernard with its ass frozen to an icy lake, proving once again that there's nothing a firefighter won't do to get a free drink    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Darryl Strawberry says he would have used performance enhancing drugs, but there's only so many hours in a day    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Brian Bosworth busted for DUI on his license-less motorcycle on Hollywood Blvd. Hopefully this won't jeopardize his much-anticipated stage adaptation of Dog The Bounty Hunter    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Buffalo Bills sign T.O., consider further improving team's image by bringing O.J. out of retirement    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Top ten facts about the center of our solar system. The sun is there    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Broccoli and cabbage-based drug could inhibit melanoma, close friendships    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Realizing they haven't completely destroyed music yet, MTV plans a Beatles video game. You start out small, gain more power than Jesus, and then fall victim to a vapid screech owl    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Lindsay Lohan wants to convert to Judaism. Guess she hasn't heard about how they frown on eating clams    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jessica Rabbit voted cartoon sex bomb, followed closely by Betty Boop, because every guy's fantasy is a head like a deformed potato with no chin who talks like a 9-year-old with Down's syndrome    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Custody battle rages over a statue of Minnie Pearl. It's sad enough the woman went through life with a price on her head    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Barbara Bush has heart, surgery    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hugo Chavez seizes US rice production facility. Arroz by any other name    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Howard Dean reportedly next Surgeon General, practicing epic "I Have A Scream" speech    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  New York's West 53rd Street to be renamed 'U2 Way', authorities couldn't find one without a name    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Fatboy Slim is f*cking in rehab. Fatboy Slim is f*cking in rehab. Fatboy Slim is f*cking in rehab. F*cking n f*cking n f*cking in rehab    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chris Brown allowed to have contact with Rihanna, but only one fist at a time    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  With pullout of multiple partners, Virgin may lose status    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Gold hits $940 an ounce. Shovel, pan, and donkey sales increase    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Head of central bank of Lebanon bans investment in mortgage-backed securities by Lebanese banks, sparing Lebanon worst of financial crisis. In other news, something good happened in Lebanon    img.fark.net
· · ·

Spanish inquisitions, Chinese fire drills and disproving Galileo: Headlines of the Week 2/22 to 2/28
Posted by Drew at 2009-03-03 3:00:52 PM (24 comments) | Permalink

Normally, Drew posts an observation of media trends and recaps some of the top stories of the week. Since Drew is away today, we're just going to cut to the chase. Here are some of the best headlines submitted last week.

- Tony

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-02-22 to Sat 2009-02-28:

img1.fark.net  Baghdad's National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Herbal weight-loss supplements found to be tainted with laxatives. With fronds like that, who needs enemas?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman leaps off cliff to catch feather, promptly disproves Galileo    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  NYC firefighters are running arround in circles trying to fight a big blaze in Chinatown    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Spain inquires about taking some Guantanamo inmates. Nobody expected that    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Peephole in door of girl's dorm room reversed; police are looking into it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman beaten with a crucifix is expected to recover in three days and have her story misinterpreted for thousands of years    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Women complain of feeling screwed by car-repair industry. Don't worry hon - it's nothing that a lube job and some rear-end work won't fix    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Firefighter learns to speak again with the help of his pet parrots, is now looking to find out if anyone knows any nice pretty boys    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Two-year-old refuses to sleep during day, may get charged with resisting a rest    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Former nun says there's a lot of hetero and lesbian sex going on inside the convents. Must be a hard habit to break    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Dale Earnhardt Jr. earns $830 for each left turn he makes. Unlike his father, whose one right turn earned him sainthood    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  ♫ And that's how they became the Brady-Bundchen ♫  

img1.fark.net  NBA to borrow $175 million dollars. No word yet on which player is going to loan it to them    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  "The once-common jaguar has become a rare sight in North America." Submitter feels obligated to point out that you can usually track one by the trail of oil and transmission parts that the things litter highways with    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  NASA satellite that was launched to track atmospheric CO2 levels will now be measuring oceanic temperature fluctuations    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists in Florida develop first synthetic lifeform capable of evolving, and a first for any Florida lifeform in general    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Slumdog's child actors return home to heroes welcome, huge backlog of orders for Gap chinos    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lisa Rinna to appear nude in Playboy. The magazine will feature first horizontal foldout to accommodate her lips    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chris Brown and Rihanna are back together. You just can't beat true love    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Obama aims to halve deficit by end of first term. Just like Bush's goal, but with an extra "l"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ted Kennedy not ready for the obituaries. "We'll drive off that bridge when we come to it," he never said, but really should have    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  US official confirms that US aid to re-build Gaza will likely exceed $900 million. No word on whether this is coming out of Israel's allowance    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Ritz Camera processes Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Story developing    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Sweden to shed 20,000 construction jobs on news that it doesn't take that many people to push the sides together and fasten the screws with allen wrenches    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Author who got his master's dissertation in post-communist studies gets high Marx with article on Eastern Europe economics    img.fark.net
· · ·

Geronimo, hamsters, and Buddhist monk sex scandals: Headlines of the Week for Feb 15 - Feb 21
Posted by Drew at 2009-02-23 3:01:18 PM (13 comments) | Permalink

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-02-15 to Sat 2009-02-21:

img1.fark.netMan is charged after throwing soda can at woman's head. She'll be fine, it was a soft drink img.fark.net

img1.fark.netAkron math teacher's blood-alcohol level was three times legal limit, proving you shouldn't drink and derive img.fark.net

img1.fark.netSpelling bee may be canceled due to budget cuts. EVERYBODY PANIK img.fark.net

img1.fark.netDentist charged for filling minor cavities img.fark.net

img1.fark.netThere are five types of orgasm. The positive ("Oh YES"), the negative ("oh NO"), the Religious ("oh GOD"), the fake ("oh SUBBY"), and the one where you call out the wrong name and get strangled img.fark.net

img1.fark.netGeronimo's descendants sue Skull and Bones club for return of their ancestor's remains. Also ask that we yell something else when jumping out of airplanes img.fark.net

img1.fark.netGeorgian scientists develop technique for harnessing energy from hamsters, you just have to make sure they're in the right gere first img.fark.net

img1.fark.netOld and busted: Catholic Priest sex scandal. New Hotness: Buddhist Monk sex Scandal. So, would that be Monk, he see - Monk, he do? img.fark.net

img1.fark.netMan dies while playing hide-and-seek. Police set to launch investigation in one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi img.fark.net

img1.fark.netWoman sues Yahoo when a search for her own name brings up porn, spam. Sucks to be you, Penny Sinlargement of Viagra Falls, Wisconsin img.fark.net

img1.fark.netMan decides to go bungee jumping, thinks there's nothing wrong with the cord. Frayed knot. img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.netCo-pilot of flight that landed in the Hudson River will throw out first pitch at Brewers' home opener. Pitch likely to be a sinker img.fark.net

img1.fark.netKings and Timberwolves agree to four-player deal. Bobby Brown goes to the T-Wolves who are now expected to beat the crap out of Houston img.fark.net

img1.fark.netHarlem Globetrotter arrested on domestic violence charges. Wow - I guess they're real basketball players after all img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.netMale whales like big humps and they cannot lie, cetacean brothers can't deny img.fark.net

img1.fark.netNew technology allows jewelry to be coated in DNA to prevent theft, suddenly making your wife's pearl necklace the safest thing in the world img.fark.net

img1.fark.netDid you ever wonder why humans didn't develop long prehensile toes that would act as extra fingers? Scientists find that chimps like us, baby, we were born to run img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.netMillionaire Salma Hayek overcomes the socio-economic divide and weds French billionaire img.fark.net

img1.fark.netTom Cruise takes Katie Holmes out for a romantic day at Disney World. "She's an extraordinary woman. She is funny and smart and she likes the same things that I do." Like men img.fark.net

img1.fark.netIn what may be the worst timed really bad idea since the 17 Feb 1945 Grand Opening Sale of the Dresden Fireworks Co, Kim Kardashian gets a chimpanzee img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net"Clinton Lays Out Broad Asian Agenda". This headline makes sense no matter how you arrange the words img.fark.net

img1.fark.netNorm Coleman wants the votes he originally wanted thrown out, then counted, then omitted, then included, to be thrown out again. Confused? You won't be after this week's episode of Recount img.fark.net

img1.fark.netObama says people should see tax cut help by April 1, also adds that Burger King is making left-handed Whoppers, Taco Bell will re-name The Liberty Bell, and that this year's spaghetti harvest will be the best one in decades img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.netNational Amusement theatres to be sold off. Sales times are 11:00, 2:15, 4:35, 6:55, 9:35, 11:45

img1.fark.netLongtime independent Alaska Air can't rule out merger. Giant guy on side of plane says "Inuit all along" img.fark.net

img1.fark.netWhenever I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I feel the cool sensation of a tropical factory in Mexico img.fark.net
· · ·

Headlines Of The Week - plus Drew on why MSM needs to run full bios for every passenger any time there's a plane crash. And more
Posted by Drew at 2009-02-16 12:47:08 PM, edited 2009-02-16 2:30:02 PM (38 comments) | Permalink

Thanks to everyone who's attended a 10th anniversary Fark Party so far. I was pretty hung over after Lexington. I blame Twitch from Z103, that bastard said if we did shots nothing could go wrong. Next one is in DC this weekend, everyone is welcome. I'll be there too although I'll be in rough shape.

So what did we miss this week?

It's not Fark it's News: Chavez won his elections down in Venezuela, likely meaning at least 6 more years of him harassing the US - provided the price of oil stays high enough to finance his shenanigans. Currently it's too low, which explains the lack of Chavez action lately. Also, the Obama administration is attempting to pass a fiscal bailout package. It's so large and complicated that no one understands it entirely and no one knows if it will work.

It's not Fark it's News (Kinda): A plane crashed in Buffalo killing all aboard. Seems like MSM won't be content til it runs a biography for every person on board. While tragic, don't think for a minute that a bus crash would get the same kind of ongoing media coverage. Why? Planes fly, and our primitive monkey brains won't let us believe it's anything less than black magic keeping them in the air. Bus crashes don't involve black magic and are therefore less interesting.

Mainstream Media Bandwidth was mostly eaten up by Octomom and a touch of Michael Phelps. Octomom's got some legs tho, we're getting into Anna Nicole Smith territory as far as duration of media coverage of a pointless story goes. I see that today the "should we ban peanuts on airlines" articles are in the news again. We'll have peace in the Middle East before that one's settled. The nice thing about peanuts on planes is you can pretty much run that article any time of the year and it'll fly.

And now, the good stuff.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-02-08 to Sat 2009-02-14:

img1.fark.net  Woman may be incarserrated after throwing steak knives at husband    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Two charged - in Bahama - for eating barbecued iguana. Radio....radio    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Plane crashes in the Amazon River. Airline officials and rescue workers are still in denial    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Teen arrested after ordering $37,000 worth of candy online and charging the bill to his former high school; cops say he will likely undergo a cavity search    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  W__oo__/\__oo__m__oo__\o/__oo__    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Bishop arrested for taking two young boys up the chimney. For once, this is not a metaphor    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Port Newark agents seize five million Sudafed pills, but only after bringing a cardboard picture of the pills to the dock and showing their ID, then they got the actual pills    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man shoots himself through the heart with nailgun to scare his fiancee, gives love a bad name    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Our brains don't fail to be confused by statements which are not found to contain non-negative words. You didn't submit this with a worse headline, but mine didn't not get unredlit anyway    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Study finds that it's easier to tell when men are interested in sex then it is to tell when women are. First sign a man is interested in sex: he is awake    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man arrested for smuggling coral through Oregon. Police charged him with possession of reefer    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  A-Rod admits taking it in the butt    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  IRS discovers a hole in one of the tax returns of a professional golfer    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ten years ago, the Toronto Maple Leafs played their last game in legendary Maple Leaf Gardens. Nearing collapse, the once-proud fan favorite is almost in ruins. But enough about the team, the old building is in great condition    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Pong museum to open. Once you've seen the left wall and the right wall, that's about it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Georgia Tech researchers invent a vibrating glove for pianists. No....pianists    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists develop new silver nanoparticle printer ink with flexible electrical properties which may shatter previous threshold of what could be charged for printer ink    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Happy birthday to Christina Ricci. Subby would have said so in person, but she seems to have unchained herself from his radiator and escaped    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  George Lucas honored with Lincoln Medal at Ford's Theater reopening, insists that Abe shot first    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Kevin Costner and wife give birth to baby boy. Labor took three hours, cost $150 million, and was panned by the critics    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Mahmoud Ahma... ahma... Ahma not gonna be President anymore, anyway    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Citing the economic crisis, John McCain vows to win reelection. Sarah Palin reportedly thrilled at the chance to be elected Vice-Senator    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Judd Gregg mustt havee taxx problemss    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Nissan plans to slash 20,000 jobs. Everyone knew that the recession would affect Japanese car makers, but no one thought it would happen Datsun    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Live Nation to acquire Ticketmaster for $2.5 billion, plus $700 million in convenience charges    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Price war among lingerie producers raises hopes of getting panties more than half off    img.fark.net
· · ·

Fark turns 10 years old today. Come relive (somewhat) great moments in early Fark history, 1999-2000, as culled from my old emails -Drew
Posted by Drew at 2009-02-12 2:22:44 PM, edited 2009-02-12 2:29:41 PM (549 comments) | Permalink

1997

Sep 23rd: After a conversation with Mike (Fark's server guy) about how four letter domains are disappearing, I check to see if fark.com is available. It is, I grab it, and put up the infamous pic of a squirrel with large nuts.

1999
Early Feb: at some point I'm deciding between making Fark a news aggregator or a curry recipe database. I decide to go the news aggregator route even though I think the recipe database might be a lot easier to maintain. I was probably right about that.

Feb 12th, 6pm: I email one of my ISP employees asking them to hook my personal web directory up to http://www.fark.com and take down the squirrel

March 15th: An ex-gf of mine sent in the first submits story: "Judge throws out lawsuit against God". A Fark story if there ever was one.

May 20th: my mother in law writes me to say that she went to farq.com and all she got was a picture of an alarm clock

August: Early traffic numbers

73 02/Aug/1999
76 03/Aug/1999
87 04/Aug/1999
121 05/Aug/1999
123 06/Aug/1999
61 07/Aug/1999
68 08/Aug/1999
166 09/Aug/1999
211 10/Aug/1999
159 11/Aug/1999
164 12/Aug/1999
151 13/Aug/1999
82 14/Aug/1999
72 15/Aug/1999
173 16/Aug/1999
150 17/Aug/1999
142 18/Aug/1999
172 19/Aug/1999
190 20/Aug/1999
94 21/Aug/1999
92 22/Aug/1999
174 23/Aug/1999
151 24/Aug/1999
161 25/Aug/1999
157 26/Aug/1999
148 27/Aug/1999
84 28/Aug/1999
92 29/Aug/1999
1 30/Aug/1999
189 30/Aug/1999
190 31/Aug/1999
202 01/Sep/1999
195 02/Sep/1999
99 03/Sep/1999

Sep 13th: A note from me to other folks "300 hits since 8am!"

-----

Also sent this out

From dcurt­i­s[nospam-﹫-backwards]rcd­*n­e­t Mon Sep 13 15:05:24 1999 -0400
Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1999 15:05:24 -0400 (EDT)
From: Drew Curtis
To: M­BEN­DER[nospam-﹫-backwards]MOTD­NABOB*COM
Subject: stuff for show

Some friends and I have a nifty website with a small following at http://www.fark.com. I started it last January out a desire to share news articles with friends of mine, and it has grown from there. We specialize in mostly humorous articles with a smattering of the interesting. Let me know what you think!

-----

I didn't hear back from them for a few more years. They've since mentioned us prolifically. Marty still works there btw.

Also on Sep 13th - the first recorded instance of a Fark love connection, see below

On Mon, 13 Sep 1999, Andrew Hay wrote:

> Hi Drew,
>
> After reading fark.com for at least a month, I just read your FAQ. I
> laughed my ass off. You write some funny stuff.
>
> The reason I am writing you today is that two events happened that
> seemed to indicate a divine purpose behind FARK:
>
> First, on the news tonight, I heard that there's a rebel/terrorist group
> called "Fark". They actually kidnapped a few people, holding them for
> randsom to raise some money. I'm not sure of the spelling.
>
> Second, I was reading fark.com during class today. You can tell your
> readers that it's a healthy endevour. Not only did a strange woman
> approach me and start up a conversation (fark.com works better than any
> pickup line?), but she explained to me that fark is Newfoundland slang
> for "crotch". I thought you'd appreciate that. It fits with your
> squirrel picture.
>
> That's all I have to say. I think that this note is probably less than
> 0.1% of the text on your page, but feel free to offer me 0.1% of that $4
> B when you go public.
>
> Cheers, Andrew

Oct 7th: "We're up over 500 hits a day"

2000
Jan 13th email from me to a submitter
"Thanks for the submission! Unfortunately we had that story up already (unless another 9lb ball of human excrement almost killed someone)."

Feb 9th: someone writes in to complain that a link of ours tagged [stupid] was wrong because the story was actually valid science. The actual article was about how el nino had been linked to diarrhea

Feb 24th: Leander Kahney from wired contacts me to ask if I know anyone who makes a living solely off blogs. I can't think of anyone. Neither can he.

Late that day I created the first tables for the eventual Fark database to allow for commenting.

Mar 13th: in an email I say to someone that Fark's getting 1500 'hits' a day and that to date Fark has 100k hits, 50k since Jan 1st. The math doesn't really work there, odds are I was exaggerating the daily total.

May 25th: the first of what would eventually become over one million emails arrives asking what PSA stands for

June 14th: 12:05:41pm - 1st comment ever is posted, meaning comments are now live. In the process we accidentally destroyed all links from June 10th-13th. Whoops. Also the 1st comment, posted by me, appears in thread #23. We lost the original 1-22 in testing and repurposed them as forums later.

Comment #3, the first one posted by a reader is posted by Farker Nutdip (Fark ID #7, lowest number of any Farker because we lost 3-6 in testing, and who is still active). The entire comment: 'Yo mama'

Comment #92 - Deerslayer (FarkID #40, who is still active) asks what PSA stands for

So when people ask me how they get traffic to their own websites, I have to say I have no idea. We weren't getting any kind of substantial traffic for literally years. But we kept at it and eventually as of today there are just short of five million of you. All I can tell people is keep working at it and if you don't suck, you'll get there eventually.

Today, Fark is still small from an organizational standpoint. There are 5 full time employees incluing myself, which is why oftentimes I'm the one who responds to general inquiry email. We have talken on no venture capital, and don't intend to do so. We operate out of Lexington Kentucky. We do not have an office. Sometimes I wear pants.

Hardware-wise, Fark serves 64 million monthly impressions to just short of 5 million people using just 5 servers. Regarding the hardware setup, for folks who aren't tech-savvy, most people can't believe that's even possible.

Our small size is what will enable us to survive the current downturn. And the next one.

Thanks everyone, here's to the next 10 years.

Drew
· · ·

Lexington 10th Anniversary Fark Party: TONIGHT 6pm at Redmons - not surprisingly Drew will be there
Posted by Drew at 2009-02-11 1:43:30 PM, edited 2009-02-12 1:19:06 PM (56 comments) | Permalink

If you have a Facebook account, please confirm attendence here

I'm finally back in town from a week and a half of travel. The Pasadena and SF Fark parties were a blast, it was great seeing everyone. I'm looking forward to meeting everyone this weekend.

We moved the venue to Redmons (269 W. Main St), as the number of confirmed folks on the Facebook events page is larger than the capacity at the last place. Assuming we actually fill Redmons up (it holds 250), overflow is just around the corner at the Bluegrass Tavern on Cheapside. I plan on wandering between the two places if that happens, check Twitter/Facebook to find my current location. Redmons doesn't serve food however I can highly recommend Goodfellas Pizza just around the way on Mill St.

Since there are so many people in from out of town, we're looking at doing an informal thing (as if Fark parties are ever formal) on Saturday at the Horse and Barrel. My neighbors have a band that's playing there that night, that's where I'll be. I realize that's Valentine's Day - my wife and I usually go out on Feb 15th to avoid the crowds. Horse and Barrel DOES have food, normal pub fare.

Hopefully we'll see you all there!
· · ·


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