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Duke sucks, a new iPhone app for Fark, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/21 - 3/27
Posted by Drew at 2010-03-29 1:15:13 PM, edited 2010-03-29 4:07:48 PM (109 comments) | Permalink

Folks have been asking me forever about a Fark iPhone app. A few months back we realized we weren't likely to have time to work on one in-house, so we opened development up to third party folks. A couple friends of mine cranked one out called Fark Not News that I really like, mainly because there's a Fark Locator component on there that makes it easier to see where other Farkers are and where Fark parties are (all opt-in features, by the way). So if you get a chance check it out, you can see that I'm currently in Charleston, South Carolina right now.

There are a few other Farkers working on Android apps, and no doubt others that are working on iPhone apps. If you're interested in doing anything like that as well, drop me an email and I'll give you the details. Our API is kinda primitive at the moment, but it's workable.

In the news this week, the arrest of members of the Hutaree group mean that some of the earlier investigative pieces done over the last 30 years get to be dusted off and updated for 2010. They're suddenly relevant again, so you'll be hearing a lot more about them for a few weeks. The investigative pieces are usually well-researched, but it'll jump the shark the moment your local news network starts the paranoid inquiries on how to spot militia members that MAY BE LIVING NEXT TO YOU.

Hats off to West Virginia for playing well and defeating the Kentucky Wildcats. It hurt, but not as much as seeing Duke advance (yes, I know I rooted for them, but only long enough for Kentucky to knock them out of the tournament). Hopefully West Virginia will step it up against Duke, who really, really, really sucks. Just not enough to be defeated. Yet.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-03-21 to Sat 2010-03-27:

img1.fark.net  Two religious figures missing from their graves. Is it Easter already? img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Skeptic extraordinaire and scientific investigator "The Amazing Randi" comes out of the closet. I'll be in debunk  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  German diocese probes sex abuse allegations, choir boys  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "A shirtless man thrashing a large sword and armed with throwing knives gave himself up outside a lumber-supply store." This headline oozes testosterone  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Old Bridge old bridge repair repairs fragment fragments, state State Police police speaker, speaking  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Sixteen railway cars and whaddaya get / A runaway train and deeper in debt / St. Peter don't ya call me 'cuz no one's on board / They crashed into an Oslo fjord  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Sydney residents warned to be on the lookout for the woman who has been indecently assaulting men before robbing them. Subby was a victim of this on Tuesday and Wednesday, but couldn't find her when he went back yesterday

img1.fark.net  Playboy models =36-25-36. Al qaeda models = C4-25-36  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  I'm not sure what the warning signs of a problem drinker are, but "tried to revive a dead possum" has got to be one of them  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Psychologist invents butt bra. Hmmm. Nouveau cheek?  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Grocery store customer gives kidney to cashier. Why don't people use a debit card like everyone else  img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Michelle Wie signs endorsement deal with McDonalds, meals will now be really good at the beginning then make you choke at the end  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Those observing him practice in advance of The Masters agree that Tiger Woods' driving is better than ever. About four months too late, I'd say  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tiger Woods pairs up with Couples. Kinky  img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Smoking and dyeing your hair are linked to liver disease. So it's a case of liver dye  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Bullies pick on unpopular kids, according to study by nerdy, friendless, pimpled, weird scientist with a squeaky voice and four eyes  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists find first ever southern tyrannosaur. Say it's distinguished by its love of NASCAR, tendency to monophthongize diphthongs  img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Columbo to sue construction company. Behold the power of Falk  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Susan Boyle eyes new house, presumably of the international pancake variety  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Bono is the worst investor in America. What would you expect from a guy who can't count to four in Spanish?  img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Joe Biden uses the f-word during the signing of the healthcare reform bill, which by law automatically revokes the bill and means Sarah Palin is now president  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The small print: tampons fall under taxable items with ObamaCare. Republicans warned you there'd be strings attached  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  A coffin on your lawn isn't a "threat", it's a "prayer vigil". You know, a prayer vigil where we all get together and pray that you die  img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Interview with GWAR frontman, who discusses upcoming crack-a-thon concert to raise money to pay off existing crack debts and, ideally, begin new ones  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  KC and the Sunshine band co-founder arrested by Milwaukee police, because the way (uh-huh uh-huh) he liked it (uh-huh uh-huh), was with underaged boys  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl was hospitalized for drinking too much...........coffee. ROCK AND ROLL  img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Baby slings to be pulled from the market after consumers complain that the slings aren't even elastic enough to shoot the babies over the roof  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  China says Google is not God. Oh yeah? If I ask Google to find me porn, it does. Has your God ever found you porn, China?  img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  SEC regulators criticized for watching porn on their computers while the economy was tanking. Regulators deny guilt, claim that watching people get mercilessly screwed is their job description  img.fark.net
· · ·

Drew talks about ratcheted-up rhetoric, the NCAA tournament and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/14 - 3/20. Duke sucks
Posted by Drew at 2010-03-22 2:05:56 PM (35 comments) | Permalink

With last night's health care reform bill passed by Congress and likely to be signed by the President in the next few days, you'll be hearing lots more reaction to it. Expect to hear about what deals were cut and with whom, and the inevitable question to be asked by the television media on their local broadcasts: "So...what will healthcare reform mean for you?"

One interesting question remaining is whether the rhetoric, which has been ratcheted up to 11 over the last year, can (or will) be dialed back. David Frum made an interesting point that the bombast from the likes of Limbaugh, Hannity and Beck may be great for their own ratings, but it makes it more difficult for Republican legislators to negotiate a more appealing bill for their constituents.

Everybody who follows March Madness is crying this morning over their busted brackets in the tournament. Northern Iowa and St. Mary's have become the slayers of giants in the tourney, taking down Kansas and Villanova. Even for those people without brackets to root for, it's exciting to see an underdog slay Goliath. We never get sick of it. But make no mistake: this is why we won't see a playoff anytime soon in college football. This is their nightmare scenario: a major program with huge money invested wetting the bed on national television -- to a school that the average person hadn't heard of before the tournament.

There is no major football program in the nation that feels comfortable with that risk.

Which is a shame, because while there's a much greater element of risk, it makes the entire tournament that much more compelling. This is why college basketball is more exciting; it's dynamic. Anything can happen here, which is why even non-basketball fans get excited about the tournament, while bowl games aren't particularly compelling outside of their existing fanbase. There's real drama, crushing anguish and jumping-out-of-your-seat victory. And that unpredictability is what makes it so incredible.

Oh, and before I forget: Duke sucks.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-03-14 to Sat 2010-03-20:

img1.fark.net  Comcast founder celebrates 90th birthday. Party to begin Thursday between 9 am and 5 pm; cake is free for first three months    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Public to get peek at airport body scanners, and vice versa    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Apple iPad orders drop sharply over the weekend, should pick up about 28 days from now    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dentist is accused of using paper clips instead of stainless steel posts inside the teeth of root canal patients. He's expected to be charged with wire fraud    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Father of the year candidate gets so drunk and stoned that he leaves his baby in the oven overnight. Authorities report that the child is safe, moist, and tender    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dad leaps from a second story window and shoots his daughter's boyfriend in the groin when he sees him beating her up, guaranteeing whoever dates her in the future will always get her home before curfew    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Police suspect flees biting dog    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man ends his electrician career to become a conductor    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Moms' self esteem hurt by helpful dads" says Institute For Mens' Lazy-Ass Excuses    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man sentenced to death for sorcery, apparently having failed his saving throw    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Southern Iceland evacuated following eruption of random ASCII characters at Eyjafjallajökull    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Tiger Woods to return to golf at Mistress ... I mean Masters, Masters    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Cubs want OK for illuminated Toyota sign at Wrigley Field. If approved, there'll be no stopping the Cubs this year    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  12-year old diabetic NASCAR fan needs the Power Of FARK to win Toyota's racecar design contest. Because Kyle Busch is driving, and diabetics are used to pricks    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Mind-reading technology may be just around the corner. In other news, RIAA to start suing people for songs stuck in their heads    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Not satisfied with ID cards, pictures, fingerprints, retinal scans, body imagers and RF chips, the government is considering shoving something up your nose to verify your identity. All right, now they're just f*cking with us    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Newly discovered planet CoRoT may or may not have water and has temperature swings from -23°C to 157°C. Back home we just call that Denver    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Peter Graves' life is over, over    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  MTV bans Lady Gaga/Beyonce video, along with every other video for the past fifteen years    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Actual headline: "Leo helps Kate through split." Well, you see, when an actor and an actress love each other very, very much, he takes his passenger steamship and rams it into her iceberg    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Emergence of the "Tea Party" dismays evangelical leaders who say whipping gullible, none-too-bright fanatics into a frenzy over non-existent problems is THEIR job    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Larry Flynt to write history of presidents' sex lives. Suggested titles include "From Johnson to Bush" and "There's A Reason They Called Millard 'Fillmore'"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Rep. Steve King (R-etarded) compares the current Tea Party movement with the Velvet Revolution. He should probably Czech his history    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Ronnie James Dio winning cancer battle after meeting it face to face and slicing it clean in two with his broadsword    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lady Gaga has her very own protege. So, this is like a Sith thing, then    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Emma Bunton, humanity at large, not ready for a Spice Girls reunion    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Our "assembly-line" work mentality is harmful to our well-being. Our "assembly-line" work mentality is harmful to our well-being. Our "assembly-line" work mentality is harmful to our well-being    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hearst to flood iTunes with news aggregator apps that charge people to see other publishers' articles. I guess there's a sucker born every--hey, wait    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Germany's call for austerity measures in Greece and Ireland is causing a furor in Europe, a furor that is sweeping across the continent like lightning    img.fark.net
· · ·

Why lost productivity due to March Madness is a load of crap, and some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/7 - 3/13
Posted by Drew at 2010-03-15 1:34:08 PM (28 comments) | Permalink

It's still a month too early to start sending out the legions of reporters to do a breathless live feed in front of long lines at the Post Office as people file their taxes, but that doesn't mean that you won't see press releases on "little-known tax loopholes" stories that are often thinly disguised advertisements for tax preparation companies.

For the next two weeks, other sports will continue to exist, and there are a lot of important things happening, but 90% of what you'll be hearing about will be related to March Madness. The annual story about the NCAA men's basketball tournament lowering worker productivity by x% should be out today, or tomorrow at the very latest (update: never mind, it's already out).

It's total crap, and here's why: every single office worker in America has already figured out the sliding scale of their workplace. On one end is how much work to do in order to be promoted, and on the other end is how little work they need to do not to get fired. Anybody with half a brain knows how to slack off while looking busy. So yeah, people will be paying attention to the tournament, but no, it's not replacing working. It's replacing the slacking off doing other crap that people were doing while looking busy but not working.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-03-07 to Sat 2010-03-13:

img1.fark.net  Bigfoot spotted in Maine, solid brown everywhere else    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Psycho killer...signs himself...out of the ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hospital, then he...runs runs runs runs, runs runs runs away    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Large Hadron Collider misses again. This is not a repeat from 2011    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Semi overturns and spills 45,000 pounds of batteries. Driver not charged    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Teen shoots himself in the testicles. Bet he doesn't have the balls to do that again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  7.2 magnitude earthquake stirs Chile    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Thieves steal beloved hamster from school for children with autism. Students describe hamster as 18.375 cm long, weighs 197.901 grams, eats 10.34 grams of sunflower seeds per day, and has 15,728 hairs on its body    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Female reporter says she doesn't feel like a woman when she's abroad    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Math Teacher sentenced to [-C+π²+πlog(9/4),(-2+2e+8e²)/e] months ∈ (the prison population) for corruption of individual x where age(x) is less than 17  

img1.fark.net  One in ten British children believe that the Queen invented the telephone. The remaining 90% think that she will, she will, rock you    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Australia may lower the blood alcohol limit for motorists to .02, meaning they'd returned to the good old days when 98% of the residents were prisoners    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Hall of Famer Merlin Olsen passes away at 69. If only there were some way to send condolences to the funeral    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Johnny Weir says Stars on Ice doesn't want him in the show because he's too gay. So apparently Stars on Ice is going with an all-female cast this year    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tiger and Elin show the world that a deep, abiding love of sponsorship money conquers all    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Yellowstone Park's Druid wolf pack is gone. Nobody knows who they were, or...what they were doing. But their legacy remains, hewn into the living rock...of Yellowstonehenge    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Cisco just invented a new router that can download the entire Library of Congress in one second, every movie ever made in four minutes, all the porn on the internet in 69 years    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Women with good genes have more sexual partners than those without, possibly because their butts look so damned good in them    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Chuck Norris would be 70 today if time wasn't afraid of him    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Mario Lopez and his girlfriend are expecting their first child. Lopez says when he finds the guy responsible he's going to kick his ass    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman whose picture appeared in "Couples Retreat" sues for humiliation, embarrassment, emotional distress, shame, mortification and injury to her career. Wouldn't that apply to everyone that appeared in that movie?    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  The Clinton family thinking about putting their little one into a Jewish Marriage Ceremony. Bill reminded the last time he put his little one into something Jewish, it didn't turn out so good    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jesus, Crist is getting crucified by Marco Rubio in the Florida Senate Primary *and* by McColum in the Governor Primary. There's little chance of him coming back from the dead THIS time    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Democrats already vying to be Senate majority leader next term to replace Harry Reid, who has combined the excitement of vanilla pudding with the legislative effectiveness of, well, vanilla pudding    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  The Melvins to release new album and go on tour, which is excting news for the dozens of fans still listening to grunge    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Coming this June: Green Day Rock Band. Even on Expert level, you'll only need to use two of the buttons    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ray Charles musical set to open on Broadway this fall. Too bad he didn't live to see it    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Citi plans to foreclose on a house unless the homeowner pays them $0.00. Where will he get that exorbitant amount of money?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Your Shopper loyalty card: a great way to get discounts, special offers, and warnings from the CDC that the food you just bought could make you vomit blood from your eyeballs    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  FCC launches its own broadband speed test site so you can see exactly how your ISP is humping you like a horny donkey    img.fark.net
· · ·

Drew talks about earthquake mania, Selection Sunday, and the James Cameron Reaction Watch. Also, some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/28 - 3/6
Posted by Drew at 2010-03-08 1:47:15 PM (38 comments) | Permalink

Now that Kathryn Bigelow was the first woman to win an Academy Award for best director, you can expect more followup stories on 1) other women firsts, and 2) other places where women still have yet to break that barrier. Also some followup stories on the state of mind of James Cameron, who will be forced to console himself by wiping away his tears with $100 bills while lying on a bed made of $100 bills in a house constructed of bricks made out of stacks and stacks of crisp $100 bills. There was also history made with the first African-American to win an Oscar for screenwriting, but the odds-on money favorite is still the James Cameron reaction.

With major earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, Japan, and Turkey, you can bet that there will continue to be a flood of in-depth articles about devastating potential fault lines around the United States, especially if they're the same fault type as Chile. Although most of them will be stories of regional interest (Ohio will discuss the basement faults common to their region, for instance), you'll also see the same old "San Andreas fault is bound to blow any year now" stories from the last twenty years, updated with new quotes from the current Caltech spokesperson, which always boils down to, "we don't know when, but it's overdue." Random non-causal correlation, though: the biggest California earthquakes of the last hundred years have all come when Republicans have sat in the governor's chair. No idea why.

There may be a bit more discussion of Missing Hot White Chick SyndromeTM after the media noticed that of two women abducted around the same time, one got all the press while the other one was quickly forgotten. Sorry about that, less-attractive-abductee-girl.

March 14 is Selection Sunday for the NCAA men's basketball tournament, so you can expect three articles to circulate: 1) who got jobbed and missed the tournament, 2) the annual discussion of doubling the tournament size to 128 teams instead of 64 (the word is that the tournament size expanding to 96 teams is all but a done deal), and the inevitable 3) randomly generated figure on lost productivity due to the NCAA tournament. It's been hovering between about $1 billion and $4 billion the last few years. Any early guesses?

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-02-28 to Sat 2010-03-06:

img1.fark.net  Marijuana use can up the risk of psychosis, according to some scientists THAT I WANT TO KILL    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman goes into labor during her shotgun wedding. Delivers a beatiful little bb boy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Detached penis goes missing, now most likely on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven down on Second Avenue near St Mark's Place    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Former Labour Party leader Michael Foot dies. He was a living leg end    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The new Whole Foods nutrition rating system ignores the entirety of human evolution in favor of political considerations. Unlike Twinkies, which are awesome and will eventually grow wild in couch-shaped bushes    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  US and Canada moving to transgenic pork. But you'll know it's fake, since you can tell by the pig cells    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Actual Headline "New Salmonella Recall Raises Questions About Food Safety", so don't order the salmonella    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tour bus crashes south of Phoenix. The dead are expected to rise within the day    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman decapitated by a freak lawnmower accident as she heads off to work    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Psychotherapist charged with acting like there are a couple well-placed spaces in his title    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tractor trailer containing 30,000 pounds of yogurt rolls over on I-91 in Northampton. Culture comes to Western Massachusetts    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Lebron James is going to play with new jersey next season. No, not that New Jersey    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Brett Favre tells Jay Leno he's undecided about returning next year, because if there's anyone else who knows about manipulating the narrative about returning to an old job it's Jay Leno    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Indiana Governor raises $6,000 for local youth football by auctioning Saints flag flown in his office..with the stipulation that the money be spent teaching kids how to cover onside kicks    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Nun finds rare flowers that only blossom every three thousand years, growing under her washing machine. Flowers proceed to bloom. Must be divine reward for taking care of her dirty habits    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Geneticists trace origins of small dogs to the Middle East, proving it's always been a breeding ground for terrierists    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  GOES-P weather satellite scheduled to launch at 6:17 EDT, unless there's a leak in the rocket, which would piss me off    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Lady Gaga says that women get a "bad deal" in sex. And he'd know    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Steven Speilberg, George Lucas, and Harrison Ford agreed on "a germ of an idea" for the 5th Indiana Jones movie. Which is an improvement of the virus that was the 4th Indiana Jones    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  And the nerds will look up and shout "Please don't try to make a Watchmen sequel," and Hollywood will whisper, "No"    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Doctor says Obama has high cholesterol, finally proving to the Birthers that he is American    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  New York Governor in trouble again after he got free tickets to listen to Game One of the World Series    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  GOP: We don't like your plan. Obama: Let's include some of your ideas. GOP: We don't like our plan    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Bon Jovi will visit homeless shelters on their upcoming tour. Never before has a band gone to such great lengths to reach its fanbase    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hole releases their new single, "Skinny Little Biatch," because "Fortyish Crack Whore" doesn't lend itself to a good melody    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Katy Perry says she'd like to be the Alanis Morissette of our time    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Proving it can keep pace with the Japanese auto industry, GM recalls 1.3 million cars    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Anheuser-Busch InBev reports piss-pour sales for fourth quarter    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hey Zhou, where you goin' with that yuan in your hand?    img.fark.net
· · ·

Bus drivers Kramden to storm sewers, coriolis effect swirlies, and 12-parsec intermissions: Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/21 - 2/27
Posted by Drew at 2010-03-02 3:58:24 PM (27 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No posting from Drew this week, so here are the unadorned headlines for your entertainment.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-02-21 to Sat 2010-02-27:

img1.fark.net  America ranked laziest country in the wor    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Beer doctor once again proves to be a better job than gynecologist, probably because you don't get as tired of the bitter, yeasty notes in beer    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Women passes away at 93 leaving 15 children, 200 grandchildren and 2000 great-grandchildren. Funeral procession to be one hearse and 317 Suvs    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Obama proposes Great Lakes cleanup, which presumably involves relocating Detroit to Nebraska    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Britain's National Health Service spent £4 million funding four homeopathic hospitals last year. Suggestion: this year, give each hospital £10, and tell them it will work better because it's diluted    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists discover area of western North Atlantic where trash tends to accumulate, naming it "Quebec"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Bus driver rescues woman from storm sewer. Still not sure how she got Kramden there    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  North Korean rice shipment to the Republic of Congo found to contain a suspicious level of T-55 tank parts. Authorities tipped off by the unlikelyhood of North Korea having any extra rice to ship anywhere    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dumb jock image is a myth, athletes do well academically. Those swirlies they gave you were just a demonstration of the coriolis effect    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Legless man plants explosive device at NYC train station. Now the trains aren't running either    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Gordon Brown insists Britain not involved in torture, conveniently forgetting the cuisine    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Johnny Damon claims that the Tigers were his "first choice", forgets to add "...after the Yankees, the White Sox, and the Braves"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Sandy Koufax dashes Mets fans hopes by announcing he was only at spring training to give the pitchers advice, not compete for the number 4 spot in the rotation    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hillary Duff announces engagement to NHL player Mike Comrie. Comrie celebrated with mild checking against the boards before going five-hole    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  'The Man of Steel' goes platinum. A copy of Action Comics #1 sells for $1 million. Meanwhile, your boxes of X-titles have proven to be adequate shelf supports in the garage    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Physicist calls on Hollywood to tone down the fanciful science in movies and restrict themselves to just one scientific flaw per film. Also have intermissions every 12 parsecs so people can use the restroom    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Descartes letter found, therefore it is    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Kim Kardashian annoyed by marriage rumors, Bajorans    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Pixar turns down "Newt." They got better    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Max Max Max Headroom is coming to to to to to DVD D D D D    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid would win election if the health care bill kept the public option, according to poll commissioned by the progressive group Committee for Providing Hints to Dumbasses    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Support for labor unions among Americans, which was as high as 58 percent in 2007, is down to 41 percent. A spokesman for unions is expected to respond after his break    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Bush says he won't be an annoying ex-president to President Obama like a certain one was to him. Yes, he's looking at you Mr. Habitat for Hamas    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  George Michael seen hanging out with Rob Thomas, fueling rumors there's money in the banana stand    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Johnny Cash releases yet another new album, is said to be considering a duet record with Tupac as his next project    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Muse says the decision by Warner to pull free songs from the net "issssss dis-aaapoiiiiiiiinnnting"    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Reader's Digest condenses Chapter 11    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Magic Johnson calls off plan to acquire struggling publisher of Ebony and Jet magazines, says he couldn't guarantee black ink    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  WellPoint CEO testifies before Congressional Death Panel. The execution was televised    img.fark.net
· · ·

Slutty genes, King Tut's failed pyramid scheme and the street value of illegal poultry: Fark's favorite headlines of the week from 2/14 - 2/20
Posted by Drew at 2010-02-22 2:38:58 PM (30 comments) | Permalink

From Unfreakable:

No writeup from Drew this week, so enjoy some good headlines you may have missed.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-02-14 to Sat 2010-02-20:

img1.fark.net  Former Olympians Peggy Fleming, Vonetta Flowers injured in Joe Biden motorcade crash. 5.7, 5.8, 5.9, 5.9, 6.0, 5.7    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  UAH professor who killed three colleagues last week, shot brother in 1986, was also suspect in Harvard bomb plot in 1993. Will soon be linked to Kennedy assassination    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Car crashes at auction, seriously injuring 4, I have 4, do I hear 5, I have 5, make that 6 seriously injured    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Over 600 chickens were seized from a poultry trafficker's home. Police estimate their total street value at $1,000,000    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Small plane slams into Austin building near FBI offices. FBI investigates possible ties between Al Qaeda and gravity    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Coup succeeds in detaining Niger president, exciting teabaggers who misread the headline    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Genetics replaces Long Island Ice Tea as the primary reason for why your girlfriend is a slut    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  LHC to be switched on again last week    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  American military gets its thumb drives back. U-S-B, U-S-B, U-S-B    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The new O'Hare runway is planned to go right over a cemetery, potentially displacing dozens of voters    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Monastery in Austria is offering men the chance to be a monk for a weekend. Have some time for contemplation, search for inner peace, find God, bone up on onanism    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  NBC's crappy Olympics coverage has reached a point where sports fans are beginning to personally hate the network with the blazing agony of rectal herpes    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jose Reyes says he's ready to return to his role as New York's fifth-best shortstop, behind Jeter, Jeter's backup, A-Rod, and Phil Rizzuto's coffin    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Phil Jackson whines about Cavaliers picking up Jamison for a bag of beans. Pau Gasol unavailable for comment    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  "Common Thread Links Multiple Human Cognitive Disorders." It's on the Politics tab if you want to read it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  King Tut found to have suffered from cleft palate, club foot, and died from complications from broken leg exacerbated by malaria, failed pyramid scheme    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Top 25 most dangerous software practices for 2010\'; UPDATE links SET light = 'green' WHERE id = 5033195 --    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Production on "24" halted after Kiefer Sutherland suffers a ruptured cyst. TELL ME WHERE THE BALM IS    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tila Tequila may have miscarried. Well, miscarriages are almost always sad, but in this case I think the kid made the right choice    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  James Cameron says he will not return to the Terminator franchise, will instead focus on Avatar-related projects, including the development of the Na'vi's evil neighbors, the Ga'rg'am'el's    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  James Traficant could be dipping his toe into the pool of congressional candidates this fall. No word yet if he will run as an independent or Wig    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  February 20th, 1992: Ross Perot says he'll run for President on Larry King. Do you hear me? Did you hear what I'm saying to you? What you have here is a headline. You read it from left to right. It's not rocket science, people    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Alexander Haig no longer in charge here    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  "My Sharona" singer now visiting "My Embalma", then "My Funeral Parla"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Gordon Lightfoot joins Abe Vigoda in the Great Beyond    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Manic Street Preachers attack Radiohead during a small show in Glasgow. Radiohead would respond, but they're too busy making music and playing shows that people actually listen to    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  U.S. worse than Greece, says economists letting out a collective Ψ    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Abercrombie's profit falls 31%, as people discover you don't have to spend two hundred dollars to get holes in your jeans    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Too late to help out Mitt Romney, Air Canada proposes nut-free buffer zones on flights    img.fark.net
· · ·

Drew attends TED, but fails to steal the seat from Bill Gates' wife. Also, some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 2/7 thru 2/13
Posted by Drew at 2010-02-16 11:05:46 AM, edited 2010-02-16 6:24:54 PM (51 comments) | Permalink

Last week I attended the TED conference for the first time. I was kind of dubious about it, I don't have a lot of luck at conferences -- it seems that most of them are full of douchebags. It seemed even more likely that TED would be full of douchebags since the context of the conference seems to be "save the world", a sanctimonious goal if there ever was one.

I was surprised to discover that there weren't so many douchebags there. In fact, everyone I met was really nice, and I was able to catch up with a ton of folks that I'd been trying to grab a beer with forever, including Jay Adelson (Digg), Phillip "Pud" Kaplan (F*cked Company & others), moot (4chan), and Arianna Huffington (HuffPo), among others. I even inadvertently asked Bill Gates if the seat next to him was taken; he was saving it for his wife. Didn't realize it was him until two days later.

It's one thing to have a conference where the subtext is "save the world," but it's another thing entirely to have people there who can actually do it. By far my favorite talk was about Nathan Myhrvold's new mosquito laser built out of parts found on eBay. Pretty amazing stuff, although my first reaction was that this probably has some obvious military applications -- such as parking one in geostationary orbit over Iran and setting it to kill anyone with a mustache. Seems like I saw this movie before, Val Kilmer was in it.


Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-02-07 to Sat 2010-02-13:

img1.fark.net  "Sheen Remains Weeks After Port Arthur Oil Spill." I bet he'd go away if they offered him some hookers and coke    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Georgia man arrested with $1.6 billion in phony Treasury notes. Authorities became suspicious upon learning that the man's name wasn't China    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Overweight men have higher chance of surviving a car crash. That's how we roll    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman wins $15K in botched bikini wax lawsuit. I don't think she'll get ripped off again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Original Haitian death toll of 270,000 has now been revised to 170,000, meaning that 100,000 people are no...longer...dead...OH CRAP    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Beet juice mix helps melt ice. Beet juice mix helps melt ice. Beet juice mix helps melt ice    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Nelson Mandela was released from prison 20 years ago today, hasn't reoffended    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Officers say they've had two meth seizures within five days of each other." They better go easy on that stuff    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman injured after getting hit by a cinder truck. Why couldn't it have been something softer like a pillow truck or a marshmallow truck?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Staff employees in Maricopa County, Arizona have been caught speeding on photo radar cameras more than 1,500 times over the last two years, marking the first time in history a government worker has done something fast    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Probe launched into Mianus fire blamed on hot ashes, spicy food    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Vick no longer complacent, realizes that competitive sports is a something-of-one-type eat something-of-the-same-type world    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Nancy Kerrigan lands new gig as a reporter for the 2010 Winter Olympics. WHY HER? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  NASCAR begins its boring sport toda...Wait what? Danica Patrick was in a 12-car accident? Is she okay? Was her racing suit torn off at all?    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Rebuilt DNA Could Lead to Cloned Neanderthals, Higher Ratings for WWE    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Starcraft 2 beta to be released this month. Kekekekeke nerd rush ^_^    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Europe's LHC to run at half-energy, tightening race for Higgs. In related news, scientists across Europe have begun stockpiling crossbows    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Heather Mills wants to produce a TV show about people with disabilities. Guess she hasn't heard Jersey Shore's coming back for a second season    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "I do not believe in totally natural for women" says Donatella Versace, who looks like a cross between Iggy Pop and a leather purse left out in the sun    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Lady Gaga is dating her best friend. She says that it was very nice to meat him    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Although she lives in a state that allows gay marriage, TV pundit Rachel Maddow says she and her girlfriend don't want to get married, but like having the option of putting the Subaru in both their names if they want    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Bill Clinton rushed to NY hospital with heart problem. Details, updates, Clinton expected to come soon    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Poll shows that 70% of Americans support gays and lesbians in the military. However, only 59% support homosexuals in the military. Non-homosexual gay and lesbian soldiers rejoice    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  White Stripes upset at Air Force Reserve for stealing one of their songs. They say they recognized it because the drums sounded like a monkey trapped in a snare    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Moby says he is using "no electronic instruments" on his new album, which means you'll be lulled to sleep by real instruments    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Limp Bizkit's Wes Borland says that their new album is inspired by Daft Punk. In related news, Daft Punk to sue Limp Bizkit for defamation of character    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan emerges from his hole and predicts six more years of high unemployment    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Philip Morris profit tops estimates, plans to boost health through the intake of second hand stock    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  MySpace CEO Van Natta quits after just nine months, which is pretty much what most MySpace users did four years ago    img.fark.net
· · ·

While Drew's recovering from his party last night, here are some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/31 - 2/6
Posted by Drew at 2010-02-08 1:25:47 PM, edited 2010-02-13 5:57:10 PM (11 comments) | Permalink

by Unfreakable:

No writeup this week, Drew was up half the night in Las Vegas at his combined birthday party/Fark party/Super Bowl party. He'll probably be back after the hangover subsides.

Until then, here are some of the better headlines from last week:

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-01-31 to Sat 2010-02-06:

img1.fark.net  Scientists find that overeating is as addictive as cocaine. Except the high is nowhere near as awesome, and when you're done you don't end up in a hotel bed with naked strangers    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Abstinence-only education works. Suck it, non-believers. Or anal, if that's your thing    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Colin Powell joins Mike Mullen in favoring repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" rule, offering much-needed support from the non-Navy sector of the armed forces    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Two die when car crashes into casino. Driver put behind: Bar...Bar...Bar    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Sharks kill surfer at Florida beach. Jets promise a swift and choreographed retaliation    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Shark attack victim was a veteran windsurfer, good husband to his wife, loving father to his children, pal to his friends, and chum to shark    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  UN: Global warming has put 55% of the Netherlands underwater. Netherlands: We think we would have noticed that    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Iowa man arrested for possession of methamphetamine and steroids. Neighbors became suspicious when they noticed him lifting his car off the ground to vacuum his driveway at 3 AM    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Employers refuse to hire Generation Y workers because they lack a work ethic and spend too much time talking to frien--- Hold on, I have to take this    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  After student sent home from Louisiana high school for wearing a Colts jersey, his parents call the ACLU -- proving that like their team, Indy fans are really only good at working the officials    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Skateboarding while texting is not a crime... though the law of averages will eventually catch up with you    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  There's no 'Vanessa Perroncel' in 'team', but apparently there *was* a team in Vanessa Perroncel    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Rex Ryan hears the word that the bird will cost him $50K. Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Tiger Woods has left sex rehab, now faces a dismal life of having drunken sex on a huge pile of cash with only his beautiful blonde Swedish wife. Poor guy    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Proving everything that Texas fans have ever said about them; a researcher at Texas A&M has found that Viagra is useful for sheep as well    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Carbonite reveals chemistry of ancient seawater, Han Solo's facial expression    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Injected fruit juice liquifies tumors, makes delicious cancer smoothie    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Kim Kardashian says she has not gotten a nose job, remains silent on what happened to her cranial ridges and the spoon-shape on her forehead    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Adam Lambert claims he's bi-curious. So now's your chance, girls    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Soap opera star Frances Reid dies at age 95. Will return in a few months with amnesia, marry her rapist, have an affair with her stepson, get divorced, turn evil, and die again. Surprise! It's really her twin    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Obama to cut farm subsidies, threatening one of three remaining bastions of communism in the Western hemisphere, the others being Cuba and the Pennsylvania liquor system    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Rahm Emmanuel will host a group of special needs people at the White House. The hard part will be telling them apart from the Congressional delegations    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Statue of President Obama as a 10-year-old boy to be removed from public park in Jakarta after people complain that he wasn't even born there. LOL - what kind of backwards country throws such a fit about where Obama was born?    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Rush rumored to perform in Vancouver Winter Olympics opening ceremony. In other news, ethnic make up of Rush concert audiences unchanged    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ringo Starr says he found God. Steady beat still elusive    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jack White to record with Dolly Parton. That's gotta be one helluva recording studio to contain three boobs that big    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Euro falls to 7-month low against the dollar on news that the fate of the entire European Union is in the hands of a country with an economy based on goat cheese and olives    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Former CEO of Bank of America charged with fraud, $39 overdraft fee, $10 notification fee, $25 low balance fee, and $7 loss fee    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Environmental activists would like makers of household cleaners to tell us exactly what's in them. Cleaner industry says we should simply trust them not to put anything harmful in there, and to enjoy the new lemony-carcinogeny scent    img.fark.net
· · ·

Super Bowl media mania, a question about international beers, and Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/24 - 1/30
Posted by Drew at 2010-02-01 1:16:27 PM (48 comments) | Permalink

In media news, it's Super Bowl week. Be on the lookout for rehashes of previous year Super Bowl news, including "How Much Money Does The Super Bowl Cost in Terms of Lost Productivity?", and "Top 10 Craziest Super Bowl Halftime Shows" with Janet Jackson in the number one slot. She'll be there forever.

So in unrelated news, a friend of mine here in Kentucky has been challenged to drink a beer from every country that got into the World Cup. He's found most of them but is running into trouble with a few countries, I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for the following:

- Algeria (do muslims drink beer?)
- Cameroon
- Ghana
- Ivory Coast
- North Korea
- Slovenia
- Uruguay

Let me know.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-01-24 to Sat 2010-01-30:

img1.fark.net  Jets crash in Indianapolis, Lebanon    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Cu later "Chemical Ali." Officials now busy deciding where to barium    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Film made entirely by chimps airs on BBC. No, it's not Transformers 2    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  WHO accused of overplaying H1N1 pandemic, My Generation    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  British death toll in Afghanistan may have reached 250, but it is tough to keep accurate count because of the tally ban    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Construction worker dies after Forth bridge fall. You'd think he'd have learned his lesson after the first three    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Reclusive author J.D. Salinger dead at 91. As usual, he was unavailable for comment    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Disabled woman successfuly tackles and subdues raider, completely failing to amaze anyone living in Oakland    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Italy to open first prison for transsexuals, presumably to be called Alcatranz    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Kansas jury says post 200th trimester abortion is murder    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jesus spotted in coconut, sermon on the Mounds anticipated    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Serena Williams says she weighs in at 68kg (150lbs), Aussie journalist playfully suggests weighing her other thigh    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Away in Manilla/mom on her sick bed/The little Lord Tebow poked out his sweet head/James Dobson and wingnuts looked down where he lay/Here's 2.8 million to take choice away    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hue Jackson becomes offensive coordinator for Oakland, will try to get JaMarcus Russell to learn by poking him with his adamantium claws    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  In an effort to reach out and touch the youth, the Pope wants Priests to start blogs    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Energy-harvesting rubber sheets could power pacemakers, mobile phones. Or, if installed in John Edwards' bedroom, St. Louis    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scottish scientists "lead the world," developing technology to view Flame Nebula. Next up: deep-fried Flame Nebula    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  "Jersey Shore" cast to stick together and ask for more money for second season, just like the cast of "Friends," except less educated, with faker tans and a really bad case of herpes    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Bollywood to get its first ever gay kiss. Unsurprisingly, some people are making a big song and dance about this    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Katy Perry's Twitter account gets hacked and series of juvenile messages get posted. No one really notices a difference    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  Obama to seek spending freeze. Republicans scrambling to find reasons to oppose it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Two of the teabaggers' biggest nuts are dropping out    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  US takes the high road and avoids conflicting with China over the Google situation. Just kidding, we're selling $6 billion of "F*ck China" to Taiwan    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Muse is donating their drum kit for Haiti auction. It's described as being in new and unused condition    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ozzy Osbourne says he's lucky to be alive after his drug use and "I really like this Lady Gaga." Evidently the drug use hasn't stopped    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Willie Nelson cancels concert due to having severe hand pain. If only he had access to a cheap, non-addictive, easy to find medication that would temporarily ease his pain and help him like, totally chill out, dude    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Home sales slide like a McMansion on a California hill    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Left-wing, socialist companies spreading the wealth around by advertising 87,000 job openings, creating more taxpayers to feed Obama's communist agenda    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Five. Five banks. Five banks go tits up    img.fark.net
· · ·

Haiti fatigue, Apple hyperbole and the Fark Betting Line for this week. Plus some of Fark's favorite headlines from 1/17 - 1/23
Posted by Drew at 2010-01-25 12:11:16 PM, edited 2010-01-25 12:17:30 PM (26 comments) | Permalink

MSM is in a weird spot with Haiti coverage now. I have to give them credit, they did a great job covering this one, probably motivated somewhat by their terrible Iran coverage last year. The problem now, though, is that media consumers are pretty much burnt out on the stories, having had their fill of death and destruction. Not to mention that rebuilding isn't particularly interesting to read about. So keep an eye out for a spate of odd-thing stories now as MSM tries to stay interested, for example CNN's "There's an AP for that" (laugh track laughter) story about the man who survived because he had an app on his iPhone for taking care of wounds . According to Gawker this morning, now that the media saturation point has hit, CBS is getting the hell out right now due to lack of interest.

You can also expect a glut of free publicity for whatever the hell Apple is announcing Wednesday (probably the iPad) as "online interest" hits "fever pitch". Otherwise, some good headlines last week (good job, submitters), and this week's Fark Betting Line for your betting pleasure:


- Coverage on Haiti switches from "damn, they're boned" to "let's fly back and ask Haitians in the U.S. what they think about all of this" (4:1)

- Media runs out of Super Bowl matchup strategy discussions to talk about by Wednesday, will switch focus to "Aftermath of Katrina" stories about how great this is for the people of New Orleans (3:1)

- Apple unveils the latest, greatest, most awesomest thing that was ever conceived by mankind since the wheel, beer, sliced bread and bacon (2:1)

- Competing tech company says, "Hey, we pretty much invented that same thing in 2008..." before being captured and dismembered by Apple's crack Hyperbole Commando Team (12:1)

- Repeat from last week, but it's bound to happen: Shaky-cam live footage of a cliff residence sliding down into a pile of rubble after the rain-saturated footings give way (3:1)

- Favre retirement discussion begins. Bonus if they show pics of Favre's face in pain as the Saints defenders climb off his ribs (5:1)

- Entertainment media downshifts to Defcon 2 to cover every conceivable angle of the rumor of the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie breakup (3:2)

- Jolie tries to divert attention away from relationship questions by adopting the entire country of Haiti (59:1)

- After heated negotiations with the network, Jay Leno slides into slot previously occupied by Brad Pitt (27:1)

- Kobe Bryant and President Obama play a pickup game behind the White House after the Lakers meet with the President (6:1)

- Kobe dunks on Obama, in the first known incident of an NBA player posterizing a sitting President (15:1)


Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2010-01-17 to Sat 2010-01-23:

img1.fark.net  Husbands get more benefit from marriage than wives, such as a valuable, constant stream of constructive criticism    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  There were no rubber friction treads to keep her from slipping, explained the bus driver with a blank stair    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Group wants to build male Statue of Liberty. Erection to cost 150 million    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Comcast employee stabbed in neck, rushed to hospital, surgery scheduled for next Tuesday sometime between 8am and 5pm    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  A trend no one saw coming: Braille literacy on decline    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Liberian torture victims scarred for life, have yet to pay off late fees    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  A year with Japanese snow monkeys. You've never seen so many amazing pictures of macaque    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Canada's ambassador to Iran from 1977-1980, who saved US embassy personnel during the Iranian Revolution, was actually a spy for the CI eh    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Naked woman withdrawn from bank in Farmington after collecting crazy interest    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  28-year-old woman arrested for doing her job as a youth the rapist    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier turns 50. The office copier tur *CALL KEY OPERATOR*  


Sports:

img1.fark.net  "Asked how he feels about the contact he'll have with open wheel media star Danica Patrick, (Kyle) Busch says: "Right now it will only be when I lap her." That's a slip of the tongue    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Gaines Adams died from a thickening of his left ventricle, explains doctor half-heartedly    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Coffey and Brewers agree on fair trade    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Researchers say bacteria have complex decision-making abilities. Right. They say that about Congress, too    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  In the mid 80's, scientists transmitted the sounds of vaginal contractions towards neighbouring star systems. It is unclear what sort of reply we should expect, but it's sure to come hard and fast    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Computers cannot replace scientific thinking, says obsolete bag of meat    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Fox readying U.S. version of "Torchwood": Meh. Written by Russell Davies: Well that's cool. Starring John Barrowman: My pants are completely off    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Heidi Montag says she is "not addicted" to plastic surgery, much in the same way that Amy Winehouse is merely a "crack aficionado"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Kristen Bell injured while filming When in Rome. Italy is sorry it couldn't find the right words to say    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  NY governor David Paterson caught kissing woman that's not his wife. Paterson denies he's been seeing the woman    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  With Brown's victory, odds of health care reform have been downgraded to somewhere between "Cubs win World Series" and "Submitter gets a girlfriend"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Pulitzer Board denies National Enquirer prize for Edwards scoop, already awarded Pulitzer to Obama for presidential memoir he hasn't written yet    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Kelly Rowland claims that Destiny's Child could reunite. The person she was speaking with smiled politely, thanked her, and took his Big Mac and coffee into the dining area    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Soul Asylum is selling all their gear on Craigslist. It's expected to sell quickly to people who want to prevent Soul Asylum from ever using it again    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Radiohead to play for Haiti, which is great because after what happened, those people could really use a nice, long nap    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  DVR-proof commercial will prevent fast-forwarding, according to its creator, Hitler, Stalin and Dahmer Advertising Inc    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  With the hedge fund center hit by 5.8 quake, no one certain if banks will go into de fault    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Hulu considers $5 monthly fee for older episodes. Who would pay $5 a month for content that they can get for free?    img.fark.net
· · ·


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