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Fark NotNewsletter: A Fark group celebrates a milestone
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-05-01 12:07:56 PM (81 comments) | Permalink

Fark is a community of many interests. Somehow, along the way, a group has formed with the very Fark-specific interest of competing to make the final post in a Fark thread. Those crazy Farkers dedicated to posting the Last Post call themselves the LPers, and they have started their one-thousandth LP thread today. Congratulations, LP!
 
________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the newsletter each week for the next several weeks.
Our fourth winner is mama2tnt.
 
-----
 
Most of you know the downward spiral of depression, so I won't elaborate.
 
I ended up spending one weekend on the couch, my phone in one hand (to read Fark - although I wasn't up to commenting, I was able to read it voraciously) and my remote in the other hand, switching from Hallmark movie to Lifetime movie and back again. (I TOLD YOU I WAS DEPRESSED, DAMN IT!)
 
After that weekend, I realized that I needed REAL help, so I headed for my doctor and began much-needed medication that has helped me deal with the depression that threatened to overwhelm me.
 
"And I'm much better now!" as they say.
 
But I might not even BE here today if I hadn't had all those wonderful Fark and TotalFark people right there in my hand, communicating to me that the world was going to turn again, even if I couldn't reach out to a single person that weekend.
 
And that's not the last time, either - TFers, especially, have become dear to me, helping me cheer up when the world seems to be at an end, solve problems, give my kids a piece of my mind, etc.
 
I try to give back by helping others, by "mothering" those who seem to need it for a minute, or reaching out in compassion when an offhand remark that got overlooked should be paid attention to.
 
Of course, what I actually TELL people IRL is, "Fark is a news aggregation site, with instantaneous headlines." But when I hear a rumor (as my housemate asked me the other day, "Didn't so-and-so die? I swear I heard that on the news"), I can run straight to TotalFark to see if there are a bunch of headlines screaming someone died or not. (There were none; so-and-so hadn't died, it turned out.)
 
Sure wish I'd've known about Fark years before I did, but am so glad one of my best friends (thanks, Jeff!) pointed me to this site, however long ago it was.
 
-----
 
This is not an uncommon occurrence either.  Farkers may be snarky in general, but when things get serious, they are super supportive of each other.  Can't say that about many online communities.  You guys rock. 
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us! 
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Correspondents' Dinner - 54
First 100 days - 360
Loyalty Day - 79
May Day - 32
Bacon - 479
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Vaginosilicosis won the special prize
Pocket Ninja told about a strange new challenge
Dead for Tax Reasons thought a knife attack on democrats was suspicious
enry advocated ditching punctuation altogether
bearded clamorer found someone who doesn't want to fly next to a cat
WickerNipple posted the most recent version of the Confederate flag
scottydoesntknow showed one answer to "What's your biggest weakness?"
Wanebo found something alarming about a Fark headline
teto85 showed the other side of the story when a woman didn't want to fly near a cat
naughtyrev showed Australia's reaction to threats from North Korea
 
Smartest:
Pocket Ninja questioned how a father searched for evidence against a neighbor
WickerNipple posted the most recent version of the Confederate flag
Atomic Jonb shared some marriage advice
WickerNipple had some advice for people visiting North Korea
Marcus Aurelius thought a victim gave the wrong answer
Marcus Aurelius thought the United States made a mistake after the Civil War
The All-Powerful Atheismo shared a reminder
Primum non nocere discussed the reason Confederate states seceded from the union
myschief gave marriage advice for those who ignore Atomic Jonb's marriage advice
Egoy3k reacted to Confederate Memorial Day
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Seriously odd jobs
Smartest & Funniest:
Man_Without_A_Hat auditioned to be a character at Disneyland with the help of some herbs and fungi
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Diogenes noticed an oenophile's approach to government appointments
ElizaDoolittle shared a tweet about an uncaring helpline
impaler posted an update from the Press Snekretary
Farking Clown Shoes offered some encouragement to suffering farmers
King Something listed other people who ruined things like Carl Sagan ruined science
 
Politics Smartest:
Farking Clown Shoes explained the March for Science
cheezesub proposed some ways to deal with the loss of manufacturing jobs
clodcomplex shared a comparison of Bill Nye and Ken Ham
Hardy-r-r preferred another day over Loyalty Day
foo monkey comforted a voter who felt bamboozled by Trump
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba's "You had ONE job" entry about voting got a lot of votes
ionthrust made a very advanced pop-up book
Iggie proved that baseball is as dangerous as motorcycle racing
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium showed that an elephant never forgets its manners
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a couple of reasons to avoid public transportation
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium revealed what this guy really fell off of
Wrongo thought the election went wrongo
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed a bad time and place for a nap
Iggie found someone who's somewhere he doesn't belong
Iggie figured out that this guy is really just dancing
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 625: "On the Border" with "Between Tranquility and Tempest"
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
Wednesday, July 19th: 5th Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo, NY Zoo
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Why 4 out of 5 dentists recommend Fark
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-04-24 12:44:30 PM (57 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the NotNewsletter each week for the next several weeks.
 
Our third winner is Shadow Blasko, whose life was saved by the generosity of fellow Farkers.
 
-----
 
Well, there was the time *I* was the subject of a greenlit link, but that was before I was a Farker.
 
And then... there was that time Drew saved my life... by letting me beg some Farkers for help when I had a massive jaw infection, no insurance, and it was well before the days of GoFundMe.
 
I would say that had a pretty damned massive impact on my universe
 
-----
 
*PS: I take no credit for saving his life, it was you folks who did it.
 
Speaking of anonymous donors sponsoring contest, we've had another Farker step up with 10 sponsorships to give away in a contest of some kind.  If you've got any suggestions for a contest let me know.  And if you'd like to sponsor one of your own, we could probably do that as well!
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!
 
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
Jason Chaffetz - 304
Armada - 110
Juicero - 21
Alex Jones - 212
Aaron Hernandez - 172
Erin Moran - 90
Bacon - 392
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
delysid25 shared some dark humor in response to the death of Aaron Hernandez
thecactusman17 showed Pepsi saving the day yet again
LowbrowDeluxe felt kinda bad for making a joke
WyDave had a nickname for that a-hole who killed an innocent man on Facebook Live
scottydoesntknow provided an illustration of a horrible mental picture
iron de havilland dusted off an old joke
BradysBalls shared some breaking news
Ghastly noticed how things just used to be more romantic
Diogenes felt sympathy for the predicament Alex Jones finds himself in
Private_Citizen gave an update on Aaron Hernandez
 
Smartest:
ChuckRoddy asked about a woman who was hit at a protest in Berkeley
LisaNeedsBraces reacted to the suicide of the man who murdered someone on Facebook Live
LesserEvil disagreed with a characterization of Aaron Hernandez
nekom suggested several alternatives to killing people
kbronsito discussed aggravating things that airlines do
HeathenHealer suggested Aaron Hernandez should have done things differently
Johnny Rockets wanted a killer to suffer
AntonChigger explained why California might make schools have later start times
Teufelaffe passed on some assurances about online threats
Flappyhead saw why Alex Jones has a problem
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Easter tradition
Smartest:
italie showed us photos of a new Easter tradition
Funniest: baronbloodbath had an interesting side effect after entertaining orphans
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Action Replay Nick showed Bill O'Reilly's feelings about leaving Fox News
gopher321 said farewell to Bill O'Reilly
poonesfarm knew where to find O'Reilly now
markie_farkie noticed that a White House gathering looked familiar
JerseyTim was disappointed in Jason Chaffetz
 
Bonus FarkStaff Pick:
fruitloop found a heroic quality in Mike Pence
 
Politics Smartest:
Ow! That was my feelings! can't get used to an aspect of Donald Trump's personality
Slaxl reacted to possible evidence of Russia's interference in the U.S. election
PirateKing responded to a man who said he assaulted a woman because Trump encouraged it
Dubwise noticed some coincidental timing in Russia's election meddling
abhorrent1 answered the question, "What kind of pet should Donald Trump get?"
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Don_cos gave new meaning to the term bubble butt
RedZoneTuba showed how naval commanders keep safe
Yammering_Splat_Vector discovered the dangers of overblowing
Yammering_Splat_Vector found out where car 54 was
Iggie made this balancing feat much more impressive
#2 complicated a common childhood game
Surly U. Jest followed the instructions in this Photoshop thread's headline
Alligator helped Martin showcase his moves
ToastmasterGeneral gave this chill fellow some friends
Iggie attacked Earth
 
Farktography:
orionid won Farktography Contest No. 624: "Simply Beautiful 2" with a green crevasse
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
Saturday, June 24th: Bay Area Fark Party - Oakland Beer Trail
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Any adult dressed as the Easter Bunny is terrifying 🐰
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-04-18 12:58:52 PM, edited 2017-04-18 12:59:52 PM (55 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis:
 
We have picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the NotNewsletter each week for the next several weeks.
 
Our second winner is Dragonchild, who remembers one of the many times Fark switched gears from irreverent messing around to realtime vetting of breaking news.
 
(Slightly edited for Workplace Email Inboxes)
 
-----
Dragonchild:
 
I'll be non-snarky here and mention how Fark was actually relevant for a couple days -- the Fukushima disaster.  I have a physics degree myself so I'm nowhere near scared of radiation as most people since I understand it better than some kind of eldritch curse, but I also have folks in Japan, and there were a lot of scared/worried/curious people here.
 
While the media had cranked its apeshiat hysteria up to 12, Fark kind of busted out of its usual fare of A-10 fanboying, cat worship and self-important circle-jerks to run a sort of ongoing realtime fact-checker.  A bunch of people with actual experience in these matters (I contributed a smidgen) kept debunking bullshiat story after bullshiat story after bullshiat story, around the clock.  Couldn't fill the void with much in the way of actual facts, since those were hard to get, but it was consistently the fastest turnaround in keep some semblance of sanity in the webosphere.  And the threads remained remarkably on-topic.  Which, for a story that was personally relevant but had the world's attention, was just what everyone needed.
 
I forget the people who were running the show but they deserve MAJOR kudos for giving the community a crash course on nuclear disasters, which allowed the rest of us to spread word and keep the damage the media was doing in check.
 
-----
 
Speaking of anonymous donors sponsoring contest, we've had another Farker step up with 10 sponsorships to give away in a contest of some kind.  If you've got any suggestions for a contest let me know.  And if you'd like to sponsor one of your own, we could probably do that as well!
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!
________________________
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week. Note: This does not mean they were the most-used words
 
United - 3530
Holocaust Center - 115
Chocolate cake - 68
Pepsi - 155
Easter - 1190
Bacon - 478
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
that1guy77 posted some United Airlines flight instructions
Prank Call of Cthulhu wrote some ad copy targeting travelers
LewDux shared a tweet about United's bad timing
Lt. Cheese Weasel wasn't sure how to deal with someone's crispy tan
ParallelUniverseParking knew how United could have better handled things
GRCooper is no snob
Pocket Ninja explained "stand your ground" laws
2chris2 shared a new slogan for United Airlines
Victoly thought things would be okay for a guy who swerved to hit motorcyclists
Sandelaphon shared an observation about anti-gay activists
 
Smartest:
BumpInTheNight pointed out that being cheap can end up costing more
Mr.Uncle.Bill responded to reports about the United passenger's past
EvilEgg disagreed with the use of the phrase "brand genocide"
holdmybones had some advice for United Airlines
FortyHams discussed what it took to get the CEO of United to care
Marcus Aurelius commented on a habit that is common for airlines
czetie replied to a question whether or not reports of a criminal record were valid
SplittingAces gave some advice regarding tipping in restaurants
quatchi commented on the anti-gay religious right
Farking Clown Shoes disagreed with Fox News
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Spring is here
Smartest:
Man_Without_A_Hat really likes spring, apparently
Funniest: Oakenraven shared a story about a smelly Russian guy
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
El_Swino shared a tweet about Sean Spicer's Holocaust-related blunders
A Trump tweet made bloobeary feel nostalgic
Mike_LowELL was taken by surprise
Dusk-You-n-Me shared a logo for a bad place to do your shopping
Eddie Adams from Torrance imagined one of Trump's conversations about North Korea
 
Politics Smartest:
A Trump tweet made bloobeary feel nostalgic
Action Replay Nick was unimpressed by one veteran's opinion
Satanic_Hamster wanted us to hold on to that feelin' (streetlights, people oh oh ohhhhhhh!)
kronicfeld didn't think anyone was confused
Serious Black discussed who broke the filibuster rule
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
manyone found the best way to travel
grampy forwarded a message to American voters
manyone gave a woman a selfie stick
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium updated some art
Yammering_Splat_Vector put this tree in a spooky setting
whyRpeoplesostupid implied that the polar bear ate the lady
manyone showed us a psychic cat
Surly U. Jest found a cat that really wants to catch some fish
Surly U. Jest gave an explorer a sidekick
RedZoneTuba found some friends for this baby dog
 
Farktography:
blastoh won Farktography Contest No. 623: "Nature Photography 2" with a "creek in the Quinault Rainforest"
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
For our guests in the elevator, the jig's up
 
Brain surgery with a tree saw? Must be a new branch of medicine
 
Prostitute who Michael Jacksoned Google executive to be Trumped back to Canada
 
Arsonist wanted in Polk County for several wildfires. Well, I normally do house fires, but I guess I could stretch
 
New England Patriots: We don't have anywhere to put our fifth Super Bowl banner. The rest of the NFL: We know where you can put it 
 
Researchers determine people happiest when they are 23 and 69. Personally, I've never tried the first one but I'd be willing to learn
 
J Geils's blood has run cold
 
Poe's Law found dead at hands of Godwin's Law in bizarre murder/suicide case
 
An audit reveals that San Diego pays electric bills for 3,712 nonexistent UFOs 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
This week we had 5 people hit 11/11 on the quiz, breaking the 1000 mark. dionysusaur made it through the quickest with 1035 points, followed by BeotchPudding with 1030. SilverStag made third with 1024, followed by Holy Carp with 1016 who barely edged out Panic Near Detroit's 1015. Congratulations to the winners, but know that we're going hard again next week. 
 
This week's hardest question was on what was the best state to retire in. Only 25% of quiztakers knew that Wallethub had determined that the weather, healthcare options, and tax system meant that sunny Florida was the best state to kick back in your Golden Years. I'm not sure if they included alligators, hurricanes, or people who like shooting things in their equations. 
 
This week's easiest question was on where a low-flying plane in Mexico had dumped off a body. 76% of quiztakers knew they had dropped it off on the roof of a local hospital, although it's unclear what the hospital could have done for him. 
 
On the easy quiz, the hardest question was on the duties of a rookie Supreme Court Justice, 54% of quiztakers knew that the newest person on the Supreme Court had to answer the door when they were in closed-session meetings. No word if he or she also had to take coffee orders. 
 
The easiest question on the easy quiz was on how a massage parlor in Austin, TX was found out. A whopping 93% of quiztakers knew that the landlord had notified police when he found the toilet drain clogged with used condoms. Come on, people, don't flush those things. Wrap them in toilet paper and put them in the trash. 
 
Once again, congratulations to the winners, and look for your Fark Weekly Weird News Quiz once again this weekend . If you didn't get a chance to take this week's quiz, you can do so right here.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Consequences of Farking
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-04-10 11:11:12 AM (67 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
We have picked some winners in the Best/Weirdest thing that happened to you as a result of Fark contest.  An anonymous sponsor paid for 10 people who wrote the best entries to get TotalFark for a year - we picked 11 because we couldn't choose.   We'll be putting one in the newsletter each week for the next several weeks.  Our first winner is Drayno76, whose entry lands more on the weird side....
 
-----
 
I got sent to the principal's office at age 40.
 
My daughter is in first grade and a fully capable reader.  She has gotten used to daddy being on Fark as my landing page when I open my browser.   She has heard me say to my wife, "I'm just Farking around" more than a few times.
 
When she was talking to a friend at school, she explained that her daddy liked to Fark, he Farked all the time, and he had been Farking for years and that she was really glad I liked to Fark because it kept me from being angry about things in the news.
 
....and my phone starts ringing and I'm in the principal's office pulling up fark.com, in front of a very skeptical administrator.
 
She does not approve of this website's name.
 
-----
 
I'm honestly surprised this hasn't ever happened to me.
 
Speaking of anonymous donors sponsoring contest, we've had another Farker step up with 10 sponsorships to give away in a contest of some kind.  If you've got any suggestions for a contest let me know.  And if you'd like to sponsor one of your own, we could probably do that as well!
 
As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up up a friend! It may not seem like much but it makes a huge difference to us!
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Syria - 2466
Filibuster - 726
Don Rickles - 107
Bill O'Reilly  - 272
Bacon - 484
 
 
Comment Votes
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Captain Steroid showed one reaction to U.S. missile attacks on Syria
Cyrus the Mediocre had another reaction to that news
Cyrus the Mediocre explained why math class is such torture
holdmybones added more information to some top-notch journalism
OregonVet knew the best way to explain a stranger's vulgar shirt to a small child
Demetrius was frustrated by the death of Don Rickles
Action Replay Nick had a better caption for a photo in an article about school prayer
Weatherkiss gave an example of "extreme vetting"
cchris_39 showed what Ron Paul's reaction might be to the attack on Syria
GooberMcFly showed what Swedish border protection might look like
 
Smartest:
Mike_LowELL didn't remember something
Sid_6.7 showed us why listing calorie content of pizza toppings isn't quite the crises an NRO writer imagined
AquaTatanka didn't think that anyone believed something people said when Obama won the election
mainsail suggested a possible reason for the U.S. attack on Syria
August11 thought a ban was banning someone other than who they said they were banning
OregonVet knew the best way to explain a stranger's vulgar shirt to a small child
Ghastly talked about why some people disapprove of Rachel Dolezal's actions
thecolourdead showed what Hillary Clinton might have done about the gas attack in Syria
I should be in the kitchen should probably be in the bathroom or maybe in bed, actually
gilgigamesh pointed out that extortion is illegal
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Being underwater
Smartest:
gordian's dad almost drowned and it's a hell of a story
Funniest: Oakenraven is worshiped by sea creatures (another really great story)
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
HedlessChickn had a special reaction to the news of Bannon's removal from the National Security Council
AcademGreen referenced a commercial
Mike_LowELL defended the next U.S. President
Shostie found proof that the United States didn't really attack a Syrian airbase
hugram thought another Farker was the helpful sort
 
Politics Smartest:
danielem1 thought that Senate Democrats proved a point
BizarreMan refuted a "But Hillary" argument
AdmirableSnackbar explained why Democrats fought even though they were going to lose
MrBallou noted a difference between holding meetings at Camp David versus Mar-a-Lago
clodcomplex figured that Putin could be faking it
 
 
FarkStaff Picks
 
Sometimes, some great posts go largely unnoticed, usually because they're in less-visited threads or they're far down in the comments. Occasionally, we'll bring you some of those posts as FarkStaff Picks.
 
This week's pick is from impaler for making a thread about Secretary of State Rex Tillerson so much more entertaining. The relevant comments begin here (ophidiophobes probably shouldn't click).
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
noazark gave Pima County Sheriffs a new tool for catching speeders
Surly U. Jest added some special seats to a sheriff's vehicle
Surly U. Jest had a special request
RedZoneTuba saved a lot of money on a border wall
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed the border wall in action
Iggie gave us a credit union that really looks out for its members
stephenc had a new twist on "Beverly Hillbillies" themed Photoshops
zeon showed us why you should measure twice and cut once
Herb Utsmelz gave law enforcement officers transportation that will be of limited use in Pima County
noazark significantly upgraded this mode of transportation
 
Farktography:
Eddie Adams from Torrance won Farktography Contest No. 622: "Vice Vice Baby 2" with a pretty big vice
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
TotalFark Discussion
 
Oh hey, how about if we highlight some posts from TotalFark Discussion here? Sorry, non-TotalFarkers, only TotalFarkers will be able to see these posts. You can sign up for TotalFark here.
 
Funny: JerseyTim and spouse chose "celebrity freebies" with something in common
Funny: beverly8 gave some good advice on getting rid of fire ants
Smart: whatshisname shared a photo of a home improvement project
 
Note to TotalFarkers: If you'd like to see more TotalFark Discussion comments featured in Fark NotNewsletters, please vote more in the TFD threads. I'm looking for comments that someone new to TotalFark Discussion would be able to understand without having to know a lot about TFD relationships and inside jokes. And feel free to email me (EIP) if you see a great TFD comment that didn't get many votes, but would be good to feature in the NotNewsletter. 
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Saturday, May 13th: Twin Cities Fark Party
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Aw heck, it's that time again
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-04-03 1:08:45 PM (31 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
It's spring break this week at my house.  Which means five days of having kids underfoot.  I should just take the week off and give up.  This will sound like a better and better idea as Friday gets closer.  We thought about getting out of Kentucky for a week but there's a cold snap heading in later this week and it spreads about as far as we can drive in all directions.  So we're vacationing at home instead.
 
So what's going on this coming week?  Baseball opening day is today, as is the NCAA Men's Basketball Championship.  Duke sucks.
 
Best Thing That Happened To You on Fark contest update: We're reviewing entries and should have some winners next week.  Top 10 will be gifted a year of TotalFark.  If for some reason we don't have 10 (because people sponsored all the awesome entries), we'll run another thread some time this week.  As always, feel free to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend!  It keeps the lights on around here!
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Leggings - 82
Littlefinger - 535
Curry - 193
VPN - 148
Bacon - 261
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
LessO2 wasn't that impressed by the Atlanta freeway collapse
Danger Avoid Death shared some words of wisdom about banning Muslims (source)
doglover showed a prickish attitude concerning pillow talk
Eddie Adams from Torrance pointed out the flaw in a potato plan
Martian_Astronomer told a story of a lost love
KingKauff showed us the impressive fast repair of the collapsed bridge in Atlanta
Barfmaker understood the Navy's plan for landing on aircraft carriers
vudukungfu shared a romantic story
Nadie_AZ reacted to the bridge collapse
MaudlinMutantMollusk shared the cry of a white supremacist terrorist
 
Smartest:
ElizaDoolittle discussed the United Airlines leggings fiasco
bmif pointed out that some people were in fact being responsible for their debts
Walker described just how creepy a TSA patdown of a child was
Walker thought that the kid's laptop should have gotten the patdown instead
OtherLittleGuy made a prediction about a scandal that will be uncovered
davidphogan pointed out that a terrorist said terroristy stuff
kbronsito recognized the irony of Tomi Lahren's problems at The Blaze
Delta1212 thought a teacher's suspension was ridiculous
Adolf Oliver Nipples explained the joke in a Fark headline
iron de havilland explained why a school's rules for a dance were screwy
 
CSB Sunday Morning:  April Fool's Day Pranks
Smartest & Funniest :
  WinoRhino had a Ticketmaster plan
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
F5 F5 Esc talked about America's contribution to global politics
optikeye showed what a raging Trump might look like
Bith Set Me Up shared a wise old saying
Barfmaker wanted to be sure that Mike Pence didn't forget something
OtherLittleGuy came up with a theme song for how Republicans are dealing with problems in their party
 
Politics Smartest:
Barfmaker found another German word for everyone to start using
domino324 responded to a Republican's warning that Democrats shouldn't want Trump removed from office
AcademGreen wanted to know what Flynn wanted immunity from
blastoh discussed Trump's feelings about details
eurotrader suggested a replacement for Donald Trump
 
 
FarkStaff Picks
 
Sometimes, some great posts go largely unnoticed, usually because they're in less-visited threads or they're far down in the comments. Occasionally, we'll bring you some of those posts as FarkStaff Picks.
 
This week's pick comes to you from Twilight Farkle, who made some good points while arguing that Fark isn't social media.
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel made perhaps the best Trump administration Photoshop yet
Circusdog320 revealed Paul Ryan's approach to getting a new health care bill passed
zeon colorized an old photo
thatguyoverthere70 created a business to bring in some quick cash
Yammering_Splat_Vector found a better material than bronze
Iggie gave this woman a seat over the wing
Alligator made a galaxy storm
Iggie made it fun to watch the laundry get clean
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel showed camaraderie between Republican leaders
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium sped up the car
 
Farktography:
MorningBreath won Farktography Contest No. 621: "Lines" with the type of photo that has resulted in many careless photographers becoming stories on Fark
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Well, that de-escalated quickly
 
Mexico governor says Chihuahua too weak to fight cartels. No kidding, I mean look how tiny and frail those things are. Maybe try a pit bull instead?
 
Siberia's permafrost keeps exploding despite repeated attempts to blame it on the dog
 
Arsenal' seized in home of alleged Bloods gang member. What the heck are they doing in Newark? They've got Manchester City coming up this Sunday
 
Flynn offers to testify in exchange for immunity, Jeff Bridges giving him back that arcade
 
NBC (commercial break) will (tragic backstory of athlete) broadcast (plug for NBC shows) the (history of host country) Olympics (talking over opening ceremonies) live (you already know what happened) next (edited, tape delayed events) year
 
According to scientists, Groot's not the only tree that can talk. Some can bark. Others use tree-mail
 
Joss Whedon returns to what he knows best- teenage girls who know karate and have a weird thing for bats
 
This is bad news... for a llama
 
I'm sure he had his treasons
 
Blockbuster drugs are dead, but back in the day they were the only way to enjoy movies made in the '90s   
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Things got a little more difficult this week, with only three quiztakers joining the 1000 club. In first place was edmo with 1039, followed by Twilight Farkle with 1009, and squeaking in to the 1000 club was catastrophe averted with 1001. In fourth place was FrancoFile with 958, and rounding out the top five was M-G with 949.
 
The hardest question on this week's quiz was about which actor would sing you a lullaby in a Casper mattress company promotion. Only 22% of quiztakers knew you could call their toll-free number, and among other things, listen to Steve Urkel himself, Jaleel White, sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." (Spoiler Alert: He's not a professional singer. Not that I would sound any better.)
 
The easiest question this week was about what statue was currently standing opposite the "Charging Bull" on Wall Street in NYC. 84% of quiztakers either live in New York or heard about the statue of a young girl being placed there as a symbol of female empowerment to celebrate International Women's Day.
 
On the Easy Quiz, the hardest question was about which rare Star Wars figure sold for over £10,000 at auction in the UK. Only 34% of quiztakers knew that it was an extremely rare Jawa figure with a vinyl cape, rather than the much more common cloth one.
 
The easiest question on the easy quiz was about which baseball team the President traditionally threw out the first pitch for. 86% of quiztakers knew it was the Washington team (currently the Nationals, but the trend started with the Washington Senators). This is mainly due to the team's proximity to cut down on Presidential travel time. For the time that Washington didn't have a team, the President usually headed to nearby Baltimore. There have been exceptions to the traditional nearby team, but every President since Taft in 1910 has thrown out a first pitch. Interestingly, the first President to throw from the mound and make it all the way to the plate was none other than Bill Clinton, although George W. Bush also did so a few years later.
 
If you haven't had a chance to take this week's quiz, you can do so right here. Join us again this weekend for another edition of the Fark Weekly Weird News Quiz.
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Antici...
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-03-27 12:27:21 PM, edited 2017-03-27 12:29:13 PM (52 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
Bracket update - I was doing great last week, then the Final Four happened.  I went in with a chance to get all four teams right, came out with just one.  And it wasn't Kentucky.  Duke Sucks
 
Subscription drive update - I teased an announcement a couple weeks ago, that's still on hold due to Stuff.  Mainly the fact that it's not my calendar, it's someone else's.   Meanwhile, it's always a good idea to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, and/or sign up a friend!
 
Best Thing From Fark contest - we're going to run the thread one more time (probably tomorrow), 10 winners will get TotalFark for a year.  We'll announce next week who they were and what the best stories were!
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Freedom Caucus - 340
Golf - 474
Donut - 108
Doughnut - 70
Bacon - 188
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Farking Clown Shoes learned an important lesson from Bugs Bunny
8 inches had an opinion on Rachel Dolezal's autobiography
Tyrosinesuggested a different name for Dolezal's book
Bith Set Me Up thought Dolezal's story seemed familiar
johnsoninca found a flaw in Game Stop's plan to close some stores
duppy showed us the glamorous styles of the Trump family
carrion_luggage thought that some principals are quite brave
Speaker2Animals was grateful for some clarification
Action Replay Nick knew who'd appreciate a tragic story
IgG4 answered a chickpea question
 
Smartest:
Peter von Nostrand pondered a face-off between Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump
MikeyFuccon explained why a former police chief was detained by customs
eiger thought some government officials could use a dictionary
Snapper Carr wanted to hear a story
Parthenogenetic described some benefits of having foreign students attend universities in the U.S.
Action Replay Nick summed up a guy who wants to protect himself from "snowflakes"
MasterAdkins saw what happened when a student went to a school run by idiots
whither_apophis explained why school officials mistook a toy for something dirty
facepalm.jpg found the problem with a teacher who demanded a student stand for the Pledge of Allegiance
edmo had a suggestion for the use of body cameras by police officers
 
CSB Sunday Morning: High school jobs
Smartest:  hubiestubert received training in recognizing cheats and jackasses
Funniest:  GRCooper checked out a customer at the video store
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
nekom updated Trump's #MAGA slogan
Farking Clown Shoes pitied Republicans in Congress for the dilemma they faced
hobnail reacted to mysterious goings-on in the Trump administration
Mentat chastised liberals for their views of Trump
Amish Tech Support posted a visual metaphor of the effort to pass a new health care bill
 
Politics Smartest:
nekom updated Trump's #MAGA slogan
Badmoodman discussed the health care bill's failure
kobrakai shared some sentiments from Nancy Reagan
Cubansaltyballs described what it's like to own a business in California
Barfmaker had news for a gun dealer
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Surly U. Jest showed us one use of virtual reality
ionthrust made a tiny green school bus
Iggie created a game for farmers only
RedZoneTuba brought more fun to this job
Don_cos showed a dedicated recycler
Surly U. Jest found a bad car to get stuck behind
Godscrack put this costume in a more appropriate setting
Alligator knew that it was time to make the Photoshop
Noitall gave us another reason to dislike the "Twilight" series
zeon made Donald Jr. a part in the menagerie
 
Farktography:
Kwhopper won Farktography Contest No. 620: "Spring is in the Air 2" with some colorful hills
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, April 2nd: Boston Farkers Pub Crawl 
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Spring officially arrives tomorrow at exactly 6:28 AM EDT. Set your allergies ahead one hour
 
American diplomat ejected from Middle-earth after brawling over the Arkenstone
 
Trace of Earth's original 4.3 billion-year-old crust found on surface. Pizza boxes still unaccounted for
 
"Well, they are called MISSiles not HITTiles, amirite, Dear Leader?"
 
The most adorable pics of a toddler getting his first ride in a big rig that you'll see all year
 
Jets defeat Sharks to claim World Baseball Classic championship, advance to show-choir regionals
 
How to use a smartphone to analyze sperm count and assure nobody will ever borrow your phone again
 
Sesame Street to introduce a character who got vaccinated
 
Dear Mister Trump, please excuse Boris from work, indefinitely. -Epshteyn's mother
 
Cubs World Series win cost Chicago $18.8 million in overtime. Which isn't a big deal considering it breaks down to an amortization rate of only $174,000 when spread over 108 years 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
This week's quiz proved a little too easy for our quiztakers. We had no less than 10 crack the 1000 marker. So this week, I'm putting up all 10 names:
 
Shotgun Justice1043
dionysusaur1041
Grizwald1034
DonaldJDrumpf1031
edmo1029
JasonOfOrillia1018
Gadabout Gaddis1018
Myk-House of El1017
bradley5471011
Lord Jubjub1006
 
This week's easiest question was on Nike's Decade sneakers. 84% of our quiztakers knew that this was the sneaker worn by the Heaven's Gate cult members when they hooked up with the comet. I'm not really sure why they thought they would need sneakers when riding away on a comet, but whatever. 
 
This week's hardest question was on what Puerto Rico was running out of. Only 37% of quiztakers knew that after the members of the Puerto Rican National (yes, I know) Baseball Team dyed their hair blonde, many fans began doing so as well. As the team advanced in the World Baseball Classic, more and more fans wanted their hair dyed like the team, and a shortage ensued.
 
On the easy quiz, the hardest question was on which luxury car maker was offering an unusual lease plan. Only 52% of quiztakers knew that Cadillac was piloting a program allowing you to change cars up to 18 times a year at no cost for *only* $1500 per month.
 
The easiest question on the easy quiz was on the new cannibal movie "Raw." 81% of quiztakers knew that a Los Angeles theater was offering barf bags to customers viewing the movie, Although having medical staff on hand might not be a bad idea, it would probably cut into profits. Then again, there are stories about about people fainting while watching "Poltergeist," so we can't be too judgmental.
 
A special shout-out goes to Farker Sim Tree who helped put this week's quiz together. If you haven't taken it yet, you can do so right here.
 
________________________
 
Pation!
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: What does Duke do?
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-03-21 12:47:55 PM, edited 2017-03-21 12:59:24 PM (58 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
Duke Sucks
 
Happy Monday Tuesday, everyone!  I've run into a few people today, all of whom have asked how my NCAA bracket is doing.  For the first time in my life, quite well actually.  Thanks to Duke Sucking plus Villanova and Louisville going out early, I ended up being on top of the bracket pool.  For this week anyhow, no doubt really weird stuff will happen in the next round of games and I'll be mathematically eliminated.
 
But there's nothing better than loading up my springtime-favorite website http://www.diddukewin.com and seeing a glorious "no."
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Microwave - 317
Rachel Maddow - 990
Meals on Wheels - 212
Bacon - 221
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Mark Ratner spiced up an article
TabASlotB showed us what middle class people look like
calbert defended a guy who played Pokemon Go in church
GnuUzir found another name that's troublesome to have
UberDave brought up the way in which yoga pants offset their damage to the environment
busy chillin' showed us the differences between some exciting celestial events
calbert figured out the crime committed by a guy who humped a "fearless girl" statue
Walker revealed the word some men texted to their wives three times in order to divorce them
wildcardjack gave an example of what being "woke" means
Witty_Retort's user name checked out
 
Smartest:
Action Replay Nick avoided becoming homeless because of a conversation on Fark
Man On A Mission was happy with how a restaurant handled a problem
naughtyrev wondered why Americans can't get any love
Grand_Moff_Joseph told about some good Fark experiences
docpeteyJ talked about suicide among veterans with PTSD
Hyperbolic Hyperbole got some pretty important things from Fark, and gave back cheese powder
Weaver95 recognized how things seem to be going
swahnhennessy pointed out that some things (except for trendy words) will never change
BizarreMan sounded old
LordJiro pointed out that visiting the U.S. isn't so simple anymore
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Power's out
Smartest:Oreminer was reminded that even a farm in rural Nebraska depends on electricity
Funniest:  Peaceboy learned a lot of things after not paying the electric bill
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
knbber2 was excited that Rachel Maddow had Trump's tax returns
shower_in_my_socks was wary of the latest in spytech
fruitloop showed us why Trump was uncomfortable around Merkel
Ivo Shandor revealed why Trump couldn't look Merkel in the eyes
Johnny Rockets had a new take on Bible tracts disguised as money
 
Politics Smartest:
timujin had a message for a Trump supporter who thought Trump didn't realize the situation of people like her
Ambivalence said yes to saying no
dr_blasto thought that a lot of people are in for an unpleasant surprise
Bith Set Me Up railed against the establishment
kronicfeld called out a "both sides are bad" argument
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Alligator gave this car a new family
RedZoneTuba enjoyed some cat tunes
Don_cos found some dastardly drivers in this car
ToastmasterGeneral showed President Trump enjoying an afternoon with the queen
Circusdog320 thought her majesty's horse was too plain for her
Yammering_Splat_Vector found some company for this squirrel
RedZoneTuba discovered that Joe Biden isn't only interested in sports cars
Iggie showed us what happened to this strange strawberry
ToastmasterGeneral brought back an old Fark favorite
Yammering_Splat_Vector gave this happy fellow some new spectacles
 
Farktography:
Earguy's photo of a handsome pointy-eared guy won Farktography Contest No. 619: "Black 2"
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, April 2nd: Boston Farkers Pub Crawl 
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Trials to begin using dogs to detect bowel cancer. First challenge: cold noses
 
I laughed. She laughed. The vibrator laughed. I shot the vibrator. It was a good day
 
Cobra has escaped and is terrorizing a residential neighborhood. And now you know, and knowing is half the battle
 
"Stand your ground" extension passes in Florida, raising the bag limit to five
 
Oklahoma politician may face charges after being found with underage male prostitute, as his ethics and Midwest family values come up a little behind
 
Semi carrying fruit crashes on freeway, creates jam
 
D-Wade out for C-Son with fractured L-Bow
 
So why does your body need more iron than your clothes? Well to get the wrinkles out of your birthday suit, for one
 
Sixties pop star Gerry Marsden of Gerry and the Pacemakers collapses onstage four years after his last heart operation. Maybe doctors should put one of those whatchamacallits in his chest
 
It's official: Obama did not tap that Ass
 
Tiffany shines as 4Q profit beats expectations. Debbie Gibson slightly jealous
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Fark Madness
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-03-13 1:39:39 PM (34 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
March Madness is finally here.  Every year there are a few TotalFark bracket pools - feel free to jump in one of those.  If anyone wants to set up a Fark Discussion pool, feel free to submit one.  If we get a ton of submissions, I'll pick the pool names I like the most.  Duke sucks.
 
A quick feature update: If you subscribe to TotalFark via Stripe, it now allows you to buy recurring subscriptions for others, which wasn't the case previously.   So if you feel the urge to sign up for either TotalFark or BareFark, have at it!
 
Speaking of which - a generous anonymous Farker has donated ten 1-year TotalFark subscriptions.  This week we're going to post a discussion thread every other day.  Topic: what's the best thing that's happened to you as a result of Fark?  Did you meet your spouse?  Did you end up with a Fark baby?  Did knowing to drink an entire bottle of vodka after consuming anti-freeze end up saving your life as well?  Let us know - the 10 best submissions will get a free TotalFark sub.  Anyone who'd like to sponsor anyone else as a result of an extra-awesome submission, feel free - we'll pass out the 10 subs at the end of the week to whoever still doesn't have one.  
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Basketball - 206
Bracket - 70
Trumpcare - 468
Bacon - 229
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Pocket Ninja basically skipped a few pages in the Bible
Jingle Strangle shared a photo of Emma Watson
LucklessWonder shared a photo requested by the submitter of an Emma Watson thread
skyotter gave a reason for liking Hooters (the restaurant)
sxacho livened up "Green Eggs and Ham"
whyRpeoplesostupid enhanced a mugshot
iron de havilland protected a koala's modesty
Rapmaster2000 told us about his favorite Hooters waitress
Procedural Texture shared a comic about a concerned father
American-Irish eyes recognized the problems that are ruining an HOA
 
Smartest:
DammitIForgotMyLogin described some crazy crap Facebook pulled
Pocket Ninja basically skipped a few pages in the Bible
UNC_Samurai fought the good fight
demarke shared a story that makes you side with the lawyer
Mentat noted a lack of empathy
wax_on isn't very fond of police officers
J Noble Daggett had a suggestion for Khazir Khan
FormlessOne took another Farker behind the woodshed
fuzzybacchus thought a story deserved more attention
Barfmaker spent time reading an article about going to Hooters
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Farm animal encounters
Smartest: Caelistis told a touching story about a cross-species friendship
Funniest: A young Oakenraven saw firsthand what the devil weed can do
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
centrifugal bumblepuppy shared a disturbing flowchart
Praise Cheesus's father-in-law has heartbreaking problems
Farking Clown Shoes showed what eating too many faces can do to someone
ImOscar shared a tweet about Donald Trump's strategy
Farking Clown Shoes found the president getting a late-night snack
 
Politics Smartest:
dv-ous addressed Paul Ryan's chief complaint about the Affordable Care Act
HighOnCraic imagined how Preet Bharara might respond to trolling from Dinesh D'Souza
Karac thought a kid could use some help
NewportBarGuy called out a lie from Donald Trump
mjjt shared a tweet about Trump's reaction to the latest job figures
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Yammering_Splat_Vector showed that a Ford crashed into this guy's roof
RedZoneTuba eavesdropped on a spiritual calling
Alligator created Willie the Sad Clown
Yammering_Splat_Vector put Rapunzel to work
#2 pierced a plastic pony
This wild and crazy guy photobombed Yammering_Splat_Vector's Photoshop entry
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel revealed why Trump is orange
RedZoneTuba showed us the best thing about Heaven
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium discovered what else sinks ships
Alligator found two men getting ready for a rally
 
Farktography:
Queen Mab won Farktography Contest No. 618: "The Air Down Here" with a great photo from Mammoth Hot Springs
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, March 19th: Boston Farkers St. Paddy's Day Pub Crawl 
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Always after me lucky charms. Well this is the story of a bloke that was not so lucky
 
Mailman caught in the lab
 
Statue of Liberty undergoes metaphor renovation
 
Despite all the dildos, they failed to get off
 
Florist boss shot after dropping child off at daycare. Probably an arranged killing
 
Kirk Cousins wants to escape the other dumpster fire in Washington DC
 
Time crystals observed by scientists for the first time They are described as having 16 corners, 96 hours and 4-simultaneous 24-hour Days within a single rotation of Earth
 
Is Richard Simmons being held in a fitness protection program?
 
Today is the day when all patriotic Americans will show President Trump all the respect he deserves
 
The Hula-Hoop was patented this day in 1963. Take one out for a spin, if you're hip
· · ·

Fark NotNewsletter: Things are afoot
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-03-06 11:56:16 AM (112 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
TotalFark subscription drive update: We're still well short of our goal, but things are afoot.  More on those later - in fact we're going to offer a TotalFark promotion in the next week or two as soon as we figure how to code it.  The good news is we're going to make it retroactive to anyone who is already signed up for a full year of TotalFark, as well as to people who sign up after.  So if you get a chance, sign up, sign someone else up, or sign me up for TotalFark and BareFark.  Thanks to everyone who has bought a subscription already, we're not out of the woods yet but we're in far better shape than we were.
 
This week's topic - why are there so many links in the politics tab all of a sudden?  This is an easy one - because there's so much activity in the mainstream news cycle.  Seriously, for the past month I feel like the news cycle is 3x as busy as it was before.  I'm trying to keep them mostly contained on the politics tab but occasionally something will happen that warrants main page attention.  In short, the number of submissions we receive for a tab will have an effect on the number of greenlit links, and the volume has been surging lately.
 
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
Wiretap - 449
Recuse - 294
Bill Paxton - 59
Bacon - 303
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
Sin_City_Superhero had a solution to Rachel Dolezal's problems
Danger Avoid Death shared a riddle
Snarfangel responded to another Farker's mockery of a baby name
make me some tea shared a tweet about the big Oscars mix-up
FlashHarry did the RIP meme
Psychopusher envisioned an Oprah Winfrey presidency
medius apparently was dissatisfied with the original placement of a greenlit link
bluorangefyre found someone who was happy about the Oscars confusion
Snarfangel reacted to a criminal being arrested
Unobtanium showed an unaltered photo from Emma Watson's Vanity Fair photo shoot
 
Smartest:
Ambivalence described the future that liberals want
DammitIForgotMyLogin didn't feel any sympathy for some dangerous bigots
Ricardo Klement failed to see the horror in a subway story
Astorix shared a recruitment poster
quatchi discussed what will happen as a result of the White House leaks
Unobtanium appreciated a charge against some racist douchebags
vudukungfu thought that this administration will make history
Cpl.D pointed out that a woman was completely wrong about who she is
vernonFL made a guess as to what the future that conservatives want looks like
MaudlinMutantMollusk knew what else was low at the White House
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Oversleeping
Smartest: None of the CSBs for this one got more than a few votes, probably because oversleeping isn't generally a brainy thing.
Funniest: lovely_filth shared a story about grabbing breakfast on the way to work
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Walker showed us how Jeff Sessions should have recused himself
phalamir commented about job opportunities in the White House
impaler gave us some help in identifying Russian plants
NewportBarGuy explained why Ivanka Trump attends White House meetings
The Headless Horseman's Headless Horse found out what's behind Trump's allegations against Obama
 
Politics Smartest:
Action Replay Nick was opposed to AOL email accounts
Action Replay Nick thought that secret meetings are different from official meetings
enry pointed out that meeting with Russians isn't always shady
FlashHarry agreed with another Farker on what the next step against Sessions should be
Action Replay Nick suggested that we have a reality problem
(I swear Action Replay Nick did not bribe me in any way.)
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
RedZoneTuba brought an old administration back to the White House
Iggie created "a visual metaphor"
thatguyoverthere70 threw a tremendous slumber party
The Lurker at Your Threshold found someone appreciating art
thatguyoverthere70 helped the fat lady sing
Iggie gave a slimy model a new look
Surly U. Jest fixed Trump's hair
Herb Utsmelz found Kellyanne Conway in a moment of religious reflection
RedZoneTuba found this guy who is lost again
Surly U. Jest found some attractive wet seats
 
Farktography:
ox45tallboy won Farktography Contest No. 617: "Religion and Spirituality 4" with a biblical sign
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Upcoming Fark Parties
 
See Farkers up close in their unnatural habitats 
 
Sunday, March 19th: Boston Farkers St. Paddy's Day Pub Crawl 
 
If you'd like to plan a Fark Party in your area, you can use the Fark Party submission form.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Five more Best Korean officials executed by anti-aircraft gun after 'enraging' Kim Jong Un. To be fair, if you're going to work in his government, you've got to be ready to catch a lot of flak
 
Professor who has taken a photo of himself every day for the past 30 years now has 11,000 pictures. Or as Kim Kardashian calls that, a pretty good weekend
 
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions in a car delivered to you because you can't fit through the door
 
After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontari -- CAR -- Hamilton, Ontario legalizes stre -- CAR -- legalizes street ho -- CAR -- After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontario legalizes street hockey a -- CAR -- AFTER 60 YEARS, HAMILTON, ONTARIO LEGALIZES STREET HOCKEY AGAIN
 
Jeff Gordon drove the pace car at the Daytona 500, still finished three places higher than Danica Patrick
 
Researchers store a movie on DNA. Probably GATTACA
 
Dewey Defeats Truman, Oscars edition
 
Trump supporters in NYC say it feels like they're at the Alamo. Ironic tag because that was the battle where the Mexicans won by climbing over the walls
 
Amazon Prime Rib
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
We had a doozy of a quiz this week, with only one quiztaker breaking in to the 1000 club. Congratulations go out to Priapetic, the only quiztaker this week with a solid 11 out of 11. Farker edmo grabbed second place with 931, followed closely by CheetahOlivetti with 929 in third. Fourth place goes to Datanerd with 926, and the only other person to get 10 out of 11 was Roja Herring with 903.
 
The hardest question this week was about the continuing adventures of Florida Man. Only 21% of quiztakers caught the story about him taking his motorcycle into a hotel room and revving the engine to the point it backfired and started a small fire. Most quiztakers went for the "Axe Body Spray and lighter" idea, which, I admit, might seem logical at the time, but it just goes to show you, never underestimate Florida Man.
 
This week's easiest question was on which company's CEO had a... let's just say not-so-photogenic conversation with one of his employees. 77% of quiztakers caught the story about Uber CEO Travis Kalanick telling his driver that he believed it was his job to make his driver's job difficult.
 On the Easy Quiz, the hardest question was about which song the Mitsui Corporation in Japan used to inspire employees to get out of the office and enjoy their weekend. Only 34% of quiztakers knew that they used the theme from the movie "Rocky," otherwise known as "Gonna Fly Now," as inspiration to their employees.
 
The easiest question on the Easy Quiz this week was on what a British expat would sell you for $167/liter. 88% of quiztakers knew that it was Swiss Mountain Air. I mean, what are you going to do with a liter of sewage water that might contain some of Lady Gaga's urine anyhow?
 
If you haven't had the chance to take this week's Weird News Quiz, you can do so right here. Be sure to join us this Friday afternoon for another exiting edition. Remember that all questions are taken from this week's weird headlines published on Fark, so the more you keep up, the better you'll do.
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Fark NotNewsletter: Why we link to "those sites," plus new tag announcement
Posted by DisseminationMonkey at 2017-02-27 3:47:20 PM (187 comments) | Permalink

________________________
 
A message from Drew Curtis: 
 
So lately you may have noticed the general American political climate has become extremely polarized.  There's no telling what caused that exactly. However it's a thing, and we're dealing with it currently. 
 
Because Fark is primarily a humor site, we have an unusually diverse range of political opinions in our community.  If you think about it, there are very few online communities that discuss politics in any form that are anything other than homogeneous. 
 
Generally speaking I try to keep Fark politically neutral.  Mainly because Fark is a humor site and we're all here for the humor, but secondarily Fark is informative as well.  Personally I believe there are good policy ideas on all parts of the political spectrum.  However there are some demonstrably bad policy implementations as well, but in general at the source of most of these ideas you can find people genuinely trying to do a good thing. 
 
I'm personally not a fan of Fake News sites - on both sides of the political spectrum.  I find them to be disingenuous and I believe they're taking advantage of their gullible, frightened audiences and exploiting them for profit and influence.   Not cool. 
 
So with Fake News we have two options - the first one being to not link to those sites at all.  The argument goes that if Fark links to those sites, we are inadvertently supporting them because pageviews generate ad revenue.  This is true, however it's not as impactful as you might think.  Second-tier media websites get something on the order of $2-$4 per thousand pageviews.  Which means even if Fark sent 10,000 people to a fake news site, that would generate at most $40 of revenue for them. 
 
So the other option is to continue to link them in hopes that knowing what Fake News sites are talking about will help you, the reader, be able to explain to others -why- the news is Fake.   I also strongly believe that it's a good thing to be exposed to ideas you might not personally agree with.  Put another way, I would prefer to know what people I don't agree with are talking about. 
 
This is something you can't get many other places online other than Fark.  All social media and search engines use algorithms to give you news that you pretty much only agree with (or in some cases, only news you disagree with - if that's your thing).   Case in point, I read WSJ's Blue Feed Red Feed pretty much daily just to find out what each side thinks represents the daily news cycle.  The two feeds are vastly different.  I think this is actually part of what's driving the deep political divisions we're seeing today.  Most people only read news presented by algorithms that agrees with them so often that they get genuinely angry when confronted by articles they don't agree with. 
 
So we're going to continue to link to Fake News sites.  We're going to continue to present them as ideas you should know exist, because it's better to be aware than be blindsided later.  That's our basic philosophy on the backend. 
 
One thing I'm absolutely not worried about is Farkers being fooled into thinking Fake News is real.  Farkers are incredibly smart and see through Fake News instantly. 
 
Along those lines we're adding a new Fark tag for the first time in awhile - the Fake tag.  So if you submit links from time to time and you'd like to explicitly label your Fake News submissions as such, that's the tag to use.  Enjoy!
 
Also some folks have noticed we're fairly harsh on our treatment of Trump.  This isn't a political decision - politics aside the man is a dangerous idiot.  It has nothing to do with the fact that he's arbitrarily a Republican or that he's somehow conservative - he isn't.  Trump exists outside of politics far as I'm concerned.  So if you detect an anti-Trump slant on Fark, you'd be absolutely correct.  But it's not for political reasons.  And it's absolutely for humor reasons - the man's a self-contained living breathing Florida in human form.
 
And if I may shill here for a second, if you like that attitude feel free to let us know by signing up for TotalFark or BareFark.  Or both!  You can also sign me up for it multiple times if you have it already.  And if you don't like it, well, it's going to be a long four years.  You may want to stay out of the politics tab for a bit.  
 
More next week on what's up with the politics tab lately...
 
________________________
 
 
We now return you to your usual Fark NotNewsletter.
 
________________________
 
 
Comment Mentions
 
The number of comments these words were mentioned in on Fark and TotalFark in the past week
 
CPAC - 366
Town hall - 362
Oscar - 572
Bacon - 332
 
 
Comment Voting
 
Some of the top-voted smartest and funniest comments from the past week
 
Funniest:
bearded clamorer had an idea where a prostitute's child might have come from
Creepy Lurker Guy suggested a plan for stopping people from writing hate speech on whiteboards
fusillade762 noticed something amusing about a court case
nucal found a "Tiny Trump" that another Farker was looking for
bearded clamorer revealed Patrick Stewart's reaction to finding out he's not circumcised
optikeye felt encouraged to release a new invention
SurfaceTension checked an atlas for the name of a crater caused by an explosion
MaudlinMutantMollusk mourned a driver who had very bad luck
Barfmaker answered a question about a homophobe
Krieghund fixed a facepalming for another Farker

 
Smartest:
sithon discussed the lack of skilled workers applying for jobs
Walker posted a tweet about public restroom stranger danger
I'm an Egyptian! had a suggestion for businesses lacking trained job applicants
Grand_Moff_Joseph suggested billing Trump
FormlessOne voiced some concerns about a woman found molded to her chair
HotWingConspiracy translated the complaints of some job creators
Maybe you should drive discussed what it's like to be a cop cop
Closed_Minded_Bastage summed up the argument about states' rights
Lurky McLurkerton gave an example of a bathroom menace
sdd2000 shared a tweet about the type of person women and girls need protection from
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Your Happy Place
Smartest: The Pope of Manwich Village shows off an impressive rock collection
Funniest: Recoil Therapy's happy place was in a Commodore 64
 
If you would like to suggest a topic for a CSB Sunday Morning thread, please email dugitman.
 
Politics Funniest:
Garza and the Supermutants shared a Bernie burn
Cyrus the Mediocre revealed Washington Post's real tagline
thisispete shared The Oatmeal's take on Trump's attackers
Mad_Radhu posted a comic about Trump's need for rallies
Farking Clown Shoes found a book about Trump's origin story
 
Politics Smartest:
SmackLT reacted to the White House excluding some news outlets from a gaggle
timujin thanked Donald Trump for some information
TFerWannaBe pointed out that President Trump is running the country like a business
Courtney Cox-Zucker had some suggestions for getting third-party candidates into the White House
clancifer shared some hypocrisy
 
 
Contest Votes
 
Some of the top-voted contest entries from last week, listed from highest number of votes down
 
Photoshops:
Iggie helped this man show off his inner goddess
RedZoneTuba greatly improved this painting
Yammering_Splat_Vector made this surfer's dive more surreal
RedZoneTuba gave a knight something to fight for
Wrongo found what that same knight does on days off
Daddy's Big Pink Man-Squirrel discovered some blackmail material
grampy took us back to the '90s
Circusdog320 added some life to this starry scene
Pure Weapons-Grade Bolonium brought a plane that probably shouldn't fly
RedZoneTuba revealed that Orioles fans fear Real Madrid fans
 
Farktography:
Morchella won Farktography Contest No. 616: "I See Your Point 2" with a bristly branch
 
If you would like to suggest a theme for a Farktography contest, you can contact Elsinore or stop by the Farktography Forum.
 
 
Fark Headlines of the Week (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
Man on "trip of a lifetime" dies in plane crash. Well, he got that part right
 
Fake Viagra found in children's hospital, which is just wrong on so many levels
 
Alex Rodriguez begins working as the Yankees special spring training guest instructor. Which means just like when he was still playing, they have no idea of what he's actually getting paid for
 
Giraffe live stream banned from YouTube for nudity and sexual content. Were they necking?
 
Ryan Seacrest's mansion damaged by fire. Investigators checking the theory that the fire started when Brian Dunkleman forgot to unplug his hot plate in the garage
 
Hospital saves dehydrated baby hippo, to be added sparingly to soups and stews
 
Half-eaten shark washes up on Florida beach, as some larger shark is no doubt being scolded about starving sharks in China
 
Police shoot and kill Beaverton man waving a gun around on a roof near an elementary school. Authorities say the shot was not gratuitous
 
How TV influences Donald Trump's foreign policy. And that's fine, look I was raised on TV and I turned out TV
 
The Hellenic Financial Stability Fund is looking for new leadership after burning through five executives in nine months. Resumes should include an ode to Grecian urnings
 
You can see the rest of them right here
  
 
Fark Weird News Quiz Results (brought to you by ox45tallboy)
 
I warned you guys we would make it harder this week.Only two people hit the 1000 club. Pinky in the Brain grabbed first with a score of 1036, followed by Twilight Farkle with 1020 and OtherLittleGuy with 951. Pinko Commie and mutterfark tied for 4th with 933 each, and HelperKitty snuck into 5th with a score of 928.
 
A special shout-out (HEEEEY!) goes to Jesus Farking Christ and Sim Tree for helping make this week's quiz possible.
 
The hardest question this week was on what item a guy had hacked in order to play the classic video game DOOM. Only 29% of quiz takers caught the article from The Verge about the guy who demonstrated his Porsche 911 playing a fully functional version of the game, with the steering wheel and accelerator providing motion control, the gear shifter switching weapons, and the horn as the firing button. It is both beautiful and scary at the same time, as he demonstrates the functionality on city streets. Is it just me, or might the turn signals have functioned better as a weapon selector? Or more importantly, maybe he should go to an abandoned airfield to show this off?
 
This week's easiest question was on which famous WWII building Russia would be constructing a replica of in their military-themed adventure park just outside of Moscow. 81% of quiz takers knew it was the German Parliament building The Reichstag. The Reichstag is most well-known for the photograph taken of the Soviet flag being hung from the roof of its bombed-out ruins after the invasion of Germany. This photo was taken in direct response to the iconic photo of U.S. servicemen raising the American flag at Iwo Jima; Soviet propagandists wanted the country to have an image to convey pride in their military's accomplishments to match that of the Americans.
 
On the easy quiz, 94% of quiz takers knew that members of a subset of one of Italy's biggest crime families were busted for smuggling fake Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Rachel Ray is inconsolable.
 
The hardest question on the easy quiz this week was on which TV series Entertainment Weekly had chosen as having the best series finale of all time. Only 30% of quiz takers knew the editors at EW had picked Newhart. M*A*S*H came in at #6 on their list. I'm not sure I agree with their decision; seeing Hotlips lay one on Hawkeye was easily one of the best series payoffs I've ever seen. We'll not talk about Firefly.
 
If you haven't had a chance to take this week's quiz, you can do so right here. Join us again early Friday afternoon for another edition, and remember that all questions are taken from greenlit Fark headlines.
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